Wasn't worthy of its own thread.
Am I a kek for listening to my friend/ex-girlfriend talk extensively about some guy she's on and off with when I walk with her to college? It bores the fuck out of me but she has an ego and I get the feeling she's baiting for me to display distaste for the situation so she can attribute it to me liking her.
Equally, am I insecure and going too much off of suspected emotion?

>>16525922
Did it seriously just censor that to "kek"? Rip
Fine, I meant "sucker"

Bamp

I miss her...

I don't give a shit about bitches anymore after the last one really hurt me. Fuck 'em, don't need 'em. It feels good.

Im feeling good for once

I'm retarded

>>16526085
Why is that, anon-kun?

I hate you all for keeping this world as it is, but i understand you all, im also too comfy to do anything.

>>16525922
She's trying to make you jealous no fucking duh! She's still into you, that is the only reason ever that an ex would not only still want to be friends, but also talk about liking or being with someone else. There. You're welcome. Now go get back with her if you want, or stop talking to her at all if you don't.

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>>16526087
Cause I'm fat and gay

I know he frequents 4chan, dunno if /adv/ too. Maybe he won't even stumble upon this thread. But if he does, I just want to let him know the following: I'm somewhere between being in love with you and loving you as a friend; it sucks being in this in-between place. I wonder how you really feel about me, but I'm not brave enough to ask and I feel like you would evade the answer anyway; besides last year you didn't share my feelings, hence I assume it would be the same this year. Nevertheless I hope you will tell me someday, alas - you probably won't. Once I come home I'll start looking for a bf because I'm fed up with being lonely cat-crazed spinster of the age 22. Or just a guy who would shag me and hold my hand, and talk with me about books. Thing is, I'm stuck on you, but I feel like it's time to move on because it leads to nowhere and yet I keep wondering what if...
Garden State is a one big sad film with a happy ending. I liked it, but see - thing is, in real life you don't get to get happy endings like that. Don't get me wrong, I love films and books and songs about love overcoming obstacles, love healing the wounds, love empowering... but they are pretty pieces of fiction. Real life love is being stuck in a chaotic/toxic friendship with no prospects for a romantic love; it's still acutely missing your dead one after four years; it's hoping you'll die before your mum because you know her death will break you forever.
Finding yourself is not that simple, especially if you've been lost since forever.

i can't wait to see you tomorrow, honestly. i get nervous just thinking about it

Shoulda known she was engaged before I feel for her, lol

>>16526240
Don't be. Just be friendly like you always are and I'll do the same

>>16526382
I was planning on it

I fucking hate women

Every last single friend ( 8 close friends) of mine has been destroyed by the harpies, 1 of which committed suicide since he was going to get thrown in Jail for not being able to to pay 4k a month payments to the Leech when she took his house and kids as well.

All my friends tried to get me to go along with them and get hitched to a woman, but after doing my research into how laws work for women in Divorces i abstained.

I cant imagine why anyone would agree to marriage nowadays, it's literally a contract that will end your life upon her getting bored

My parents went on a week long trip out of the country during thanksgiving right when my boyfriend of 2 years dumped me. I got left alone in their home watching their elderly incontinent dog. I did dishes, laundry, sweeping, cleaned up liquid dog shit and piss every day. Drove two hours to pick them up from the airport. Their home is not cluttered or dirty by any means except the dog tracks in a lot of dirt on their hardwood floors so it needed sweeping when they got home. My mom won't shut up about how I couldn't be bothered to have vacuumed x room and how she HAS to clean the floor at 10 p.m. before she can sleep because she's stepping all over dirt and crumbs. I made pasta for lunch today, cleaned up all the dishes and things, but I left literally one small spot of sauce on the counter and she is complaining about the state her kitchen is in as if I exploded pasta and dirty dishes all over. She knows I'm going through a very rough bout of depression but she doesn't seem to think that exists. She keeps arguing against it saying I'm not a depressed person, I guess because I'm not suicidal or wallowing in it 24/7. I am good at putting on a face and pretending I'm okay inside. I overheard her complaining to my father while she was cleaning about how "It's not depression it's laziness". Fuck her so hard.

I just developed a crush and she's so amazing. She's developing a relationship with my friend, now. Everytime she's near me I feel so warm, safe and good inside, and I can't deal with the fact that she's going to be with someone else. I feel so happy around her, and it never happenned in other relationships, this is the first time and god does it feel great. I don't know if I should be happy for my friend or kek him...

http://strawpoll.me/6164143/r
I wanna see if I'm the only one... Because I would

>>16526464
Not much different from masturbation in my mind so yeah, I would.

I'm going to kill myself soon
Reasons

1. I have no outlook on a good job in my future
2. I'm too fucking stupid to get a girlfriend
3. My only friend is getting married and leaving me.

Give me one good reason to keep living

>>1652624>>16526389
Initials?

>>16526485
If your friend is seriously leaving you forever after he gets married then you don't need him. Adopt a dog so you're less lonely and find some social things to do to make new better friends. If you have a hobby look up meetings or classes for it in your area. Also there is seriously someone out there for everyone if you're willing to compromise. Your intelligence is not a huge factor.

>>16526396
America, right? Just don't pay her shit, and if ANYONE comes, just defend yourself with a machine gun and some grenades. It's a hell lot more fun than suicide.

>>16526502
>If your friend is seriously leaving you forever after he gets married then you don't need him
I've been friends with him for 15 years.

Are half of you even that old?

I don't want to romantically get involved with him yet. It's too soon and I don't want him to be my rebound. If I am going to be with him, I want to be with him properly and be able to give him the love he deserves. He is amazing. I hope he understands and let's us develop naturally. I already like him, I just need time to get over this break up.

I'm sorry, Robert.

I said I used you for sex because I was scared people would find out about our relationship and wanted to end it before it went any further. I never actually thought you loved me. I was 17 and never felt like I had any value, it really surprised me that leaving you upset you.

I've thought about e-mailing you, but I'm not sure if its even worth it. I'm not interesting in getting back together with you, I just want you to know I was just a teenager who lied to get out of a situation I wasn't comfortable in.

>>16526417
Girls have the tendency for self-pity though. Most cutters are girls. Most attention whores are girls.

But if you feel sincirely depressed i suggest you talk to a doctor, and try to build a life where you don't habe your parents in them, since they lack empathy for you.

>>16526509
I'm 25, and honestly if he's cutting all ties with you just because he's getting married then he's a shit person. Marriage doesn't take up a person's entire life so unless you just meant he won't have as much time for you and he isn't really "leaving" you you don't need him.

>>16526517
Don't bother. If you not giving him the pussy, don't give the apology either and open old wounds for nothing.

>>16526492
DL

I still love my ex, and im dating his best friend. My ex dumped me and i still love him more than his best friend help

>>16526531
>>16526531
I just never got any closure and I hate knowing someone hates me. I'll probably never e-mail him, but its stuck with me now and it's been over 9 years.

>>16526543
You should not be dating his friend. You need to end that or put it on hold until you get over your ex. It's unfair to everyone involved.

>>16526521
We used to see each other day.
Get fucked up.

But now once every two months.

One time, we were hanging out and then he gets a text from his fucking cunt. And he gets up and leaves.
Right then.
Like it's an hour in.
And just leaves.
What the fuck.

We were brothers once. Like, no matter what happened, we'd have each other.

But he fucking threw it away.

The worst bit is that he doesn't even fucking realize.
He thinks he's just "La de da, I'm going through my die" liek anyone else.

But he's fucking acting like the last year has been a week.

He was my fucking brother. I loved him. As gay as that sounds, we went through 15 years. We had each other's back no matter what.

He threw it all away and that makes me feel like shit.

>>16526546
If it's been over 9 years I'm sure he's over it and contacting him after so long is selfish on your part. You only want to do it to make yourself feel better, and that doesn't help him to not hate you. Which, honestly he probably doesn't. He likely never thinks about you or your dumb teenage romance. Let it go and better yourself instead of obsessing over something in the past that you can't change.

>>16526548
Im on a break with his friend and just miss my ex more. I plan on ending it entirely with him

>>16526546
I guess after 9 years he probably doesn't care anymore. But you could always try and send the E-mail. Either you get a good or bad response. Do you believe in fate? It works in strange ways.

>>16526554
Thanks anon. You're right.

>>16526484
That's exactly what I think lol

>>16526552
He's not throwing it all away because he's not spending every moment of every day with you. You need to step back and realize he has a fiance, he has another person he loves in his life and you are acting like a toddler upset over a new baby that gets more attention from your parents than you do. He's still your friend, he's not abandoning you, and you could probably stand to talk with him (calmly and sensibly) about how you would like to make more plans with him. You need to work through your jealousy towards his fiance because that will cause a lot of problems between you two no matter how close you are. I'm sorry that it's not the way it used to be but that's life man. People grow up and they move on and find their own paths. It doesn't mean you can't still be friends with him but he can't commit himself to you if he wants to start a family with his woman and there's nothing wrong with that.

I CANT STOP MASTURBATING

Hours a day, 4 times a day, when i wake up when i sleep when i get ready for work when i come home from work

i waste whole days and days off rubbing my dick and i want to chop it off

>>16526485
Eat food, sleep and dream, and masturbate. 4 key elements that keeps my life going. It should be the same for you. Why kill yourself when you can have a good mass debating. And sleeping feels wonderful. Don't be a retard and let that opportunity go to waste. We only get one life, after all. I think-

>>16526575
Maybe see a doctor before you turn to self mutilation.

>>16526572
He's known her for a year, she's 20 years old and can't operate a washing machine, and she has borderline personality disorder.

Fucking excuse me for being upset.

It's not like this is years in the making.
Like he matured into moving away from friendship.

This is a goddamned overnight conquest.

Don't get me wrong. I have no problems with growth and evolution.
But meeting a girl in one year and then deciding to marry her is a fucking mistake.

>>16526577
You have literally described why I am not dead now.

I like food. I like cooking for myself.
I like being asleep.
And I like fucking jerking off.

Hell, I've even become an alcoholic so the above criteria are all the more enjoyable.

>>16526485
Well, number one counts for me or sure.
Number 2 might be true, i'm too awkward to keep a nice looking girlffriend, or so ii thought, currently dating one that' good looking and smart and with more aspiration in life than me, but we'll see how that goes.

Number 3: i've lost 3 very good friends and over 10 normal friends because im a depressed fuck that didnt want to make time for them.

currently only see my neighbour sometimes and my family.

>>16526585
That sucks a lot. But it's his mistake and you need to let him make it. If you bring it up before he realizes it on his own he'll only resent you for meddling in his business and he'll think you're only disapproving because you feel threatened by her. It's perfectly okay to be upset about this, but you need to work through it until you are no longer as upset and accept that things will be okay regardless of your friend's decisions.

>>16526602
What will happen when you're 40 and all your family is dead?

How do I get over my self-pity and regain my friendship (even though there was barely friendship to begin with)?
Yesterday, she told me that all I talk about is my self-pity. I don't think I can save this friendship. I don't know how many times I've cried in the last 24 hours.
I don't want to feel this anymore. The only person I love in this world doesn't feel the same for me. I want to get better. I have no one left in this world. She left me because I was too sad and negative and I wasn't fun to be around. She is tired of hearing my problems. She is the only person I love and the only person I want. I'm so pathetic.
I wasted this personal day for nothing. Did nothing productive. There is no future for me and the present is shit. I want to get better but shes not there to help. I'm just too negative.

>>16526619
you think too small

big world

They think I'm fine now but I still want to be dead.

>>16526606
You've described my outlook.

I haven't said anything yet. He loves her so much.

It's just killing me watching him fall for someone so hurtful to him.

I'm going to be his best man.
How am I going to say a speech?

The worst bit is that he loves her so much that it's going to be years before their relationship fails.

Then they're going to have a kid and he'll be in thousands of dollars of debt.

He's my brother. I want to be loyal to him. But I can't change what's going to happen.

When we're 35, she's going to divorce him and take his kids with her. He's going to be stuck with a giant fucking house.

Life is shit. You ever notice? It's like a rollercoaster ride into the fucking sewers

>>16526619
Let it go.
Let it all go.

I once like you.
A woman is nothing.

At best, a woman is like a side dish to a bountiful meal.
At worst, she takes a steak off your plate.

Why do you want her?

Focus on your life first.
Feel the pain she's making you feel.

Remember that. Internalize it. Use that as a totem against further mistakes

>>16526632
a) you dont support the wedding, dont even go to it. chance you will fall out of contact and be another thing missing when it all goes to shit.

b) discourage him til the end, but support him. stay by him and watch for the cracks in the dam, be prepared.

>>16525192 #
All I do is work, go the gym, and come back to my apartment. That, and think on everything I could have done differently, how I should have sought help sooner, and how we could have forever. It is heartbreaking, more so, as I have done so well to reestablish myself, and yet it all feels so hollow.

You may never see me, or hear my voice, again. You are smart, and I have no doubt you will inevitably break down why you chose to respond, particularly in this situation, and why you have been in these threads to begin with. I know you are stubborn, what we are both feeling; we know each other better than anyone else ever will, but I want these realizations to be your own. If that time ever comes, you know my number.

I will not leave these threads, at least not yet. It obviously means something to both of us, one way or another.

>>16526656
I want to be (b.

I want to smile and wave at his funeral.
Give a speech that is beneficial.

And then just wait until she kills him.

Then be his friend when his world is shattered.

That's the worst case scenario plan.

But it hurts.
It hurts so much.

How can I stand in front of his family, who've I've known for years.

I want to talk to his mom and dad and say "Are you really sure you're ok with this?"

I knew them when we were just boys.
They were my second family.

I just feel like I'm on a train stuck on a collision course.

It's going to happen.
I just have to wait and sort through the wreckage.

True friendship is so rare nowadays. You know what I mean?

I would have died for him, once upon a time. And he would have done the same for me.

We could have conquered the world.

But I can't say straight to his face that the woman he loves is going to destroy him.

I think there are few of you here who can relate.

I'm just going to stay the path and watch my friend fall into depression. Like I did.
At least we'll be friends then.

My happiness is fake.
I finished university and got a really good job that pays very well. But instead of happiness coming from living in a relaxing environment with all my friends, now happiness comes from spending money.
My life feels empty, even though I'm doing really well for myself. I just want to be a student again. I graduated in 2008.

>>16526672
i feel like his father would be the one to bring this up to

>>16526673
travel?

>>16526626
You can't have the same exact pet twice.
>>16526641
I can't let it go anon. She's all that I hoped for. She's all that I wanted
And she is not just a woman, she is/was/wasnt/sort of a friend. My only friend. And to feel that feel when she tells you she doesn't want to be your friend because your depressing is soul crushing. Makes me want to die.
I don't know why I want her so bad. I really don't
I can't focus on my self when I have left so much behind

>>16526673
I know that life, man.

Ask yourself, what is really making you sad?

It's not your job.
Your job is OK.
It gets you dosh. Cash is the fuel for happiness.

What you need is a hobby.
I know you feel tired.
I know you just want to sleep.

When you wake up, all you feel is "I wish I was asleep again".

But you got to get past that.
Feel awake and find something worthwhile.

You have a good job. You have money.

Seek something that will fill you with meaning.

It doesn't have to be much.

How about wood carving?
Camping in the wilderness?
Flying a trick kite?

A hard good paying job is the blood you must pay for happiness.

So find what you need to get.

>>16526681
What you feel to her is a sickness.

It consumes you. Like disease.

But the truth is that, just like illness, you are really doing it to yourself.

She is nothing. In time you will see this.

Heartbreak is like any wound.
It takes time to heal.
And then you'll wonder why you ever felt such pain.

Find friendship among the people you meet in your life.
It may feel rough at start, but that's how it always goes.

I was once hung up about a woman who didn't love me back.
I regret staying under her sway for so long.

Let it go.
Especially if it hurts.

>>16525900
i'm 23, former army, recently seperated (honorable discharge), former NEET and Shut-in before army.

Now i am a foul mouthed shit face chinese man, no woman would ever love me

i have money, my body isnt that bad (gained like 30 pounds since separating, still have good form and posture), still live with my mother because it's cheap as fuck and i dont pay rent

i am still garbage, before and after the army
maybe i should re-enlist

>>16526722
Go career.
Get officer.

You'll get women.
Maybe you'll never trust her.

But at least you'll have money and a future.

Rough day, even if something unexpected, and somewhat pleasant, happened. Been a long while since I've had a drink, or six, and I'll regret it, but some days...

So. I'll drink, watch Gangnam Style on repeat because fuck you, and reasons.

>>16526698
I never had a friendship like this before. I meant nothing to her but she meant world to me.
I have been fucking up all these years. Making mistakes and never learning from them.
I don't want to feel this way anon. I am just a sickness, a disease to her. Slowly killing her. But Its slowly kill me to
I cant force her to love me. A major point in my life is coming up (surgery) and she want be there to greet me. i have no one to greet me
she said straight up "nobody wants to be friends with someone who drowns in self-pity. thats all you talk about, negative stuff. and the positive stuff you do talk about is about your band and shit"
I am not strong enough to get past this feel

>>16526754
She's right and you're wrong.

You're not a sickness to her.
You're sickness to yourself.

You have to be someone worth being with.

That isn't being a sad sack who whines about being alone.

I know that kills you. I know that solitude is a dagger in your side.

But you have to realize that being pathetic isn't going to make her want you.

Fuck you little sister. You just leech off mom and dad and you never learn. You can't keep skipping school, you can't keep using your depression as an excuse, you can't keep seeing that guy because he'll just break up with you when he gets tired of you. You act like you're so mature but you can't even make good decisions on your own. Why are you still on your goddamn phone at this moment when you have school work that's been backed up while you've been in that crazy house that you still need to get done. I swear to mom does everything for you to try to help you get better but you don't even try to help yourself. And if you're gonna disrespect mom in front of me when you know she won't fight back, don't expect me to not stick up for her and make you even more "depressed." You were so smart every time I look at you all I see is wasted potential. Get off your lazy ass and get a grip on reality.

>>16526754
From the way you think and type, your lack of confidence is apparent. Work on it

Ugh... Finally, passed one part. Now I'll retake FARE which I have failed 5 times and I'm sure I'll pass this time. BUT FUCK, why does my hair has to start falling? I feel like I'm losing my young. I'm doing everything right, working, studying and going to the gym. I haven't got myself in a relationship because I now that I can't be there for some one right now, but what if when I'm ready I have lost my youth and it is hard to find some one. FUCK, WHY DO I HAVE TO SACRIFICE SO MUCH WHEN IM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT?

>>16526786
The only thing causing you pain is yourself.
Your desire for your gratification is what hurts you.

The Buddhists are right.
Desire is the sole source of suffering.

Tired of asking over and over again and having to re-explain my situation over and over again. Oh well, not worrying about it, you can figure it out yourself.

>>16526764
I'm sorry.

>>16526814
All pain is within yourself.
Therefore the key to freedom is already in your hands.

>>16526142

Thnx! For helping me understand.

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>>16526786
Embrace it

>>16526829
That's actually pretty reasonable.
Like you can do all of that in 2 hours

>>16525900

Sorry for being a dumb faggot. I almost killed myself again today but being a toxic shithead towards others that make me feel insecure saved my life today. I'll stop but I just can't help but shit on everyone even if the whole world now knows what kind of person I am.

Please forgive me everyone.

-J

>>16526664
i thought you two were just roleplaying but its obvious there is something fucking seriously strong there and id info was not fucking obvious like holy shit. that or you be trolling.

hoping for the first thing since you stopped my fucking lurk streak if not congratufuckinglations. dude is right about you breaking silence and looking for him here and then posting when hes about to peace out.

remember that part from the notebook? what do you want what do you want WHAT DO YOU WANT? think on that shit and go watch the fucking movie. fucking think of each other fucking gone completely because your both fucking posturing.

so fucking obvious and neither of you can just fucking say how badly you want each other. i swear to god if your trolling im going to find and kill you for making me tear up.

>>16526832
10km and 100 squats a day will take a lot out of you. It's not "impossible" though.

All I do is be a shithead on here. Sorry if you think anyone you is posting here it's just me as usual. I just hate everyone so I pretend to be them here even if they moved on to a better life.

J

>>16526142
This is one of those...so close it could be me...

Nah, I'm probably just being crazy.

>>16526922
I used to do 100 push ups and 100 sit ups when I went to sleep.

How much more can 100 squats before a regular run can be?

He's a super hero. I guess to Japs, that's superhuman

>>16526913
i gotta know what you feel when dude tells you he loves you 'despite it all'? at least fucking give me that.

>>16526941

You have a seriously weird obsession, if I was him I would run for the mountains too.

My attachment to you was unhealthy.
Like an addiction, you were never something I wanted nor expected.

But,
When we spoke it was as if your words were a stream that supplemented the nearly dried up pond of my existence.
Your hands, when grasping me, were holding together broken pieces of glass, yet did nothing to mend the cracks.
When you looked into my eyes I saw the deep awe you fell into; nobody has given me that look since.
I felt cherished without condition and for once had the courage to love someone with no remourse.
The passion that overwhelmed our thoughts bypassed the present issues and, as a result, we were blissfully unaware of all our incompatibilities.
More so, I don't think I was able to return the love I recieved in quite the way you wanted.
I am sorry.
It's been three months since and I still think about you every day.
I lace up my shoes and think of how you picked them out for me.
I consciously put on the shade of lipstick that you preferred.
I hear news and think of all the topics we discussed that are resolving and renewing.
And I wonder if I cross your mind, even if for a moment, on a daily basis as you cross mine.
I miss the passion.
I miss you.
I love you, deeply.
And I'm sorry it took you leaving for me to figure that out.

M.M

Fine i confess that i treat girlfriends/crushes/anyone id like to fuck different around my family not to take shit from them. like i remember having fun and instresting conversations with a girl i like at her party but treat her like a jackass (I use some jerk appeal to attract women but when in front of family it's to the point of ememy) to avoid bullshit about relationships.

I hate relationships. I just wanted a thing, and now that I'm in this all I want to do is fuck and get out. But I know that you really like me and idk how I feel about it

Do you ever feel like you past your prime like 10 years ago and now you're just waiting to die?

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I finally understand why I can't make any friends here. It's because the people here are different from the people I grew up with and am used to being around. The folks I grew up with were accepting, supportive, friendly, and understanding. The people here are judgmental, entitled, and quick to shun anyone who doesn't meet their expectations of an ideal human being. And why? How can the societies of two different places in the same country be so different? I just realized why.
As they grow up, the folks here never get any exposure to people who are different from them, which means that they never get any actual experience in accepting such people. More than 99% percent of the population is white, all the LGBT people never come out of the closet because they know they're just going to be shunned by everyone and their dog if they do, and everyone who sits on the autistic spectrum is totally isolated from everyone else in school. This means that as they grow, everyone is surrounded by people who are all exactly the same as them. Not only does this cause them to think that this is the norm and anyone who doesn't fit this archetype is an outsider and deserves to be treated like one, but it also deprives them of any chance to meet any "real" people, people who have lived outside of this bubble and have experienced what the "real" world is like, leading to superficial, almost fantasy-like expectations of life. That's not the case where I grew up. Back home, we shared neighborhoods and schools with people of all races and nationalities. Autistic kids went to the same schools as the neurotypicals, and no one was ever afraid to come out of the closet for fear of being shunned. We've learned to accept those who are different from us, and how to respect them as individuals no matter what they look like, or what they might seem like when we first meet them.
I do not fit into the archetype that the folks here believe in. That is why no one here is interested getting to know me.

FUCK YOU
I WORK TWO FUCKING JOBS AND TAKE THE BUS AND I'M ALWAYS FUCKING ON TIME.

BUT NO I LOVE WAITING IN 10 DEGREE WEATHER FOR ANOTHER FOURTY MINUTES BECAUSE YOUR SLOW ASS CAN'T FUCKING MAKE IT ON TIME WITH A CAR.
YOU FUCKING PRICK.
I WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO WORK LATE I HAVE A FUCKING INTERVIEW TOMORROW BUT IT'S JUST FUCKING FINE, I LOVE GETTING HOME AT MIDNIGHT
YOU
FUCKIN FUCK
FUCK

WHY IS NOBODY FUCKING PUNCTUAL JESUS FUCK IT'S RUDE

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Jesus Christ fucking kill me

>Been together with girl for 2 months
>She wants me to meet her family
>Her brother is 16
>He's a "memer"
>Saying nothing but fucking memes
>"That's so dank memes"
>"Dank top kek"
>"You mad bro?"
>"That's so troll face kek"
>Says "kek" after EVERYTHING
>Says "Kappa" and "Dank memes" with everything
>He wears homemade 4chan and Reddit shirts
>Makes me want to rip my fucking eyes out
>He's around us ALL.THE.TIME
>Tried telling her I hate her fucking brother
>In the nicest way I could
>And that we need to be alone more
>She tells me her brother has no friends and needs us
>MFW he showed up to our dinner date last night
>Wearing a fedora
>And a trench coat
>AND I SHIT YOU NOT ABOUT THIS NEXT THING
>Was wearing a shirt with fucking MOOT on it with the words 4CHAN above him

What the fuck do I do?!?

Two years with this woman and I just walked out. Glad I dodged a bullet before even getting married.

I love this place. Really. I'm feeling a lot of love here on this thread…

According to him, we can all thank J for that.

It's my 26th birthday today.
He knows it. I wonder if he will think of me today, and what those thoughts might be. I was supposed to be with you, but I'm not. All I can do is try not to think of you too much. 34 minutes in and so far it's not working.

Half eyebrows, large forehead, receding hairline, yellow teeth, big disfigured nose, baggy eyes, puffy hair, short, darker skin, just ugly as taught to me by society. I love sleeping, dreaming. It makes me skip reality for that much more. What is the point of everything, anything. I want to scream my lungs out. I want to cry. I want to punch until my knuckles bleed. I want to give up and just be. Every glimmer of hope drags me through all of this shit again. Momentary satisfaction followed by lasting suffering. sigh

>>16527066
>What the fuck do I do?!?

You've only been with her for two months. Now imagine spending the rest of your life around this person, and even sheltering him, "because he needs us!" This is a relationship between two people but she's always going to let him tag along.

>>16527088
I'm 26 too.
All I can say is that no one cares

No one notices.

What are you going to do now?

You're halfway dead.
How are you going to make it worth it?

>>16527093
Don't know. My living situation is pretty emotionally horrific. I'm more than comfortable but it comes at the price of my freedom. All I want in the world is a love that consumes me. I don't care about making money, social status, or changing the world. I just want that passion back.

>>16527081
Dodged a bullet? Why?

K

I'm sorry I couldn't prevent it. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better help afterward. I'm sorry I made demands, I just hoped it'd give you an out.

I want you to know I feel more horrible about it than you know. I didn't find out until spring break, which is why I confronted you there, but you were stranded in that shithole until graduation. I wanted to drive down right away, but figured I'd only worsen your situation since you had no alternatives.

I knew something had happened; I woke up that day, February 6, and knew that even a simple 'hi'
text would help you out. I ignored my gut, left you floundering and alone, because I was afraid I was wrong. I wish I was. I cannot forgive myself for not being there for you.

He's a disgusting person, and I wish you could realize that you can do better than him. It was all I could do to civilly sit near him during your party; I did not want to cause a scene in front of your relatives.

I want a chance to tell you sorry, and sorry again, and I want you to at least understand I know what kind of person he is, that he is not a good person. I'm sorry I did not text you right away.

i haven't left my house in almost a week cause i chemically burned the bottom of my chin like 5 days and it looks fucking terrible im hoping by next week it heals up cause fuck it hurts right now and fucking sucks. haven't talked to anyone in days and feel miserable

We were supposed to go on a date soon. No longer... And maybe not ever. I dont even care... but I totally do. Youch. This stings like a flu shot.

>>16527100

Not putting personal info here. Just using the thread for what it's intended for.

>>16527091
>>16527091

FUCK.THAT.SHIT

You're totally right, I'm going to tell her that if she doesn't tell him to fuck off and spend more time alone with me, I'm going to have to leave her, her brother has mental problems, and I'm not going to be a fucking babysitter for him.

Holy fuck I don't know how to handle life right now. Maybe I'm doing this to procrastinate on my excel graph but I don't give a fuck I've been feeling shitty for weeks.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, I tend to try and be a happy guy. I want to get out of this slump and let people be happy. I don't want to end up drinking my life away or getting high to make the pain go away but I can't take it anymore
The only reason I'm still in school right now is because I'm already paying to go on a out of country trip for my useless major. I'm thinking about dropping out so I can repair air conditioning units.
I want to give up on finding a significant other. I feel like it's never going to happen. I know I'm only 20 going on 21 but holy fuck do I feel lonely. I'm surrounded by people and plenty of members of the opposite sex, but I feel so alone. I feel trapped. I want to leave but I know I can't. It's eating me inside. I don't know what to do. I want to just quit and go away. I don't want to be that guy that runs away from his problems but I don't think I can take it anymore. I think I'm going to crack and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I want help. I want to be fixed but I can't describe what's wrong.
I'm incredibly insecure and I want to fix that. Even now I'm thinking to apologize to anonymous strangers on the internet whom I will never meet for how long my post is talking about my feelings. How insecure is that?
People say I have too high standards. I don't think my standards are that high. Every time I think I've found someone compatible I always get hurt. Every time I've ever gotten so close to one I get hurt. They cut me off. We start to argue more than what's worth. Holy fuck she was my friend but I just couldn't stand how much we argued. All I wanted to do was vent to her but whenever I wanted to vent it just became an argument of who's day was shittier. I just wanted help. She was there when my uncle died. I think thats when I started breaking

>>16527236
He was savant. He was so innocent and pure. He was just Uncle R. I can't deal with it. Christmas will never be the same without him shuffling around the house hiding candy in his hoodie pocket. She sat there and watched me cry. I couldn't cry, I couldn't let anyone see me cry. Even at his memorial service I hated myself for crying. But she saw it. She didn't see the incredible amount of sobbing I did in my truck. The impotent rage I screamed in my truck. But she saw the two tear drops run down my face and I think that was enough.
I'm so ashamed of myself. I work so hard but I don't think it's going to be worth anything soon. My major is useless. I'm never going to make it. I'm going to be forced to have to settle for some girl and live a mediocre life. But I don't know what else I can do. I don't think I can make it. I don't know if I can handle it. What are the odds of me actually going into the job I've dreamed about since I was three years old? I don't have the money. I wanted to join the military so I could at least have some kind of life experience that would look good. But even that has been just as inflated as college degrees. But I can't do that anyway because epilepsy killed it. I can't do anything because of it. I can't go to concerts to enjoy my favorite artists, I can't go to carnivals with my friends. I feel so held back. I feel like a burden to everyone around me. We all have to wait up because of Anon. We all need to compensate for anon fucking up. I don't know how it happens. I just wanted to make everyone happy but it's not working. I feel like nothing is working. The life I've set to dream is exactly a dream and isn't realistic. It's just a dream. I've prided myself on doing what it takes to get to that dream, but I don't know if I can face it. I don't know if I'd even be good at it. I'm mediocre. I'm not even mediocre. I've failed. I failed my Uncle. I failed my friends. I've failed my parents. I've failed myself. I don't know

I just want a girlfriend. someone to talk shit with about friends, life, and general. who has some shared hobbies. isn't politically correct or 420, liberal. Ocasionaly feel each other up and then some.

Women in UK are ugly and feel entitled.

>>16527268

Women are just entitled in general.

These last 4 months as a NEET have been the most miserable and loneliest months of my whole life. I used to think I didn't need any friends or family, now I can't wait to get a job or go back to study something just to socialize with people, maybe make some friends and go see my relatives on Christmas. I also hated when my mom was around home, but now I just can't wait until she gets back from work, every single day. I'm so lonely and bored sometimes I just call her to work with the excuse that I need her to buy me something when in fact I just want to talk to somebody, that or I just post on /adv/. I'm so scared of life.

I'm just waiting for the day I snap and don't care about who it hurts. I'm so sick of disappointment, after disappointment, after disappointment. I'm so tired of interacting with new people, all they do is fucking hurt, I don't to interact with anyone anymore. I'm so tired of this, yet I am so extremely lonely. What did I do to deserve this? I'm a good person. Please, I can't handle this for much longer. I really can't.

I can't handle life anymore.

T

please someone just kill me

>>16526097
Nah senpai, she would have to be 500% autistic to think what she's doing is anything close to attractive/jel inducing
My question was if I'm a fag for putting up with it as its easier than saying its a boring topic

Someone fucking drop a nuclear bomb right now. I'm tired of waiting to use my bugout bag and rifles. Not to mention the thirty grand I spent constructing this bitching fall out shelter. WW3 soon you slow fuckers.

>>16527313
I'm with you man. I've been thinking a lot about killing myself lately. I'm immensely depressed, but the thing is, I don't want to kill myself because I'm depressed, I want to kill myself because I don't want to live with this bull shit anymore. What's the point of living? In the end we all die. Our memories, thoughts, feelings; all turn to dust. None of it matters, and it would be better than having to deal with all the shit life throws at you. I know why people call it the easy way out, because it is. And I don't see any reason not to take it.

Let's all kill ourselves at exactly at 12:00am on jan1st 2016. I'm tying a noose around my neck so I grow taller when I'm dead. I won't be a manlet when I'm dead too.

>>16527337
Yea but if life were easy there would be no point in living it. Don't you want to overcome obstacles and endure hardship so you can reflect on your death bed and think "that was my only shot at existence, but at least I made something of it"?

Life may have no intrinsic meaning but that doesn't mean you can't make your own

Living life is for idiots only the smart ones kill themselves.

>>16527351
This board is full of stupid teenagers.
You don't have to be dumb to be happy. Though it certainly helps, plenty intelligent people would rather go on living.
Suicide-inducing intelligence is the top 0.001%, and if you're an intellectual titan I'd doubt you'd be spending time here

>>16527346

>tfw 450lbs

I can't even get neck gains even if I wanted to hang myself. This is bullshit.

>>16527348
In all honesty, no. Why over come life's hard ships? Why pat myself on the back and tell myself I did great? No one gives a shit. Whether I die in 70 years in my sleep or die of exposure in a gutter, I'm dead. My achievements won't matter, my family won't matter, my friends won't matter. None of it. Because I'm dead. The world goes on with or without me. Plenty of people have died and the world still turns. I can pretend life means something, and give it some personal value. I can also take a turd and pretend it means something, and give it personal value. But in the end, its just a turd.

I wish you didn't leave my life as fast as you came into it. After everything I have been through, it simply solidified the fact that good things aren't meant to stay in my life. There's no point in coveting something good, when it'll cause you pain later on. Whatever, fuck everyone. And if you ask me what is wrong one more time, I will snap. You know what's wrong.

I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF AND THERE'S NO ONE ON ADV THAT CAN CHANGE MY MIND. PULL THE PLUG HIROHITO.

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CC,

You're the kind of asshole who steals someone's wallet. You are a shitbag. I'm glad you're a snoopy shit though because it helped me kind find out my neighbors were actually fucking with me and I wasn't legally insane. Also kind of helped me narrow down who was and wasn't lying through their teeth at the time.


CJ,

You're a lying sack of shit. But your lying snoopy shitbag self also helped me figure some shit out that may or may not have been going on.


JS,

You are objectively the worst person I've had the displeasure of knowing. Like literally the most ungrateful degenerate I've known.


CG,

You were a good and fair employer that worked with the hand he was dealt.


JL/WN,

Fuck you guys.


Shitbag that spiked my drink,

Fuck you, shitbag. I know it was you.


Whichever neighbor was fucking with me with speakers or what the fuck ever,

Get fucked.


LE,

You're so nice, thank you for asserting your vulture like presence when I take a cab to another town to try and find a hotel to escape what was legally a situation involving both harassment and abuse. I feel like a special little snowflake with special secret service protection, almost like that character Kevin in SpongeBob.
[seriously though] I definitely DO NOT feel like I was targeted by grey area law enforcement tactics. [/definitley not sarcasm]


McDonald's night crew,

First time the fries were all cold, and all over the bottom of the mother fucking bag. French fries belong upright in the mother fucking carton or container, the carton is not supposed to be upside down, and the french fries are not supposed to be all over the bottom of the bag. French fries DO NOT belong on the bottom of the bag.
Then I asked for a value fry, and you gave me the medium. This is ok, but please, stop fucking with my french fries. Give me the correct order of mother fucking french fries.


Sincerely,
Pablo Escabar

Fuck off Pablo Faggotino,

Sincerely,
Everyone

>>16527372

Fuck off Trump

I want to take trenbolone until I die because I hate my life, but I also want to be muscular before I kick the bucket.

I told one of my instructors that I had aspirations to teach something Humanities-related when he asked me. I realized today that I wanted to teach English in another country, because I love teaching people. He essentially told me that if I did it, there would be a high chance of me not making it, and me becoming an adjunct professor in some shithole. I'm actually anxious about this for the first time in my life, because I immediately had my hopes dashed after finding out what I wanted to do with for the rest of my life. I'm just sitting here now, feeling completely directionless over what he said to me.

i think somebody is planning my kidnapping/murder..

Why do I get the feeling that in a week or so you're going to message me and ask "you done being mad?" Or something?

Oh, right, because of your track record with me. And you know what I'll ask? "Are you ready to grow up?"

I'm two pages away from completing my research paper and I've got writers block. I'm only going to get three hours of sleep at this rate.

i've wanted to break up with you for years but it's been so long since i've been alone and i'm too afraid of what life will be like without you.

>>16527444
Emily?

I JUST WANNA TALK FFS

I literally have no desire to make friends or have a relationship.

>>1652590
abracadrabra!

>>16527527
nope. not her.

i'm calling the police for stalking if i see that car parked watching me where it has no reason to be sitting, one more time.

I used to like kids, but my job at the daycare has really made me reconsider having them. I fucking hate them now. I love my niece and nephew, but the rest are horrible little shits and their parents are even worse. I'm tired of having to cater to psycho ass moms and their mistakes. yeah, your bf nutted in you raw, doesn't make your demon child a special snowflake.

>>16525900
I fell in love with the gf of a friend, she fell with me too.

I already have a gf

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I feel like we're only together, because we're too ugly and retarded to find other people that aren't serial killers or even uglier (shudder).

I know you'd ditch me for your favorite athletes or that hunk from Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" video. It hurts to know that, not because I give a fuck about you but because it reminds me how much of a loser I am. I don't blame you though. I'd fucking dump your ass in a heartbeat for some of the celebrities I like.

I can't wait to see you tomorrow <3 I knew after all these years, we were meant to be together. You are perfect for me. Fuck it, you are perfect. I want kids with you, I want you to marry me like you said.

My friend died in a car accident in September. I messaged her twice after I last saw her, which was three years ago. Once to try and get laid, and another when I just said what's up. I thought she ignored both, so I just stopped talking. I found out the messages were never read after reinstalling fb after years. Now I just feel like shit for not trying to keep in touch harder. I don't blame her for not trying to contact me though, she would like stuff and leave comments now and then.

How do I know if the hard work is gonna pay off? What if it just ends up being wasted effort?

I was sexually assaulted by a woman a couple of years ago and I haven't been able to have relationships with women since because I don't trust them. What do?

Yeah, I miss you. I really wanted to see you

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I think I'm developing a crush on a guy I really dislike. He's an asshole and condescending and not even that attractive, but I think about him at the most inappropriate times for reasons that have nothing to do with him, and in a positive way. I never talked to him all that much, maybe like 4 times in the span of 3 years. It's a bit scary if you ask me. I want it to stop. Good thing I'm an ugly underage looking girl, I have no chance with anyone so it spares me the trouble of trying to hang out with him more or anything else.

I hope someone would love an awkward weirdo like myself.

Guys all ackward weirdos assemble and kill themselves at 12:00am on Jan 1st 2016. Make sure you all bring nooses so you don't die as manlets.

>>16528007

I'm already dead anon I just came to say hello.

I'm the biggest failure ever, I'm below average at everything and I think it's not my fault. I really want to destroy the world and get back at my bad luck or God or whatever caused it.

>>16528133

Just to add: not only am I a hateful faggot that but I'm just a shitty person to be around in general. I gossip like a bitch and talk shit. I hate religious people and everything around me. I'm a dumb faggot.

I am so tired of this

I don't know what I want

I don't understand

I don't want to work
I don't want to talk to people
I don't want friends
I don't want to see family

If I had the means, being a shut in would be great

I don't know what went wrong when in my life but I can't bond with other people

I don't think I'm capable of love

Even being in relationships, everything I feel really is so selfish and shallow

I didn't believe that for a long time but it just keeps presenting itself

I can't get over my pet being dead. Even that, I realize, has been selfishness. I am only upset for my own loss

I don't want to die but I don't understand the point of living. I can't imagine anything that would be fulfilling

I work and I socialize and I exercise and I travel and it's all so shallow. I make up goals and I fight for them and I get what I want but there's no reason to

People are starting to realize how selfish and uncaring I am, too. They haven't said much but I see themselves slowly distancing. I can find new people so that's not really the problem, but I don't know if it's even worth doing

My current s/o is growing tired of it, too. I don't know any more what she thought I was. She spent so much time acting like it didn't matter if I was this way, I've forgotten what qualities I'm supposed to personify. Of course she isn't pleased with it, in the back of her head she must know I'm too shallow to give her a 'real' relationship. Which sounds so 3edgy5me

I wish I believed there was something more after death, some high or some thrill or just freedom from this endless loop my life has been

New identity. New self. New idea. New people. Get caught being selfish. Start new. Rinse repeat. Rinse repeat. Rinse repeat

Fucking hell

I really don't get it, what is point of all of this? What do you expect me to do? What do you expect me to become? A comedian? lol. Are you giving me a job out of charity or something? What kind of job are we even talking about? Are you gonna put me in fucking training or what? It all sounds like a great ride but I have no idea how it's supposed to work.

Should I treat this as an investment? Or the opposite? Oh god please, give me just a tip. Tell me what I need to do exactly$. If you don't think this can work we really shouldn't drag this out any longer, this is freaking torture. Though I must admit it can be quite exciting heheh :)

Autism

>Einstein and Newton had signs of autism

They ruined this earth.

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>>16526913
As one of those involved in that exchange, all I can say in response to your post is pic related.

You are far too invested. Let me guess, you recently had a relationship end, poorly, you were drinking last night, and watching The Notebook? I thought my life was depressing, lol.

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here, but you need to tone it down, seriously. I am not going to watch The Notebook, get it together, brother.

I used to be strong and very motivated but lately I'm getting weaker and unmotivated. I tell my self I need to be the best because I'm going to join the marines but I'm not and I. I've always used the marines to motivate me in the past but lately I'm depressed because I've work insanly hard to become strong and ready but now since wrestling started(this is my first time ever doing wrestling and I'm a junior in high school) I'm losing all the strength I've worked for

>>16528274

The whole post was made by one of those Gay J's again.

>>16527444

Hello

I feel like my life is falling apart. I really enjoy learning and being in uni but at the same time it takes me a lot of studying to properly commit stuff to memory or figure out written instructions that aren't simple because of assburgers and other developmental disorders I've been diagnosed with.
I want to continue at uni and get my degree but I know that if I end up failing another year, this time with support/tutoring etc, then I will end up having to drop out and will definitely kill myself rather than go back on jsa. (I came very close to doing so during my gap year before uni where I was trying to decide what the fuck to do with my life).

I just wish I was a savant at something at least but I'm destined to be low-skilled and useless despite being really enthusiastic and loving the material I'm studying.

I know why, but I do not think you do.

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Saw my cousins briefly today, when I was running an errand in the city where they live in.
I came to visit them for about a half a hour, before I had to head to my train back home.

It was pretty nice. When I knocked on the door, the younger girl came to open it, and immediately rushed to hug me when I stepped in. I watched tv a bit with them, and she came to sit on my lap, and held my hand the entire time. She also pleaded me to stay longer, but alas, I could not, even though I would have loved to. Thankfully I'll see the girls again soon, due to upcoming holidays.
I also asked them what they would like to get for Christmas presents, though I didn't really get solid answers other than chocolate.

God I love those two girls so much. Just seeing them smile makes me so damn happy.

>>16528563
Why what?

Brian,

Fuck off with your autism and psychopathy and learn to say sorry for encouraging disgusting behaviors against your friends who changed for the better.

Thanks now you can all fuck off.

J

I'm not a monster. At least I don't think so. I was in a bad place, but I've changed, moved on, right? I'm a good guy, right? right? I have trouble expressing myself sometimes, but... I'm not the worst kind of man. I know that at least.

>>16528583
Can't tell if this is just normal, or trolling, or pedo...

>>16527778
Learn to understand that not everyone is like that. Maybe go to a support group or read some advice for rape victims online. You just gotta learn to trust.

>>16527673
>yeah, your bf nutted in you raw, doesn't make your demon child a special snowflake.
kek

>>16528754

If this is you Brian, get a life. This is sad and pathetic.

I just want a boyfriend. I know relationships aren't everything in life and I'm only 18 but would be so nice to just have someone to talk to, to watch tv and movies with, talk about stuff, learn stuff from each other, to have someone to love and fuck. Would be nice to just have someone to chill and fuck and love basically. Maybe I am actually just a total chubby loser since I can't find anyone, but my mum says I'm cool.

aaand I'm again in this thread.
I think I'm insecure as fuck and attention whore in a way.
I just want someone to ask me how I'm feeling but the thing is IRL friend asked me a week ago how I'm feeling and I said "okay" and he asked if I'm sure and I said "yeah". maybe it's because I don't really trust him but in a way I want someone who I could trust but I know it will be comfortable as fuck to tell someone IRL what bothers me so I try to do it on internet or IRC.
so I talked a lot with a girl I met on IRC and developed "feelings" for her. well I thought about it a bit and came to conclusion that I only want her because I could talk with her and maybe trust her and she might like me, but is that love? I don't know if I need someone to love me or just someone who I can trust. anyway I became a bit obsessed with her I think, I lurk on IRC a lot just to see when she comes online and then I read what she types which is pretty fucking autistic probably. I even quick check IRC while I watch series just to be sure.
last thing is I don't know if I want to kill myself or not, I keep it in my head, thinking of it as a possible viable option but I hope something bad would happen so I would have excuse to just do it. on the other hand I don't want to do it because it would probably devastate my mom and brother and sisters. honestly I don't want to kill myself but to stop existing like I never happened. self-loathing also doesn't help. even if I play a game, like LoL I feel bad when we lose thinking that I should do more.
so yeah that's it I think

>>16528757
Why would that be either trolling or pedo?

>>16528804
L O N D O N
O
N
D
O
N

Brian,

Snap the fuck out of your assholery towards your friends who changed for the better stop posting here and work for a better future.

>>16528819

Knowing him he'll just make an excuse and blame others so he can't own up to his own responsibilities in life.

>>16528757
>>16528757
That's cousin-lover m8, he's a pedo who has obesses over his underage cousins, is romantically in love with them and wanked to them too. So yeah, it's pretty much as pedo as it gets

Dating a cute humble middle-eastern lady would be nice. How am I going to make that happen?

She's fucking beautiful.

When in front of family i treat the girls i like like shit but when alone i treat them like friends.

she's really pretty. I'm intimidated. I shouldn't be. I avoid eye contact. I avoid conversation. She's just a regular person..but she's so confident - pretty - elegant. She's judging me. She asks me something. I get caught off guard. I have nothing to say. I awkwardly squeeze some words out. She thinks I'm weird. I feel awkward as fuck. This is very uncomfortable. My heart races. My skin/face gets hot. I walk away.
I'm a pussy.
I'm an introvert.
I suck with conversation with people I don't know. For some reason words only come out when I genuinely admire someone and they admire me.

I want to stop caring about what people think.

I can't.

20 years alive and I still can't.
I'm getting lonely. If I'm in a real good mood it all goes way. I'm 9/10 never in a good mood. The girl i first kissed/fucked was someone that made me feel even worse about myself. Never had a girlfriend.

Doubt is my worst enemy, I am my worst enemy. I just want to give my life to someone with cancer and end this torture. I torture myself and I can't seem to stop. It's like a ghost in the back of my brain fucking controlling my thoughts.

Why do I wan't to be different so bad in the first place? This is how I am, this is how I was born. Shouldn't I just accept myself as a person?

nO. You fucking pathetic piece of shit.

I want to be like everyone else but I can't.
I just fucking can't.

Maybe if I shoot myself I'll shoot the ghost in there too

it's not OCD to not want a stack of dishes in the sink two feet tall. OCD would be, well firstly there wouldn't be dishes in the sink, but if my theoretical OCD allowed me to allow dishes in the sink I would make you stack them just so and arrange all bits of food left on them in grid patterns... next to the faucet... by food type.

OCD is not expecting you to pick your stuff up after you use it and have it spread all across three surfaces and the floor.

OCD is not expecting you to pick up your trash that you throw on the floor at least within like 3-4 days depending on how annoying it is. OCD would be demanding that you fold all trash into an origami swan and place it exactly in the middle of the floor using a tape measure and several lasers to determine the exact center to within 1 mm... and then make it perfectly level.

I wish sometimes i was more stupid, the search for knowledge has made it hard to feel happy

Ignorance is a bliss

>>16528818
I wish I was in London

She's really pretty but doesn't care enough about herself. I know her for 2 months now, she's near perfect only if she took a bit more care of herself. She buys low brand clothes and doesn't really care about looking attractive. She is though and she is by no means unhygenic.

I on the other hand buy branded clothes only and I do care very much about my physical appearance. It doesn't bother me as of now because I think she can be changed a little bit.

Your thoughts?

>>16528892
That's really just social anxiety and a bit of putting some girl on the pussy pedestal i suggest you workout by lifting weights and slowly have less and less social a anxiety. if you kill yourself she won't come to your funeral especially if gossip occurs that you obssesed with her.

I don't think I ever come across right. I don't have any crazy expectations from you. I just wanted you to know that you mean more to me than some cheap hour or something. I would never ask you to do anything crazy. I don't exactly know what to do with all this. I should have not said anything. I feel like crap about it now. I'll leave you alone & hope you will talk eventually.

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>>16528916
>I on the other hand buy branded clothes only
>Your thoughts?

>>16528916
try to change her in subtle ways, what else can you do?

I'm getting that brokerage job
I'm getting a nicer place
I'm getting a girlfriend
I'm fixing my car
I'm going to make enough money to be comfortable, and by comfortable I mean be able to take vacations in exotic places, have that ferrari I always wanted, a decent house.

thats how this is gonna go. you with me life? for once, are you with me on how this is gonna go? cause we both know that even if things go ridiculously rough I'm just gonna keep going. so you can be with me, or we can just do things slower, yet inevitably. no more lemons now.

>>16528925

Ye well, that's how I am

>>16528928

As of this moment she's the dominant and I'm afraid she won't let herself be changed that much. It will require much effort and even more subtetly to do so.

>>16528916
who gives a fuck what she wears so long as she doesn't look like a hobo? even then, I mean hobo-chic is kind of a thing.

does she shower?
does she do basic like, grooming stuff?
if yes, who gives a shit about clothes? she saves money you idiot. she's apparently smart and rational too.

>>16528947

Yes, that's how I'm starting to think as well. I just have this cramp in me, keeping up appearances and shit. It's probably my parents and my environment who raised me more like an elitist and snobbish retard. I'm beginning to snap out of it though

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>>16528969

I don't know what to fucking do.

We broke up like 2 years ago. I moved away shortly after. So far away. But we've stayed in close contact. A few blips here and there, but we've always reconciled. We're able to talk almost every day. I've loved you this whole fucking time.

And last week, you revealed to me that you had feelings for me, and you've been really frustrated recently because you can't be with me. I didn't know what to say. So I didn't really say anything. We just went on as normal. As much as I fucking love you, I don't know what to do. Everyone shits on long distance relationships, and shit, we have no means of seeing each other in person for at least a year at the bare minimum.

I'm terrified. I've never felt this way before. I'm fucking stuck. I don't know what the fuck to do.

I don't really want to be alive, but I'm engineered for ambivalence and self doubt. I'm toying with the idea of suicide. I know how I'd do it. But unfortunately it's also clear I won't ever be able to.

I've got too many problems. The demands of the last decade or so of my life have left me with a lot of problems in how my mind actually works. I can't tell the difference between progressive brain damage, and iterative self limitation. It might be both, it might be neither, but adapting to the demands of my environment (and body) is what made me. And these are useful things. They're all I know, moving apart from it is unnerving and slow because I'm throwing away my sense of invulnerability and safety. The only shit that kept me going and functional. I don't want to get too metacognitive and psychologically deep about it. That's a black box that seems to make more problems when you open it than when it's just left alone.

Just a moment ago, for the first time in years, I hit a familiar problem. Something awful. Something I hate, something that disgusts me and makes me rather put a bullet through my head than keep going. I'm watching an interview and an hour later, somehow, my mind synchronized with the primary speaker. More or less my verbalization and thinking patterns began to mimic them, it felt foreign. Because it is foreign, it's not me, and it makes it difficult to reason or collect oneself because you're rendered an empty shell. A hollow man. I know why I built this, I know why I work this way, but I thought I got rid of it. I feel myself slipping back into losing touch with "reality" and finer grained mental self control, whatever that means.
[...]

>>16526422
You'll hate him eventually. Just go for her. Life is short.

>>16529000
I don't need it or want it, but I can't control it. It's as though my core self was yanked out and replaced with another earlier version, and it's struggling reintegrate its outdated beliefs with present knowledge. Why? What is the point? Give me me back. I'm 22. Can't reason my way out because I can't remember anything. No information in my head feels natural. That makes it useless. That makes me useless. That makes me feel vulnerable. Then the anxiety rises. Then the panic.

My mind was solid and usable but mere hours ago. Now it's all gone and I'm someone else. This differs from typical moods, shifts of emotional states, gradients, etc. I need to find work, but I can't bring myself to even write a resume. What do I put on it? All the nothing I've done, and all the credentials I don't meaningfully possess? Give me that trivial minimum wage paying job you need done and fuck off, why do I even need a resume? All I really want to do is reverse engineering, of any and all sorts. But health problems, chronic pain, etc. And I only learned how to think, not how to actually do anything. It's not like when I was a child. I can't just sit down and learn something, pull things apart, break it down into elements, transform those concepts, make them abstract, translate them into other things and understand their function in a grander sense. Learning fluidly and by natural empirical discovery is no longer easy. I just don't have the mind available. I'm either focused on ignoring pain, or psychologically burdened by other things. Or just plain weaving around mental walls I made myself.

Just kill me already. Every day is miserable hell, and most of it comes from inside.

>>16526543
Stop being a fucking cunt

>>16526485
you can be my friend anon im only 18 but shit we could chat whenever. also there probably is something you like out there right? Just do it. Also I too thought I had a close friend since first grade. In like 10th grade he wouldnt even pick up his phone to go out. I felt sad af but I got over it with time. You will too.

>>16528969
I feel ya, there's a difference between keeping up appearances and being obsessive about it though. like I keep up appearances fairly well (even if life gets shitty there's no reason I have to look and feel like it), but I'm not going to reject a relationship because she doesn't wear branded clothes.

Lurking on this board makes me feel better about my current situation.

>had job, dont anymore
>currently broke and friendless
>looking for jobs
>everywhere either says no or doesnt reply
>about to get kicked out of home soon for not working

For the first time in my life, I feel like the problem cant be fixed by myself

>>16529053
Makes me regret when I was 16-18 and worried about girl problems

>>16528814
Pedo, obviously, as trolling has to be ruled out due to deadpan seriousness, and cousinlover's time investment.

You are joking I hope?

He is a pedo so deeply closeted that many of us seriously worry about these children.

I'm writing because I'm sitting on the bus and I wanted to write. I'm taking inventory. Two possible meth heads, though they seemed nice to be methed up, just left. Now there are four of us. We're probably all heading to the mall.

I like to sit in the row behind the person furthest back. I like to watch everyone. I have always liked doing so. I don't know what I hope to accomplish. Mission one is to acquire fare for the ride home, maybe pasta sauce. Then, who knows. Food, buy a dress, anything goes. Maybe get some Christmas shopping done and be at the bus stand by 8:15.

Right, the characters on the bus. An older lady, short, short hair. A young guy, blond, probably middle twenties like me, smiled at me when I boarded, and a black gentleman who is probably forty.

No one talks. Blond looks at his shoes, out the window. Older lady dozes on and off. Maybe she's going home and lives near the mall, works downtown.

Me? I'm a girl in a red plaid ski jacket and a Bears hat. Not exciting.

>>16529262
Are you one of those people that think looking at a girl the wrong way is basically rape?

>>16529334
hownu.ru?

No, I believe rape is sex without consent, and no, drunk, or regret sex is not rape.

Feel free to go through the 4plebs archives of this thread, and read cousinlover's posts. You'll understand, soon enough.

>>16529334
I'm pretty sure this is the same guy who regularly calls cousin out on "fapping" to them once. And no, many of us aren't worried about them. Dude has good paternal instincts and I don't think it's that unhealthy. What's unhealthy is that for some reason, surely upbringing, he's scared to admit to it. Surely he would if he felt safe to, but I bet there is a real reason.

Things I like about you:
Your soft hair
Your soft skin
Your body
Your clothes
The way you looked at me when I first met you

The things I hate about you:
Your blank eyes
Your sullen pout
The way you looked at me when you kicked me out

>>16528804
pic?

This seems to be the corner that god has forgotten.
What a wonderfull world full of psychos, depressed people and fat women.


You all don´t have problems, you are the problem.

>>16529654
hi cousinfapper

>>16529698
Female, not fat. Psycho and depressed, yeah.

I'm lonely but it is just a fantasy, I know if I get into a relationship Ill get bored or be even more miserable because I hate women beyond a friendly level.

I have just realized we will not be together on New Year's Eve...

My lips will not be on yours, when the ball drops.

>>16529654
The most problematic thing about cousinfapper is that he openly admitted that he's in love with his underage cousins. Like, romantically. Cause they were first girls in his life who liked him or somr shit. It's not parental love, or bro love or whatever. Mind you, being in love with sb implies you desire them sexually too. If you applaud adult men being in love with 11 years olds (and family members at that), it's your thing. Most ppl tho think it's peculiar, creepy or flat-out dangerous.

Today was awesome
I got a $10 tip for my service, got another job, got my hat in the mail and got my dab pen for puffing on the go.

Alright, so here's my story:
Pretty smart fellow, not genius level or anything, but I'd say a little bit above above-average. Go to Uni right out of high school, don't really know what I want to be, so experiment for first two years with different majors (engineering, computer science, mathematics, etc). Can't seem to find one that catches my eye. Go into full on depression mode after second year (parents divorce, bullshit misdemeanor charges being held over my head, lack of human companionship in over 4 years, not knowing what I'm doing with my life, etc). Pretty much fail last two semesters except for a couple classes. Decide to drop out, lay low for a while until I can beat my depression.
Now it's a year later and in the best mental shape I've ever been, execpt for the one looming fact that the last two semesters at Uni fucked up my chances on getting back using financial aid (was getting a full ride before).
Currently working as a manager in a casual restaurant making 9.10 USD an hour. Am given roughly 40+ hours per week, but that is only because I am available all day/every day. Easiest job I've ever worked and they also give me free food on the days I work, yet still severely underpaid. Have tried taking on a second job, but every time I do this restaurant cuts my hours in half and threatens to demote me.
So my current position: getting slowly more and more depressed every day, because saving up to go back to Uni (or at least to a community college) is practically impossible with only getting about 300 USD in saving money a month. Have been growing more and more shut-in over the course of this timeline because I feel like a failure. Well at least writing this makes me feel a little better.

My girlfriend is driving me insane, my grandfather is dying of Parkinson's, and chances are I'll end up with it too. She doesn't know that he's dying, or how bad he's been getting (nearly 200 pills a day just to stay calm/mobile), and he's convinced that the two of us are getting married, so I can't break it off. I feel trapped, and afraid, and alone, and every time that I'm by myself I close my eyes and wish that the entire world would just stop so that I could breathe. I lay in bed at night, and listen to her snore, and feel my left hand twitch, and deep down I feel like nothing is ever going to get better.

I'm a hardcore fan with FF8, so many times I would even try to escape reality with lucid dreaming, I would be in Balamb Garden where I would often train with Zell in the training center and help Selphie with the Garden Festival, but one day as I was talking to Selphie, we went to my dormitory for a private talk. She immediately said, "You know you could live with us forever.." I gave her a confused look and she continued, "We understand that you live on earth and you REALLY wish to live here". I then said "How..How did you know?" She then giggled and said "Because we've been watching you, silly!"

This was a dream come true and I almost cried right there. She then said, "I talked with Headmaster Cid and he agreed that you would be PERFECT for SeeD, you just have to do...one thing". She then held my hand and looked deep into my eyes and said "...You have to kill yourself for the transfer to work correctly." I then gave her some questions, "How long do I have before the deal expires?" She then said "Cid said 3 months.." I added by saying "What's the most painless way?..." She giggled again, "Suicide will require pain buuut...if you want it quick...Get a gun and a nice shot to the head works.

I then agreed and she gave me a kiss on the forehead, "I know this will be tough but once it's over and done, you'll get to live here!" I then woke up and this was last week and i purchased a gun. I might actually kill myself because that dream just felt too real to be fake and my life isn't doing so grand.

>>16529929
Thanks, Anon, as I am grinning from ear-to-ear, and needed that.

I love animals. I want to be eaten by animals.

>>16527059
Ten degree weather is not even cold... Ungrateful bitch at least you got a ride in a car somewhere. I walk everywhere bc I can't afford a car

>Senior prom coming up
About to break my dads heart when he realizes I don't have a freind in the world to go with desu

Times like these I think I should drink heavier

>>16528895
Thanks Anon this is a funny/cute read

>>16525900
Ok.
>Gf is hot af 9/10 tbqh senpai.
>she's controlling and jealous as in if I say hi to any other female but her she is pissed for the day
>we've been dating for 3 years
>used to love her intensely but her controlling nature is really killing it
>her parents think we are getting married
>her edge of death grandparents think we are getting married
>one side of her family has a history of violence and jail
>she seems like the type to lie to her family and say I raped her (yes we have sex regularly I mean come on 9/10 I do smash)
>all consensual
>she's known as a good girl and an honest one so anything she says around my small town could end me
>I feel stuck in this and if I end it something will either physically happen to me or people will outright hate me
>lay in bed at night and regret asking her out
>only source of stress in my life is her
>as I'm typing this she's texting me asking why I haven't replied in 3 minutes, all caps paragraphs
>8 messages in 3 minutes
>help

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>takes personality test when teen
>score intj
>assume it's a pointless broken system
>became socializing genius
>truely loves helping the people
>supports the community
>does so much charity
>married soulmate
>took test again hoping for a more "people pleasing trait" after so many life changes
>not as cynical
>friendly and open minded
>above sarcasm
>still gets intj

>>16529719
I am in a similar situation, and had not realized this, nor was I ready.

You bastard...

I'm really sad that I won't get to see you until Saturday. I can't wait and am loosing sleep

Hate how my facial hair grows back so quickly. It doesn't look good, fuck off already.

>>16529720
>Mind you, being in love with sb implies you desire them sexually too.
Says who?

Dude, I hate how my country is sucking at everything, how my university was taken over by students because they aren't paying outsourced workers and students on financial aid (due to the crisis my country is passing through), I hate how my sister is under a risky pregnancy, I hate having to rent rooms in my house to complete strangers.

tl;dr I hate everything that's happening around me right now.

Yet, I'm supposed to "go on and live life"... Rather difficult, when everything around me sucks so much.

</3

This obsessive landwhale needs to get out of here.

J

I just want to die. I don't want to do this anymore. There's no escape.

This ISIS shit has been backed by westerners in the first place.

Start searching for medication sooner. You're wasting too many years of your youth watching movies and playing video games.

>>16530709

Dial the suicide hotline, helped my relative when he was depressed.

>>16530740
I don't want to be helped. I WANT TO FUCKING DIE.

>>16530738

And who are you? Another clueless hypocrite who tells others what to do? Kill yourself.

>>16530748

No anon here can help you if you want to die except police and mods.

>>16530756
I want to be more proactive with my life. This was to myself you moron.

>>16530774

Venting about your problems here isn't going to solve anything. Most getr don't put in effort to do what they say. They just become addicted to ranting here. I rant at kids here.

seroquel makes me feel like i'm aimlessly drifting in an ocean

i don't like it, i need this fretful energy back
why couldn't you just let me keep taking the benzos? holy shit, doc, this anti-psychotic shit has helped me gain a ton of weight on top of making me feel like shit

>>16530691
that's rude, you know

and the J i know shouldn't be pointing fingers by the way, as he's clearly the type who's only going to win a partner with money

I do have confidence in myself to a certain extent and I see potential in me, but I guess my problem is that I struggle on deciding what to do, what path I should take and how to keep up.
Another thing is that my mind keeps switching between being fairly confident to questioning weather or not I'm just being delusional which leads to self-doubt.

>>16530738
take it from me pal, medication won't fix anything you need therapy too
figure out why you have a hole that needs to be stuffed with movies and video games, or what pain you're trying to avoid
then you gotta kinda work around that in steps
like say okay you're like me and you're missing a social life
why?
because i'm afraid of people
why?
because i've been bullied and abused most of my life
so now i have a ptsd therapist to try and get me to deal with that

>>16529929
that is really old pasta
like really old
shit

I feel like everyone including myself is evil and that they don't know so. I'm ok with socialising, friends and girlfriends but I question their every move all the time

>>16530895
I'm the same. It sucks having these alternate periods. People around you don't get it and things sometimes get awkward don't they ?

Being unatractive because of excessive acne and scars at 20 and bot being attractive in the first place being surrounded by people that are perfectly fine and making successful moves on the ladies is killing me

>>16529700
Lmao no.
>>16529720
You know, sometimes I get the feeling he has no idea what he's actually talking about. I wish I'd had better bonds in my family, but everyone sucks and we're the only ones who will travel to family.

So maybe that's why I empathize with him. I mean, he's in therapy for crying out loud. He's getting help, and even if it takes a long time, the only girls he feels that way toward are his cousins.

Now if I, as a woman, expressed such an interest in my female cousins or even male, well, I'm sure I would be considered a mother figure.

Basically all I'm saying is I'm more sick of seeing the dude accusing cousin lover of being sick. When he actually does something, well, then you can say "I told you so."

Besides, if he really is a pedo, he'll be losing all interest in them in a few years and you won't have to worry about anything.

she is a condecending cunt