When I was still a young child, I befriended a young girl in Canada and kept in contact with her. In the pre-internet days, we wrote letters to each other. Nowadays, we communicate via Facebook and email. However, since she lives in the middle of nowhere in Canada, her internet access is very poor and she is rarely online. I feel like we are distancing ourselves from each other and we just chat about very general stuff around once every 2-3 months.
However, we have the "routine" of mailing each other presents annually during birthdays and Christmases. The presents I mail in one occasion tend to cost around $20. It can sometimes even cost more. Mailing fees are expensive and I don't use a lot of the presents she sent me. Over time, this has become repetitive and we tend to send similar stuff each year - notebooks, bracelets, pens, key chains, etc.
It is hard to break away from this pattern though. Someone has to start it and breaking away from this "routine" will be rude.
Should I even keep in contact with her? I think it is natural for people to lose contact over time, but our pattern of mailing presents is preventing that.
Whatever decision you make is fine. There's no wrong answer here. However if you're looking for a way to make a gentle break, you could include a letter in this year's package saying that you won't be able to continue the exchanges any longer. Thank her for everything, wish her well and do the slow fade online as well.
>>16511325
Or alternatively, is there a way to change the pattern and become "closer"?
Move on and save yourself the money of a relationship that isn't going anywhere. I am serious here because you aren't getting anything out of this besides shit you find in futureshop.
>>16511332
We can't know that. Closeness depends on what your needs are and whether this friendship can provide for them. I have no idea what it is you want to get out of this arrangement and whether that's possible for her to do from bumfuck Canada. That's for you to consider. If you think there's a way to make this more apparently beneficial and valuable to you then ask for it.
>>16511349
>then ask for it
I am an introvert. How can I do this?
>>16511359
Introversion has nothing to do with asking for things. You've mistaken it for a synonym of "shy." Introversion isn't a social handicap. Shyness is.
For an example of why that's the case, consider how it's preventing you from pursuing a fulfilling friendship.
One way to think about the difference is that introversion is like not enjoying tomatoes. You'll eat them if you absolutely have to, like if you're a dinner guest and don't want to hurt feelings, but after that meal you're going to need a couple of non-tomato meals to get over the experience. On the other hand, shyness is like having a phobia of tomatoes where you curl into a ball if you see one on your plate. That's the sort of problem you're dealing with. It doesn't help you deal with the problem by claiming you simply don't like tomatoes. "Rather not" is not a synonym for "phobia."
So good luck trying to break through your shyness and learning to talk to people directly.
>>16511389
I don't know what she thinks. I tend to be the one to contact her first. I may be oversensitive, but I suspect she feels the same way too and is thinking of a way to break contact.
I don't know if she is honest about the poor internet access (I live in a big city). Her brother can post stuff on Facebook weekly, but then he is now at uni. She said she can't even load ten minutes long Youtube videos I've sent her and that she has to buy DVDs to watch stuff that can be streamed online from where I live.
I don't see the problem. You are simply exchanging gifts as friends and it's a good reminder that someone is still thinking about you. It's not hurting anyone. If it really bothers you then perhaps you should talk to her about it before you straight up ignore her. That would be a big insult for someone who has been nothing but friendly to you.
>>16511487
I guess you are right
>>16511315
just keep in touch. there is no harm to that
>>16512726
I guess so
Perhaps ask if you can just do the whole mail thing? Remove the online thing and just try to see if you can continue writing letters.
Did you feel the distance before the Internet? It maybe that the whole social network thing only fosters a need for quickness. While a simple paper letter takes time to travel, allows you to live life and maybe chat about it at better length.
Besides that, perhaps it's just me but a letter almost feels special. To me they signify that another human being took time to jot down part of themselves and send off to another.
At least to me anyways.
Best of luck in whatever choice you make.
>>16513288
>Did you feel the distance before the Internet?
Not at all
>>16513292
It may well be the Internet. Before you rationally knew it would take time to get a response. Although probably internally. Much like I mentioned, with the Internet you may be wanting more. Quicker reply, more of conversation because it can be done sooner. At the same time that could be changing the dynamic of your relationship, making you feel as if you don't have time to deal with her.
The best I can say, drop her online, but see if you can continue writing.
It just seems that it was special that way. While online, like texting, it feels mundane.
>>16513306
Yeah I guess so. At some point I tried emailing her. However, she rarely replied as the internet there is terrible and I felt like she was distancing herself away from me.
