What am I doing?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
This is a bit of a rant and cry for help.
I'm "dating" this girl. Our dates consist of hanging out and shopping but there is zero intimacy. No hugging, holding hands, kissing, sex, etc. She speaks to me about OUR future as if we're going to be married next year. The most affectionate thing she has done for me I guess was cook me food twice at her place.
But I what I don't understand is... why does she show zero intimacy? What should I do? I honestly feel like she's just using me for money. My spending has went up ridiculously since meeting her. Spending all of my money on someone and not getting even a hug is killing me. And if she really does think I'll marry her, looking at both our situations, she has a lot to gain from such a thing while it would inconvenience me.
When we first met and sometimes while chatting she'll talk about courtship and how guys need to show they have good intentions by being patient but that sounds pathetic.
Today we went to this mall and she was looking at these fucking $300 "on sale" designer purses. "OMG IT'S 40% SO IT'S ONLY $300 TODAY! I NEED IT!". She actually pestered me until I bought her an $115 "on sale" purse. She seemed to gloss over the name of the brand than the actual functionality and material of the thing. It's like she NEED some shitty name brand that costed at least a certain amount of dollars. That made me realize that I need to do something quickly.
Besides the obvious "leave her", what do I do? I feel like I'm in too deep. What are steps to slowly correct this problem? Why the fuck are women so materialistic?
>>16508674
You already know the answer, but you clearly came here to validate your relationship.
My question is: Would you heed our advice if we gave it, despite the obvious answer? Answer that first, and I'll so my best to help you.
You're the one enabling this behaviour, you know. If you said no from the beginning when she asked you to buy her shit, she wouldn't have got into the habit of asking you for things and you wouldn't be spending so much.
>>16508674
>Besides the obvious "leave her", what do I do? I feel like I'm in too deep.
Without her killing you in her sleep with those designer stiletto heels, nothing. Just up and leave.
I was initially going to suggest that your gf is awkward and doesn't know how to be physical in a relationship, but this is ridiculous.
This is worse than girls using guys on Tindr for restaurant food.
>What are steps to slowly correct this problem?
Honestly? Nothing.
>Why the fuck are women so materialistic?
Please don't generalize because not all women are that materialistic.
But typically people who are that materialistic use stuff to fill a hole within themselves.
She probably has issues, but I wouldn't fuck with that. Especially if she's using you.
>>16508674
You're bad at setting boundaries, this relationship doesn't hold up to objective scrutiny. The pain of leaving will be easier than the pain of staying
>>16508720
>Would you heed our advice if we gave it, despite the obvious answer?
yeah. just want to know if there's another option besides cutting all ties
>>16508728
You're right
>>16508743
>>16508731
>>16508728
I will try spending absolutely no money to see if she leaves me then.
>>16508748
Good for you OP.
Have you tried initiating physical intimacy with her? Like hand holding or hugging? If so, how did she respond?
>>16508748
If you decide to stop spending money on her, one of two things will happen. 1) you won't have the balls to say no and you give in and buy her shit when she asks anyway or 2) she'll question why you're not buying things, throw a tantrum, and you'll give in. You're not going to be able to say no, no guy who doesn't consider leaving his girlfriend who's obviously using him is capable of saying no.
>>16508753
>Have you tried initiating physical intimacy with her?
Not exactly. She doesn't seem to leave me any openings to touch her without it potentially looking forced and awkward on my part.
>Like hand holding or hugging?
I give her a hug when we say goodbye but it's in a car with her seatbelt on so it's always an awkward half-hug.
>>16508757
>she'll question why you're not buying things, throw a tantrum, and you'll give in.
What if I tell her that I need to save and that I've spent too much this month?
>>16508782
>What if I tell her that I need to save and that I've spent too much this month?
It'll still happen. She'll nag or cry or make a scene and you'll give in. Seriously, if leaving her isn't an option for you, then you're not going to be able to say no. She's fucking using you, do you actually think she's suddenly going to be okay with you saying no, if you can manage to?
>>16508791
>do you actually think she's suddenly going to be okay with you saying no, if you can manage to?
I can't really be sure man. I'm just a lonely fuck approaching the age where I should be married by now so it's hard.
I promise I will say no and stand firm.
>>16508850
Prove me wrong. Don't disappoint me anon.
>>16508850
How old are you and how old is she?
My goodness some people are dumb. OP, she will not be physical with you. You are buying expensive shit for her that most boyfriends do not buy their girlfriend on the regular. Stop buying her shit.
>>16508855
>How old are you and how old is she?
I'm 24 she's 28
>>16508851
I won't
>>16508869
You're not approaching the age you need to be married. I'm dating a guy way older than you who never settled down because he didn't want to settle with someone who wasn't right for him.
And I advise you to do the same. She's fucking you over.
What is your job? I would like to have enough money to afford a $115 purse easily
>>16508915
military. E3.
I had been single and saving money for a year since joining so this is my first time really spending on stuff.
>>16508874
How old is he? I have this burning feeling deep inside me that I need to get married and have a child.
>>16508942
He's 41.
Don't settle down with a cunt.
>>16508964
i wouldn't want to be 41, unmarried and childless. If I reach 30 and I'm unmarried+single and childless I think I'll snap.
>>16508674
How the fuck do you even get into these things? If a girl doesn't show you intimacy- at least cuddling with you- on the second date AND wants you to buy her expensive shit, leave that bitch.
>>16509331
being a lonely beta with too much money I hand I guess.
I think if I weren't single most my life I wouldn't be this way. Need to find one of those girls who don't obsess over material things but they don't exist anymore it seems or date asshats.
UPDATE: today I stood my ground and did not buy her some stupid designer perfume that was "on sale" 20% off today. I did buy lunch and made her tip waitress but that was it. Went home earlier than usual.
>>16510331
Stop. Buying. Her. Anything. She is not your girlfriend.
>>16508869
>>16508942
Holy shit you need to leave that relationship.
Work on your career for like 6 more years and then get a 24 year old woman who actually respects you, don't spend your savings for some woman who is clearly not even interested in you.
>>16508674
Stop being pathetic and make a move on her. Either she sucks your dick on the daily or she can buy her own fucking purses, her opinion on courtship is irrelevant, those are your terms. Man up and give them to her.
