I've been in a weird borderline emotionally abusive relationship the last 2 years.
If I think about it logically I have no reason to stay, and I should have left a long time ago but I stick around and I crave him and want to be with him. I have no idea why I do this, I love myself, and I think I'm pretty decent looking and smart and I know I could get another boyfriend yet I still fucking stay.
How do people get out of these things? Weve tried breaking up a few time and we ALWAYS go back.
and just a note* by abusive I didn't mean he calls me names or anything I just mean hes throwing me around emotionally and constantly says things he "dosnt mean" and then takes them back and its confusing and it helps keep me around.
sometime I really think me and him could get married and belong together but other days I KNOW that that will never happen and if it did it wouldn't work out.
I think marriage would make it worse, you'd be 'locked in'. Please don't get married.
This one is difficult because I don't know the details, but I would say just from what you've told us, to get out and don't look back. It doesn't sound like he knows how to be a man and he will never make you truly happy.
Read up on codependency.
>>16551297
I could give you extra detail if you want. but its mostly the getting out an d staying out part I need help with.
>>16551349
“relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
I could see how I am co-dependant on him as Im having problems letting him go despite the fact that I know I should. it just feels like im walking away from a still burning fire.
with my first boyfriend I broke up with him after 3 years because the flame was gone. but the passion and flame are still there for my current one.
>>16551381
I hear ya. Why does the flame need to be gone before you can walk away from it? I'd focus on figuring that out.
>>16551399
Wow I guess I've never thought of that before. I honestly have no idea, I mean thinking now when Im calm it should make it harder to walk away from but not impossible. there will be another one.
but everytime he breaks up with me (always him doing the break ups) he never ends up leaving and says things like "I'm so stupid, how can I let the best thing ive ever had go" and " I cant leave. I cant stand the thought of never being with you again". yet he still breaks up with me out of the blue because he has a void in him that he thought a girlfriend should fill.
>>16551438
Honey he's luring you with the unspoken promise that things will get better, and making you feel special by being sooo unable to be apart from you. ...which would be flattering if not for the fact that he's the one creating all this dramatic crap that "threatens" his chances of being able to stay with you. It's fucking with your head by fucking with your heart, because that's exactly what it's designed to do.
>>16551381
>but the passion and flame are still there for my current one.
That's not necessarily a good thing. I think you thrive on the highs and lows he brings when he causes drama, and that doesn't make for a stable or happy relationship long-term.
>with my first boyfriend I broke up with him after 3 years because the flame was gone
Sounds like you just grew too comfortable, but that's not exactly a bad thing. He probably would've made a great long-term partner.
The thing with happy long-term relationships is, if you want that flame to keep on burning, you have to work at it. If you want passion and romance, start creating it. Your partner will eventually get the hint and do the same. But in relationships like the one you're currently in, you will never really be happy with this person. They just flood you with positive and negative emotions that feed on each other, creating an endless cycle.
>>16551489
that exact partner wouldn't have been the best long term, like I mean flame out completely, we weren't having sex, and it became cold. but I see what you mean with the highs and lows and passion. thanks
