/adv/ I need your help, I have not once posted here but I figure this is more your guys territory than /k/'s. So here goes.
>Meet a girl a while ago
>Find out we have all the same mutual interests
>We start dating, it's my first real relationship and she was my first time
>A few months down the track and I am head over heels in love with her, she apparently feels the same way
>She is always doting over me and she is legitimately concerned about me
>The happiest I have ever been
>She starts using Heroin despite my best efforts
>It starts off recreational and occasional, but it starts happening more and more
>Fast forward a few more months to last week
>I try to meet up with her and hang out but she says she is sick and I think nothing more of it
>Try a few days later and she is still sick
>Last night I messaged her to see what she was doing
>She all of a sudden tells me that she needs some time to work on herself and that I deserve much better
>She wants to break up
>I tell her how much I love her and she says to stop making it hard on her
>I realize that she was avoiding me to get high
What the fuck do I do? She wants me just to let go, but I can't. I honestly think she was the one.
Should I give her space and hope she sorts herself out? Do I try talk to her?
I have never been in so much pain before, and I am seriously thinking of offing myself.
Please help me
Go to her. Be there for her. Get her help. Let her know you'll be there for her no matter what.
>>16516166
I know this doesn't help, but heroine is serious business...In the long run you might be better off..
>>16516172
How do I do it without driving her away?
In all seriousness, if I got rid of her dealer do you guys think it would help?
Bumping for help
>>16516245
Are you using also?
Run and run fast. You can not tolerate this behavior. Staying with her is just going to delude her into thinking she's a good person who makes good decisions. If you stay you're enabling her.
>>16516254
No. Maybe I should have though, could have been more common ground
No... help as in... Make her see that life is worth living. Addicts can only get better if they WANT to get better. Give her reasons why she should want that (aka show her you care and love her). Killing her dealer will not solve her addiction; She'll find another. Eventually get her into some kind of rehab. Be there as in, actually GO TO HER, and be along side her.
>>16516166
It does sound like you deserve a lot better, you seem really dedicated to her and she is hurting you in favor of drugs. Just walk away man.
>>16516271
Drug abuse and addiction is never something you want to have as common ground. Find local rehab facilities and refer her to them and let her know that if she wants to get clean you will be there for her. Do not do anything like "getting rid of" her dealer, you want no part nor connection to that lifestyle. If she is actively avoiding you in person, or even if you can get to her but can't get a chance for a serious conversation, write her a letter saying what you said in the OP and that you're ripped apart that the heroin has driven her out of your life, since that's what has happened.
Do NOT continue to financially or legally support her in any fashion if you are doing so.
Do NOT offer anything other than your support and your FRIENDSHIP to her until she removes the wedge that if her addiction from between you herself.
Do NOT interact in any way with anyone else you knew or know of that indulges or enables her habits beyond absolutely necessary interactions.
At this point you should consider the person she is now no longer the woman you knew and loved, but a friend who is in need, and nothing more than that. If you allow it further interactions with her just enable the lifestyle and affirms her bad choices.
She was correct, you do deserve better because no one deserves to have their hearts and relationships torn by drug use.
The worst that can happen is that she does not attempt to correct her habits. At that point, there is no recovery, the person you used to know has suffocated under the influence.
You must make it clear that as long as the drugs are part of her life, you can't.
>>16516333
As much as it bothers me to say it, I don't mind the drugs. It's the fact that she chose them over me.
I am afraid that if I approach her or even text/message her, it will just feel like I am smothering her and drive her away for good.
Pathetically enough I begged her not to leave, or at the very least slow down on the drugs.
I couldn't even see her one last time, because she didn't even leave me in person.
>>16516358
Her brain has been literally rewired. It is no longer a choice, and all the willpower in the world won't help.
First, she has to acknowledge the problem. Second, she has to want help. Third, she goes to detox/rehab. Usually a person has to hit bottom for this to happen.
Every female dopefiend I have ever met has flatbacked for it. They also tend to have Hep C, and various STDs, so get tested.
How are her finances? How does she use, i.e. needle, nose, etc...?
>>16516166
>Heroin
>the one
lol
>>16516358
I wrote a bunch of stupid sappy shit here but basically once she chose the drugs over you she stopped being the same person that you fell in love with and that that person is dead and gone, killed by the drugs, period. If you still want to try CPR on the dead corpse of the relationship try to get her clean and get her away from the heroin, but she'll never be the same and the trust and love you had will never come back since she cheated on you, definitely with the drugs, probably with her dealer and whomever else could provide the shit she decided you were a sack of crap compared to and not worth her time.
Cut her out or get her clean, no matter which at this point she cares about the drugs more than you and you should act accordingly.
>>16516166
Remove drug supplier
>She starts using Heroin despite my best efforts
what a wild turn.
not even cocaine or mdma on a regular basis, its fucking heroin
if you still love her despite this enormous turnoff, go and be there for her. she needs to stop using this asap, do not start using heroin under any circumstances and encourage her to go rehab since she clearly needs it (you will need help with this one)
There is a great chance that she will turn you away due to her drug addiction
my dad was like that. Got clean when he married my mom, relapsed when i was a kid. I remember him disappearing randomly throughout the day and not being able to find him cuz he was shooting up in our attic.
The only thing you can do is give them space. You cannot financially support them, and rehab wont work unless they actually want it. My dad ended up killing himself, which was a hard end to a big long ordeal. You're better off steeling up now and tryinh your hardest to move on.
>>16516647
Gonna add to this and say that there is no relationship left. I wanted to believe really hard that i could fix my father, since he WAS my dad afterall, but the only thing i've learned is that these situations are more often than not futile.
You probably want to hear that you can help her, that things can go back to the way they were, but they can't. It's over, and you're only ruining your life even further by sticking it with her. But maybe you don't care or don't think you have anything else worthwhile to look forward to. All I'm saying is that if you plan on living your life to the end, not killing yourself or becoming depressed and an alcoholic, etc, leave now. It can, and will only get worse.
>>16516166
I hate to be this guy OP but
>We start dating, it's my first real relationship and she was my first time
This is why you're really hurt by it. The first one (in sex and relationships) are the hardest to deal with but you need to face some fact here and be objective about it. She lied to you to get high (how is she affording this too buy the way? another shit question to ask), she sacrificed being with you being in a relationship, to get high. She does heroin. That shit is serious in multiple ways. The usage itself, i don't need to tell you how serious that is. Also, the lifestyle, that sort of drugs will lead her to meeting and dealing with scum bags, they will soon become your problem as well. I know it sucks and i know it hurts but you need to do what's best for you and break up with her. If she gets clean, works her shit out, go nuts, start another relationship otherwise get out.
>>16516166
Drop her you fucking idiot. PS: literally every drug addicted girl fucks her dealer for drugs. Even the ones that are only smoking weed have done it at least once. You're a fucking c.uck of the highest order if you are convincing yourself it hasn't already happened.
