Relationship dilemma: I lived with my ex for the entire time i knew him, we got in a lot of fights but there was always a strong bond and lots of love between us. We moved across the country together after only knowing each other for 3 months and put our young relationship through a lot of stress. We broke up because there was a lot of stress after a year and a half and I moved back, 3000 miles away. We didn't talk for 2 months.
In those 2 months, i met someone else who i also love. I don't love him with the same passion that I did my ex, but he seemed like a more natural fit and there is a deep bond between us. I get along really well with his family and we share many similar interests. It seemed like this new relationship was everything that my old one wasn’t: carefree, fun, and no fighting.
Then the new guy fucked up. He gave me herpes. Because I was freaking out, I contacted my ex and we have really rekindled our relationship since then, which was 2 months ago. Our biggest problem was communication, but I can see that he has taken real, concrete steps to improve, and he is really happy with the steps I've taken. The distance between us has been really healthy and we are communicating so well now. He wants to move out here in about 6 months and he wants to marry me.
Both guys want to marry me, actually. I've forgiven the second guy, and I still love him. My ex and I have so much history, sex is incredible and he is the most loyal guy I've ever met. He has seen my darkest moments.
My heart is torn between these two amazing men, I feel like both would make excellent husbands and fathers. The stress I'm feeling over this indecision is killing me, and it's hurting both of them, even though they are being so patient with me.
What should I do? Wait for my ex for 6 months and hope that these improvements last or devote myself to this new guy who seems like a more natural fit but has his shortcomings as well, and who I don’t feel the same passion towards?
I'm you ex. You're the woman I want to marry one day.
Only difference is I wouldn't want to marry you until I've seen that you are going to devote yourself to me in the long term. I don't feel like the new guy is any real competition, and even if you did end up marrying him, I would think that you're being impatient and kind of immature.
The right thing to do would be to not be in a hurry. If you love us both, then how do you justify having to make a choice. You should be free to continue your singledom until you know for certain which one of us you should choose. In fact, it shouldn't really be a choice at all, it should play itself out until there's no doubt, and the answer will be given to you by our respective actions. Go ahead, marry the new guy, and see how you'll never going to stop wonder how life would be with me. You already see the changes I've made. Do you think I would make them if not for how important you are to me? I will meet you in twenty years time, and nothing will be different between us. It's up to you if you want to go through that, marry the 'better fit', have his children, and one day realize love isn't suppose to be logical, and you never stopped loving me. Our passion, the tumultuous bond we share, was made before time itself. It doesn't even matter whether it's ever materialized again or not. I will love you all the same.
Same fag
>>16518409
You idiot 3 different IPs. It is not a samefag but rather a shitty troll. Smarten the fuck up.
Whoa that's gross. I mean all of you are gross.
You should grow up and stop being such an immature codependent personality before formally committing yourself to anyone. You fell in love in two months? You moved across the country in three months and then couldn't stand one another for even a year and a half? A year and a half of stress and fighting? You are an idiot and you don't love either of these people.
>I literally can't get enough attention not even from 2 people at the same time
>I feel so important now that I think I deserve both
>Woe is me, there's literally a line of dudes wanting to marry me
>Oh no who should I pick to take care of my overflowing needs?
>Hark, how shall but one man be enough for me?
Just get a third one, OP
I'm sorry, I'm so alone and bitter about my life that I can't take this more seriously
But in all honesty, and sarcasm aside
From the way you sound, you'd be over them within a month once you got another dude. You just hop to whatever dude is willing to stick with you because you're so needy you don't even realize it. The second they'll stop being right there next to you 24/7 you'll need someone else to lean on, because you can't stand by yourself.
>>16518412
How am I shitty troll? At least I've given OP some perspective on her impatience, and at the same time I tell her she can choose either one, but she won't ever stop thinking about the first option. It's an actual advice, family.
My story is true, although in my case I met the equivalent of OP more than five years ago, and we broke up 2 1/2 years ago. I'm still fucking her whenever she isn't half way around the world or engaged to 'better fits' (like now, and the new guy isn't anymore, but she'll find someone else soon enough, due to impatience and soon-to-be long distance again. She always comes back, though, and she keeps telling me she loves me, but I take it with a pinch of salt.)
>>16518457
It happens with some people. It doesn't make other people idiots, just because you won't ever experience real passion.
>>16518134
>gives you herpes
>still love him, great guy
lol
does your ex know you have it? if not, he definitely should. that knowledge may impact his decision making process.
>>16518525
I've been passionately married for seven years and we were together for 4 years before we got married. We just came back from a European getaway. Good luck getting half of what I have. Grow. The. Fuck. Up. You don't know shit, all of you people are gross idiots.
>>16518587
I'm in no way associated with the rest of the thread and I didn't read it
what's a European getaway, from an American's perspective?
>>16518587
Not all people want the same, asshole. I don't look at your life and pity you for the fact that what you've got, statistically won't last long enough for you to remember why it was worth it when it's been over for the same amount of time. I would absolutely commend you for waiting 4 years before wearing the ring, though. That's why I said in my first post, that I wouldn't marry her until I knew she would devote herself. 4 years without any bullshit seems about right. Still, I wouldn't agree to being gross just because I'm in no hurry to get married.
How does that even compute? Oh, I guess you're one of those millions of guys who'd feel really insecure and betakekd if your woman acted like a normal human being and wasn't pre-programmed to only be able to be attracted to one, singular, chosen male her entire life. Me grow up? No, you wake up.
>>16518134
>Then the new guy fucked up. He gave me herpes
are you dumb? like 90% of all humans got herpes. how did he fuck up?
>>16518641
>are you dumb? like 90% of all humans got herpes. how did he fuck up?
adding to this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemiology_of_herpes_simplex
op you are very stupid
>>16518587
Yeah, and by the way.
What you're describing still doesn't tell me you know anything about real passion. It's nice that you've been in a so-far exclusive relationship for that long, and that you've been to Europe. But then again, it's nice to have and do and make nice things. It's nice to be nice.
But it isn't raw, animalistic passion. And you know what, that's actually a positive and natural part of the human experience, even if you got 'morals' and 'feel' disgusted.
>inb4 I do not condone OP not keeping track of whether it's safe to have unprotected sex.
>>16518655
Yeah all this filthy disease ridden passionate sex and constant stress and arguments sounds like true love.
Passion is stability, the ability to still love someone who shits with the door open around you. Passion is still being gloriously happy to see someone's face after the millionth shitty day at work. Passion is not "true luff" for herpes ridden two timing idiots. Op doesn't have the first idea about love, not even the first idea of standing up on her own two feet and figuring out her own shit before she starts tying people down virally to her.
>>16518696
OP isn't ITT. What makes you think I don't experience what you describe as love, just because I've chosen to live at a different pace from yours, and haven't rushed to commit to love. For me, love isn't lessened if I don't rush it, it's set free. At the same time as I experience incredible passion with my lover, I get to take my time in case someone else as good or better, as OP call it, fits better. And btw, I never caught an STD, and neither has my lover, and we're both responsible enough to make sure it won't happen. It's not like I got no standards. All my women have been highly educated, high value people.
