how fucked up am i if i often day dream about being someone's "perfect girlfriend"? and often to "ugly/un-desirable" men?
i like the fantasy of someone who appreciates me so much that they would want to see me all the time and excitedly talk about me to their friends and family and anyone who would listen.
other fantasies include where the guy would do his best to make a thoughtful gift for my birthday or something, or him being in a good mood because he's thinking about me... there's a ton more but i feel embarrassed writing it all out.
anyway, i end up feeling teary and hurt from these day dreams, and it's an addictive feeling. sometimes i just think about that stuff and cry myself to sleep.
Only a tiny bit fucked up.
>>16548267
Holy shit sign me up. I'm as undesireable as it gets. Unless you're a dude. Then get bent.
The sad part is that this is a fantasy and not a confident expectation. People normally get off on the idea that this is actually something realistic to look forward to. For you it's a daydream. That's pretty fucked. You and your poor self-esteem need to consult at least a therapist, if not also a personal trainer and fashion consultant.
>>16548267
I don't think it's fucked up.
Frankly it's far better than the mindless degeneracy that so many women engage in without giving a fuck about their partners' happiness.
Go find your qt unwanted bf and let him cry into your tits when you take his virginity.
>>16548278
so... i'm not so bad? that's relieving to hear.
>>16548279
well i dunno... would you do those things for me anon? that's what makes the fantasy for me.
>>16548282
i guess it's because none of my "boyfriends" really ever tried in the relationships i've had with them. i was usually the one doing those things, and i guess it hurts knowing i haven't been appreciated the same way.
>>16548301
well thanks i think. if only they were that easy to find hah
>>16548267
if you're a grill and 20 or younger, then you're just having normal wistful thoughts about your perfect relationship
thats normal.
being regularly moved to tears by it may not be. it could be a sign of instability.
fantasies ARE embarassing to most people because they are spawned in places we let ourselves goto when we think no-one is watching.
When they start fucking with your real world is where people mess up.
talking with a professional sounds like in your best interest, anon.
Even good-looking guys can appreciate their girlfriends.
>>16548305
Oh, you like dirty talk do you?
Baby, I would do the nicest things to you. On your birthday I would surprise you with a cake I baked. And it would have three layers, with a white chocolate center. Yeah girl, and then on Christmas I'd ask if you would like to meet my parents. I'd mention that they are excited about meeting such a nice girl. But my friends know that you're also a chill. So hot.
>>16548348
D-Don't forget to st-stutter and blush shyly
>>16548324
i'm 23... and do you really think it's a sign of instability? i'm actually known as a pretty "chill" and "happy" type of person. (but internally i guess i'm pretty lonely) i just think thoughts like that to myself when no one is looking.
i guess i can talk to my counsellor or something but i don't even know how to talk to one without sounding like i have huge problems. i don't want to look like a freak.
>>16548331
yeah i realise that, but i guess in my fantasy, since it's an "ugly" guy, he has more of a "reason" to appreciate someone like me or something... sounds kinda twisted i know. like a good looking guy would probably realize he has more options
>>16548348
>>16548358
actually stop... makes me sad and embarrassed at the same time because that would legitimately make me happy and is exactly what i would probably day dream about.
>>16548360
Are these fantasies about his attachment only, or are you also an active participant in what you're imagining? You imagine him being devoted and doing all sorts of things for you because he loves you so much and is so grateful to have you as his girlfriend, so do you fantasize about doing nice things for him as well?
>>16548360
if it wells up on its own without being invoked by you directly, then yes, it could be a sign of instability under duress.
maybe not bombastic instability, but concerning enough to talk to someone about.
also, its childish idoltry when taken to an extreme. you're setting yourself up for misery whenever you try to make it work with someone finally, only to realise you set the bar too high.
you're not fucked up, just a bit childish and maybe an issue with your up-bringing that need to be addressed probably.
>>16548364
C'mon baby just the tip, of the iceberg.
I'd spend 2 hours jogging in the park working up the courage to ask you out because you meant so much to me. Then when I get home and I'm all sweaty, I'd call you up and be all like "Hows your day going?". After we chat for what seems like hours, I'd then go to bed dreamin' bout you bae.
>>16548369
yep, it goes both ways. i also like the idea of making him happy to the point of tears too.
>>16548374
well i'll consider looking into a counsellor or something. just hope they don't think i'm a freak or danger to myself or something. i still consider myself to be fairly normal... just have this weird addiction to these thoughts.
>>16548384
i hate how that actually manages to constrict my chest. good stuff; more fantasy material for me to cry about lol.
>>16548401
Haha, some of this is stuff I actually have done for girls but just played up a bit. None of them liked me back, but hey that's how the cookie crumbles.
>>16548401
What stops you from trying to make it a reality?
There are so many guys out there who are dying for someone to love them.
>>16548267
That seems pretty normal.
I was like that with my ex, I would surprise her by randomly showing up at her house on weekends with croissants and coffee, I would buy her random gifts like Necklaces, I would make her crafty things too.
In return she would do similar things... She made me tonnes of peanut butter cookies.
You don't need an ugly guy though, just a caring guy that's fallen in love with you.
Sounds like you're a normal 23 year old girl who hasn't had a lot of love in your life.
I dunno man, this isn't that crazy. The crying about it might be. Young women normally fantasize about perfect relationships at your age. Then a decade of shitty ones and hook ups jades them into their 30s.
You sound like you might be a little co-dependent and need a lot of validation. Here are some things to think about:
In these day-dreams, when you imagine the guy, do you also imagine yourself being in love with him?
You say "perfect girlfriend". In what way? What do you do for him that results in his worshiping of you? What do you bring to the table?
How do you imagine you guys would fight when there is a disagreement? Do you imagine you winning (because he worships you) or something else?
These are important questions to ask yourself. In these scenarios, if you do not love him back, if you do not bring anything to the table other than simply your presence, then the person you are imagining is an accessory to you. And you have some issues to work out. Maybe normal, 23 year old girl issues, but issues.
Lol I dated a guy that literally none of my friends thought was attractive. Honestly I didn't think he was the hottest guy in the world, but I'm not tied to appearance and figured if his personality was good, his looks would grow on me. I thought much like you, what was on the inside would matter and he would appreciate me and feel lucky. He was the shallowest, most narcissistic abusive and unappreciative asshole I've met to date.
>>16548412
that's insane, i would love for once if someone did that for me.
>>16548418
because i've tried time and time again... i work hard in my relationships. but the guys i date that lasts refuse to call me their girlfriend by the 8-month period. i also ended up getting either cheated on or neglected, so i dump them. i'm not even considered unattractive or embarrassing; i appear pretty normal and i get a lot of compliments on my appearance from a bunch of different people. and i don't date just "chads", i actually dated a whole range of guys, including some that freaked out my friends and family for being "way below my league".
i just think nowadays, guys are just as jaded as some girls are, and don't bother doing romantic stuff any more and try to do the most minimal effort they can put in.
>>16548467
>just a caring guy that's fallen in love with you
ouch. i guess i haven't had anyone fall in love with me then.
that's really sweet of you to do those things though. i'd be happy if a guy even bought me something from the vending machine.
>>16548518
you're probably right lol. i guess i fit in the typical "daddy issues" category.
>In these day-dreams, when you imagine the guy, do you also imagine yourself being in love with him?
yes, of course
>You say "perfect girlfriend". In what way? What do you do for him that results in his worshiping of you? What do you bring to the table?
i guess i would be his biased 10 physically, and i'd do what i did with my other boyfriends like cooking, writing him thoughtful letters, making him feel like he's my 10, being there for him when he's having a bad day, fuck i'm sorry this is hard for me to type... but just stuff like that.
>How do you imagine you guys would fight when there is a disagreement? Do you imagine you winning (because he worships you) or something else?
i guess i'm boring in this aspect; i've always been the one who wants to talk things out and communicate... so if there's ever a fight, i guess it'd be ideal if one of us would step in and try to calm each other down and talk it over. my past relationships never worked out like that, the guys were always stubborn and wouldn't apologize until i do so first. (and sometimes even then, they don't think they're partly to blame)
>>16548560
yeah, actually same experience here. dated a guy who everyone thought looked like a toad, and he really fucked me over.
but i think it's more of the fantasy of co-dependency that i like and makes "sense" to me in my day dreams. i'd still give an "ugly" guy a chance, but i'd probably be a bit more careful.
>>16548597
You'd probably do better to have a Daddy Dom than an ugly boyfriend.
>>16548597
Shit, where do I meet a girl like you?
>>16548401
OP I don't think you have anything to worry about. Sure you could talk to your counsellor about all this, that wouldn't be a bad idea, but I don't think it's pressing enough to be too worried about. I have thoughts like that sometimes (23/m) and I see them as they are, daydreams. Everyone fantasizes about these kind of things at some point, the only thing that is concerning is that you see it as a sort of addiction, which I don't think is correct unless you're missing out on other things because you're too busy fantasizing. It sounds to me like you're a hopeless romantic and that all you need to do is search for the man of your dreams, because I can assure you there are plenty of men out there who would gladly treat you the way you'd like, a lot of them are good looking too if you get over the whole part about wanting the pity party for him being ugly. It's all about gratitude really, which correlates highly with happiness, so find a happy man who can appreciate you the way you feel you deserve.
Some of this is very realistic. Like being in a good mood because of thoughts of your SO, or nice heartfelt gifts. I've done similar things in the past.
Others are a bit whacky, like being unable to talk about anything other than your SO. This screams of codependency, and I'd advise you to mellow that part out. That shit can very well drive someone who cares about you away.
>>16548560
Thats part of life. Just because someone is being abused, it doesn't mean they're a good person either to be blunt about it. old /b/ is a decent example.
>>16548585
>ouch. i guess i haven't had anyone fall in love with me then.
I'm sure people show love differently, that was just mine and my ex's way.
You sound really sweet though, I haven't met a girl like you in years and wish I could.
i feel you, ladybro.
I feel you.
