The pain is real.
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Gf of 5 and a half years broke up engagement 3 weeks ago.
We planned our future together.
Says she has no feelings like that for me anymore and that she wants to be alone.
She also
1. purposefully avoids dealing with her feelings, jumping into stuff like learning and organizing programs to avoid feeling my loss (her words). She might have an emotional issue because she learned doing this growing up with an alcoholic father.
2. she deliberately upholds the possibility that it's very likely we will get back together in the future. I believe this is another defense mechanism. She is telling me that she doesn't believe she can have a relationship this deep ever again if not with me and that we will find each other again.
Meanwhile I:
- feel her loss steadily, been fighting for her the last 21 days, lost 8 kilos, couldn't sleep decent for weeks etc.
- turned down 2 opportunities to move to London for her (we are from a shitty Eastern Euro country)
- started a shitty school i hate to get a shitty job i hate in order to have an opportunity to move together and live with her here
- did I mention she broke up an engagement?
She moved while I'm also stuck in a shitty town I hate where everything reminds me of her, have to sleep in my shitty room where everything reminds me of her, etc
I'm introverted, have no close friends apart from her except maybe one who is busy.
Fucking Christmas is coming up.
Will this get better?
Can I survive december like this?
Hopefully I'm moving to London in January. I need to hold out and get better until then.
Any tips, please?
>>16509258
She's unstable, and if she dumped you then so be it.
Her saying she thinks you'll find eachother again is probably bullshit to make both of you not feel so bad.
Move to Europe and pursue your dreams for you.
A rule of thumb is career first, romantic relationships second.
>>16509260
>Move to Europe
Move to London*
hurr
moar tips please?
>>16509374
Find some more girls to talk to. It won't be as good but it'll take your mind off it briefly.
>>16509258
It will hurt for years but you just have to tough it out. If you can talk to another woman. You'll feel like shit most of the time and be sad and you'll probably dream about her whenever you think you're over her.
eat the pussy
>>16509427
Agreed, it'll suck for a long time. Meanwhile, get acquainted with yourself. Figure out your flaws and rise above it. Never stop moving forward with your personal progress as a person. If she comes around and it's right for you. Fuckin' right! If not, you will be able to more clearly define who you are and what you're about when the next one comes. Thing's will eventually work out for the best if you continue on this path. And also, eat the pussy.
hi OP
you already know this, but you're going to be sad about her forever. obviously you'll live your life, see other girls etc but she'll always be there, especially if you're young (i assume you are). the way i see it is a big part of your self/soul/personality whatever will always 'belong' to her.
anyway, shit as this is, a lot of opportunities are created just through not being in a committed relationship with anybody. as bad as you feel, and as much as you probably don't care about the objective upsides to being alone, they're just that: upsides. you have way more time / space to pursue your career, hobbies, friendships, life experiences etc etc. you'll have more money around too. you probably don't want any of that stuff, but it's still all pretty good to have.
last thing, maybe most importantly: don't talk to her, don't look at her, don't read the letters etc etc. put the pictures in a folder of an old laptop that you don't lose and put physical stuff away in a cupboard. hide her social media. that's the stuff that really crushes you.
>>16509498
*a laptop that you don't use, not don't lose, sorry
This advice is prime as fuck.
A girl with immature behavior removed herself from your life. It's her loss, not yours. Even if the marriage went through, would you have wanted to been with her with her feelings she has now? You would have been keked within a year, if you already haven't. Go to London, start your life, get a sick job, meet a better girl, who will LOVE you!
Odds are you're still young, and endless opportunities are ahead of you. This girl can eat shit, so move on.
>>16509258
Will sure get better, time passes, try to do stuff like sports, conecntrate on school, but do not avoid all of your thoughts. Just do not sink in depression.
>>16509258
You will survive. Its gonna be hell but you will. Just focus on you
Even if we don't make it as a couple. I'm always here for you if you need someone to talk to!
>>16509258
J got #REKT!
>>16509258
Dude my lord your a fag.
Bro move on
5 years right well that's 5years of pussy your going to have to make up for.
Change yourself for the better there's no time to waste with so much to do.
get hobbies try new shit out.
And about the introverted thing go out and talk if you embarrass yourself understand that your starting out and you'll get better really quick once you quit being a wen I
Introverted means you keep to yourself it doesn't mean you can't talk so work at it faggot.
Here's what you've posted, minus the irrelevant details.
>I wanted to marry this girl.
This is a big responsibility for anyone. Remember how piss poor the average person is when it comes to maturity.
>She backpedaled and hurt me a lot.
Well there you go. Point proven.
>Her father was an alcoholic.
And people who hurt others into adulthood due to how they grew up are fucking problematic plebs.
>She is continuing to hurt me, yet believes she can string me along
Are you weak enough to allow her to use you like this?
>Will this get better?
A spine for you and some counseling adherence for her, but I understand that is a lot to ask for in such a turbulent time.
>>16509258
Auch!! Watch out for my glasses you big jerk! No more kisses for you mister!
Hey OP, it's me again.
I got an advice for you that doesn't concern anyone else apart for you.
Listen up.
Do not let the fact that December is coming up become an issue. Being heartbroken is the worst way to end a year. There's nothing immediate you can do about being broken up, but your view on the holidays as a real part of a real calendar, is something you can distance yourself from. Christmas, as well as the Gregorian Calendar, is something made-up, fictitious, abstract. Observe the foolishness of all the strangers around you, mindlessly consuming away, with a kind smile on your face, because they don't know any better, the poor things. Consider the kindness of people to be sincere, during the holidays. Pretend that everyone enjoying these times, as if in celebration of your recovery, and forget everything else. And most important, tell yourself that it's already January, and that this year January is eight weeks long, and that you're moving towards the end of it. This way, you can manage to not get stressed out over the days and weeks passing. December is darkness defined for those who've lost someone, so just skip it. Secretly take the gift of a new year in advance and make the most of it by slowing down. Do not rush your recovery, it's perfectly fine to require a lot of time letting go. Be at ease no matter where you go, and just calmly observe the world around you. Maybe keep a journal of your emotional gains, and subtle, yet unavoidably, progressively changing thoughts on everything unfolding.
Be. At. Ease.
You won't overcome this monster by fighting it. Stay still, and it will pass you quietly in the dark.
I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting, OP. This is a grief process: psychologicaly not much different from mourning for something that died.
Or rather, it would be, except for this bit about possibly getting back together again. Your ex might think this is being nice, but it is in fact extremely cruel. You need time and distance in order to heal, and the chance of getting back together is preventing you from establishing distance, which keeps the wounds open and the pain fresh. I've been there myself, OP, and I applaud you for lasting three whole weeks in the race of it. I barely lasted even three days.
But I'm afraid there's only one way out of this: you have to close the book. Tell her you can't do this anymore. If she really can't continue in a relationship with you, then you're going to miss her, but you need a yes or a no, not a "maybe later". If she needs to be apart, then she needs to set you free.
And one last thing: there is a chance that during your time apart, she may have been seeing other people. This is legit: you had no claim at the time, and she was not cheating on you. She may have been back-pocketing you, which is Highly Uncool in its own right, but it's still not the same thing. Make sure you're OK with that before accepting her back, if it comes to that: you were exclusive before, and you can be exclusive after, but right now, you are not.
