So now what ?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Today my girlfriend got mad at me, and I kind if loses my shit and told her that we needed to talk seriously and the theme needed to be discussed personally, she thought I tried to break up with her and she told me that she doesn't give a fuck and that she doesn't need that in her life, after 7 hours we talked again we both agreed to talk tomorrow.
I never wanted to break up with her and all I want to do is forget everything, but I'm also pretty pissed off cause this isn't the first time this happens, and I'm really pretty fucking done with it.
What does adv/ thinks?
Try to make things up? Or see if we're really both done with the relationship?
PD(We both seem like we're ready to break up, we're both pretty pissed at each other )
In a normal relationship you would probably talk and discuss all night.
You "lose your shit" and don't really want to talk.
It sounds like you're only drawn together because you're emotionally weak, (which also explains the losing of the shit).
If you're in the wrong then make up. If your relationship just isn't working then break up.
>>16523006
I actually told her that right now it wasn't the best time to talk , I mean we're both at knife point, even more when we're both about to end the relationship
>>16523006
>In a normal relationship you would probably talk and discuss all night.
This. It took me a long time to realize what a healthy relationship was and it certainly wasn't my boyfriend losing his shit anytime there was an argument.
Don't shut down and shut out.
Don't lose your shit.
Don't scream or be angry.
Don't call her names.
Be calm and talk otherwise grow up and get in a relationship when you can act like an adult.
>>16523059
Just out of curiosity, are you quick to get to "knife point"? Because some people are like that, you know, quick to anger... Any bad time is a "knife point" time.
>>16523008
Right now I realised she got mad cause I talked to her "aggressively".
She was actually starting to get mad, and I was trying to talk to her , she left me on seen and every time o connected to what's app she instantly got out. I was pissed off that she was avoiding me, I told her that is she was going to be in that plan with me better leave it there. ( it wasn't even mean, she responded an hour later; "Are you going to talk me that way ?, perfect")
>>16523077
Then don't talk aggressively. There is only so much someone can take from angry people before they decide enough is enough. If you can't be nice to your own girlfriend, don't have one at all dude.
>>16523068
She is always easy to piss off, she can get mad at small things easily. In my case, I tend to be a little more patient, but this shit really got me on knife point in seconds , This has already happened twice, and I'm really tired of this.
>>16523093
Give examples of what she gets mad at.
>>16523086
The only "aggressive" thing I have ever told her was today: "Are you going to be that way ? Perfect..."
I always try to be passive in our fights, and I'm doing my best right now...
>>16523103
A few examples of the last 2 weeks.
Couldn't respond to her for 2 hours, she claims I only talk to her when I want to ( gets pissed off).
I'm about to leave college, tell her goodbye and leave , find a friend who needed help, stayed with him 5 minutes , talk to her 30 mins after via text and she tells me I lied to her cause I didn't leave and she saw me etc.( gets mad at me for 2 days)
Class ends I go out and wait for her, talk to a female friend, i called her 5 mins after telling her that I got out of class, she tells me she saw my talking to the girl and that I lied to her that I just have gotten out of class ( which was true because i got out and waited for her while talking to my friend)
She jokingly tells me that after I leave her I go with the "other one ", I reply to her also joking that it was true, gets mad ( that pissed me off real quick...)
>>16523142
Correction in the female friend one
She told me I lied to her about when I told her I just have gotten out of class, which was false as I got out of class and I waited for her with my friend.
>>16523119
>passive
Sure that was passive. Passive aggressive.
That is some super agitating shit, what the fuck is wrong with you? You think that just because you're keeping your voice down, you're not being a little shit? Holy fuck you've got a lot to learn.
Go apologize to your gf, you were in the wrong, and probably always are
>>16523160
Depending on what happens tomorrow and the mood she's in I'll see if it's wise to apologise , I mean is she's ready to break up with me, that would only make things worse , if she's willing to talk, I'll apologise ( like always) but I'm also telling her that we're both acting real childish and that we need to stop being like this
>>16523198
Sincerity will get you far. My abusive ex boyfriend would pull this shit with me and he would never ask me to talk or be emotionally intimate with me. So if you are going to seriously talk to her, be honest and compassionate otherwise leave her alone and sort your issues out.
>>16523221
Honestly, I've been the one that has always sacrificed more for the relationship, and many friends tell me this , that I've been doing all the work and that she needed to do that as well, at first I didn't consider that true, until a few weeks ago, I realised that a relationship has to be taken care from both sides, if I'll always do the work and sacrifice my education and well being for the relationship while she doesn't give a shit the relationship will clearly won't last long, I'm talking with her about this tomorrow, and I'm not planing to sugarcoat it at all, I'll be honest and Pacific...
>>16523247
>I've been the one that has always sacrificed more for the relationship
This is the reason why your relationship is failing. You are harboring some pissing contest and resenting her for it instead of being honest about your expectations.
You should talk to her about it, but don't expect her to respond with "I am so sorry" or understanding because it seems like you can't into effective compassionate communication.
When you lose your shit, you are putting a exclamation mark, full stop and refusing to reach a better understanding. Being vocal or rolling your eyes or throwing a tantrum won't get you to a nicer place, she will only hate you for it.
The guy I am dating now does a few things when we disagree, he stops, he holds my hands and talks very calmly and lovingly, he tells me what I -need- to hear, but also explains his position. A world of difference from my ex who would shout in my face, tell me to fuck off and lock me out of the room.
I will say this to you, be with someone who brings out your absolute best, someone you bring out the best in too. If she is constantly disappointed or hurt by the things you say and do, it will never work. A relationship can't be healthy when you don't even like each other or respect each other.
