This girl schoolmate I've dated a few times and always had a good time with has gone cold and I get the feeling I'm a bother to her. She has become very busy to the point that her schoolwork is literally all she does (yes, really) and the only time I ever see her is when she spends the break with a classmate of hers. I do it regularly, but that's all. I bump into them almost daily and always stick around when I see them.
Now she has a shitton of work and she's been stressed out for a while now, but towards that classmate she's almost as cheerful and 'fun' as she used to be, and he has 'value' to her because he helps her with her classes. Towards me she's matter-of-fact and cold, and I feel like an outsider pestering her about her life. I get the feeling it's because I'm mostly 'useless' to her right now. She's pragmatic like that.
I know /adv/ protocol is to stop reading after the first sentence here and respond
>she isn't interested so move on, you dweeb
But it's more complicated than that. I want to ask her how she feels about me, about how I drop by for the most part. If she's blunt and ignoring towards me because she's stressed out or because I've become one guy too many for her and am a distraction to her.
I don't want to drop her, and I want to make sure she wants me out of her life if it really is that.
Thing is, I barely see her outside of those breaks nowadays, and it's just a simple question and she's too busy for me to say "let's meet up for this"
How should I ask this? What's the most diplomatic way to put it?
>>16541850
Is she actively telling you that she's stressed to where it seems like she's being open and honest with you or is it a situation where she's obviously trying to ignore you?
>>16541856
There are shades of both, really. She openly tells me how much work she has planned and that's basically a LOT. Then she has a ton of appointments on a regular basis. They're things like business, medical, that kind of thing. She doesn't go too in-depth about them for obvious reasons, but they take up a lot of time.
Occasionally when I hit her up over text, she tells me how she isn't feeling well. This happens especially over the past few days. She gives me single-word responses and generally doesn't give me much to work with. Then I see her in person, the first time in ages, and she barely pays me any mind, instead being all laughs and smiles towards her classmate, asking him to stick around until her next break so she won't have to spend it alone or they can rehearse homework or whatever. I don't know, I was just an outsider.
It bothers me.
>>16541887
Sounds like she may be interested in the other guy at the moment. If that's the case let him have his 5 minutes but be there for her if she needs anything. Eventually she'll adjust.
If she does like him you're kinda being forced to take the back seat for a bit. She'll want to focus on him.
If I'm totally wrong and she has no feelings for him then she may be going through a rough patch at the moment and just spending time with new people to try to distract herself.
>>16541887
It sounds like she is making excuses not to hangout with you. Maybe you bore her or seem too needy, this along with her attraction to the other guy is probably why she is pushing you away.
>>16541893
I don't know. The guy isn't exactly new. They met about a month after we met, and he's been acting like her personal assistant ever since. They've never gone through any rough patch like the one I have to deal with, according to the guy. We're not close friends or anything, but he knows how I feel about her. It came up once when she was out.
Back when the girl and I still saw each other alone, the topic of them came up in conversation once. She said she's closer to him (not necessarily that kind of close, I just don't know how to translate it better) because they're together in their classes all day. No idea about romantic intent, though. Wishful thinking says no, painful jealousy says yes.
>>16541992
Those excuses are legit. She talks about them even when I'm not asking her out, and recently she agreed to my plans to study together. Like I said, school's on her mind in a crazy amount.
I do feel boring and needy, though. It may be true, and she's still pushing me away, it seems.
>>16542014
>>16542014
You are a delusional orbiter, stop thinking about possibilities and talk directly to her or leave the girl alone.
>>16542069
Well, aren't you a bloody Sherlock. That's what this thread was about in the first place. I want to know the best way to bring it up with the means that I have, with minimal shitstirring and bridge-burning. Saying it in an indirect referring way like this is easy enough, but what do I say? I'm no good with words.
>>16542218
Say exactly what you want to say to her faggot, you don't need to be good with words to ask some girl if she likes you, anyway i think she propably found some guy who isn't a clueless orbiter like you, good luck.
>ask her what she thinks of me and if something's up lately
>she tells me she's been busy and tired lately, and doesn't really know what to say most of the time
Fine. I did it, and I only got more excuses. I'm leaning towards believing her, but that's why I'm a clueless orbiter, right?
Half an answer too. So what's it now? At this point she's just leading me on, isn't she?
>>16542579
Don't you die on me. Hang on just a little longer, thread.
>>16542579
>At this point she's just leading me on, isn't she?
you're still a delusional orbiter. a girl gives you tons of excuses and clearly doesn't want to talk to you, as shown through body language and you call that 'leading you on'? don't blame her for your boring, stupid, unappealing self OP.
>>16543322
Yeah, sorry OP. Most girls aren't going to be upfront about not wanting to date you. Learning that you can't take excuses as what they are, excuses, is what makes you a sperglord. When a girl says she "doesn't have time", etc. it means that she doesn't want to date/fuck you. Case closed, guy. She's not leading you on, she's being a woman. You're just being an idiot and listening to her exact words instead of the meaning behind them. She's probably on a women's advice board telling them about you, as a creepy, socially inept, boring, nice guy, who just keeps asking her out and won't get her hints, and what she needs to say to get you to leave her alone.
>>16543357
Hey. Call me strange but I'm female and extremely blunt and honest. Not sure if I'm just mature or stupid. Or both. If she is playing this game, she is extremely immature. OP don't waste your time with someone like this. I'm sorry. It's time to move on. Fill your mind with something or someone else to replace her.
>>16543413
shut the fuck up. declaring that you're a woman within the first sentence of your post and starting off with what you are personally like doesnt make you credible enough to speak for the rest female population. the fault isnt with the girl, its OP.
Man you are literally the type of guy that people don't know where to begin.
Firstly don't bullshit anybody, a lot of people here can read between the lines with how you are trying to play down a lot of things. Like seriously the topic 'came up' about her relationship standings with this other guy? You always have anecdotes of her telling you shes busy which means you are literally a flea. Come on man.
With all girls, unless they are your fucking gf/wife or some fat whale dike thats a bro, you literally wait until they reach out to you to say hi, you keep brief chit chat on whatever the fuck medium it is and reward them with a date. See how that works? Its like a fucking dog who you tell to sit, you reward them with a cookie. To reiterate, you let them come to you, keep the contact to a minimum, 4-5 text replies or 5 min chat, and just set a date to meet up. Whether the hang out is platonic or romantic in nature is something that has to be touched seperately with you, but you get the idea, don't fucking chase girls.
Why don't you chase them? Well its so they can think about you, miss you, also the fact that you arent a fucking needy orbiter and they like that, let her 'organically' decide to reach out to you. You are literally talking her away asking whats up or whatever, why wont you hang out, bullshit excuses that shes SO busy.
Your biggest problem in this regard is you literally have to seek where you stand with people. You really need to focus on just hanging out and have fun.
Also I guess the second tip for now is if a girl is having issues or stressed, let them talk about it, talk back what you heard, let them keep talking. They don't want your neckbeard advice, they want you to UNDERSTAND them. If you are confused just ask if they just want you to listen idk.
Just let people reach out to you and reward them with your time, listen to people and try not to push yourself onto them, idk mang.
You have a lot to work on
>>16543357
Women should stop being fucking retards giving vague "hints"
