Can't cum
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
>desensitized my dick from years of deathgrip
>started dating girl, lose virginity
>discover I have extreme difficulty achieving orgasm during sex
>initially whatever, still feels good
>she starts becoming self-conscious over the fact that i'm not cumming
>thinks she's doing something wrong
>reassure her that it's fine I still enjoy the sex a lot and the problem will go away in time
>it's been two months now
>I only managed to cum from PIV once when we didn't use a condom
>sex has been becoming less frequent lately
>I casually try to start some intimacy this week
>She becomes really depressed all of the sudden
>Says she feels like a bad girlfriend because she's tired and exhausted all the time
>Wants to have sex with me, but doesn't have two hours to devote to it
>Tell her we don't have to go for two hours, one hour, or even 30 minutes
>I just want to be intimate for a little while and make her feel good
>She tells me she feels guilty and that the sex feels one-sided, that it's starting to affect her orgasm
>Starts crying and telling me she's worried I'm going to find someone that "does it" for me and I'm going to leave her because she "can't keep up"
I don't know what the fuck to do. It certainly doesn't help that now when we *do* have sex there's this immense pressure for me to cum that just makes it harder to do so. I refrain from porn and masturbation these days for her but it's been a lot harder now that we aren't fucking so often.
I've mentioned to her that I'd like to see a GP/specialist about the issue but it just upsets her more because she's absolutely convinced that it's a problem with her and feels bad that I think it's me.
this is hilarious
sorry i cant help but lmao
Have you just told her it gets better? Or did you explain how it was your deathgrip? Just saying "it's nothing, don't worry" doesn't really stop people from worrying. In fact it makes them think you're hiding something.
You just need to keep repeating that the getting off part isn't what makes it special to you, it's the intimacy. It's maybe a more common conversation women have to have, since piv by itself won't cause an orgasm for a lot of women. What about a handjob or something else to finish you after?
Another important thing for both to know, while it might feel better for the guys if a girl is tighter, it usually means she's less aroused and it hurts her more. Maybe go see someone together to talk about how everything actually works, and that it isn't simply attractiveness or not being good enough.
>>16527706
You on any antidepressants, OP? Many are known to cause loss of libido or the ever-dubious "sexual side effects."
I take Paxil, and while abstaining from it can cause a pretty harsh withdrawal, and nasty negative thoughts, I'm consistently hornier and my dick is way more sensitive without it.
It's a shit show of a conundrum.
Had a GF of about 2½ years. We recently split. I could count the times I actually came for her on both hands. (Pun not intended, but acknowledged.)
>>16527729
Yeah, I find myself repeating myself a lot re: deathgrip and intimacy. I just don't know how to get through to her
>>16527743
No antidepressants here.
I think I need to commit myself to a strict nofap regimen. It was easy when we were having regular sex but I failed once when she was away visiting her family for thanksgiving and again this week while I was trying to maintain an erection to shave my junk.
My inability to cum affects her much more than it does me and I hate the way it makes her feel inadequate. It's going to destroy our relationship if I don't get a grip(heh) on it.
No point ib doing no fap when your already on a relationship. It will just add more strain. Unless you plan on not jacking it but still fucking, which totally defeats the purpose.
Does the sex give you performance anxiety sometimes? You said she was your first. I know with my girlfriend I had the same issue but it turns out my subconscious views of failure were just blocking my boner from being comfortable enough to finish. Now it's like, sometimes I just barely slip it in and I'm like ABORT ABORT BUY SOME TIME
>>16527842
The point is to avoid touching myself and looking at porn so that the only pleasure my dick experiences is from her
>>16527847
Yeah I definitely get performance anxiety sometimes. I'm always very focused on getting her off and now I've got some stupid ejaculation anxiety knowing she'll be upset if I don't cum, which only makes it more difficult.
>>16527765
Well does she seem to understand the concept of deathgrip? For semi-relevance, I'm female, but the internet is what taught me about those sort of things. So I understand what deathgrip and stuff is even if it's not something I can experience. You were a virgin when you met her, was she? She really might just not have the experience to understand it. For what each gender might be negatively taught. girls are told how easily guys are turned on and how they're always interested in sex all the time. It's taken as fact of how men act. So if men are supposedly not acting like themselves, you assume something else makes them act that way. People are stupid, but that's because they also believe other people who talk in absolutes like that.
Basically
>I know that men are so horny they will fuck anything with a hole. Me having a hole isn't enough to get him off, so there must be something catastrophically messed up with me that negates the core of male sexuality.
>>16527878
I was a virgin, she was not. We are both in our late 20s.
You might be right. I honestly don't know. I'm wondering if I should tell my gf I'm starting NoFap for her because I don't want sex to feel like an exercise in futility for her.
She doesn't want to even attempt quickies because she knows I won't get off and it makes her feel selfish for "leaving me wanting more," despite that no sex at all for a day feels much worse for me. I'd rather go at it for 15 minutes a day than go dry all week for a two hour marathon on the weekend.
>>16527870
>>16527870
Thats all well and good when you single. waiting to start no fap when your already in a relationship is a mistake. For it to work you need to refrain from anykind of sexual stimulation. Its like going on a diet but you wont stop drinking soda and then asking why am i still fat.
>>16527870
Okay, here's the trick: imagine if she was a whore. Just a fuck doll for your amusement. Let yourself worry about using her to get the greatest amount of pleasure out of her. Stop thinking about her needs altogether and just go at it animal style. She'll enjoy it much more too, trust me.
>>16527920
If you want sex, tell her that and if she tries to deny out of concern for you, tell her that she's being ridiculous and you want to fuck her. Just make her feel desirable, even if she backs off at first.
I'd feel pretty shitty if I couldn't make my boyfriend cum too.
TALK TO HERRRRRRRRR
>>16527706
I had this problem with my last girlfriend too, anon. Shit sucks. I don't have a solution for you. Part of my issue was that I just wasn't as attracted to her as I needed to be, but I'm sure there were other issues, which I have left unresolved.
I dumped her and still haven't seen a GP about it, but it may be worth it.
>>16527937
this is good advice
>>16527931
i feel like you're missing the point of nofap, which is to abstain from masturbation and pornography. sex feels very different from masturbation. this isn't to give me some magic confidence and attraction superpowers like some nofap clowns on reddit claim, only to condition my dick and brain to respond better to good stimuli (my girlfriend and sex) by removing bad stimuli (deathgrip and porn) from my life
>>16527940
This is what I told her that made her all sullen for "being a bad girlfriend" because she's too tired and exhausted to fuck for two hours or whatever, and of course I tell her we only need 10-15 minutes but by this time the mood has already been killed.
>>16527937
I'll have to try this next time she's actually in the mood. Still, it's going to be hard to shake the pressure of her wanting me to ejaculate now.
>>16527948
What would you want to hear from your boyfriend if he had this problem? I don't know what to say. I reassure her that she's attractive and I want to have sex regardless but nothing seems to alleviate her insecurity.
Don't leave her. PS. You're fucking lucky you can last that long. >~>
>>16527706
I am going to guess you use a condom during sex. That can kill so much sensation.
>>16527920
>despite that no sex at all for a day feels much worse for me.
This is a very important thing you have to mention. Communicate as openly as you can. If you don't think you'll be able to say everything, or she'll cut you off, write it all down in a letter and ask her to read it. So you can express everything you feel about it in detail. Tell her YOUR feelings, that it hurts you if you're not close in that way.
Say doing nothing leaves you wanting WAY MORE, and satisfies you much less, than having a quickie without an orgasm.
>also use deathgrip to fap
>been fapping like this since 10 yo
>now 18, bisexual fucked 16 girls along the line, no men, just attracted to men aswell
>handsome model face, great athletic body
>real thick 7.5 inch dick
>pornstar stamina cus deathgrip fap 2-3 times every day
>mfw I see this thread
Lube up
Maybe try anal, it's tighter, good for death grippers, and no pregnant
step one: have her over & make spaghetti or something
step two: have this >>16528210 conversation
step three: immediately after having this conversation, have her open a present which you wrapped (ATTRACTIVELY, dont halfass it you fuck) of a Hitachi magic wand or the equivalent. instruct her to drop her pants, tie her to your bed with some soft cord, & vibe her until shes a panting, sweaty, exhausted mess, with a voice like a carnival barker. untie her, kiss her on the forehead, & spoon her to sleep.
if she understands that you are okay with not always having an orgasm, & not even neccesarily having sex every time you two get all romantic like, she will feel less bruised that she cant always get you there.
finger her in a movie theater. tease her for an hour with a vibrator. help her understand that you just want in her damn panties, regardless of whether you come.
>tfw no gf
>tfw don't have to worry about any of this bullshit
>tfw deathgripping till the end of time.
This happened to me too.
I couldn't have an orgasm during sex unless it lasted 2 hours,and my girlfriend was really tired everytime (she also complained about sex being painful after 1 hour).
Please bro start with the NoFap thing,it helped me so much.You will like sex even more and your girlfriend will not complain about it lasting too much.Also i feel like doing it with more passion than before.
>>16529175
THIS
>>16529175
i wish i could find a guy like that for me
