Am I a bad person for trying to convince a girl to leave her boyfriend to be with me? She already likes me a lot as is and is having problems with her current boyfriend. But am I a bad person for convincing her to leave him? She was planning on leaving him soon but I still don't know if its right for me to convince her.
>>16532221
You are a bad person, but we are all douche bags once in a while.
>>16532247
Thanks bro.
>>16532221
Regardless if it's bad, it's stupid. The kind of girl who does that is going to do the exact same thing to you.
Some new guy will come along when your relationship is hitting bumps, and convince her to leave you for him. You'll never be able to trust her.
>>16532221
>Am I a bad person for trying to convince a girl to leave her boyfriend to be with me?
No, just dumb. Someone that's so easily swayed to hop from one person to another isn't someone you want to be with. She should come to you on her own volition--it shouldn't take any convincing if she genuinely likes you.
>>16532291
Its been a thing that she was actually gonna do before we talked about it. Its not like we are cheating, we havent done anything yet. She understands that we can't do anything if she is with someone else and respects that.
>>16532303
>Its not like we are cheating, we havent done anything yet.
She's cultivating a romantic relationship with someone that is not her boyfriend. It IS cheating.
>Its been a thing that she was actually gonna do before we talked about it.
Then what's taking her so long? Why can't she just do it?
>>16532298
Im not convincing her to do it as much as I am being really nice to her and talking with her all the time. She initiated flurting with me first not I her. She got shy talking about it but then spoke more openly about it later.
>>16532303
>a-a-s long as it isn't penis in vagina it isnt cheating!
You're a fag and we will see you here in ~4 months when she has a new friend and is pulling this same shit on you.
>>16532309
Sounds more like she's giving you false hope so that you'll continue to boost her ego.
>She initiated flurting with me first not I her.
That's really not a good thing, for you.
>>16532311
So people aren't allowed feelings when in a relationship? You haven't been with someone over 5 years have you?
>>16532311
>>16532308
We have only really talked though. She already told him that she was gonna leave him, its just a waiting game now to see when she does it.. She was with him for 3 years, after all its hard to leave in just 2 days.
She has also not brought up doing anything sexual.
>>16532311
This
>>16532319
>flirting with and conspiring to leave your partner for someone else is just "having feelings"
The truth of the matter is that there is no convincing. You can't convince her.
The real situation is that there is a girl you like who occasionally flirts with you and has a boyfriend. That's it.
The real question is if it's okay that you continue to become close to her while she is in a relationship. Despite how bad or good the relationship is, it's fine to have her as a friend as long as you don't encourage infidelity.
>>16532319
Not that anon, but having feelings while in a relationship is completely different from acting upon them (as she has done). You think long and hard about who means more to you, and then you make an adult decision to avoid hurting multiple people. She's just stringing OP along.
>>16532331
Thats why im telling her to think about it before she leaves him. I told her that she doesn't have to worry about losing me as a friend I want her to make the right choice.
>>16532329
I told her regardless we would be friends. Its not me exactly getting closer to her she keeps getting closer to me. Im not like sending her shirtless pics and dick pics. She gets drawn to me because of my personality.
>>16532324
>We have only really talked though.
That's really all it takes to cultivate a romantic relationship. She's allowing herself to get attached to other people before going for a clean break. That's not healthy, or very promising, for a new relationship.
>She already told him that she was gonna leave him, its just a waiting game now to see when she does it..
Do they live together? Did you actually hear her tell him, or are you just going by what she says? Because I've seen women string guys along in this way. It never ends well.
>She was with him for 3 years, after all its hard to leave in just 2 days.
Nothing should be holding her back. If I make a decision to leave someone, I do it, and I don't look back. The only difficulty she should be having is actually getting her stuff moved out of there. But if she hasn't even started looking for a new place, or packing, then this doesn't bode well for you. Don't get your hopes up.
>>16532345
>She gets drawn to me because of my personality.
Or because she's "that type". You sound like a strange mix of arrogance and inexperience, but I don't mean that to insult you. If you're not careful, she's going to use you.
>>16532350
Aight thanks for the advice dude. Ill talk to her tonight about it and say if she wants to be with me she has to leave him by the end of this week.
>>16532354
She isn't that type though. Shes nerdy and shy, I am inexperienced its actually would be my first relationship, which is why im being careful about it.
>>16532358
Nerdy and shy can still be "that type." It's often those you least expect that have a nasty side.
nothing wrong with this. people form close friendships that eventuate into romance, especially at the end of a previous relationship. either go in for the kill or you don't.
>>16532350
>nothing should be holding her back. If I make a decision to leave someone, I do it
dude, you've clearly never been with someone suicidal
even if not suicidal and you are at the end of a relationship, leaving can take some time
for the record, i met my girlfriend while she was still with her boyfriend, i sealed the deal and we have been together for 8 years
>>16532369
>dude, you've clearly never been with someone suicidal
I have, actually. You're not at fault because they're mentally ill and unable to make decisions for themselves. This is why you notify friends and family, or try to get them help before breaking the news. Even if you didn't break up with them, something else down the line would be the catalyst for their suicidal tendencies. You have to look at it as rationally as possible and realize that their actions are completely out of your hands.
>even if not suicidal and you are at the end of a relationship, leaving can take some time
I've never had it take more than two weeks. Because if I move in with someone, I make sure that I'm capable of leaving (be it support from friends/family or monetary). I pack up most of my belongings and get out the same day I break up, then return later for items I wasn't able to bring with me initially.
If you break up, and you live with someone, you have options and time to plan your exit.
