tldr; girlfriend is terrible in bed and at being sexual...
My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for nearly a year now, we are both in our 20s, and she recently moved in to live with me.
I have brought it up a few times that it bothers me alot that she is never sexual, that I have to literally force her hand onto my dick prior to me kissing her, rubbing her thighs, boobs or pussy. I have to literally say to her "Can we fuck?" and be in control all the time when we do. I can't stand the lack of spontaneousness or ability to think for herself, the sex is all very robotic, it makes me feel unappreciated as I practically do everything for her. I even have to use condoms everytime as she will forget to take the pill or go into a full panic mode if I attempt to duck her without.
Obviously sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it does mean alot. I notice the main issue she is very shy and socially awkward with confidence issues, but other than these issues I love her for her other traits.
>>16547232
Ask what turns her on, then try working with that.
Try talking dirty, like saying you will spank her in public or something.
Kissing, neck, ears...
If nothing works, maybe she just isn't that into you.
>>16547232
it isn't coming naturally
so she's probably insecure about something to do with sex
or hasn't been stimulated in the right way to discover it as a natural action
you should ask her both things and be patient and understanding with her
you can't get anything out of forcing someone to pretend to be enjoying something
especially with sex where a large amount of the pleasure comes from sharing yourselves willfully
>>16547239
I brought all this up in our last conversation about it, but she doesn't know what turns her on and confessed shes never even masturbated, so can't even turn herself on.
>>16547264
I try my best to be patient and it's resulted in no sex for the past 2 weeks, I always have to go to her and kiss her, so you can understand why I am here on /adv/. I understand she has alot of insecurities, but would like her to feel safe and more confident around me.
dude,you ducked her without? you're a quack.
>>16547327
QUACK, amazing typo haha. I meant fuck.
she's just inexperienced bro.
experienced girls are the ones that just grab your dick as soon as you kiss 1-2 times. my girlfriend used to be just like OP's but is now more hands on and in control whenever i'm too lazy/tired to have sex.
she might have a stigma attached to it also, that its bad for a girl to be sexual. etc. this will pass over time once she enjoys herself.
i assume you haven't made her climax, otherwise she would be all over that shit, jumping at every opportunity.
>>16547326
have you told her that it's okay for her to act on her romantic or sexual urges if she has any?
if you have and still nothing you can work with, then she is either devoid of urges or is hiding something from you
either way, it's a situation you must be thoughtful of her feelings in, as you love her and can assume it's probably a difficult thing for her to be confronted with
once you find out why she isn't being physically reticent with her desires, you can work from there and try to find the truth behind the problem
>>16547232
>spontaneity
ftfy
just leave her and get a new gf. she wont change, trust me on this
source: experience
>>16547353
you give good points
i'm assuming that's the situation op is in with his girl,
but i'm reserving confidence in my advice until he gives more information
>>16547353
I agree she is very inexperienced, she told me I am her 2nd relationship and has never had one night stands, apparntly the previous guy was a complete dickhead who used to be violent with her and shout at her all the time so she broke up with him. Why I try my best to do everything for her.
>>16547475
that gives you a good lead on why she's hesitant to act on any desires she might have
her previous relationship probably destroyed all of her confidence
you can only wait until she realizes it for herself
and the best way to facilitate that happening is providing an unshakable source of reassurance from love and understanding for her
you should be honest about your doubts and concerns towards her
but i would advise exercising caution about expressing your feelings--
you can express them in bad ways that often come about from penning them up,
so express your negative emotions with her with honesty and truth, and an explicit interest for both of you to understand your situation together
