I've been pissed off about this for months now. We dated for 3 years. She dumped me when I was flailing about miserably with my life 4 months ago, with all these reasons that shifted the blame on me for the relationship failing. My friend had just killed himself a month ago, I had dropped out of school for half a semester (was returning this one and I'm doing quite well). She had opted for a "break" in the beginning of June, which we cut short since she called me sobbing saying she "almost" cheated on me, which I don't really believe anymore. We had what I perceived to be a good month after that, barring my friend's suicide. I'm 21, and didn't really know how to process it, so clung to her really fucking hard.
Anyways, she told me she had been "testing the waters" and wanted to take another break. She needed to "find herself" by the time next semester started. I thought that was a fucking retarded idea since last time she almost fucked another guy, so I argued pretty intensely with her. She started sobbing when I told her I really needed her for stability right now, since I had been reeling from so many things this summer. She called me back emotionless 3 days later and broke up with me, said there was no arguing it and she wouldn't put up with anything of the sort. I gave up and let her go, haven't talked to her since. She removed me on all social media etc. I felt like she didn't just want to break up, that she actually hated me, which really fucking hurt because not a week before she was going on about how wonderful we were together and how happy she was. Now for the shit I need to figure out is worth confronting her over or not.
>>16516063
I didn't know this until october, but she started dating another guy and put it up on social media like a week into this semester. After all those claims about "being her own person" she apparently settled right back into being a submissive fuckhole for some other guy. I was tired of her doing that for me, which is why I was pushing her in the first place. Second, she lied to me about her ex. She told me a year and half ago that they never dated, and that he was there to visit her and a friend. He spent the the weekend in my apartment (which had 3 roomates with me). She spent both nights in my room. Now, saturday they spent ALL day talking with each other, ignoring everyone else. I thought it was the weirdest shit and everyone saw how uncomfortable I was. She had mentioned before that she had a crush on him in high school but it was gone. We fought about it that night after like 10 hours. I didn't know how to confront either of them when they were together.
I want her to know that I found out about this fucking lie. I want her to know that she's a fucking deplorable cunt who used me like an emotional tampon for 3 FUCKING YEARS. I thought she genuinely loved me, but when I wasn't able to provide the role she so desperately needed, she booted me out of her life. I dated some other girl to try and forget her but I had to break up because I was still struggling with all that pent up emotion. I never got to see her face when she broke up with me, I never attached that image with one of heartbreak or sadness. The last thing she said to me in person was I love you. Now she's isolating herself with this boy and her old friends are frustrated with her.
Don't confront her. Just don't. What's the point? What are you trying to do?
Just don't do it.
I wouldn't confront her, because you're not really going to gain anything from it. She's going to be an emotionless bitch and have the upper hand in it, and you'll probably come out feeling more pathetic. I know how strong the need is to have someone acknowledge you and what you're going through when you cared about them and you just want to understand and be understood, but after years of trying that in various situations, almost nothing ever comes out of it. You might have better luck, but when people move on and can assume the "emotionless" position, unless you can invoke some kind of human compassion in her, then the talk is going to be shit.
>she was going on about how wonderful we were together and how happy she was.
She was trying to convince herself or at least assure herself that this is what she wanted and she was making the right decision by sticking with you. Some people talk out loud, and they don't talk out loud for the benefit of the people around them, but for themselves. She seems like one that would do that. Talk about this out loud more for her benefit than yours (unless she was trying to convince you, too).
Now, I don't usually fall back on this reasoning, but you were dating a careless slut. She probably didn't "almost" cheat on you, she probably did. If she didn't fuck him, then I can almost guarantee she made out with him for awhile. And if she's close to your age, then she's probably thinking with her pussy and wanting to "experiment and experience," and you're sadly in the way of that. She was a slut. She thought of herself first all of the time. And it was only a matter of time before she did something incredibly fucked up (and I think she already was). I don't think she wanted to be supportive if it cost her anything. She wants to be young and have it super fucking easy. You were just more invested, and she was more self-involved. Focus on the fact that she was just ramping up to really fucking hurt you.
>>16516092
I guess part of me has wants to "Save" her but she seems plenty content with where she is right now, but I don't think she fucking deserves to be. I have this feeling that I'm really guilty about, that I want her to feel as much emotional turmoil as I did. That she can't just hide from all her problems. She always fucking did that when we were dating. I want her to be happy, and I know I don't want to date her anymore, but she DOES need to fucking find herself, she wasn't lying about that. Dating somebody in the exact same pattern as she dating me WON'T FUCKING HELP. I was in the process of finding out who I really was over the summer while I was dating her, and I never understood why some women get this idea that to become their own person they have do ditch all their old relationships. It really fucking baffles me.
well /adv/, should I tell her all this? or should I just completely let her go, forgive her like a good fucking christian should? I don't fucking know what to do and she tore me up BAD
>>16516104
Therapist told me after I mentioned she broke up with me emotionlessly that with everything else I told him, he could tell she was has both borderline and dependent personality disorders.
BAD combo
I posted >>16516104 before you came back with >>16516092, but it doesn't change very much of my answer.
If you come at her with emotions and pain, she's going to hit back at you with flippancy and not caring. It's not going to get you anything, and you're going to seem like the emotional, angry cunt when in all actuality, it's all on her. Well, maybe if her old friends are frustrated with her, then you won't come off the complete douchebag. But she might also use it to reconnect with her old friends. "Do you know what anon did to me? He freaked out like a total asshole blah blah blha..." and they'll go "No way! Tell me more!" because assholes love drama.
You have like a 5% chance of this ending well. If you really want validation and visual confirmation, and don't care about looking like the psycho, having other people talk behind your back, and cutting ties with the people you used to know, then you might be able to go and make a scene, but probably not.
>>16516106
It's not about forgiving someone. If a person is toxic, a hurtful influence on your life, why should you choose to go back to them in order to interact with them? Some sort of "revenge" is not going to make you feel better.
This is about what is smart for you, and good for you. Think about yourself and your own well-being, don't think about this person, the more you do, the more power she still holds over you. Moving on is the best thing to do.
>>16516116
I meant before I read your second post, whoops.
>>16516112
Yeah, you gain nothing from confronting those people. Therapist shouldn't be armchair diagnosing people from second-hand stories though. People use a lack of emotions as a weapon, and can shut it off if they're only dealing with you through text or something. She might have her issues showing up elsewhere, but she can "put on an emotionless" face for you. But her problems are that she's fucked up. Don't even doubt that. She just doesn't know how to handle, deal, or process her personality or emotions and she's a fucking bitch. So let her wallow in her own shit. She's not worth it.
>>16516117
I don't think forgiveness is a part of this conversation. OP wants to have that conversation that happens after breakups sometimes and saying, "You hurt me. I'm trying to seek some validity for this breakup (have a face-to-face breakup including explanations)," is going to give OP's ex the power and she will just fuck OP over again.
>>16516116
I definitely understand what you're saying. There really is no good ending to anything like this.
>>16516117
she's toxic, she'd find a way to push me until I make a scene in public.
>>16516123
I've neglected a lot of details regarding her behaviors since I have very nuanced memories of them, and this "emotionless" thing was her voice over the phone. I had never heard her talk like that before, it was detached from everything, no anger, no sadness, nothing at all. Her family is exactly like her, they never shared anything with each other so why would she share why she REALLY broke up with me and give me the fucking respect I deserved in the first place. She didn't even want to give me my shit back in person, she just gave it to her roommates (her old friends) and told them to give it to me. I told them to keep it since it had emotional baggage, and one of them fucking sold everything. Cheeky.
>>16516131
she would fuck me so god damned hard I know it . She's probably incapable of understanding what she did to me, since she's already turned the entire breakup onto my actions, and none of hers.
