I don't even know if I'm just getting this out of my system or in actual need of advice, so I'll first tell some of the story.
'bout 6 months ago a friend visited me in my city. We barely knew each other before that but she needed a place to stay for one night as she was just passing by. We went out for dinner the first day, walked around for like 2-3 hours afterwards, then went to sleep (nothing happened). Next day we went for another walk through the city and then I dropped her off at the airport. In those two days we talked about all kinds of things, it was very relaxing.
She went back to the US, we kept chatting for a month or so before both admitting that we like each other quite a lot. From there it went great, even though she got fired, had to find something quick so as not to lose her visa (she's not american), we even considered her coming here if she couldn't find something in the US. We even spoke about moving in together, at some point even marriage. I was a bit weary about this, because I've had a LDR before and it didn't go well. But she seemed so sure about us I told myself I shouldn't hold back, because we loved each other a lot.
Work is really tough for her over there. At some point she got a bit of cold feet because she got the impression that we're too different and we wouldn't work. She got it together withing 2-3 days and we were fine again.
Now a week ago she got cold feet again, says she can't do both work and rel. at the same time, says she doesn't love me as much as I do her. I still think she's just confused but anyway.
I'm horrified of dying alone. I've eventually gotten over my first love a few years ago, but this is even worse. I've never been so sure about someone before.
But really I can't deal with the idea that I might die alone. I like being with someone, doing things together, traveling. I've never been showered in gf's, and I feel my chances get lower with every single day that passes.
Really the thing is that I've been through this before
I just don't want to be so miserable anymore. About 2 years ago I told myself that if I don't get better by the time I'm 30, I'll through my life away in some way, not necessary suicide, but just go full 'fuck it' mode.
I was so sure I'd made it when I had her, I even rushed to buy a place for us to live in the future (I was going to anyway but still), and we were both so certain she'd come here in half a year and eventually get married and be so happy together. And I'm barely 25! I honestly think I'm fairly smart, mostly because other people say so, I have a good career ahead, and doing well on money.
I just want to have some kind of certainty and hope that eventually I'll have someone to come home to, eat dinner with, wake up next to, go on vacations in remote locations and just be open and honest with each other, share our happiness and confusion.
I can't deal with this much longer, and I've started having a drink every day because otherwise my head will blow up. I can barely maintain appearances at work
>>16546145
>>16546132
Just calm down Bro. If you overthink it so much you do stupid things. Try to do the thing you like, and don't throw me shit like " I liked being with her durr" Fucking beta faggot. If you love soccer eventually you will found someone who supports you and support the fact you like soccer, maybe she didn't like soccer but support the things you like. Now there a lot of Girls that travel you will found someone. Right now you are acting like a fuckin faggot, because "hurr the only girl that see something in me is gone waaa" Stop being a pussy faggot.
>>16546132
shes unsure, its not worth it. its just going to be a waste of time and resources and of course, more drama like this. if shes already having the fears, they are going to keep coming. normally im an 'enjoy it while it lasts' kind of guy, btu this is clearly just going to be more pain than fun. so cut it off
>im afraid of dying alone
even if you are married, you'll die alone. knowing that you have some old lady that you could have gone home to if you didnt drive straight into that other car isn't going to make dying any better. having SOMEONE there with you isn't going to make it any better.
people are only worth having in your life if they are actually worth it. so learn how to enjoy it on your own and when you die you'll never have any regrets
just a long string of memories of good times. some with people. some alone. and when you die alone, that will be the most comforting thing you do.
i have many dreams where i die and my last thoughts are generally 'i love you guys' when i think about my friends or 'ive had a good life' when i think about my job or 'i did what i hoped for' when i think of my projects. worst regret i get is having one particular script not written.
>>16546170
>having SOMEONE there with you isn't going to make it any better
it sure felt better being with someone that I liked so far, so I don't see why having someone with you wouldn't make it better overall
I don't expect to be perfect, I only expect 'her' to not give up at the first sign of trouble because she can't deal with problems
I've been decently successful in my life so far but really it doesn't make me happy, so that's my issue at the moment. I have stuff, I have my own place, if I'll want to (even tho I don't need one) I can get a car out of the savings that I have right now without a worry
yet I am still miserable and I've been like this pretty much 80% of the time I've spent being single in the last 2 years
I honestly don't give a shit anymore about this retarded teenage shit about being beta and alpha and whatever; I know I'm smarter than the average guy, I'm confident in my capabilities, and I just want to fix this problem that I have (again), it's that simple
on some level I don't really care how, I won't care how after it's solved since I'd be happier then
>>16546215
being with someone and knowing that you aren't single when you die are two totally different things.
if you have a chance to reflect on your life before dying, it should be about how great that life has been, not whether or not you are single at that moment.
if you look back and didn't love your life as a single entity, you failed. relying on someone else to make you happy is pretty much bull shit.
its fine to date and be in relationships or even get married if you get there, but it seems to be you are trying to fill a void with a girl you barely know, who doesnt REALLY want to be iwth you, but still talking about 'marriage'.
>>16546228
>being with someone and knowing that you aren't single when you die are two totally different things.
>if you have a chance to reflect on your life before dying, it should be about how great that life has been, not whether or not you are single at that moment.
fully agree! and so far it seems to me that I'm happier when I'm with someone that I love and who loves me back
honestly I have no doubt that she loved me, and that she still has something in there for me, but she just can't deal with everything; she's never had a long term relationship because she didn't know how to handle the properly
but anyway, that's again not my point, we know each other quite well, we've talked for countless hours about everything
>but it seems to be you are trying to fill a void with a girl
I can agree with that much, and in general I don't see it as an issue. I know what I want and need in my life for most of the time. For things that were under my control I've succeeded, for this relationship part, however, it seems that I can't get it right, and failure kills me
and the fact that I can't have the girl that I want and love is also shit, especially after all the plans we'd made together
blah
like I said, it's more of a rant and bitch-session than actual call for advice. I've concluded myself that I should probably seek professional help if the whole 'ideation w/w/o intention' stays in my head
>>16546228
but yea thanks for hearing me out so far
I tend to get tired after having to tell the whole thing all over again, and get sick of myself soon enough to not think about it until the next day/a few hours
so at least I got that out of this
>>16546257
>and so far it seems to me that im happier when im with someone that i love and who loves me back
then you probably dont actually find osmeone who truly loves you. im sorry but someone can only love you as much as you love yourself. dont get me wrong love is some great feelings, but you're hurting yourself here.
>i agree
>but lol its okay to be base my happiness on someone else
nope. im sorry but you're too naive to really get it yet. one day you will.
>>16546132
Why do you care? Dead people don't care. They're fucking dead.
>>16546275
now I wasn't >implying that it's ok to base you happiness on someone else; what I was saying was that I can deal with all my other sources of happiness (albeit smaller) myself, and that this is the only one that's been bothering me the most
I'd be so glad to not need this so much, you have no idea. I realize that a lot of other people aren't like this, maybe it's easier for them to get girls, maybe it's because I'm insecure about this, I dunno. If I'd know I'd fix it obviously
>you're too naive to really get it yet. one day you will
I reaaally hope so, because this sucks big time
>someone can only love you as much as you love yourself
banter aside, I never really got how this works, why do people keep saying this
if it were like that, wouldn't everyone just be like meh I don't really give a fuck about anyone so it's like whatever
>you're hurting yourself here
I sort of had this feeling before I went 'all in' with this girl, but I thought what the heck, if you get such a nice chance you shouldn't fuck it up and give it your best shot
