Is anyone here particularly familiar with like
the definition of conditional love
in the context of like someone who's really emotionally abusive and justifies it by saying they love you unconditionally but actually it's very much conditional?
I'm trying to get this person to understand what they're doing but they're in an extreme state of denial and I don't know what to do.
They're not listening to me at all so I'm resorting to try finding stuff like youtube videos and other outside sources that explain it but I haven't been able to find anything legit about conditional love.
Sorry this might be confusing sounding but I really need help because if this doesn't work I might have to completely cut out this person from my life along with all mutual friends and I really want to avoid that but I'm doing all the work here and I'm just so exhausted.
>>16551423
If they don't get it, they're not going to. Cut them out and move on with your life. Toxic relationships prevent you from cultivating healthy ones.
>>16551423
conditional love is a love that is voidable given a certain set of circumstances
like if a woman loves you because you're rich that is a conditional love. meaning if you were to end up broke somehow she wouldn't love you anymore
true unconditional love means she'd sleep in the alley with you
>>16551431
I don't know if that's true, though. My friend used to be emotionally abusive with his girlfriend but he's learning his way and it makes a huge difference.
It was never as extreme for them as this, though.
Fuck, this is a nightmare.
>>16551441
It's more complicated than that honestly
>>16551452
not it's really not, that is the literal definition of conditional love. YOUR situation might be more complicated, but that analogy is correct
>>16551452
So do you just want to continue to be with someone who is really emotionally abusive and in an extreme state of denial just in case they decide to get better like your friend?
Because you literally have two choices right now - get out and heal from the damage caused, or continue to endure it.
>>16551460
No. I just want to give them one last, real shot.
If they react the way they've been reacting to everything else, especially if it's coming from a source beyond myself, then I'll know for sure they never really cared.
I know it's not going to work out but I don't think my conscience will handle it well if I don't.
I'm just so fucking upset that this is happening (obviously).
They really were my best friend. For years.
And now I have literally fucking no one. And I feel so stupid and hurt. I just want to die.
>>16551484
So what is your last real shot? How do you allow yourself to really, truly believe you did everything you could? At what point to you let go?
How many chances have you given this person? How many times have you been let down? How many times have they promised to change, then not changed? How many times have they refused to acknowledge they are hurting you? How many times have you allowed it?
I know it hurts, and I have definitely been there.
Sometimes there is no "closure". Sometimes you don't get a sign. Sometimes you just have to finally decide you've had enough and stop listening to excuses or denials.
>>16551494
I don't know I'm just desperate... I thought, beneath the abuse they genuinely care for me but don't know how to do it right and I wanted to help them learn. I'm not scott-free either, I have BPD and clinical depression so I've been abusive too. But not like this. I've really been trying to change and work through it and theyre not there with me on the same page.
This has come up before but never to this degree so I thought maybe in the face of losing me completely there would be some attention.
But there just isn't and I can't understand why.
This is all going on through a series of e-mails so I basically just want to leave one more chance to hang onto.
When that fails I will just say my goodbyes.
It's so hard to believe this is happening. The reality of having to probably cut them off is starting to hit me and I'm completely breaking down.
>>16551508
It really is hard. I'm sorry you're going through this.
>>16551452
>My friend used to be emotionally abusive with his girlfriend but he's learning his way and it makes a huge difference.
That's the difference between your friend and the person you're with. One is willing to try and work on themselves, to better the relationship, while the other isn't because they don't care.
>>16551531
It's just so hard for me to accept the person I thought cared the most about me actually doesn't care at all.
I think part of me still thinks they do but is just so far up their own ass to know how to seriously do it.
But then I remember how they literally told me that they "gave a shit, more than fucking anyone else", and all the gaslighting and invalidation... and the expectation that they could just delete me off anything and then re-add me like they threw me away with the expectation of me taking them back.
And literally no one believes me that they could possibly be abusive because they're always playing the martyr.
this is so fucked
