>Met girl on Tinder
>Hit it off chatting for a day there
>Gibs me her number
>Text pretty frequently and set up date
>Date goes alright, even kiss a little at the end
>I'm not swept head over heels or anything tho
Now here are the red flags:
>she apparently was engaged to her past boyfriend, who she was only dating for six months
>definitely wants marriage and a kid some day
>I don't quite want that. Not anytime soon, if at all
>Asked me when we went out if I was talking with anybody else on Tinder (I am, I told her so)
She's been super-enthusiastic about setting up other dates (we have one tonight, actually). Very enthusiastic. She added me on Facebook and most of her posts are sappy-inspirational and that kind of turns me off.
So what do? I don't wanna be a complete dick and just go completely ghost on her. Our second date's tonight. My plan is to make sure the topic of exclusivity comes up, and to make a point that I'm still dating around and make a point to say "I don't plan on getting married."
On the other hand, maybe all this unsureness just needs more time to figure out. Some of my best friends currently are people I wasn't so sure about when I first met them. I just don't want to rope someone in and play with their emotions, nor get roped into something myself.
And oh yeah, she also said via text, the night after the first date, that I oughta come over the next day (she has roommates, one of them was apparently bummed). Wasn't sure if she was joking or not.
What do I do, she's texting me right now, haalp.
>>16549562
Why not just tell her how you're feeling? Its important to be up front with your feelings.
>>16549595
That's what I intend to do next time we meet. By stating I'm not interested in marriage nor exclusively dating her (unless she just sort of grows on me).
I don't mind her, she's a nice enough girl.
>>16549480
Sounds like she's laying it on kind of thick.
That is a red flag that she was engaged so soon to the last guy, but that doesn't mean she is a bad person. The sappy inspirational posts kind of point to her being a pretty nice girl inside. Would you rather she upload half naked pics of herself at the gym "working out"? Never ending posts about smoking pot and legalizing it? Incomprehensible, illiterate rap lyrics? Feminist bullshit about not needing a man, how all men are pigs, and demanding "equal rights"?
Yeah it's a red flag she was engaged so soon, but really that's a perfectly natural instinct. Jews considered you a man at 13 because humans naturally don't live that long. Just 100 years ago in America the average life expectancy was about 40. Our bodies haven't caught up with society/reality around us, and the fact that she wants a commitment is only natural, and shows she is more traditional and probably more trustworthy than a lot of women nowadays who make it very clear they just want to have fun until they are old and used up.
I would say give it a shot but make it clear you want to take things slow. Make it clear that moving too fast into the deepest emotional commitments of a relationship just makes you feel uncomfortable.
>>16549607
Well I mention the sappy posts only becasue that's just not the type of personality I really connect to. In contrast, the other girl I'm talking to (who I'll be meeting in a few days is a total weeb and posts a lot of sarcastic humor; I dig that).
Honestly, I don't think her being engaged early is a bad sign. It shows she's committed to the men she likes. My parents got engaged a month after they met, and they've been together since 1983.
Are you Aussie?
>>16549632
While it can work, I think it's rather rash. Even she admitted she learned personality traits about the guy that she didn't know until they got engaged.
>>16549637
No.
Bump, back from lunch. So does anybody think I'm being wish-washy?
>>16549480
>My plan is to make sure the topic of exclusivity comes up, and to make a point that I'm still dating around and make a point to say "I don't plan on getting married."
I think this is a great idea. People should be more upfront about these things early on.
I think the most you have to worry about is her just wanting marriage for the sake of marriage (and not genuinely liking you). A lot of women are like that these days. They just want to be adored, have a great ring and have a princess wedding.
>>16549854
I think she honestly likes me. She enjoyed talking to me on Tinder and said I was the only one who was interesting to speak with. She finds me attractive, etc. Honestly, the most I did during the date was listen.
>Oh...
Also, I noticed she's gone from Tinder.
Another thing of note I forgot to mention is that I pretty much ended up paying for our drinks (we both got liquor so that was expensive). She never offered to go dutch. So I guess she's very oldschool.
>>16549990
>So I guess she's very oldschool.
It sounds like she's old school about everything. That may not be a bad thing, but it could mean she expects a traditional relationship. If you're not prepared for that, or it's just not your thing, then don't settle right away. Keep your options open. To me, it looks like she's trying to rush things a bit. You're not even on date 2 and she's off Tinder? That's a bit fast for her to make a decision.
Again, though, just talk to her about expectations. Make it clear that you're not changing your mind about certain things, and that if she still expects marriage, etc. then it's an issue of compatibility.
>>16550032
When you delete your Tinder account, do you disappear from your matches' lists? The other girl I was talking to, who also said I was probably the most enjoyable person she's talked to on the app, said she was deleting it as well (she since gave me her Facebook at least). Yet she still appears on my list of matches--unless she just didn't delete it.
Anyway, I texted girl #1 asking if it was cool if we went Dutch tonight - we'll see how she responds.
>>16549480
>My plan is to make sure the topic of exclusivity comes up, and to make a point that I'm still dating around and make a point to say "I don't plan on getting married."
You might as well tape a bullseye to your wedding ring finger, yell "You can't catch me bitch!", and then watch as she does everything in her power to change the error of your ways. You are fucking ASKING for it to get worse by making it a challenge.
Blunt, dull honesty is important. I don't think dropping out of her life will do you any favors. And saying things (even honest things) that can be taken as a challenge to her will be dangerous. You have to emphasize your negative qualities, tell her you're not really feeling it because you don't want X, Y, and Z, and then slowly moving away from her. And trust me, you want to move away from her. You guys just aren't compatible for anything other than a fling relationship or something, so back away carefully.
>>16550073
>I don't think dropping out of her life will do you any favors
I meant immediately dropping her and never talking to her again. I think dropping her from your life carefully is what you should do. Sorry.
>>16550078
Just to clarify, you're emphasizing gradual over doing something dick and just cutting her off completely?
Also she's okay with Dutch.
Update: though okay with Dutch, she did admit she thinks it's nice and respectful for dudes to pay. Sounds pretty dang old school.
>>16550166
Jesus christ.
That's a major red flag to me, dude.
She will probably try to manipulate you. She has a vision of what a man is like, and she will try to change you into it instead of finding the guy she wants.
Just to be clear, she definently made it clear that going dutch is not ok, but will put up with it because she wants your semen.
>>16550253
Well fuck.
>>16550050
Haha holy shit how did that go down?
>>16550395
Sorry, just read on.
I'd use that as an example on explaining to her why you're not compatible, and to explain why you don't want a long term thing because you're not old school
>>16550297
>>16550253 here
A couple of weeks ago I chatted with a manager. Actually a manager at our contractor for the project I'm involved in.
He used to date a model and he said he got so fucking anti-feminist because girls are such a bunch of hypocritical double-standard sluts.
This guy told me that his hobby was now to confront women. Starting to talk about feminism and equality. He then proposed that they buy him a drink, of equality obviously.
Keep it in mind if you wanna have some fun.
>>16550096
Yeah. You drop clingy or kind of clingy girls without explanation (or explanation they feel like they turn into a "challenge), and you're just asking for them to be 100x worse with the crazy. Make yourself seem uninteresting and slowly pull away. I'm not saying drag it out forever, but like, don't rip her off like a bandaid. Give her a time or two to move on... or maybe, whatever. I don't know. I'm making this too complicated. My main point is just don't start ignoring her, because she will come back loud, pissed, and 10x worse. And don't make it a challenge, because she'll enjoy that.
A little update. The date actually didn't happen today. I had an emergency. But the sexts have begun.
That is all.
