I feel like a huge dick for even thinking this, let alone posting/asking about it, but bear with me please. My gf is lacking in the "youthful and sexy" department and I need help fixing it.
I've been with her for 6 years and intend to marry her. I love her, she's a perfect match for me and 100% wife material. We agree on major life decisions and plans, share interests, our families like each other, we can make anything mundane into a good time, just because we get along so well and enjoy each other's company. I could go on and on about how great she is but it would quickly become TL;DR.
BUT, and here is the one and only thing that bothers me about her. She's not very sexy. She has a high sex drive and is always DTF, we do it twice a day on average, but she has zero imagination and is pretty vanilla and passive in bed. Anything we've done, I've initiated, and usually had to push her to try. She was a virgin before me and has zero sexual experience/awareness outside of what I do with her or she sees on mainstream TV. She is pretty much clueless about sex and has little curiosity. Getting her to dress in anything revealing or even wear a bikini is a very steep uphill battle.
Whenever I suggest something new she always shoots it down immediately and usually says something along the lines of "I just don't get why people like that". I, on the other hand, have a very active imagination, I'm spontaneous and would like to play around with fantasy/roleplay, among a bunch of other things, but she's so vanilla that she won't even consider trying it. She can't wrap her head around the fact that people do things other than the basics. She also doesn't like porn, except for the nighttime cable TV stuff (True Blood, GOT, 50 shades, etc). She loves that shit but "real" porn does nothing for her, she won't even watch it with me, at least not without making fun of it. I think she's fapped to porn maybe once or twice in her whole life, and it was when she was like 18-19.
cont
She only ever masturbated regularly (once a week) for about a year, same age range 18-19 (she's 23). It slowly faded away and now she does it maybe once or twice a year. I've tried encouraging her, us doing it together, even buying her toys, but even shopping for sex stuff she makes me do most of the work, and doesn't even "get" most sex toys. She has a rabbit that she likes, or at least likes to say that she likes, but rarely ever uses. Even when she was mastrubating most of it was with my encoragement, and usually during phone sex or sexting.
The weird thing is that she THINKS that she's kinky, and always brags about how much sexier and more fun she is than her friends (which is technically true, but isn't saying much because her friends are barely functional at all). But in reality she's unimaginative and very dismissive of new ideas.
Physically, she's not all that attractive either. She looks twice her age already, she's got a big belly and saggy tits (her nipples point straight down) and double chin. Sshe's not a "hamplanet", her sillohouette is a very nice hourglass, and honestly she's pretty sexy looking with clothes on, she's just chubby with a very unfortunate distrubution of her weight and doesn't look good naked or in a bikini. I know I sound like a major ass and trust me, i know, but I'm saying all this because I'm sure it ties in to her being close-minded/shy/insecure/reluctant to try things in bed or dress sexy in public. She diets and excercises on and off but never makes much progress. I always tell her how beautiful and sexy she is, and I really mean it, but she either rejects it or enjoys the compliments but won't build up any more self esteem. I don't even care so much about what she looks like, I just want her to be confident and fun!
>>16522438
Stop watching porn
Dude, just think about this. Would you rather be with your girlfriend whole, while doesn't have high sex appeal, at least she can be faithful and loyal to you till the very bitter end...
... Or would you date a typical woman who has high sex appeal (cleavage, short skirts, etc) but has no qualms about cheating on you with Mr Chad Thundercock? Just saying, because that's how high-sex-appeal women are like.
>>16522449
>I'm not physically attracted to my girlfriend but I need 4chan to make me realize this
Seriously, if you're not attracted, just quit. I've met a lot of girls in my life that share my interests and humor but that I'd never date
How the fuck can I fix this? Any of it? I feel like I've tried everything already. I love her to death but she went straight from being a kid to being an old woman. I see my friends with their sexy and carefree girlfriends going on vacations and to bars/clubs and enjoying their 20's and shit but all we ever do is go to work and school and even when we get to go out or to the beach she goes fully dressed and doesn't want to flirt and play around. The window of time for "young and fun and sexy" is slipping away fast, and I don't want us to miss out.Again, I love her beyond words and I fully intend to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful girl. She just needs a little boost in this one area.
So, OP pic related. I want her to be confident and sexy and playful, happy to show off and be shown off and explore and just have fun.
>>16522449
You know what, scratch my last post, you don't deserve her. You are clearly putting her looks down and I would bet that if she read all of this, she would be devastated and even more insecure about her appearance.
Let her go, she obviously needs a man who isn't so looks-obsessed. Or as porn obsessed as you clearly are.
>hurrr im gunna marry her
>she looks like a stuffed christmas turkey
Bye.
Well OP ya fucked up. You married a women you aren't all that attracted to but she is a good life partner.
You need to accept it who she is and embrace her sexuality. Nothing can be done about it and so think of the relationship over your needs. Sorry man but unless you want to divorce her you are screwed.
>>16522461
Except I am. I know the description I gave is very unflattering, but trust me, she's a very beautiful girl in a way that I can't really describe. I just want it to be a more active rather than passive thing.
>>16522453
It's true, I know. I have dated those kinds of girls before and it never ended well. I don't want her to change completely, I just want us to be able to have a little bit of that kind of fun to round out our life experience without taking to too far and crashing.
>>16522475
>Except I am. I know the description I gave is very unflattering, but trust me, she's a very beautiful girl in a way that I can't really describe. I just want it to be a more active rather than passive thing.
Seems like you're trying to sugarcoat it for yourself. You are clearly not attracted to her, otherwise you wouldn't post this thread
This is the package deal you get with virgin girls. They get to look however comfy they feel like looking. Lingerie is worn for two seconds so they don't buy it. Bikinis are only for spring break. You should love them because you fuck them regularly even though she look like a crack head 90% of the time. Porn is for unimaginative losers like you. Sex toys are weird, why does she need them if she has a bf? 50 shades of gray totally wasn't poorly written rape!
>>16522438
Yeah, she's probably just insecure. Just keep complimenting her and trying to get her to do stuff. Perhaps try to be a bit more dominant about it. Just don't cross the line into disrespect. ALSO when she wears something you like-- a color, a cut, a material, whatever-- tell her. She'll probably feel more confident in that color/cut/material later. Also, buy her *cute* lingerie. Not sexy lingerie, *cute*. She might be inclined to experiment more once her toes are already in the water.
Think of it this way OP. How would she "fix" you and change your preferences to just liking vanilla sex? How would she make you interested in sexual things that don't really do anything for you?
People don't work like that.
>>16522504
For that side of adventure I advise you take her shopping and give a few nudges in the dressing room. This will only work if you aren't known for complaining about shopping. Otherwise I don't think you're capable of translating that post. Watch a few episodes of Double Divas on netflix to gain some info.
>>16522525
I'd agree with this post if OP has said she'd tried out anything he'd asked. Honestly, some things you just can't decide you don't like without trying.
Not all things. If she doesn't want you to shit on her, or do something that could physically harm her/make her sick, then just leave it be until she changes her mind.
>>16522504
I already do this, it seems to only help in the moment but doesn't have a lasting effect. She also already has lingerie but rarely wears it. She says she likes it, her eyes light up when she sees it in the store and oohs and ahhs over it, but then comes all the "its not practical, i only wear it for two seconds, etc". If she really seems to like it ill buy it for her and she's ecstatic for a day or two but then it gets pushed to the back of the closet and forgotten. If i suggest wearing it then i get the whole "waste of time" thing again.
>>16522539
I dont ask for anything gross or dangerous like that. She does try things... sort of. She'll physically go through the motions but complain the entire time and keep telling me "its not going to work" and when i ask her to just give it a good try anyway she just says its a waste of time or effort ir whatever. She has a very pessimistic and dismissivr attitude about certian things, this being one of them.
I think you're a dickhole. It's weird to be so jealous of your friends outer lives. Stop being so insecure, dude. Also, it's rude to put down a lady's breast shape. Some 15 year old girls' nipples point straight down; it's a type of boob shape that you have or you don't have, it's not premature aging.
Whatever though. If anything you do together is so fun and awesome, just take up a sport in your free time and take her with you. She'll get fit and have to wear less clothes because she'll get hot and sweaty. Done, end of issue.
Please never tell her any of the things you just wrote, don't even insinuate. It's would be beyond cruel.
Get over it, you degenerate. Sex isn't the most important thing in the world, and porn isn't real. Bust your nut, satisfy your primal urges and DO SOMETHING ELSE.
