Do it, while thinking on who you won't be kissing come NYE.
>>16550027
>implying I'll be kissing someone on NYE
>Implying I won't be standing there watching everyone else get their new years kiss
>Implying that I won't have my cup pressed against my lips while I chug whatever alcohol I have in an attempt to drown my sorrows
That stung a little.
I wonder how much I can get away with before they fire me for it
I am really looking forward to my upcoming Vanishing Act, my dear. I hope you enjoy it too.
>>16550027
I've got a problem with girl I recently asked out, she wants a relationship with lots of sex but I'm a virgin. When it wasn't serious she asked how many girls I'd been with and a couple of sex questions, of course me being a beta I lied and told her a few.
Last night she was texting me asking how long I can last, and I just made up shit. Now I feel like garbage and need to tell her the truth about my virginity, but I can only do it over text. I'm going to tell her later tonight, and I'm afraid how she's going to act. There's clearly a very strong emotional connection and I like her for so much more than just her body and looks, but I think she's looking for someone with sexual experience. How do I brace for rejection?
You shall witness ascension.
I know you are here...
Spend New Year's Eve with me.
Think about it.
>>16550163
wish this was for me
I have an infatuation with emilia clarke which I cannot rid myself of. Every time I think about the fact that we aren't together I feel soul crushing sadness. She doesn't when know I exist, but she just seems like such a nice bubbly person. Sorry I'm a faggot :/
>>16550187
Don't we all?
I'M WALKING ON EGGSHELLS, WOOAH
I'M WALKING ON EGGSHELLS, WOOOAH
I'M WALKING ON EGGSHELLS, WOOOAH
AND IT DON'T FEEL GOOD
>>16550163
>>16550187
>>16550281
post your damn initials then idiots
>>16550361
i know it's not the person i want them to be
>>16550163
Is this to an S?
>>16550387
How can you be so sure?
>>16550163
Someone's gone fishing and got plenty of bait
>>16550406
Oh, I'm sure. Hahah
>>16550027
I have a supportive girlfriend and supportive parents but i'm juggling classes with a full time job and now that finals are here I'm feeling like I'm just letting my responsibilities slip away.
>>16550163
So you can do coke by yourself or so you can drunkenly hit a car and have me pay for it? I'll pass.
I've had a crush on this girl for over a year now. We have a lot of similar interests, and she's really beautiful also. I'm not being delusional when I say that we'd be a nice couple. I'm shit at dating/flirting and have too low self esteem to bother trying though. Met her in uni in our home country, and we are two of about five people from our class who moved abroad to study after our normal studies ended (long story, it's basically an optional-but-recommended 1 year add-on to our studies). In six months our year abroad will end, and we will go our separate ways. Feels bad, man.
I think I give up . You won't have to worry about me bugging you anymore. Sorry that me liking you was bothersome.
i'm going to play it cool. i'm going to finish this semester, barely get through my classes, and run to a therapist as soon as i get home
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i don't know how i could be better, i don't know how i could magically make you like me again
you said it just faded away i'm sorry
was i not affectionate enough?
i'll do my best
just come back
you're the best thing that has ever happened to me, honestly
i'm so tired of crying seven hours straight
please come back
I feel like everyone who shits on Trump is dumber than Trump.
It's nonstop "I HATE TRUMP! BERNIE 2016!" nothing else. No hellos, no nice to see you anon! no I saw a great movie today. Just nonstop I HATE TRUMP crusade.
Like please, for the love of god just shut up.
also I need new friends.
>>16550568
initials?
>>16550163
For R, from K.
>>16550713
Yours & I'll let you know.
>don't talk
>"gee you're so quiet anon"
>start talking
>normies get annoyed
What the fuck do they want, a push-to-talk machine?!
>>16550027
>kissing a std ridden slut
Nope, no histrionics pls
Breaking up with you at the time felt like the right thing to do.
But ever since, I've felt wrong.
>>16550027
I want to go to Lisbon to visit her :)
Hey, just send me a message. I know it's "my turn" to reply, but I just want you to ask how I am tonight. That, and if you didn't message me back I'd be let down. So just do it.
>>16550725
How will you let me know?
>>16550467
Or have you pass out before the ball drops, two separate times, at that?
First, that was not one of my posts. Second, the fact that you think I am capable of that, still, shows how little you know this version of me.
And if we were to spend that night together, I would want wine, and you; welcoming in the new year with a blank slate. I suppose the dogs would be nice, but still... A man can dream.
You are too focused on the past. You always were. One day you'll realize why you still search for me, I have no doubt, my heart.
>>16550027
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9rHNOTtShwM
I want to escape with you my lying lover. I will hold you down, keep your mouth shut and fuck the truth out of you. My breathy lying lover, I'll lie to you. I'll make you honest heart throb for me. You'll wish you never met me.
<3
Femanon
I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years and everything is perfect. For some reason though some part of my brain wants to sabotage it and I find myself having fantasies and being flirty over chat with one of her best friends who basically set us up. She's also in a relationship. She's attracted to me as well (from what I've heard) but obviously wouldn't do anything to sabotage her friendship, nor would I, but I find myself enjoying sending flirty snapchats to her and talking to her. I was an insecure, awkward loser in highschool but really bloomed in university right after I met my GF as she gave me so much confidence to work out, dress better, and get rid of my acne. I now realize that I'm decently attractive and that girls are actually interested in me, and I just have this desire to get all of the flirting/sleeping around that I missed out of me. I would never cheat on my gf but most would consider this emotional cheating. I'm a fucking monster and I'm slowly getting better but I feel awful about what I've thought and done already.
I've always celebrated the New Year with my family. So I hope I'm not going to be kissing anyone.
One of my old school friends has really pulled through and we should be hanging out sometime next week. I'm looking forward since we're going to this new diner that's meant to be amazing and it'll make a change from hanging out with the guys since they're all introverted and fairly boring at time unless we're participating in some top bants.
I also sent one of my friends a really sweet text whilst I was sleepy-giddy and she quite liked it. I miss her since she was like a bro but she's on the other side of the country and it's unlikely that we'll hang during Christmas since we'll both have exams to revise for.
>>16550800
Give me your first initial here and I'll know if you are him.
I hope I can lose this weight. I'm working very hard at it. It's just rough when you don't see immediate results. I just have to stick to this no matter what.
Was diagnosed with psychosis and I've no fucking idea what to do (not that I ever had).
>>16550868
Unfortunately not. Good luck
>>16550870
hey man fellow psy' here
shit sucks but it gets better
make sure you find something you love (or something you love doing) and hold on to it
theres always a light
good luck
>>16550787
alright, I'll bite. Initials?
I just wanna fall off the edge of the world and keep falling, watch everything flash by, see the end, and then forever live in my dreams.
histrionics
and psychotics :^)
>>16550027
I'm going to die alone and can't do anything about it. I've stopped being happy and stopped caring why I'm not happy.
>>16550027
It's beginning the histrionics have begun
Always knew those mental midgets were psychopaths.
I give up. I can't do it anymore. They were right. I should never care about anyone except for myself at this point in my life.
I poured my heart out to you and all you did was stomp all over it.
Why should I care about anyone if they don't show a lick of care for me?
Is it a sign of weakness? Of idiotcy?
I should just take your christmas gift and give it to a person who really deserves it. Someone who could truly have a fun time with a ps4, and learn to have a little fun aside from sleeping the day away.
What's wrong with you? What the fuck.
If you want so dearly to be left alone that's what you'll get. Have fun with that.
You don't want to " say something I'll regret" ? What the fuck is it huh? Tell me what the fuck I did? What? Was I too nosey? Too nice? Tell me you fucking drama queen.
What are you upset that I reacted to something you said concerning grades for college that could affect my GPA? I didn't do shit.
Never was going to include you in anything that I was going to do.
Get off your fucking high horse.
I don't wanna move with you to NY. Instead stay here with me and we could move out and start a new life, just me and you. No kids or parents to have any weight on what we do.
Ok, I'll bite.
Being gay and conservative fucking sucks. I'm a cynical asshole and guys think it's cute or funny. But once they learn I'm not voting Dem, they act like they're talking to Hitler himself.
Even if I hate your political stances, I ain't gonna treat you like shit and say we can't get along.
>>16550795
You'd save yourself some pain if you ceased to play games
>>16550805
How are you so sure? I'm not her, just so you know. I am just genuinely curious how you have such confidence.
You think come NYE midnight she will be thinking of you or she'll think of spending it with you now?
Why did you reply? Are you sure it is who you think.
pls gib exp
>>16550787
Go see if you can fix it. It may sting your pride at first, but it's better than regret.
This is so petty. We're both young, life goes on.
I know you say it wasn't what you wanted. But I miss you.
>tfw feel "jealous" of Justin Bieber
there are so many people I could be jealous of, but the main reason I'm jealous of him is because my mother spoke of his admiration for him, and then went on to talk about how well he sings, and how so many women want him. I was like, whatever really, but I didn't really care and tried to brush her off, then she implied I was jealous (because I have an interest in music as well, yet while my style is much less pop and a completely different, my mother can't see the nuances, she's not from this country and doesn't have much of an understanding of Western culture/media).
I never felt this sort of feeling about this celebrity until my mother did this. If I was Justin Bieber, maybe my mother would respect me much more. He'd been famous since he was young, my mother probably thinks it's strange that I'm a nobody. I can't be Justin Bieber, I'm not willing to rely on and cannot pay for the famous producers that co-write and produce his art. We are completely different people, yet I can't shake the feeling that my mother would rather me be Justin Bieber, than myself. I have nothing against Justin Bieber, but... the way my mother mystifies the musicianship process of an artist, it makes me feel like she just sees him as generally better than me because he's well known, has a tangible and easily consumable product. And I'm just weird.
>>16551083
How am I playing games :c?
Happy to know I found out what you truly are goodbye.
I don't care if you're a flaky bitch. I don't care that I was just a quick fix, if anything at all. I want you back in my life.
>>16551108
and, it's not Justin Bieber as a specific person who I'm jealous of, but Justin Bieber as an abstraction, what Justin Bieber is. Justin Bieber is someone who my mother can admire because he appeals to her sensibilities, yet I can't.
>>16551113
Your turn, their turn, you want to be written to, you don't want to write.
If you want something to happen, make it happen.
I keep making fake w4m posts on MC to annoy my old bro. Sorry for being a psycho little faggot.
-R
>>16551108
>>16551119
Why try to gain her affection by being Justin Bieber?
>tfw never had a kiss
>now 25, never will
sad times , makes me wanna not be alive
>>16551124
Stop being a faggot R.
I really need to learn to be more confident in speaking to people, but idk how to build that. Not like it really matters because in the event I actually talk to someone (live in the middle of nowhere and can't drive) I will be so nervous without a clue on what to say that I shouldn't even bother. I mainly want to be more confident because I cannot get into a relationship with anyone because my amount of confidence is so low. What should I do?
The rise of "the narrative" is probably the most dangerous mindset ever formed. Perhaps it isn't a new phenomenon, but people now read a head line or a glimmer of news and decide what happened based on whatever narrative they'd like to play out.
You can basically guess with 90% accuracy what someone's opinions are once you've identified the narrative they subscribe to. That wouldn't be so bad except that narrative helps them believes a complete alternate version of reality based on their feelings.
What's worse is I was part of it until only a few years ago. Most people opinions are pre-scripted at this point before any controversy even takes place.
>>16551131
impossible, once I start to be somebody else I cease to be an artist.
>>16551122
Oh...yeah.. I'm just scared I'm not going to get a reply. I feel like I have already made myself look slightly pathetic so I am scared
>inb4 drop them
I can't. Should I just message them then?
>>16551142
Sorry for being a faggot I can't drive because I totalled my car like a faggot.
R
I miss you Abbey.
>>16550894
Thanks, I appreciate your kindness bro.
>>16551149
Do your own thing, or are you Justin Bieber in disguise?
>>16551151
If you can't drop them, pick them up. Go on, do it.
I believe in you.
J.R
All these psychotics from you and now pretending to be some celebrity faggot on here. What won't this guy say on here.
>>16550950
It never ends with Filipinoes
>>16551124
As a fellow R, I'm chuckling. Link us?
>>16551152
Hey, me too! How did you manage that?
Hey I just realized I'm a shitty person by being associated by another R.
-R
R's are retarded.
>>16551191
OMG I DID IT MY HEART IS POUNDING NOW
>>16551243
And she didn't send a message to me, even though I've been waiting, and I invited it quite clearly.
Best of luck to you, I'm going to keep drinking.
>>16551278
Stop waiting, follow your own advice
I'm thinking of getting a pug soon! I'll name it after you. >:)
>>16551088
I know her, incredibly well; in general, her issues, how she feels, etc... I just know.
My mind hasn't been this clear in a long time, actually. I have always been good when it comes to reading situations, and people. The only thing I am unsure of is the timeframe.
Spending it together? I would enjoy that, but while anything is possible, this is not probable; I am not delusional, Anon. I believe she would have been thinking of me, regardless, as I her.
Certain. She replied in an earlier thread, and her timing then only reinforced my belief. I replied, as she broke No Contact for a reason. I hope she processes why, and can sort through her anger, pain, stubbornness, etc...
All I have for you. Any reason other than curiousty?
I'm exhausted, across the spectrum; tired of fifty-hour work weeks. Needed to unload anyway, thanks.
>>16551278
well you know what? it wasnt even fucking worth it anyways
why are women such a waste of time?
if we didnt want to fuck them would we even talk to them?
>>16551235
At least you aren't those Js. It can always be worse!
>>16551312
Join us and have a drink.
>>16551278
>>16551312
Its not worth it because it doesn't matter if they do or don't reply. Sure, not getting a reply is a let down. However, their reply can be just as disappointing, if not more disappointing.
>why do i keep doing this to myself? am i that pathetic?
>>16551319
J's are jerks.
>>16551301
I did; it didn't work.
>>16551336
Ya'll must have forgot
About Jesus Christ
Christ people
Just fuck already
i feel so unwanted
I don't even think I want you back any more. Maybe it's been too long, you're probably so different now. I don't think the you I was with was ever the real you. But that's neither here 'nor there now. I've learned this feeling of loathing, this feeling of crushing sadness, it runs deeper than you. I used to think under my issues with you would finally be some level of peace and happiness. That if I could forgive myself for what I'd done and forget you I'd be happy again. I think now that I was wrong. I don't know how deep these feelings go any more. I don't know what it would really take for me to live more than two days without that heavy feeling crushing my chest.
I don't think I'll ever be okay again.
I'm the anon into anal who's too embarrassed to tell her bf about it. I'm going to take the chance now that we're close to christmas and buy a plug tomorrow.
I'm thinking of doing it just like in my doujins and leave the house with it inside me. I wonder if it could go wrong...? I mean, at worst I'll take it out and keep it in my purse.
>>16550163
You posting here rather than telling the person is why you will spend NYE without them. The fact you have to post such a simple request to an anon board as your chosen form of communication rather than tell them also says maybe you should re-evaluate the relationship
My first night without you, I'll be fine. I'd be lying to myself if I said I don't want you to call but this is good for us. I'll see you someday, I'll be breaking our promise, but then again every time I did break them, we enjoyed the outcome even more. I feel better now, goodnight..
>>16550163
i wish someone could say these words to me. :(
It was a bait post they are in Jail now.
Is it wrong to lead such a simple life? I have friends with goals, careers, some activists, etc. They seem concerned with many things on this planet yet here I am...a simple guy that is happy with working from home, painting, botany and lots of drunk stargazing.
Some people are shocked at my lack of ambition. "Do something with your life" is a phrase I've grown used to hearing. Why are my activities considered nothing? I never wanted to change the world and I'm not the guy you'd want to take charge anyway.
I just like growing my own food and getting drunk, staring at stars with my dog. Does being a human have to be complicated? Does being a worthwhile individual mean I have to leave a mark and have kids in suburbia?
People always tell you when you are old and dying you'll regret the things you didn't do instead of the things you did do.
That is probably because the majority of people that regret what they did are dead and not old at all.
But my point being, I fucked up yall. I fucked up hard in one of those ways that I know I'll regret and beat myself up over right until the very last day I die. How often does that happen to you? It hasn't happened to me very often, but I can still tell. And I try to make a point of regretting nothing.
I asked the single most beautiful, awesome girl I know out on a date. She accepted. And then before the date, I had a panic attack over my father's cancer returning. I canceled the date. And then I didn't speak to hear for a whole year.
Go on. Tell me I shouldn't regret it.
>>16550027
I might actually kill myself.
I'm most likely going to miss out on a qt mocha virgin introvert gf who likes me, and it's all because of circumstance and the fact that I'm a shitty person and never got my driver's license. I wanted to form a relationship with her both because I like her and because I wanted to prove to myself that I'm actually capable of not being socially retarded and can actually be a good person. And now more than ever I'm convinced that I can't, and that I'm a terrible person. I pinball so much between deepest, darkest depression and optimism, hope, and delusions of grandeur that I feel like it's actually starting to hurt my sanity.
I tried doing some push-ups on a whim today and I was only able to do 30 before my arms started hurting. I knew I was weak but not THAT weak.
I'm probably going to fail my math class.
I just want this semester to be over.
Gonna finish my second 40 while she inevitably ends up sexting him and I leave and drunk drive country roads, go to my chill spot, and drive home
>>16551622
Dude, I can't tell you how much I'm feeling this. The hot sex I missed out on because of terror/awkwardness makes me cry sometimes late at night.
>>16551336
Today I had a big fight (via text not physical) with a guy. It got very ugly and I blocked him and I cried. Guess first initial.
J.
>>16551222
Today I asked an R to have sex with me and he said yes and then I cancelled.
Falling for someone online and it's causing me more pain than I'd like to admit. Would be okay if there was some way to be close to him offline. He also isn't aware of how hard I'm starting to fall.
>>16551610
no you're doing the right thing. do what makes you feel happy and at peace and fuck the corporate shills
>>16551627
Don't. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can get better.
If I don't get this job I'll probably kill myself honestly. Just hope I actually go through with it
>>16550639
initials?
>>16551429
initials?
I am a fool. Oh well.
>>16551984
We are all Fools in this frivilous game of Life
>>16551991
I want off.
It hurts me to know that you get to live happily enjoying things I can never have, while I fester in misery in part due to you, until I guess finally offing myself after graduation and you'll never know nor care
>>16550145
Fuck say it to her face.
At some point you must stop being beta.
İf she likes you So much that wont be a big Problem
I'm kinda cute you say?
Hah, you're a fool. Stop trying to cheer me up.
Boy, what are you even doing in this thread when you have everything you want right there for you to take it? You're in love with a girl who is madly in love with you to the point of changing a lot to suit your tastes.
I genuinely can not wait for the world to be bathed in atomic fire. I'm not thinking shit will go mad max or fallout, I just want to see the end of the world
>>16550027
I'm going to protect her smile!
In the next life!
Yay
Being single has made me truly feel burnt out on women, honestly. Even then, I don't think I want my old relationship back either, I was looking through old photos and started to realize when things began to really change.
I just need to appreciate my chance for solitude for once.
Oh and tinder is for faggots. Tried it for ten minutes before uninstalling and I never swiped right once
I wish I was good at sex, I wish I didn't try to take things too fast and I wish I was still cuddling with you on your couch. I wish you weren't so standoffish after the incident.
I don't want to be myself. I'd rather be someone or something else.
I have alimited comprehension of the English language and take everything at face value. I am always dumbfounded at posts I cannot understand and become frustrated at the person that wrote it instead of myself.
I've almost successfully cocked up my senior year of high school, and whether or not I'll actually make it is dubious as hell right now.
I've been coasting for years, and its all catching up with me. I'm in a relationship with someone I dont feel for anymore and I'm going to need to let her down right after her birthday and a week before christmas.
Nobody trusts me anymore, as I've given them no reason to. I've delayed my long-term goals for about two years. My only consolation is that I'm still housed, fed and clothed, and that I still have weightlifting to take my mind off my situation.
I've fucked up bad, and Ive not felt so free in years.
I have nothing to live for but putting myself and others down. I keep cocking up my life and others around me.
J
>>16552353
Stop being insecure J. Most insecure people project their fears and insecurities towards others. Eventually most of their friends avoid them just so they don't feel so toxic in their presence. I did this and my life improved tenfold and they were still stuck blabbing their mouths about others who aren't in their drug parties anymore.
>>16552373
Good for you anon.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S1g4Uoqhhc8
>>16551738
Like hell it will. You always hear things like "It will get better", "Don't give up", or some other overly naive shit that makes me think that you, or someone else who says this, thinks the world is some kibd of fairy tale where there always is a happy ending just waitibg to be discovered. It won't get better and has only gotten worse during the last 10+ years of my life.
Nothing personal. I just think that those words are of no use today, but thank you anyways.
>>16550027
Whenever I get into social situations I notice how empty my life is.
>>16552398
Social situations IS life. Just don't socilize with toxic people, they will make you feel bad but usually it's because they were brought up to be to in their ways forever.
>>16552391
Good morning senpai
>>16552397
so what exactly do you want then? if you want to die just die.
depression fucking sucks and no, you're right, it doesn't always get better and fact is you'll probably never be normal and completely happy. but you can work through it and you can get meds or validation or whatever the hell you need to feel something again. you can't do shit but rot in the ground if you kill yourself.
>>16551309
Curiousity and I'm a few months out of a long term thing. I'm really shocked at how I feel like a mess and you seem to be normal. I don't think our situations are a like though.
Fwiw I think you are right. Good luck man and thanks.
>>16550027
I want to ask a professor out; I have the perfect excuse for that, but I'm terrorized by the prospect of rejection.
And even if everything goes alright, odds are I won't be kissing her in the NYE, she'll be back to her country until the classes begin.
>not working every holiday for that sick extra dosh
i dont need friends or lovers if i have money, anon
You have no idea how insanely jealous that I am over your fuckstain of a boyfriend; at this moment in time I sincerely hope you two break up in the future. I hate that im not your favorite person, I feel like im completely unlovable and should just end myself; I can't stack up, im a waste of space, resources, everything; only you make me feel like I exist, like im a person. I hate being alone, you should really try this level of loneliness; I feel like I could lose you so easily, like you'll just abandon me as soon as im not convenient to be around, I can't help but think im an object of pity at best, and a nuisance at worst.
I hate this.
>>16550027
I realize I need to change or else I'll either be dead, in jail, prison, or committed.
>>16552622
>You have no idea how insanely jealous that I am
oh but i do bucko, we both can tell and it's fucking tiring. grow the fuck up already. i am not special, you are not special, we're all going to be dead in a few decades or less and none of this fucking matters. get a job, move out of your parent's place because they're making you even more of a miserable fuckstain, and try to better yourself. you'll find better people than any of us and they'll make you feel better. we're shit honestly, so just bounce.
>>16552624
What you doin bad boo?
>>16552373
Drug parties?
>>16552242
interesting phraseology but how would one do this, practically?
I wish I didn't exist.
>>16552584
I am no where near normal. I accept that I cannot change what has happened, I let go of my anger, resentment, etc... and stoically face what comes. One day at a time, one moment.
I will not lie to you; time may dull the pain, but you will feel like this for a long while. It may never leave, depending on how close you were, how connected.
Thank you, and no problem.
I'm so fucking worthless
>>16550027
Ever since my ex left me I get terribly depressed when trying to sleep in my bed or on the couch, so I have to sleep on the floor. I've been doing this for 7 months now. Tried to sleep in my bed again yesterday but eventually slept on the floor again.
>>16550795
Initials?
>>16553069
This happens to me, now and then.
I have the bed we shared, and I recently noticed I've been sleeping on her side. I can't use the bed after I consciously notice this.
>>16550429
ikr
>>16550819
Edgy
>>16551139
I didn't kiss anyone till I was 26 and now I'm 32, married with 2 kids.
Don't give up, anon.
>>16553213
Anon it's completely over. Trying to inspire hope only makes it worse, don't indulge delusion
>>16551610
sounds like a fully dece lifestyle man
keep it up as long as you can
IMO you're contributing to society far more by being chill than by trying to change the world the way so many are
I resolved to try my hardest at Uni this year. Instead of succeeding I received a 65% on my final and am have a D for my total grade. I want to die.
>>16553079
I'm T.
I'm too weak to handle college.
I'm too weak to end my life.
Im too weak today
but one night, I will find the strength.
^ Shamelessly stole from the internet, but it's fitting my situation right now.
>>16553308
Not sure if you're my T, but check your messages.
>>16553347
I'm probably not because an anon convinced me to send a message to the person I was talking about. I sent my message and received a reply from that person.
I'm terrified about going to university.
>>16553368
Psh made me break my message stalemate for nothing.
>>16553374
...I mean if you would've read the other replies from my post you could've saved yourself from breaking your message stalemate. What is your initial?
All my 'friends' want to fuck me. And my only female pal is leaving within a fortnight or so. God, I'm going to be so fucking lonely.
>>16553384
What's wrong with having som fug?
I'm so lonely I will spend NYE completely alone at home. I don't want friends around, I just wanted her, and now that we broke up I'm done. 30 is too late to start again
FUCK, EVERY GODDAMN EXAM AT LEAST 5 FUCKING PEOPLE ASK ME HOW MY TEST WENT AND I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE IT'S OVER JUST LET ME BE. AT LEAST ASK ME WHEN I GOT MY MARK. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WENT. FUCK.
Like really. Do they just want to know if I bombed it? Is that it? I've never done that poorly on a test. How am I supposed to know how I did? I always feel like I've done decently. Like shit. I know they mean well but with all of the exams in a single semester and all of these people asking the same question and all the years of school I have to face, I'm getting real sick of this question.
>>16553443
I feel you bro. I had that shit explode out all over family recently, gotta let it go
>>16553442
No it's not. You'll be fine anon.
I fucked up and hope you'll give me a second chance...
I can feel you're about to crack against the pain. I can see that iron resolve start to wear down, and I can see the moments of doubt, like "I want it to be better but I'm not ready to give up on my methods yet, even though they barely work".
Fucking finally you're getting the goddamn message!! You're going to start fucking taking care of yourself, and as soon as I hit the pain clinic and start feeling better in front of you you're going to crumble, follow in my footsteps, and start living life the way you deserve to--WELL.
I've got your self-harming habits on the fucking ropes, motherfucker. I will win this. I was right about us getting together, I was right about the project being a success, and I am right about this.
Acceptable suffering, my ass. Even you know you're lying.
>>16552724
Likewise and thanks.
Does that work? How do you actually do that? How often does it hit you really hard?
That sucks. We were pretty connected but I don't think she was the love of my life or anything like that.
>>16553442
30 is too old to do it again? Are you joking?
>>16551610
Most everyone confuses what they want with the means of getting it. If you're truly happy with your life then congrats, you don't need any of the shit everyone else is insisting that you just need to have in order to be successful, cause you're already there meeting your needs and desires.
Welp, I'm gonna be technically single so I have only like three options that won't possibly end with me in a ditch after drinking.
My back has been feeling like shit for two weeks, now. I thought it was getting better, but today the pain suddenly flared up in a new area. The hypochondriac part of my brain is saying there's something seriously wrong with me, like always, and it's making me feel stressed out and uneasy. I'm contemplating visiting the doctor, and maybe getting some X-rays. I want to know what's wrong with me.
>>16553615
Man I feel you. I'm hyphocondryac too and I heavily smoke on top of that so it's hell. I've been coughing up blood, had things in my throat, I was scared of having ball cancer a dozen times. But I'm still here and healthy.
My advice is that you should only worry when you can't get out of the bed in the morning. That said, visit a doctor if that makes you feel better
>>16553552
Breathe, when those moments come, and remember that you are alive. As long as you do not let her, circumstance, or the world break you, anything is possible.
It can come on intensely, in a moment, due to any number of things, but usually forgotten memories bubbling back to the surface; the ones in which it is like you are back in that moment. It happens often, to be fair.
Lucky you, then. Give it a few more months, as what you are experiencing is more an adjustment to her sudden removal from your life, opposed to losing the light in your life.
>>16550027
Newsflash: I lied.
I'm prone to (hypo)mania and mixed states, and am beginning to slip into it again. I'm losing perspective and unable to counterbalance severe overconfidence, aggression, and or careless disregard for my own actions. It makes it difficult to realistically assess my own ideas or learn, which is getting in the way at the moment.
I barely understand relativity or quantum entanglement, yet I'm trying to read through a physics textbook (Feynman's lectures on physics) and feeling like I already know a lot and not seriously considering the material. In the back of my head I'm thinking that probabilistic behavior is an illusion and has to be afforded by some part of the underlying machinery of the universe. There must be a hidden variable, somewhere. Oh, and space is quantized, time is granular, and the universe is finite!! I just know it man, and I'm gonna figure out how to prove it somehow! Scale might even be an illusion that loops on itself! It's all actually euclidian space, we just don't understand it yet because we possess limited information!
NO. FUCKING, NO. I WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE'RE ACTUALLY SEEING, WHAT TO ACTUALLY EXPECT, AND WHAT AVENUES TO ACTUALLY CRITICALLY THINK THROUGH AND INVESTIGATE. I WANT TO KNOW HOW THE GRAND MACHINE ACTUALLY WORKS. FUCKING CALM DOWN. STOP LATCHING ONTO THE INTUITIVE ANSWER AND ACTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING FIRST.
I was fine a few days ago. Mania is useful but not right now.
>>16553656
Until a few weeks ago, I was a daily weed smoker. It messes with my mind, because it relaxes me, but is also a source of stress. Now I think I have lung cancer all the time. I cut down, because being a pothead sucks, but it also reminds me of why I smoked in the first place. I'm one tense motherfucker.
>>16553675
>what you are experiencing is more an adjustment to her sudden removal from your life, opposed to losing the light in your life
That is moving. It is also true for the majority of people that post.
I feel so directionless. I don't know what to do with my empty life. I don't really feel like doing anything in particular
My twin brother died. I have never been so alone.
>>16553764
I have major anxiety issues as well, some of them are hypochondriac-like. I suggest cocoa beans, and tea. Both are great anxiolytics, for me at least.
And I'm serious. Without cocoa bean especially to help / bail me out of mental holes I'd dug myself into at various points in my life, it's very possible I would have killed myself. Anxiety and constant stress that deep is absolute misery, and if I couldn't get rid of it, I definitely would have decided it was worth dying over. Though I did have some other shit going on as well.
If you try it, hope it works for you. Don't eat too many cocoa beans at once though. It'll make you feel very sick. Since you like weed (I really don't), you'll probably enjoy the endocannabinoid reuptake inhibitors in cacao as well.
I am trying my fucking hardest to keep my cool. It's not enough though, and it's causing me to resort to drugs. I want to be clean, and if I ever come clean, I hope you'll still like the clean me. I don't even know if you even like me now.
>>16550027
Next year I'll be truly gone. I have a lot of things to do and I'm pretty hyped about it.
Keep the money rolling in.
I had a dream today where I was lying down and you were sitting next to me. I told you I missed you, and asked if you missed me. You told me you didn't. That you missed the times we all had. I know it's just a dream, but still cried waking up. Not sure if it's because of what you said or cause I had to say goodbye.
I miss you, even if you don't miss me. Please tell me we'll be able to see each other again. Please tell me when.
Cause that's honestly all I want for Christmas.
- A
>>16550027
i don't give a fuck abut kissing but..
I fucking wish I had a job or fucking anything I cant take doing shit all anymore the same god damn thing day in day is life really this pointless
>>16551807
I'm male, so there's like a 5% chance the girl it's intended for is on here.
it hurts so much.
i had so many plans. i had plans for christmas. for new year's. for valentine's day. i'd give you anything you wanted.
i'll always love you though. i'll always be here. i'll always wait for you.
no one else comes into my mind except you.
>>16550027
Newsflash:
I have been abused by my hypercritical and abusive parents. My relatives didn't help growing up neither. I feel this has affected all on my relationships up to this point in my life. I was raised by narcissistic and careless parents growing up. Their religion didn't help. I was neglected and abused by my family and relatives. I gave up, I quit my religion and sunk into tedious mediocrity.
I despise others who can express themselves freely, openly and joyfully. There is something wrong with Hod for this to even happen to me. I can't understand religion, spirituality, or any other forms of higher thought. I have been conditioned by my own upbringing to seek my own insecurities in others and combat those who I believe show those insecurities.
I have reconnected with my family and friends and they are in a similar state of mind. We are sociopaths psychopaths and most of them have HPD. We just try to cope through our daily lives but it's been an uphill struggle. EVERYDAY I think of either killing myself or hurting others so I don't feel so empty inside. I am not lrojecting neither, this is who I am.
My name is irrelevant, I just want to say sorry to my older bro, my family and relatives who I chose to cling to. I hate being a mental burden to others but I feel like I can't change. I hole you have a better life without me bro.
A
I did the orgasm test. I masturbated whilst thinking of him, and as I came, I saw him fucking smiling at me, clear as day.
And immediately after I realized I didn't need to do that because I already knew the depth of these pointless feelings but I can't get that adoring smile he gave me when he thought I wasn't looking.
Dammit, man, I feel the same way. I wish I could say something, but the situation never allows.
>>16554099
That's sad anon get well soon.
>>16554112
That's just weird.
>tfw no girl will ever like you
>losing motivation to study or work
>losing will to live
anybody know where to obtain large quantities of nitrogen gas in the us?
Won the lottery today but you all are fags so I'm out of here.
I noticed it all. Your surreptitious looks, the way you looked at me when you thought I didn't notice, how quiet you were when you finally said hi, and how I couldn't find words for you. I noticed the smile, the way no matter how you tried, your eyes found me, how slow your walk was.
I even noticed your eyes on me when the married gentleman traveler sat beside me and asked questions about the menu, and I even swore I detected jealousy, perhaps a twinge of anger.
And if I knew you were mine for the taking, I would never bat my eyelashes at another stranger. I would reserve my sweetest smiles for you and only you. I would treat you like a king in the privacy of my home, and in public. I would love you, in my own time, like I've never loved before.
But nothing is certain and so I'm left struggling to comprehend your ways.
I was molested by my sibling when I was 15. Now im 19, hes engaged and I masturbate to the thought of it. I'm so wrong...
Missing you viciously, tonight, for obvious reasons.
I would literally murder just to hold you again.
The sad part is that I'm afraid I won't get any progress in my love life. I'm usually boring around people other than my closest friend. I just can't imagine myself going out with anyone in the near future. The only other person who I had a chance went MIA. Feels bad man.
>>16554126
Wow, that's fucking awesome... congrats!
i want to die because no girl ever liked me
>>16554156
What if they did, and you just never knew?
And if you found out someone did, tomorrow, would you accept it or just tell yourself they must be lying or mistaken?
>>16554162
if i found out i would accept it, obviously. i would be ecstatic
no one ever did, it's not really possible. i'm very observant, i would have known
I fell so hard for you, and I'm sorry I did. You're my soul mate and I've realized it. You just don't see it yet, youre too focused on your "career" to come. Stop feeling like you can't love anyone anymore. It's still possible, don't doubt it, ever. I miss you so much
I want to stop myself from being misogynistic and bitter about women, but every time I see the way they gush over guys they find physically attractive and compare to the cold and bitchy way they act towards me it just pisses me off so much.
>>16554164
>i'm very observant, i would have known
Like anyone else, your mind and capacity for thought is finite. I'm apt to think similarly to you, I probably would have noticed blah blah, but ultimately you really can't know. Your ability to interpret and observe is limited by what you know the look for, can look for, and have already experienced.
Things just slip through. Though it is entirely possible no one has ever felt any sort of sexual or romantic inclination towards you, you can't really know, and it's a bit more unlikely.
Sounds like you want to find someone. If you don't have any hangups about getting involved with someone, just make it happen. A stranger on the internet believes you can.
>>16554172
your optimism is astonishing
I just wanted one person to care if I existed
>>16554214
We will never meet, let alone know one another, but I care.
I love you, brother.
>>16554179
As life gets longer, awful feels softer, and it feels pretty soft to me. If it takes shit to make bliss, well I feel pretty blissfully.
>>16554228
Damn man, I live modest mouse, especially that song
Thanks for that, made me feel happy for a second
Hey E
I thought you were pretty attractive in our math class. I feel bad that I never said anything. You were always on 4chan during class so I figured there might be the slightest chance you saw this. Wish I'd at least said hi.
-J
>>16553675
I'll have to try that and it sounds like it could work. Really optimistic view from a really shitty situation. I was going to ask how but you basically answered that also.
Yeah I am in that phase alright. Nice to know I have months of that to look forward to.
I hope so. It feels like that.
You really have a way with words thanks man.
>>16554220
I wish this was true
Do I move and potentially make everything worse, or do I stay and live a comfortable, occasionally annoying and stressful, life?
>>16554268
It is, brother.
If you want to drop an e-mail address, we can do the pen-pal thing.
I think I might have developed depression from not being able to fulfill my dream of becoming something else.
I want to believe that these cuddles and cheek kisses and long talks, sober or not, into the night mean something more. But I know you're hung up on him and I'm just the emotional support.
Doesn't bother me too much as long as I have my alcohol and get cuddles out of this. God I love cuddles
long story short, I am the worst person in the entire world at procrastination. I would rather be addicted to meth than being a chronic procrastinator. It has just got to the point where I am about to lose everything over it. I wish it was just a lifestyle choice or something I could do to work on, but it's one of the hardest habits I've ever tried to break, with a zero percent success rate.
I have to put my 8 year old nephew to sleep. He wants to play videogames when we all want to go to sleep. I'm so conflicted everytime he does this. It keeps me up at night.
>>16554398
If you have something that you can do in 2 minutes, do it right now. rinse and repeat as a general rule. Also if it's something you can start doing in 2 minutes like reading a book you'll be lost in it and it won't be effort. I procrastinate a lot and this helps me
>>16554427
I see what your saying anon. I'm talking about a bigger scale of things that have me unable to sleep right now, but I will keep your advice in mind when it gets down to the smaller things. I'm tired of holding myself back with this shit and not being able to progress or see myself as a normal adult because of my procrastination filling into everything.
I confronted my uncle about him molesting me as a child and I got gaslighted about it. I'm a 22 year old guy and this piece of SHIT destroyed my life.
>>16554448
Gaslighted by who? If it's just him then someone who molests kids isn't gonna be honest or even see it as bad because he's twisted enough to think it was fine
source: was also molested by uncle
>>16554443
I hope that the smaller things give you the confidence and motivation to do bigger things anon
Went to the suicide prevention centre today just do I could get help. My phone is gone, my house is gone and my boyfriend is dead. All thanks to piece of SHIT.
I won't be kissing my girlfriend because she lives 4 hours away.
>>16554476
The distance doesn't negate the fact you have a girlfriend who wants to kiss you, that's pretty cool anon
>>16554471
that means a lot to me anon, thank you kindly
22 years old and I'm a piece of SHIT. My life won't be the same again. FUUCK.
>>16554472
>>16554488
What's going on anon?
Getting it off my chest DUH.
>>16554488
You are not a piece of shit for getting molested anon, it's not your fault
Thanks I feel like a piece of SHIT anyway. That piece of SHIT. I want him to be raped.
>tfw foreveralone
i hate being alive
Don't think I'm quite out of the woods yet, but boy am I glad I managed to pop that fucking annoying pimple inside my damn nostril. Stick to teenagers next time, not young adults.
Do u need a driver's license to get a massage from a massage parlor?
I hate struggling for self control and comfort.
The real issue is I have far too much control and have difficulty deciding what to with it. Other people have the luxury of whatever delusion allows them to claim "You can't control how you feel." "You can't unsee something." "You can't choose what you remember, you can choose how you instinctively react."
All of these statements are wrong. You can, and I have. The brain is a machine, and I iteratively built internal systems as a child to make it do what I wanted it to do, mainly because my mind naturally started doing that split personality deal on its own. I wasn't keen to be a slave, and I wanted all my core memories always available, guess I did the best I could. But that control obviously isn't absolute. I abandoned them ~19-20. I'm turning 22 tomorrow, and on the off day when I slip a bit, I feel the conflict again. Everyone deals with this conflict, of knowing all the people you can be, all the ways you can think, and all the ways you can see at every given instant. But I feel like I more than most devoted my time to compartmentalizing, deliberately engineering, and brute forcing my way to comfort.
It's a miserable and detached way to live. After trying to stop I found my mind would occasionally drift into things I didn't want on its own. I don't want be crippled. I don't want to lose the skillset I've worked to develop in an instant. Especially if I'm using it, or want to be something else.
Fucking hell. The anxiety. Greater internal unification is even more terrifying an idea though. The mind is a black box until you decide to take the cover off. I'm taking the cover off again without really wanting to. I need to distract myself.
I love these threads.
i stole my coworkers phone today, and she didn't lock it
she was cool, because she deleted all her pics off it
but she had them saved to her dropbox, and i saw them in there
now i feel really guilty because i saw her in bra and panties
i might kill myself, i probably should
>>16554603
Don't do that dickhead, just don't do that again
>>16554612
nah it's p bad man
>>16554636
it's not that bad, you feel guilt because you did something shitty and you'll want to but that's a terrible reason to. don't jerk off to the thought of it, don't do it again, seek counseling, think about what you've done. don't kill yourself faggot
>>16551116
this
cryin' and abusin' because I was some bitches rebound for a weekend. I want it back. at least I'm no longer kissless.
>>16554136
And now I am having trouble sleeping. Shocking, I know.
All of those years we shared a bed, and I find myself thinking on the little things... I miss your head on my chest, stroking your hair as you fell asleep, kissing your cheek and the smile it would bring despite your dreams. I even miss my arm falling asleep.
I am tired of hurting, and this constant void. All I have ever wanted is you, and I did not know this until you entered my life; that void will never leave me.
I wonder if you share any of these feelings, or if you are happy.
>>16550027
I think my girlfriend is cheating on me
>>16554715
I'm sorry anon that sounds rough
