![tantrumiStock_000000250295XSmall[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ny5C4Ts.jpg "tantrumiStock_000000250295XSmall[1].jpg")
I'm worried my girlfriend's son has an incredibly toxic father, and I'm not sure what to do. Explanation below.
I've been with this girl for almost a year now. She has a 3-yo boy and I get along great with both of them. The father (who I've been told is a bit of a white-trash type, in the way he acts and the family he comes from) is supposed to take him on weekends, but in the past usually didn't live up to his commitments. When he did, the child would always be given back to his mom in a rotten mood, tantruming about the smallest things and grumpy for at least an entire day.
The child traditionally is very mild mannered. He isn't where he maybe should be with his speech (he has a vocabulary but rarely completes sentences over 4 words) but can count up to 20 and seems smart enough to me.
Recently, his father has started taking the child more. It was around this time that the child has started becoming incredibly difficult. Myself and his mother are stern with him, but he will now scream bloody murder in pitches I didn't think were possible for humans, EVERY SINGLE TIME he doesn't get his way. With anything.
We don't give in. But I'm worried that this new development is due to being around his father more. I feel sad about this. I'm not the kid's parent, so I understand the idea that maybe I should stay out of it, or that maybe there's nothing I can do. Nonetheless, I want the kid to grow up happy and mature. I don't think the father is directly abusive, but from the stories I've heard from her family and friends and herself, he gives in to whatever the kid wants, and that he's a pouty, narcissistic simpleton, who almost lives in his own filth. What can I/she do?
tl;dr, I love my girlfriend's son, but I believe the father is a very bad influence, and it upsets me.
Why is a guy who is dating a girl suddenly have the right to talk and act like a father? You knew this kid for a short while, back the fuck off stop injecting yourself in his life like that.
You do nothing, this is a problem for the girlfriend to deal with not you.
>>16550576
Punch the kid in the face
>>16550576
The only way you get a say in that child's life is if you put a ring on his mother's finger.
>>16550605
I'm not saying I have a right to act like a father. But its pretty upsetting to witness, I care a lot about the kid, he's not just in the background of my life. Maybe I should just stand back. But it pains me to sit and watch.
Explain that you're apprehensive about being getting too involved in something that isn't your business, but that you genuinely like the kid and are worried that his father is significant enough developmental damage.
I think if you're just completely honest and let her know what's on your mind without letting you know what you think she should do and without coming off as anything but legitimately concerned, then I doubt she'll get upset with you for bringing it up.
She'll have your own opinion about the subject and from there you two will either come up with a solution or for one reason or another you won't. This is the only way to realistically make any kind of progress in this situation without you just forgetting it, therefore establishing that your feelings don't matter.
>>16550654
without letting her know* oops
>>16550605
Also, just to add on to my previous statement, I may not be his father, but I'm certainly around a lot. I help her take care of him. I play and take him for walks when she needs some time to get something done. At the very least, I'd appreciate some "parenting/babysitting" advice.
>>16550576
3 year olds are just like that. Even if he was a really good kid before, 3 year olds are just fucking like that. It's possible his dad is a shitty dad, but if mom is a good mom and he's spending the majority of his time with her it should all even out.
Make sure she's keeping track of every time he dips out of visits, every time he's even 5 minutes late, because courts eat that shit up. Missing visitation is a big deal to them if she eventually wants to file for full custody.
As far as the kid's speech goesREAD TO HIM.
>>16550654
That makes sense, anon. Her and I are pretty open with her. I think she shares my feelings based on the general sentiment she usually expresses about the father and her son. I don't really know that there's a lot that we can do. But I think it'll help us to talk about it, at least.
>>16550679
I hear ya. He was the sweetest 2-year old. Maybe its just a growing thing. I don't know if separating the kid from his dad would be right. His dad definitely has a right to be in the kid's life, but it sucks that he apparently acts pretty poorly.
As for reading, I read at least two stories before bedtime and try to get him to repeat stuff. Also try to teach him colors with mixed results. He's great with numbers and puzzles, though
