Ps haven't went to psychiatrist or theraptist cause i feel like it not gonna do anything, i wanna get over this without them.

Because you have a chemical imbalance, drugs which alter your neurology will help. All of your feelings are chemical balances in the brain.

I recommend psychedelics. Also, I'm here to talk if you want while I put off studying.

not enough info guy, how old are you and why are you depressed?

>>16539949
I feel this, I have the same outlook. Paying a stranger to tell me what I want to hear? No thanks. This is our battle.

>>16539941
>I'm INSANELY CLOSE to doing suicide
no you're not, you're just an attention whore

Sounds like your own ego is getting in the way of you getting the help you need. See? You do love yourself, so much so that you think a doctor or therapist with years of experience can't help you. Let go of that. Get some help bud.

I have been going through this thought process for the past 7 years and what keeps me going are two collections of separate things.

First: even though the people who care about you may seem distant, your suicide will affect them negatively, period. If your parents truly care about you, then this would crush them. They want to see you get better, and see you succeed even if they don't even relate to your pain and you cannot relate to them.

Second, and more importantly: I have reduced my existence to three ideas which have helped me immensely:

One: I cannot do a single thing which I cannot do.

I realized that my negativity was often projected outwards, causing people to distance themselves from me for obvious reasons. That just ended up hurting me in the end since I just regretted my actions. So even though I may be feeling like utter shit, I still try to put on a "smile" to help someone else feel better. That way I feel like I have a small purpose to other people.

Two: Do not assume other's thoughts without proper evidence, and if you do anyways then try to find the evidence. If the evidence doesn't exist, expel the thought.

Three: Think in your head and not outloud, and think things ALL THE WAY THROUGH. Do not bullshit yourself into half of a thought. Your brain can do so much more than that.

I know that you truly want to live, not only because I have had the same feelings, but because you're here pleading for it. I know that suicide would be easier, and I tend to rationalize that those close to me would get over my death, and they will, but the point remains that I want to live. I want to feel what it's like to be able to function properly in society, and to be the person that I love and not the person that I hate.

A good start is to start forgetting about the bad things you say to yourself in the mirror. The way you look at yourself starts to become the way you look at other people.

>>16539968
How can you say what is balanced and what is not?

>>16539990
In addition to this post.

Give yourself something to learn. Something to do to keep you distracted from unproductive negativity. You'd be surprised how much writing random negative bullshit in a notebook every day will help you (even better if you do it in cursive ;) ).

But really what you should start doing is figuring out what things work for you. You should shift your meditation of suicide to meditation of what the problem is. You can problem solve. If you have a reason for being depressed, think logically through til the end about the solution. You can find it, and it won't be a simple solution. Keep in mind that there are many solutions, so if you reach the solution of suicide, try again. If you can, ask for advice (that's what we're here for), and hopefully the next time you post it will be a concrete question that we can help you with a lot easier than this one. This question is something everyone with depression faces, and if nobody else in the world cares about you I can guarantee you that I do.

>>16539968
I second this. Acid helped me so much with depression. Just don't do too much and do it right.

>>16539983
This guy might have a point.

>>16539992
Balanced or imbalanced, varying levels of chemicals in your brain affect your state of being.

Traditional I sight therapy, cbt, meds a nd exercise will all help. It helped me. Different meds work on different people. Also recoveryinternational teaches self help. Recoveryinternational.org. The book is really good.

Are you just depressed irrationally or do you have a reason for it?

Is your life
A) unbearably awful and unliveable with no hope of change
B)ubearably awful and unliveable but if you really tried you could change it / things might get better
C) not really that bad, you're just depressed

If its C then you probably have a chemichal thing in your brain, if its B then try hard to fix your life, and if its A, i dont know what to tell you, maybe reach out to people to see if they can help you?

>>16540030
im not a doctor or anything, so my advice means nothing though

>>16540007
what this guy said, but don't meditate on your problems for that will only en route them deeper into you. clear your mind all together focus on your breathing and cultivate nothing. only way i can try and explain it is imagine everything you are becoming nothing, not darkness not black just nothing, the same nothing that fill most of our universe and make up a large percentage of us. the space between atoms. in your meditation allow yourself to become nothing

>>16540056
I both agree and disagree with this only to the extent that this is a hard state to achieve when your mind is fighting you. I, personally, feel that problem solving helps me, but everything will work differently for other people.

>>16539978
Yes i'm such an attention whore cause im having shit load of suicidal thoughts and can't figure out my problem, fuck off asshole

>>16539969
20 years old, got office job, play games

>>16539983
No? What ego? I just feel like nothing gonna really help me.

>>16540030
No reason, and the choice is A.

>>16540135
Feelings aren't facts. Your own mind is telling you that you can't live, but you should laugh at your mind. You are alive! Every day you can live literally just by eating food, but happiness is a hard thing to come by.

I would honestly suggest running a mile every day. Feel like shit at first, but totally worth it. Every time I run I feel great.

>>16540120
well there's definitely one way to make me go away

>>16539949
Either:

- see a medico who can help you with the right drugs; or
- see a counsellor who can give some insight and options to problems that can be overcome; or
- pull the trigger. Because if you won't help yourself stop burdening everyone else.

instead of playing video games watch daniel amen videos on youtube and learn how to change your brain

>>16540152
What? This is sarcasm lol, i'm serious, i just want help, why would i care for attention, i'm a introverted person anyway.

>>16540135
By ego he means your sense of who you are on a surface level. Your ego isn't your being, however. Your feeling don't absolutely determine your existence, because nothing is permanent. Change your outlook, and you can be helped.

>>16540142
This. Take a step back, look at how small your problems are in comparison to the universe, and laugh. Our existence is tragic, but also beautiful, and pretty damn funny.

>>16540177
Well i'm obviously gonna try, too scared to pull the trigger.

>>16540139
you should only consider suicide if you have real world issues. If you feel depressed and this is mostly happening inside of your head, then you are just contemplating on how much life sucks too much. Life at its base does suck. There is no meaning and alot of it is a shit ton of work for nothing, but if you can find something enjoyable that is cool. Anyway life is only like 70 years, so if you distract yourself itl all be ob=ver soon enough, and yo can trick yourself into thinking you are happy by not thinking about it too long. That's what happiness is, either distracting yourself from yourself or pretending you are happy like a budhist. I say just binge watch netflix and dont think, if you can distract yourself then in the moment you will be happy. And just think how much people who were never bor would give to have a life.

Alright EVERYBODY THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVICE, I'LL TRY TO DO THESE AND NOT KILL MYSELF!

>>16540210
POST MORE ADVICE IF YOU HAVE SOME!

>>16540210
Anons have dropped plenty of strong advice. Any number of things can help you. Anything in particular you're still struggling with?

There's no easy way to get through this. The hardest part is that you have to make yourself commit to getting better. You have to want it bad enough to make an active effort and not give up .

>>16540315
Nothing really these advises are pretty good.

>>16540183
There's a psychology book titled The Chimp Paradox, or something like that, that's been hailed by major athletes and sportsmen. I fucking hate sport, but the premise of this book sounds interesting. Basically, it sounds like a new spin on the old id/ego thing, the chimp being the id that cannot be tamed, and the ego a computer that can repair its own software but must learn to work with the chimp. Something like that.

Maybe we're all computers that just need a firmware update, reformat or completely new OS, or all three - fresh new thoughts.

I understand your situation. Everyone probably goes through tough times like your experience now. The important thing is, don't give up and don't lose hope. I know you'll get it through. Try reading this article I was able to read. http://g-tome.com/if-you-dont-know-what-to-do-next-in-your-life-read-these-5-strategies/
I think it can help or you can just check the web itself since it has helpful and informative articles.
http://g-tome.com

If all else fails, OP, just deal with it.

That's what I've done for the past 9 years.
After a while, when you deal with it, and try to better yourself it'll go away on its own.

To be honest, though, it's come back, and I feel insanely close like you, however, I'm still here.

I feel my death is coming soon, but then again, it could be years from now.
Who knows, but even if I had a gun, dunno if I'd actually pull the trigger even though I dream about it. I want to see if everything gets better.

If it doesn't, well

Medication does work

Look, my father is a psychiatrist, I have seen, from the looks of many people, an many around this time, how grateful they are he changed their lives.

Depression IS a chemical imbalance, most of the mental disorders are, and most if not all need to be rebalanced, that takes time and work.

Medicine for these kind of things has improved a lot and it does work, however, you have to take it everyday as the doc told you, and if you don't wanna do it anymore, you have to tell the doctor too, because many of the people who say they "got worse with meds" it's because, since you are trying to fix a chemical imbalance with external chems, fucking up the schedule (aka cold turkey on the meds or skipping days) fucks up the treatment and the brain ends up more messy.

After a while you will feel better, believe me, at least try, and by trying I mean 6 months on meds, and doing it religiously. It can make the difference. Other thing is don't google the medication, the same when you feel sick and ask WEB MD, you'll start to be paranoid about the symptoms

Keep going and good luck

>>16540633
Wow you dealt with Depression for 9 fucking years? Jeez man i don't know, i might be like you but the thing is i want it gone early so i don't have to regret that years i spent feeling like shit.

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Stay strong, my friend, I was there once, if I can get past it, you can too

>>16540666
Alright thanks man.