To both: At what age is it too late to date?

>>16498397
None

>>16498397
There are 80 year olds who date. There is no 'too old'

>>16498397
It's never too late to date well, but I think patience for bad dates wanes somewhere in the late-20s. I wouldn't mind dating a girl at my age who has never dated before but the usual standards still apply. She's gotta learn what to expect and how to act from some other source. Otherwise it's just not worth the bother.

>>16498397
My grandmother met my now step-grandfather online and they've been together for 10 years. It's whatever

Is it normal to have 10/10 chemistry in real life but feel awkward over text?

Also guys do you mind if a girl is a bit more talkative than you over text? Or should I just shut up? I don't text much I reply when I get texted but I give full replies

For both (please state your sex):

If you could choose, what would you IDEALLY want your relationship history to be? (Ex. Would you want to find one partner for life? Have sex with a new person every day?)

>>16498450
As 21 y/o male, about the same amount of partners as me, in between 3 and 8. Just with the mindset that their lifestyle/decisions led them to a similar place as me

>>16498450
guy here:

ideally my relationship history would be one long unbroken relationship dotted with minor intrusions by other women which don't really bother the main girl because monogamy is dumb.

>>16498450
I'm female.

Ideally I want to have one or two serious boyfriends and my second one to be my partner for life/marriage.

One partner would be even better but I'm moving country soon so I know I'll have to break up with my bf.

>>16498450
21/yo female
What it is. Been in a relationship with one person since I was 15.

>>16498436
>Is it normal to have 10/10 chemistry in real life but feel awkward over text?
"texting etiquette" or whatever the fuck we want to call it doesn't always come easily to people. If you don't spend a lot of time texting and other stuff like that I would expect it to be a bit awkward.

>Also guys do you mind if a girl is a bit more talkative than you over text?
I don't see why I would have an issue with it, as long as she understood I also have my own life to take care of first.

>>16498450
I've never liked the idea of casual sex or relationships. I'd prefer one healthy relationship over a string of temporary ones.

Why do I turn into such a creepy fucking yandere when I'm into someone? How do I get my shit together and not get unhealthily stuck on the person?

>>16498461
top kek

>>16498470
In a situation with someone who's not a good texter, is it appropriate to just call them on the phone like in the before-time?

>>16498479
he said ideal not plausible

I've been married for a few years. It is taking a large toll on my mental health. I no longer feel like I'm married to the same person, and I don't see it working out. My wife knows that it's shitty, but thinks the small steps we take are really helping. Females, what the fuck do I do? Is there any scenario where you can imagine this working out well for me?

>>16498480
Depends on the individual. In my world calling me is likely a bad idea, because I'm usually busy with something. The biggest issue with texting is when people give closed responses imo, it's hard to build off of "lol yeah".

>see a girl on POF
>by chance I know where she works
>wanted to pop in tomorrow and buy stuff then ask her out

How wrong is it to ask someone out while they're working?

>>16498483
No, because it seems like you've given up.
You'll probably regret not giving it another effort.
You may tell yourself the effort your giving is real, but you can lie to us all you want, deep down you know it isn't.

Why is it "shitty" in the first place?

For guys, are girls with big feet a turn off?

>>16498513
no

unless you in the seinfeld universe

>>16498513
I've never even paid attention to that before, so I guess not.

>>16498505
I've giving it huge efforts. Trying my best to do what I can that will help. Communication has always been an issue. I've gone to counseling to try and help myself be able to express what I feel more effectively. I do what I can to try and make sure she is able to do what she needs. I have a hard time imagining that I'll regret it DESU. You never know though, I guess.

While dating she was a completely different person. Same way that I'm a different person. Dating we would go to parties and hang out with our friends. Since getting married, she re-found her religion. I don't have an issue with her going to church, it comes from when I feel like I can't be the same person around her or her family. I've always been respectful around them though. They didn't know I quit smoking until I told them, and didn't believe I smoked in the first place because I never did around them.When I hear her talk about work and how she is shaming the kids that work for her for profanity or how much she finds girls wearing shorts or tank tops disgusting, it embarrasses me. I appreciate someone believing in what they believe, but not when it comes across as just being negative to the world around her.

Expressed poorly, but I think I got the point across a bit.

>>16498436
It's fine, and I don't care.

So, when do you think I'll stop being a sex fiend? Am in my 4th year of uni and I can't even manage to date anyone ever, there's always someone new I'd like to fuck/hit on. I mean I don't actually fuck a shit ton more than normal people because...usually someone new appears before i get to the sexing part with the previous person...and I'm not really a fan of one night stands they kinda suck sexwise

>>16498530
Well she trusts you more is what it sounds like.
And that her being truthful doesn't sound like it pleases you.
She's probably always had these thoughts, now that you two are married, she has no need to hide her feelings anymore, she doesnt think you'll leave her if she expresses them, same goes for you.

This is a huge problem married couples have. They say "oh, I know this person so well, i'll marry them and we will be happy forever!"

No you won't. You've essentially put yourself into a familial relationship. She is not longer your girlfriend, she is your wife, she is now your family.
but you still expect her to be your girlfriend. She's not your girlfriend anymore. She is family. You fight with family don't you? How was it between you and your siblings?

Did you say most things you thought to your siblings, without caring what they thought because in all honesty you assumed they love you no matter what?

>>16498541
Never close to my siblings. So, no on that front. However I am understanding the point you're trying to make.

I do love her. However the love has changed. The attraction isn't there for me. I'm not sure if it's the change in what she says about people, or something else. The love is a lot more of a caretaker kind of love. I feel very responsible for her well-being. I know I shouldn't treat people like they are children, however I doubt if she is capable of taking care of herself. I don't have any idea of how to address that problem.

In no way, shape, or form did I expect I'd be happy forever. I did expect change from both sides. I didn't expect the change to shape personalities this much however,

>>16498569
You're assuming your personalities changed. they didn't.
Your outlook on things did. You still have the same temperament as you once did, you still have the same gut reactions you once did, just how you react to those feelings has changed.

For feeling she's like a child, thats not good. It means you don't respect her.
Is she good at something? Women don't often get praised for the things they do, so they keep quiet about them. If she is good at something, try it yourself, once you realize how strong somebody is, you find more respect.

And that care-taker love is normal. It's a different love. But if it's deforming into "I can't trust her with her own life", I feel as if that's somewhere on your end. Do you have attachment issues? Usually it stems from your primary caregiver(you wouldve been 0-6 years old), not tending to your needs. Or they tended to your needs perfectly fine, but not in the same way your wife's primary caregiver did for her, so you fundamentally don't understand how to care for each other in this kind of relationship.

For either gender but female viewpoint a plus, imagine you're on an online dating site and ignored someone who messaged you. Lets say you ignored it because his message was boring. Would you get irked if you got another message?

>>16498597
No. Honestly, but I'm a push-over, I would look at it more this time, if they were nice enough to try again. Makes me feel nice that someone likes me enough from just a profile.
But again, big softie push-over.

When I was younger, an older man told me that a woman's love is always conditional.
That if you fail your job she'll always leave you.

Women only love what can support them. That's what he told me.

In my life, I've always seen that to be true. A man loses his job, he struggles to find a new one, and instead of supporting him, his wife leaves him.

Is that true? Can women never love a man as he is? Is his life always what really determines what he is worthy?

>>16498450
A long healthy relationship really.

>>16498623
No, people lose jobs all the time?
What are you even talking about?
You've never known someone whose lost their job and "somehow" stayed in a relationship?

>>16498597
>>16498597
Fucking weird to message someone again who never responded to the first. Like, you don't even know this person, why are you so desperate that you sent a 2nd message? And you can't even take a hint too, this guy is probably a socially awkward creeper

Girls: When exactly am I supposed to try and get to know you better/ask you out etc?

School seems terrible as there are many people around. Work doesn't work. Whenever I go shopping all the girls seem really interested in what they're doing and I don't want to interrupt.

Where am I supposed to go and what do I do to get to know you better?

To the ladies: How picky are you girls when it comes to looks on a man? Or are some of you more interested in the person itself?

>>16498635
Well think, where's a place where:
>you'd WANT to meet a girl
>she wouldnt be overly into the activity going on
>but its still enough for you guys to bond over

>>16498623
What? dude, my dad lost his job and my mom was going to leave him not because he lost his job, but because he was stressed from trying to find a job, turned into a huge dick and tried to beat my sister. But my dad got his shit together and they're still together and my dad hasn't had a job for 9 years since he's old enough to retire anyway. My mom was making more money than him to begin with anyway

You really have to observe people better.

Is it true that female love is always conditional?

I've seen so many old men swear that and I've seen so much evidence in my life.

I can't help but be jaded.

You marry a man, let's say, but he loses his job and his ability to find another. Do you leave him? Seems most women would.

If on the other foot a wife should never be able to find a job, her husband would provide.

Can't women claim equity on that?

I keep hearing old men describe marriage like the story of the frog and scorpion

>>16498638
>taller then me(not very hard)
>not very fat(I dont mind heavy people, but pls no obese)
>Nice hair, I don't even mind peppercorn hair, but I like when it's taken care of.
>I also seem to have a specific thing to bigger noses(jewish fetish?)

>>16498649
Oh, its just someone shitposting.
We can stop responding.

>>16498643
uh the reason why I was asking is because I have no clue

Girls what's your favorite position?

If your boyfriend only ever initiated missionary sex with you, would you be fine with that, if not, what would you do?

>>16498606
>>16498630

I'm getting conflicting answers. It's a shame, I made a small list of people I'd like to meet and she was the very top.

>>16498232
Was asked by I girl I've been hanging out with if I was a virgin.

I met this girl off ok cupid, and we've hung out about 4 times now. I'm a pretty awkward guy and I've just started to feel comfortable around her. We hung out for a couple of hours yesterday and on the way taking her back to her places she asked me if I was a virgin. I am, so I said yes. I'm 21, she's 19. Her asking me that just threw me off. Do you guys think she thinks I ask like a virgin and thats why she asked?

Also, how do I know when to go in for the kiss? I haven't kiss any one in like 2 years

>>16498513
I really don't give a shit. Hell I'm missing half of my toenails.
Foot fags might give a damn though.

>>16498654
>I also seem to have a specific thing to bigger noses(jewish fetish?)
Or Italian. Depends on the shape.

>>16498712
Doggystyle

>>16498721
Why?

I ask because I have this embarrassing problem where I freak out and go soft if we move around too much before we fuck. Like if she's not stroking me, I won't stay hard, and I struggle to get it in in any position other than missionary

>>16498728
You're just nervous bro.
Been there myself.

Just gotta let it go.
Just stop worrying.

It's all in your head. All you got do believe is that she want it as much as you do.
And suddenly, fucking iron.

>>16498728
because it feels good

I think you need to treat your erectile dysfunction

Why is every women I come into a relationship with boring? I'm an outgoing guy, I travel around the world, always try to keep my daily life busy with fun new adventures and have plenty of stories to talk about, but the women I always meet have absolutely nothing interesting to talk about. The discussions always fall into the categories of either sex, shit people say on facebook, or netflix bullshit

Are women less adventurous than men on average or am I just seeking the wrong women?

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>gf wants to have sex with lights on
>I don't

How do I get her to stop pushing it?

>>16498739
>because it feels good
Try missionary with a pillow under your ass so he's thrusting up

>>16498747
Let me fuck her instead

Jokes

>>16498747
Try a head mounted flashlight

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>>16498747
>>gf wants to have sex with lights on
>>I don't

You fuckin a chubbo?

Normally a man wants to see those jiggly bits flying

>>16498764

No I'm just ashamed of my third nipple which is on abdomen.

>>16498769
>third nipple
Nigga, you gay?

Who gives a shit.
Women don't.

It's just like if they get you far enough to fuck, they don't care if you got 6 nipples

>>16498747
Why are you so against it?

>>16498740
Wrong women. I've come across just as many boring guys as you have girls

>>16498712
I like cowgirl. If my boyfriend only ever did missionary, I'd speak up pretty quickly.

>>16498623
>>16498652
Of course I'd support my husband if he lost his job. This is such a leading question it's not even funny

>>16498638
I need to be attracted to you. Other than that, there's no X/10 requirement

>>16498635
I don't understand what's wrong with school

>>16498597
If it was another boring message, then yes.

Non-ghetto black girl is into me, how do I not fuck it up? We've hung out like 3 times but I haven't done anything yet, and looking back I think she wanted to last time we were together.

Girls: If you like a guy are you still a bit subdued when texting? Like would you always text him back quickly and reply to everything or would you play it more cool?

I have a lot of evidence she's into me. Whenever we text it's always rife with exclamation points (all girls seem to do this). The first time I texted her in a while she asked me to hang out with her (couldn't at the time). Since then she always reply's to me but it's usually short and sweet and she rarely sends me one first.

Would you text a guy in this way if you liked him??

>>16498782
>Of course I'd support my husband if he lost his job. This is such a leading question it's not even funny
I don't believe you.

All I've seen of women is that love is conditional.
My mother left my father because he was away on work for too long.
It was voluntary. It was military.
He was ordered.

But she couldn't stand it.
So she left him.

He was so broken up by it. He talked to me, his teenage son about it. It hurt me. It scared me.

I will never forget the pain I heard in his 40 year old voice.

I don't think I can ever trust a woman wholly.

It doesn't matter about jobs or behavior. If you marry someone, it should be a bond forever. Even if you never see that person again, you should love them. Always. No matter what.

Never seen a woman do that.

>>16498769
Make her suck that shit while you're making her.

It'll take the power out of your shame by using it in your sex

Where do I find shy girls? Is it even possible? I'm extremely outgoing and ambitious but I want to meet someone the opposite: a wallflower. I'm very competitive and haven't liked dating girls similar to myself because it always leads to some subconscious competition.

>>16498810
I'm not asking you to believe me. If you don't trust women, that's not my fault. I don't know why you bothered asking if you were just going to argue with those who disagreed with your view of women, you're just wasting everyone's time.

>>16498816
Online might be your best bet.

>>16498810

Your thinking is not very clear. What about a marriage where the man starts beating the woman? One of them starts abusing drugs and won't get help? There's lots of reasons why some marriages should not be a bond forever.

I'm willing to bet money on that your mother did love your father, but couldn't stand the stress of him being in the military away all the time, where he could be killed any moment, and it didn't feel like a marriage anymore because he was never there--I don't think many people could stand that stress.

Ladies what do you want to hear in a first message on an online dating site? I've tried "aye wan fuck" and it doesn't work.

How do I approach first kiss with a girl? I've only kissed one other girl

>>16498810
Oh, we're doing personal experience stories now? Ok.

My father was a jeweler. He lost his job just like every other jeweler in fucking Nj. My mother didn't just stand by him - she dragged his lazy, moping ass out of bed and told him to go find a job. He landed a job not even a month later in Ny. And also - my mother at the time worked two jobs. Two. She ended up having a stroke from all the stress, poor thing, but she still works one job even now. And they've been married, monogamously, for 25 years - virgins when they married even. And they love me on top of all that.

So I'm sorry your mother was a worthless piece of shit who probably fucked everything in sight with her overblown gaping vag - but I have amazing parents who stick to each other like glue. So HA in your face.

Guys, do you think your upbringing has anything to do with how attractive things like MRA, red pill, MGTOW etc. are to you? In relation to bitterness towards women, I mean - I realise some of those movements have aspects that have nothing to do with women

I ask because a friend of mine has started to take on these ideas. He was raised by a single mother and has two older sisters, all three of who he has a good relationship with. I was under the impression that guys who have had shit experiences with women, starting with their mothers like >>16498810 were the ones most susceptible to those ideas.

>>16498859
Yeah if a dude is involved with these kinds of people he's either a loser or just incredibly unlucky with women(probably the former). These guys think that women should conform to what they want them to be. I'm not a feminist in any way but women today are women today this won't change anytime soon. These guys just can't get with the program.

So basically he's frustrated with women but instead of blaming himself (he should) he blames them.

If you call up a girl, and get cut off within the minute, is it safe to assume she hated it?

Told her beforehand I'd ring her up around that time, and she was okay with that. However, she'd also been busy doing homework for hours, and apparently she still was. She's been obsessed with it lately, and legitimately needs a lot of time for it.

So I was just checking in for a bit, chatting some, and suddenly
>if you don't mind, I'm going to finish this assignment
Should I just blame the work here, or does this sound like an excuse? I feel let down, but maybe this is normal. I don't know.

>>16498859

I kind of subscribe to being an MRA. The idea that they're all neckbeards who hate women and "wahh I can't get laid its not my fault it yours" is pretty far from the norm. I just think there is some inequality towards men which goes ignored. Women's issues are no less important but tend to get the spotlight a lot more. I'm not really active in this idea, though, just something I agree with a lot.

As for upbringing: I was beat by my father frequently and have no love for him, especially after he left my mother penniless right after she got a large inheritance. I don't hate women: I love women. I hate women who try real hard to prevent women from being women, though.

>>16498874
Is she usually a bitch? If not it does seem like she was just stressed out. You're probably fine bro.

>>16498816
Online. Or at school. Or at the cafe. I mean, anywhere really.. Just have to go for the girl who keeps to herself. But are you sure you want a shy, more introverted girl? Because, just speaking personally here, it's difficult to talk openly to a total stranger at first. A guy needs to be kind of patient so I could warm up to them. So, you might have to do most of the talking first until I trust you enough to let you see 'the real me'. Are you okay with a girl who doesn't just want to party or is super loud? Because it's nice to go out hiking, or drinking a little sometimes, or laying outside and looking at the stars; but sometimes it's also nice to just stay in and play a video game and cook with someone else and just chill :) This probably sounds really dumb or too bare bones, sorry. Just make sure you're okay with that. Falling for someone just for them to later on decide your personality isn't 'wild' enough sucks :(

>>16498232
My dick is half as thick as my forearm and almost as big as my forearm (sometimes bigger if I'm really turned on).

Is this bad?

>>16498859
>Guys, do you think your upbringing has anything to do with how attractive things like MRA, red pill, MGTOW etc. are to you?
To an extent. If a guy has a string of bad experiences with women, he doesn't get the same kind of experience a woman would with men. I've seen people more focused on making sure a guy understands ~not all women are like that~, rather than helping him out after getting out of an abusive relationship. Not to mention the fact a disturbing number of women thinks its ok to attack a guy because he can take it, and if he can't he's not a man to begin with.

So where does that leave him? In a lot of situations, its bottle it up till it festers, or go to the first support group that'll back you up even if it is possibly full of idiots. Then he's a member of the "manosphere" or whatever crap we're calling it.

As far as your friend goes, I'd honestly wager that his relationship with the family isn't quite as decent as you make it out to be. At the end of the day as much as I love my mother, there are a number of topics she'll never understand from a guys perspective. Without my father to balance her out, I'm not sure our relationship would be as good as it is right now.

>>16498882
I'm having a hard time getting through to her at all lately. We've gone out a few times and she used to be interested, but ever since she bombed her first exams a few weeks ago, her work takes full priority. It's become her complete life.

I genuinely like her and genuinely want to help her through this and continue going out, but moments like these are just discouraging entirely. I'm pretty sure she really is stressed out, but I don't know how many more "fuck off"-signals I can take.

When do I tell this girl I'm seeing I'm a pre-op FtM transsexual? We've been on a few dates and have made out. I've eaten her out but stopped before I could disrobe.

>>16498982
If this is serious, that's something you should have told her prior to dating

>>16498987

Should I just break it off, then?

>>16498989
You should tell her ASAP and see how she reacts before you do that

>>16498886
That sounds too big for me, but I'm sure some other girls would be fine.

>>16498886
Nope nope nope. No thanks.

>>16498859
I don't identify with any of those groups (and I'm a female), but I think my parents' relationship definitely contributed to my affinity towards traditional gender roles and my disagreement with legal marriage.

My friend psyches herself up when she doesn't succeed the first time, saying "i can do it, i can do it" on repeat
She'll also slouch when talking to you
What's going on there?

Guys, would any of you actually want and prefer to have one partner for life, and wouldn't mind not ever "experiencing" or "experimenting" with other girls? Are any of you in a long, happy relationship with your first?

I've been seeing a lot of "my girlfriend is the only girl I've ever been with and she's perfect, but now I feel like I'm missing out and want to leave her" threads and it's really discouraging.

>>16499055
I find there's nothing wrong with that.

Sure every person thinks "What if?", but if you are both contempt then whats wrong.

Worst case scenario just pay a hooker for a threesome with her or buy her a strap on. Or do both things, whatever floats your boat.

>>16498498
I don't see anything wrong with that.
I mean, put yourself in that position, if someone walked up to you and asked you out while you were working, how would you feel about it?

how much time does it take when you get a new girlfriend/boyfriend until sex is truly great like it was with your ex?

>>16499078
92 hr 16 m 22s

>>16498871
lol what a faggot

>>16498747
Get a strobe light m8

>>16499055
Lots of guys are like that. They tend to want someone who feels the same too.

I have some marks between my boobs from when I used to wear my bra too much and the wire caused a little discoloration. is this a huge turn off? no ones said anything before but I feel like its the only thing they see when I take my bra off

>>16499055
>Guys, would any of you actually want and prefer to have one partner for life,
Yes, I do.
>and wouldn't mind not ever "experiencing" or "experimenting" with other girls?
No, I wouldn't mind. Partners aren't clothes, where you return them if they don't fit 100% or because you don't like a certain thing about them. I also wouldn't throw them out and get something new, because I've grown bored of the old.

>>16499255
>is this a huge turn off?
No, why would it?
Would you mind the scars on my back because my skin isn't smooth but feels weird?
Guys might notice it and wonder what it is, but is by no means a turn off.

I feel like I can only have authentic conversations with my friends/partners through text. Personal conversations feel off-kilter and strained, and yet I constantly feel frustrated at the lack of expression text conveys.
Is there anyone else who has experienced something like this?

>>16499255
No one is going to care at the point they are touching your boobs.

>>16498859
This is what I worry about. I've had a difficult relationship with my single mother and her boyfriend (and yes, I know how inane that sounds), and as a result have dug myself into a cocoon, and effectively taught myself the "red pill" doctrine for years. Now that I'm starting to realize how much bs that all is, I'm can't effectively read the world, I have no idea how to act around women, or even other people in general.

to both: Should I even consider thinking about dating if i'm depressed?

>>16499255
Yeah it'll be hard to notice a slight mark when there are boobs on either side of it. Men can't even pay attention to the road if they see boobs while driving. You think they'll notice a slight discolouration?

>>16499367
Don't bother, just work on fixing the depression first.

people always get confused wether my interest is 'clinical' or personal, wat do?

>>16499376
Yeah, I guess you're right. One thing at a time then.

Girls

How many dates until a guy is trustworthy for bed action?

>>16499632
Over 1,000

>>16499632
one

How do you make text conversations less awkward/break the ice?

I only just met this guy and there's obvious chemistry irl but we see each other only once a week so most of our communication is done by text. We've had a few jokes together, shared some personal stuff, etc, but I can still sense the awkwardness and feel like we're not comfortable yet.

How do I fix this?

>>16499632
depends. virgin? until you're in a relationship, probably. slut? one date. average girl? 3.

Girl to girl,

I dressed fly at a party my boyfriend didn't attend on Friday. An acquaintance from that party started texting me the next day. His text started to become more than friendly so I eventually mentioned my boyfriend.

He still continues to text me, but subtly flirtatious ( or maybe it's in my head). I wouldn't mind being his friend, but I don't want to lead this guy on.

Should I continue to text him back, maybe wait longer to reply? We have been talking about music for about three days now. So the subject matter isn't too personal.

I'm trying not to break any boundaries and gain a friend.

>>16499632

If we are talking about fingerbanging and fooling around probably a month. I value penetrative sex more and would wait for about 3 months or until we are in love (most likely puppy love).

>>16499706
>I don't want to lead this guy on
You blew that the moment you dressed up for the attention of other guys at a party your boyfriend wasn't attending. You can't gain a friend from this. Either stop responding or bang him. Up to you.

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>>16499717

>>16499717
>for the attention of other guys
I didn't do it for attention. My friend and I were feeling down so we both dressed up. It's quite common for people to dress nice when people go "out".

It was a small thing and barely talked to the guy.

May I have unbias advice from someone else?

>>16499706
This guy isn't your friend. The reason male/female friendships have such a bad reputation when they can work out fine is because of situations like this. He is obviously approaching you from the perspective of someone romantically/sexually interested (more than friendly) and you can't just suddenly turn him into a fully platonic friend. Slower replies will just annoy him and make him wonder whether he's done something to rub you the wrong way or that you're losing (romantic) interest or anything. You have to get to the root. I like to just play open card, which in this situation would be "I have an odd feeling about our conversations, I can't quite sense whether you want to be my friend or my lover and don't want to lead you on. I am in a relationship I am very happy with and not looking for anything romantic, sexual or otherwise." If he says that's fine, you can be friends, proceed with caution and cut him off as soon as he says something too flirty, with a swift mention that he makes you uncomfortable talking to you in this way and you wish him the best but are not interested in talking to him anymore.

>>16499717
What, should she have worn sweatpants and an old shirt? A party is a party, if she can go without her boyfriend escorting her I can't see why she can't dress appropriately for the occasion.

>>16499727
>I didn't do it for attention
Then it would've been irrelevant and you wouldn't have mentioned it. However, you did mention it, which means it was relevant, which means you did do it for the attention of other guys. It's assumed that people dress nicely when they go out. When someone has to make a point of just how nicely they dressed, it reveals their ulterior motives.

>May I have unbias advice from someone else?
Ah, there's your second problem. Not content with lying to yourself, you've come here for someone else to lie to you. You came for validation, not advice. Stop taking everything as an attack.

>>16499735
See the point I've made above. She reveals the relevance of her attire the moment she mentions it.

>>16499727
Do you mention your boyfriend much? Maybe speak about him more.
Have you told your boyfriend about this guy?

>college
>girl who lives in my dorm
>kind of a shy/awkward girl compared to most of the girls that live there, I think her roommates actually bully her
>we never really have any full length conversations with each other, but every time we pass each other we say hello and ask what's going on, etc. and she smiles at me
>before she leaves for vacation this past weekend, she goes out of her way to find me, say goodbye, and hugs me

what does it mean

>>16499740
>which means it was relevant, which means you did do it for the attention of other guys
This is not at all the same. People going to a party want to feel good and like they look good. Wanting other people to see that you look cute and festive is not the same as wanting to actively sexually attract them to you unless you are wearing something like a see through dress.

>She reveals the relevance of her attire the moment she mentions it.
Of course, because it made her look better so it is more likely that the guy thought she was attractive. It's a spectrum, again if she was wearing those shorts that show butt cheek with a crop top I would agree with you. But it's bullshit that just dressing nicer than you normally would is going too far unless your boyfriend is hovering around you to let everyone know you're taken. And again, who wants to attend a party while feeling like a slob compared to other people? I'm not sure if you're assuming that looking fly automatically means that your tits are falling out and your dress just barely covers your ass, or that you think trying to look better than you do in everyday life is something that should be reserved for your romantic partner or something.

>>16499735
>"I have an odd feeling about our conversations, I can't quite sense whether you want to be my friend or my lover and don't want to lead you on. I am in a relationship I am very happy with and not looking for anything romantic, sexual or otherwise."

Good choice of words. I just texted him that.

>Then it would've been irrelevant and you wouldn't have mentioned it.

Good point. I meet his guy maybe two years ago and he never talked to me. That's why I thought it be important to mention. After two years of sortof knowing me, he is texting me constantly?

>Stop taking everything as an attack.
This is a bit harder. 4chan is usually a hostile place.

>>16499742
I mention my boyfriend once. My friend suggested telling my boyfriend. Should I? I don't want to make him jealous.

>>16499727
>>16499706
Waiting longer to reply won't really change anything from the perspective of a guy. We may think you are less interested than you were at first, but you are still responding, so you do seem okay with what is going on, want to continue the conversation and are still showing interest. So why should that stop him (or me)? Maybe you are just a bit busier after all?
And it doesn't matter why you dressed up. All the guy is seeing is you actually being dressed up. He doesn't see "oh, she was down and wants to feel a bit better", he sees you dressed up and responding to his texts even after his intentions were clear.
Your only solution would be to draw very, very clear lines, set boundaries, absolute limits that can't be crossed and make it absolutely clear to him there will never be anything romantically going on between you two. And even then he might still have hopes and continue to pursue you depending on the kind of person he is. He may also just pretend to be a platonic friend simply waiting for the right moment, when you are single again, possibly taking advantage of a rebound.
Even if you don't think so, >>16499717 is right. You screwed this up the moment you dressed up, signalling availability (you don't dress up to feel better and then stay at home), and there is no sure way to get back on a platonic level with that guy once he took a romantic interest in you.
It might work, depending on the kind of guy he is, but I guarantee you it won't work with well over 90 % of guys.

>>16499756
I'm just explaining how it reads. It's like the difference between a guy saying:
>I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans
and
>I've been working out for a while now and I had a pretty good pump going.I wore a t-shirt and jeans. This girl started texting me the day after.
You can tell the difference between the two statements and what they imply, right?

Again, it's assumed that you look good when you go to a party. It's assumed that you dress nicely. When you have to explicitly preface your story with "I dressed fly" then you're making a point of just how good you looked for that party. It becomes a massively relevant part of the story. This is English 101.

>>16499757
Yes tell you boyfriend.
If he finds out he'll think you're up to something if you haven't mentioned it. Would you want to know if a girl was flirting with him?
I don't really understand why you're still replying to this guy. If it was someone flirting with me when they knew I had a boyfriend I'd have stop replying long ago.

Would a guy go out of his way to text you often, invite you to get food together, etc just so he could get in your pants?

>>16499757
You haven't told him?
Do you prefer him to be somewhat jealous over this or to think you were hiding something when he finds out somehow from someone without you telling him? If you are open about this, he should know you want him to trust you and that there is actually nothing to worry about.
"I don't want to make him jealous" is as bad as an excuse as it gets for withholding that kind of information, unless there really is a reason for him to be jealous of that other guy. That's exactly the reason some guys I know have a problem trusting their girlfriends. Too much shit like this blew up and out of proportion before.

>>16499770
How often and for how long has it been going on? Nobody plays the long game for a one night stand.

Why is it so hard to objectively tell if someone likes you, but easy to tell if someone likes someone else?

>>16499748
I'm not a girl but whether it's a sign of attraction or not it's a sign that she enjoys your company and if you think she's an interesting person, romantically or not, you should make an effort to spend actual time with her so you can either be her friend or try to become romantically involved with her.

It sounds like she could use some friends, and if she took time out of her day to come find you before leaving she's probably pretty lonely. Don't be her friend just because you pity her though, if you actually think she's cool you should make an effort to hang out with her.

If you think she's attractive you should ask her out on a date. Worst case scenario she says she's not interested in you romantically and seeing her is awkward for a few days until you get over it and go back to making small talk in the hallway like you used to.

>>16499772
About two weeks but we've known each other for a year.

>>16499762
Sure, she implies that she looked good, which I don't see the issue with. Given the context of her story I took it more as that she normally dresses pretty casually and upped her game (relatively speaking) a lot for the party. Not necessarily that she looked great compared to all the other guests, or to how she looks at other parties.

>>16499776
Have you went out together? Accepted any of those invites?

>>16499758
>Your only solution would be to draw very, very clear lines, set boundaries, absolute limits
Thank you, I just did that with >>16499735 advice.

He responded that he just wants to be friends.
If he does continue to pursue, however stuble, I will just stop talking to him.

>you don't dress up to feel better and then stay at home
I do though. My friends and I go shopping and try clothes on for fun. It makes me feel better when I wear something pretty. It's like doing the superman pose for 30 seconds.

>>16499769
>>16499771
I will tell him.

Thank you for the advice guys. I think this will wrap up nicely.

>>16499706
One of my friends did this to me. I mean same attitude, different story. My friend in high school asked me on a date about five years ago and then stood me up. Said we're better off friends or whatever. I met my current bf shortly after and we started dating, been with him since. And yea, I lost a lot of weight, improved my fashion (hair, make up, maintenance, etc), and I think I look pretty good now.

I like this dude as my friend. But occasionally he will text me and start being flirty. I just stop responding. I don't really know what to do. I don't respond to his flirting at all, well, barely respond to him at all unless he says something like "Hey how have you been?" after long periods of time and I just respond neutrally. I think he has some deep-seeded regret for standing me up because he's been single for like 5 years. He knows I have my boyfriend. He knows who my boyfriend is, so he's kinda just being shady.

like, I don't wanna delete him because he was cool before, we were friends since we were about 13 or so. I'm not interested in him anymore. Plus, we have mutual friends and my female friends say he does the same shit to them too. They say he's just really desperate and it's off-putting, but they said they don't know how to respond either.

I've just kept my distance and wait for the slow drift of friendship to officially cut off. I don't want to get all crazy on him, because it's just not me. I would if he was ridiculously forward and never left me alone though. When I stop responding, he leaves me alone for a few months.

I say, stop responding.

>>16499770
Yes. I could put an exclamation mark at the end of that if you like, but that's so basic and fundamental, I never thought anybody would ask that.
>>16499772
"Get in your pants" isn't necessarily a one night stand. He could hope for regular sex, just no relationship as well.

>>16499748
You might just be one of the few people she has some sort of connection on that campus with.
She might want to be your friend, or more, we can't know, but has a hard time asking you to actually do something or so (you said she is shy after all).
Getting closer to her, at least as a friend, should be pretty easy for you from what you told us. Just ask her to hang out some time, if that's what you want.

>>16499777
>upped her game a lot for the party
You don't do that unless you want attention. Like that other person said, this isn't about "feeling better" because nobody dresses up in their Sunday best and lays around their house to cheer themselves up. She was out for the ego boost to cheer herself up.

>>16499778
Accepted his invite for lunch (it was more like a "we should get lunch sometime" "we should!"), and I offered to meet up a few days ago which he seemed happy about but we haven't gotten around to it yet.

>>16499774
Because when it's about other people, you have nothing at stake if you misinterpret things, so your judgment isn't clouded by either nerves or wishful thinking. Also if you care about someone a lot, everything they do seems huge and relevant, while with someone else you have no issue distinguishing between significant and insignificant things because, again, you're not personally involved. Once you lose your sense for what matters and what not and the bigger perspective, you can forever go on with "yeah she said she'd like to meet with me some day but then today when I smiled at her she looked so neutral what's up with that she probably found out that I'm boring" etc.

>>16499786
Hold off on making any assessments until you get lunch and see how he acts at it.

>>16499775
Alright. I want to ask to do something with her, but not romantically. For instance, take her to see a movie, but not as a date. Is that even possible for a guy to do?

>>16499780
You are an exception then. I was more talking people in general don't do it, which is why people see it as a signal of availability and want of attention.
Just make sure to keep setting those boundaries, although you saying you'd stop talking to him sounds like that's the plan.

>>16499785
Speak for yourself. I rarely go to parties (I'm talking, having been to three in my life) and dress in straight jeans and sweaters in everyday life 90% of the time, no make up for 99%. The rare time I go to a party, fuck yeah, I'll put on my heels and dress and lipstick, even though most I've been to involved zero present men. It's about the feeling of doing something out of the ordinary, having a night out when you normally just sit in, to get yourself in the different mindset, to feel pretty. Fuck, I'll even wear sheer bodysuits underneath while I haven't gotten laid in a year and a half because it makes me feel hot.

And I actually also do that if my self esteem is very low, not to the same extent but I'll put in more effort to compensate for feeling like a dog. At least I don't look like one.

I'm not saying she is definitely exactly like me, just that there are definitely people for whom it works this way. You can't just assume everyone mirrors your feelings on this. Assuming you are even female.

>>16499782
Same anon and this happened to me too. I used to date someone in high school and we broke up, but he would still flirt with me for years. I disregarded his flirting and stop talking to him. He has been in two relationships since and now we are best friends like back in high school. It's a nice feeling.

>>16499796
I see and agree.

>>16499801
>Assuming you are even female.
You've given yourself away here with the use of the word "even". I find it hard to take anything you said seriously now, because now I know you're trying to make a point against what you perceive to be a sexist guy that won't let girls have fun or whatever. Your choice of words betrays your passive aggression that you've tried so hard to hide.

>>16499801
Not that guy and I do believe you.
But this is also about how others perceive you.
As I pointed out in >>16499758 and >>16499796 you will be seen as wanting attention and signalling availability by guys whether that is what you are doing or not. You may have completely different motifs for doing so, yet that is how it is going to be seen unless the other person knows you and your reasons.

>>16499807
>because now I know you're trying to make a point against what you perceive to be a sexist guy that won't let girls have fun or whatever.
I am implying that a woman would know more about how women feel about dressing up or dressing down than men do. There are different expectations for the sexes here, especially seeing how a guy can very much show up at a party in jeans and a shirt.

It is annoying to hear someone state with certainty that the way you and others you've known feel just does not happen period. Other than that you can read into it whatever you want, I'm just saying it's less straightforward than you made it out to be.

>>16499795
Yeah, it is, but I don't know why you'd choose a movie specifically.

You don't really get to know someone by going to see a movie. If you don't care for her romantically, just imagine she's a guy that you'd want to hang out with. If you're making friends with a guy and you don't know him too well you probably wouldn't go to the movies with him because there's not much bonding involved, you just sit there and stare at the same screen, then afterwards you talk about the movie for a bit and that's it.

If you have a group of friends, the safest way to hang out with her while making sure she doesn't take it the wrong way would be to invite her to hang out in a group. Next time your friends all go grab lunch together or gather around and play mario kart or whatever you guys usually do, just ask if she wants to come.

If you don't have friends that you're comfortable doing that with, take her to lunch or something super casual. There are some activities that are very date-like that can be taken the wrong way (Movies, roller skating, mini golf, etc.). I'd avoid those.

If there was some guy who you made small talk in the hallway with all the time and one day he asked you to a movie you'd probably think he was hitting on you, don't you think? But if he said something like "Hey, are you free on Thursday? My friends and I were gonna go (Insert whatever you and your friends do together), you're welcome to come if you want!" it would come off as more of a friendly gesture.

If you'd rather be her friend but hang out with just her its a bit trickier, but it's still not impossible. If you see her before lunch usually just say something like "Hey, I was gonna go to (wherever you wanna eat) for lunch today and all my friends are busy, wanna go? It'll probably be around (whatever time you eat, depending on your schedule)".

That's what I'd do, anyways.

>>16499818
>I am implying that a woman would know more about how women feel about dressing up or dressing down than men do.
>You can't just assume everyone mirrors your feelings on this
Short little memory span you got there, huh?

>I'm just saying it's less straightforward than you made it out to be.
Don't kid yourself.

>>16499813
That I do not disagree with at all. But there is not really a way to avoid people getting the wrong impression and it should not mean you can't put effort into looking nice. The issue is not with looking good - some women are so gorgeous they attract this kind of attention even if they wear a trashbag so to speak - but in how you handle it and how quickly and straightforwardly you shoot them down.

>>16499801
She felt the need to point out she was dressed up good. Why even mention it?

>>16499826
They're not mutually exclusive at all. A woman on average would have way more insight in this, because she knows the situations from a female perspective and is more familiar with what's normal for women with that insight, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't make a mistake to think that because she is a woman herself every else feels exactly the same.

If you're trying to say I'm unaware my own thought process, okay, but I have nothing to say to that and I don't think anyone else would.

>>16499831
She already said that this was a guy she'd "known" for a long time but had never really spoken to. So it makes sense that she thinks he had not noticed her as a dating/sexual option before but had now that she looked fancier than she usually does.

>>16499834
>A woman on average would have way more insight in this
You can't just assume everyone mirrors your feelings on this.

I'm not saying you're unaware of your own thought process. I'm saying you're fully aware of it and are just a straight up hypocrite.

>>16499825
You're right. Unfortunately I don't have a group of friends to invite her to hang out with. Maybe if I see her at lunch I'll offer to sit with her. I guess it will probably make her pretty happy, seeing as I'm technically "way out of her league" and I get a lot of attractive girls checking me out pretty often.

>>16499827
>But there is not really a way to avoid people getting the wrong impression
There is, if you are making an effort at being aware of how other people might perceive you and your actions.
>it should not mean you can't put effort into looking nice
I agree there. But no matter how you shoot them down, they won't ever take it as you not signalling a want for attention, just possibly not from them.
There is different ways to "look nice" though, even for a party, and not all make the same impression on guys.

>>16499840
It took her one sentence to outline just how fucking gorgeous and dressed up she was for that party.

It took her sixteen sentences to outline the relationship between her and the guy.

There's a reason for that.

>>16499841
Okay, look, equivalent. A guy would very likely know more about what it's like to pick up girls than a girl, and more about why guys do or do not do certain things. Because they have been in their shoes.
That does not mean they can 1:1 assume that if another guy does something it would mean 100% of what it would mean for them if they did that, because they're still different people. The sentences don't follow by chance, it is basically; [even though you are a woman] other people are still other people who might do the same things for different reasons, if you even are a woman to begin with and not coming from an outsider's perspective in the very first place.

Hypocrite how?

>>16499850
>A guy would very likely know more about what it's like to pick up girls than a girl
Now that's sexist and exclusive of the LGBT community.

>>16499846
>There is, if you are making an effort at being aware of how other people might perceive you and your actions.
Sure, but if you were to fully avoid it, that has pretty far reaching consequences. There are guys who see it as a signal if you smile at them, just to name something. I should've phrased it differently and say you can't really shape your life according to making absolutely sure no one could possibly think you're up for interest.

>There is different ways to "look nice" though, even for a party, and not all make the same impression on guys.
I agree with this and already said that if she dressed quite provocatively I do agree it was sending the wrong signal. But she only specified that she looked good for the party.

Can even the biggest player of a guy get major feels for a girl and want to be in a relationship with her?

>>16499844
Yeah, that's a good idea. I would just make sure that if you get the feeling that she's expecting anything romantic to come out of your friendship then you shoot it down quick, so you can still be her friend. The whole "friendzone" belief isn't just for guys, there are girls who think that way too. Good luck!

>>16499850
This is astounding. Are you telling me that women don't have basic empathy skills? That they simply do not understand how others might perceive them because they don't have a slab of meat swinging between their legs? I don't need to be starving to understand how starving people might feel about food.

>if you even are a woman to begin with
Another passive aggressive dig? Really? You're far too defensive for someone that apparently my words don't apply to, which makes me think you're lying to either make her feel better, make yourself feel better or both.

Also, I really hope English isn't your first language. That post reads just atrociously.

>>16499857
I do agree with that post now.
We don't know how she dressed, but chances are it was her showing availability, even if it wasn't her intention to. I am just speaking from my own experiences with girls/women at parties though, so I might still be wrong.

>>16499858
Yes. Why would that one guy be the only exception on this planet? Chances are he is not though and is just doing his thing. The trick is to make a girl feel that way, despite you not wanting anything serious, if you are a player. How else do you think they get all those girls?
Most people don't really change like that in a short period of time.

>>16499858
Probably. it's such a vague question. My current bf had a player attitude. But he was like a fake player. He acts flirty with women, but would always turn them down for sex? I mean, he'd hook up with women before me (we were friends before so I knew of it). But he never stuck his dick in them. I don't know, I never understood that. He was a manwhore with morals. I think he had some form of madonna-whore complex.

Well, he's settled down with me for years. But in the beginning when he threw his player attitude with me, I literally just told him to cut the bullshit and act like himself and if he liked me then to treat me like he likes me because I already liked him. So there was no need to attempt to impress me.

I think a lot of players don't know how to act when they actually like someone. You have to break their attitude.

>>16499858
I think it depends on the guy, but yeah, it's possible.

A friend of mine is very successful with girls, and he rarely seeks actual relationships, but he still seeks them sometimes. He doesn't ever get "major feels" for a girl from what I've seen, because feelings of a certain level usually only come from people who have a chance at being with someone they didn't expect to have a chance with. He's confident enough that nobody is really unattainable to him (at least, that's how I see it, I'm not him so I wouldn't know for sure), but he still gets feelings of wanting to be with someone for more than just sex.

>>16499862
Basic empathy cannot replace not having experienced thing firsthand. Are you seriously saying that you would take the advice of a woman in male matters at exactly the same value as a man who has literally faced the situation you are in from first person view? Because I would not and it is not because of sexism but because they can be expected to have more experience that is valuable to you, and your ability to see nuance is greater. Just like "OP" asked for female input because this is a situation that will be more familiar to women. I don't see the problem with this.

>[even though you are a woman] (...) if you are even a woman to begin with
It was because of the former assumption.

I don't get your huge issue with you. You are calling me defensive while calling me passive aggressive, probably lying, speaking terrible English (it's not my first language, no) and a hypocrite. So yeah, probably somewhat, because you are hugely antagonizing me over saying that I disagree that dressing up absolutely must mean you are vying for male attention and I don't understand how that was so provocative.

>>16499882
>Are you seriously saying that you would take the advice of a woman in male matters at exactly the same value as a man who has literally faced the situation you are in from first person view?
Yes, I would. Both are equally valuable, if not equally useful. How is this news to you? Another perspective other than your own is absolutely vital in life. It's an absolute necessity and here you are claiming it should be dismissed. That's fucking scary.

I didn't antagonise you over your initial response. I addressed how defensive you got in response to my response to your initial response.

>>16499882
>cannot replace having*
>things*
>issue with me*

Okay, I see your point with the atrocious English. It is not usually this sloppy if I try.

Don't think this warrants it's own post, trying to make this quick:
Got a sister I never really got along with, completely opposing views on almost everything, constantly tried to pick fights I'd just walk away from (hate fights in the family over politics and the like).
Now lately she has turned around completely, but to an extent that is a little unsettling.
She started helping around the house a lot, asking about my day, cleaning (including my room) and fixing me something to eat (I never asked for any of this and would not). Her political views are pretty conservative now and she is kinda flirty with me.
You could probably best describe this as full blown Stepford wife, but for some reason she does that with me.
Is she just trying to fix our relationship? Or is there something else to this, like her trying to appease me, having done something I yet don't know about? It's just really strange and I can't help but feel unsettled by this sudden change, but I don't want to just talk to her, say something wrong and completely destroy it either.

>>16499882
Not the guy, but:
I actually might value it even more, depending on the situation, because a woman is more likely to know how behaviour is perceived by women and what to do to fix a wrong perception and get to where I want to be with that person.
I don't think women know as well as guys how to turn that situation she has on her hands around, because you need to attune your actions to the perceptions and thought process of a guy, not to those of a woman, if you are dealing with a guy. Of course all of this applies vice versa as well, so I just think she directed this question at the wrong group, but as it seems it did get resolved to her satisfaction, and to me it reads like (mostly) guys were answering (like myself).
I don't understand why you two are fighting at all though, from neither point of view.

>>16499898
But by saying they aren't equally useful, aren't you saying that there's a difference anyway? I'm not saying that if someone hasn't been in the situation themselves they can only say completely useless things. But the way I see it it also depends on the subject matter. I would take a man's opinion on something ethic about pregnancy not less serious than that of a woman in any way, because it is a combination of big themes (life/death, when does human life start, how much can you ask of a person medically) that are ungendered in how much one thinks about them or knows about them. However the psychology of a woman choosing to dress up or down is a much more narrow and less glamorous matter that I have a hard time believing men dwell on nearly as much as women do - kind of like how when I hop over to /fa/ and look at the fits, it's all just jeans and shirts to me, because I haven't developed an eye for more subtle male fashion and don't have clearly in mind what they're aiming for.

I already addressed that, it is just bothersome to hear someone say that how you feel is not a thing. That makes one defensive because you want to defend your way of thinking as very much existent.

>>16499916
I never said they were the same. I said they were equally valuable.

>/fa/
>subtle male fashion
Pick one.

>>16499912
I don't disagree with that at all, because you are saying that a woman would know more about her side of the situation (how it's perceived), which is also what I argued, that because she experienced that herself she would more accurately be able to explain, put into words, know from the top of her head or whatever how it feels and looks. So in that situation it becomes her personal experience. It is different when you want to know something tied to how it feels to pick a woman up specifically.

I'm not quite sure either.

>>16499904
You could mention it without making any assumptions about her ulterior motives. Like next time she offers to clean up a mess of yours or something you could just say "Hey, you've been really kind to me lately and I really appreciate it. Thank you" That would give her a chance to open up about what's making her do what she's doing (if she wants to).

When I was younger I was a really sour person and I was unhappy with myself, and one night I asked myself why I was unhappy and I realized that one of the big factors was that I was a very negative person to those around me, so I made an effort to change that by being a better, more positive person. Maybe your sister just realized that picking fights and trying to argue all the time isn't a good path to happiness and she's doing things for you because she feels bad about being a pain in your neck. If this is the case she'll probably appreciate some recognition.
I know that when this happened to me, I appreciated the recognition I got but I still didn't want to talk about it, which can be healthy.

>>16499920
Okay, well, I respectfully disagree and would rather hear either opinion regarding the thing they have been more directly involved in.

There you go, just goes to show that it's lost on me.

>>16499289
Yeah, I feel this way sometimes, but other times I feel more authentic with personal conversations.

When texting you have more time to think about exactly what you want to say. It's a whole new method of conversation and there's a completely different feel to it. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing but it seems like it's here to stay.

>was talking to girl in class for awhile
>got it to where she'd sit next to me on her own
>eventually autismo'd and stopped talking to her cause I didn't know what to say
>we don't talk anymore
I was thinking, what if I go up to her after class one day and say something like, "Hey sorry I got so cold this semester. I was seeing someone at the time and I didn't want to give you the wrong idea."
Then she'd be like oh it's fine, and that's when I come in with the "I'd love to catch up, let's get lunch sometime?"

Good plan or bad plan? It comes up with a viable excuse to why I stopped talking to her while simultaneously showing interest

>>16499657
If you have something to talk about, it's easy.

Like if something interesting happens in your day, keep note of it, and when you want to text him later, mention the thing that happened.
Like if you saw a guy wearing chaps over his pants, you could text him something like "I just saw a guy wearing chaps. Where do you even get those? Where is his horse?" He'll probably give some lame response like "Haha, that's so strange!" and that leaves you open to something like "Yeah, weird shit. How's your day going?" or "Yeah, pretty crazy. Anything weird happen to you today?" And then it opens into a conversation that can go pretty much anywhere.

>>16499925
It's not that she offers, she just does.
I am away for the day at law school, come back home and my room is cleaned and laundry done.
Or I am studying at home and she just brings me something to eat, just like she prepares snacks for me watching a game.
But it's not like I don't thank her for this. I make a point showing her I appreciate things, thank her, give her a hug and give her some kind of gift every now and then. She is happy about that, I guess, but always acts really humble (which is also unlike her previously).
I am just worrying because it feels more and more like she is acting like a wife would (albeit a Stepford one), especially with her flirting.
I guess it might really be her having no idea of any other way to go about this relationship.


It'd be nice to get some input on how common it is for girls to flirt with their older brothers. I just don't have any experience with a normal sibling relationship for the past 10 or 12 years.

>>16499939
>"Hey sorry I got so cold this semester. I was seeing someone at the time and I didn't want to give you the wrong idea."
If that's a lie, then I wouldn't use it. Don't over-complicate things. Just say you're sorry you went cold and it was due to life getting a bit hectic and that you'd like to catch up over lunch.

Is not having a car that much of a turn-off to women, or is that just something women say to string you along/make you feel bad/an arbitrary bullshit standard? Be honest.

>>16498840
Not a girl, but just do it. At either a climactic point (top of a ferris wheel, after helping her up from falling on her roller skates, in celebration of sinking the last whole of mini golf, etc.). Or, if you just got dinner or something, when you drop her off at her house, walk her to her door, and lean in for it. Typical movie stuff. Maybe she'll kiss you back, maybe she'll stop you. Either way the world keeps turning.

>>16498795
The same way you don't fuck up with any other girl. Just hang out and let things go where they go. I can't really figure out what your question is.

>>16499770
No. I am a guy who is doing this now because I want to get to know the girl better and spend time with her.

>>16499966
It is a lie, but it also implies that even though I thought she was interested, I backed off. That shows more confidence than "things got hectic so I couldn't hold a conversation"

>>16499979
It also invites a line of questioning that you don't want to have to deal with when you're catching up. By the way, it doesn't show confidence at all.

>>16499980
How does it not show value? It's saying even though the girl was into you, you had other things more important. Like your life is going just fine without the girl in it. Do you even pua bro?

>>16499986
>How does it not show value?
You're already trying to fuck this up and you haven't even started it. Stop reading "redpill" pickup guru shit. PUA is a fucking embarrassment and you are too if you attempt to follow it in any way.

>>16499986
>mentioning PUA in this thread
>using it fucking incorrectly

please stop

>>16499986
Honestly man I think you're wrong. I can see where you'd think that it'd be beneficial to say you were in a relationship, but if you're lying about it it's probably just going to bite you in the ass. That being said, you also don't have to tell her that you sperged out. You could just say you were focused on other things or you were going through some stuff. She's not going to expect an excuse. Those things would probably also be true to an extent. You were focused on evaluating yourself rather than talking to her. You were going through self esteem issues, or whatever it was that prevented you from talking to her. You don't have to say that, though. If you just say "I was focused on other things" it implies that you don't want to talk about it, which isn't necessarily bad. If she asks about it, just say you don't want to talk about it and she'll get the picture. Like I said earlier, she's not going to expect a detailed excuse. Sometimes peoples lives get busy or they change in ways that make them act differently.

But if you wanna go the "pua" route, I don't know anything about all that besides that it's only good for sex, so go for it.

>>16499986
Do you think she's stupid? She knows what sort of guy you are, and she's going to see through your bullshit. Not to mention the lie is pretty presumptuous in the first place - and don't tell me that's all about 'confidence'

>>16499986
I don't think that is very good lie desu, makes her seem like a back up.
Unless you are very charming I don't think you can pull it of (and if you were you wouldn't be here sperging)

What other annons suggested seems way better solution.

guys: would you try to hook up (not a relationship) with a girl you have to keep seeing often?

>>16500000
Nice quints

>>16500108
No. I would avoid that as hard as I could.

>>16498476
bro i dont know but its happening to me too
no one likes yanderes

>>16500108
Depends, as it so often does.
"Have to keep seeing often" in what context?
Can she handle such a situation? Is she okay with this just being sex? What kind of history does she have? Was she in that kind of relationship before and things ended bad? Or did they end on good terms?
There really is a lot of things to consider and while I do not hook up, ever, there is a lot of guys who would do that and some even dumb enough to not even think about all of what I wrote above. Some guys seem incapable of saying no to their dick, despite their being so, so, so many obvious signs for this to be a really bad idea. I have seen it often enough and all they get when they come whining how shitty this all turned out is an "I told you so, dumbass".
"Some guys think with their dicks." Sounds familiar?

Pro tip: If you want to ask "would a guy do x for sex?" or "would a guy have sex with someone despite x?" The answer is almost always "yes" for at least one guy out there, most of the time for more than one, and a lot of times for a majority of guys.

>>16500108
Depends what "see often is"

Walk by her on campus randomly, maybe a few times a week? That's not bad at all.

A girl I share a class with? Could be bad.

Work with her and see her all day? That's bad.

>>16500156
>Work with her and see her all day? That's bad.
Still tons of guys out there not grasping this simple truth.
You are right there, but there are so many stories of people hooking up at work and things going sour, often enough one of them gets fired.
There is a reason companies tend to have policies against that in place. If people would be smart enough to not do it, they wouldn't need those policies.
(Not going against anything you are saying, just wanting to provide a full picture there.)

>>16500147
I can agree to this.

I'm considering trying to hook up with a friend of mine because my dick is telling me to. We hang out in the same friend group all the time and I've always felt like she's been into me, but I never did anything about it. I recently got out of a relationship and I'm not really ready for another one, but a hookup would be nice. I know that it might end badly and I wouldn't want to lose her friendship 'cause we've been cool for a pretty long time but my dick is still telling me to go for it so if things end up going that way I probably will. I think that if it does happen there's still a pretty good chance we'll remain friends though, so I'm not too worried about it.

Guys, what are your hobbies?

>poke fun at a girl in a flirty way
>she rolls with it and we get some good bants
Is what it used to be

>poke fun at the girl in a flirty way
>she completely ignores it and I sound like an asshole cracking down on her
Is what it is now

How do I undo this? I obviously don't do it all the time, so why does this happen?

>>16500204
Sounds like you've taken it too far but you don't know it

Girls,
Saturday night my boyfriend and I had a fight. Now, I feel apathetic toward the relationship even though he apologized. How can I stop feeling this way?

>>16500202
I'm into archery and kendo.
I also like taking broken things apart and fixing them.
Other than that, some vidya when I'm in the mood, listening to music while sunbathing and of course spending as much time with friends as possible.

>>16500236
Was it your first big fight?

>>16500220
I don't get it. Someone else who is less close than me for a shorter time than me can rile her up just fine, but if I say something on a similar level later on, I'm suddenly the bad guy. And we were dating-close, even.

>>16500256
Just to clarify, this is the same girl, yeah?

>>16500241
Maybe fight wasn't the best way to describe it. We have had actual fights before this and at the end, I usually feel more clear or determined about our relationship.

What happen was Saturday night, he smoked pot at a party we both were at. I know he smokes and I'm OK with him doing it, just not when I'm around. So when I smelled it on him and he confirmed, I went cold shoulder. He asked if we could go talk outside, and I didn't want to. He left saying he was going to get some air.

I sat on the couch feeling bummed until a good song came on. I started talking to a couple of people (one was an acquaintance) until it was the agreed time to leave. I tried texting him, but my phone had no reception. I walked to his car hoping to find him in it. He was in there with his eyes closed and head down. I had to take him home because he smoke and drank (which makes him sick). I had to stay with him that night while I was angry.

Not really a fight, I guess disappointment? Awkwardness?

>>16500256
As the guy before said, you probably took things too far before, or maybe messed up in some other way at some point.
It's not too hard to destroy something like you two had going.

>>16500265
Yeah, same girl with about a month's distance.

>>16500202
Vidya and giving massages. Want to expand, to gardening and wall-climbing, maybe some swimming as well. Currently not doing those because personal reasons.

>>16500108
No. If it means I have to see her every day, then absolutely not.

>>16499770
A guy who wanted to get into your pants, would text you more often and take a bit more time and energy out of his life.
That said, a guy that devotes some energy to you doesn't necessarily mean he wants to get into your pants. Could be other shit, like him thinking you're a great person, or feeling guilty or something.

>>16499055

To be honest, I have no idea...

I'm in my mid to late 20's, and am nearly a year in to my first real relationship ever. I'm actually super happy, but there's a part of me that wonders if I'll end up feeling pressured one way or the other because I know she's kind of on a clock, and I have no idea how serious I want this to be yet, if there's still an urge to experiment in me, or if this is the person I can see myself wanting to spend the rest of my life with. I love her, but that's all too heavy for me to think about at this particular moment.

That being said, while I haven't had any real relationships before, I definitely had a time in life where I experimented, had a bit of fun, and figured out who I was. I've dated countless girls, and been with three other women besides my girlfriend under pretty diverse circumstances (casually dating one, a random one night stand, and even a FWB). Was that enough? Maybe? Looking back, and trying to look forward, If that was all the experimenting I'd get in my life, weighing it against how happy I am with my gf now, I don't think it'd exactly bother me.

>>16500267
>I'm OK with him doing it
Maybe you are telling yourself you are, but you aren't really okay with it?
Otherwise there's only one reason I can think of to tell him you are okay with him doing it as long as you are not around.

>>16500267
Disappointment sounds accurate, at least from what I can empathise. Idk, I feel like you're probably just realising what he's capable of doing and maybe part of you knows you don't want to deal with this shit, however infrequent it is

>>16500269
Maybe she doesn't want to banter then. Idk, some girls want to be treated like princesses, maybe she's one of them. Or maybe she just thinks you're an asshole

>>16500202
riding motorcycles, hunting & fishing, cooking, gardening, reading and learning about random subjects that interest me at the time...

I also like doing stuff with my hands -- woodworking, welding, working on engines & vehicles, repairing electronics & circuitry work, remodeling projects, etc.

>>16500282
Maybe I'm not, but I have been trying to tolerate it.

But then I started thinking on Sunday, why am I dating him? If he was dating a woman who was comfortable with weed then we wouldn't have had that "fight" or awkward moment.

Now, I keep thinking, maybe there is someone out there better for the both of us. Someone who would be cool with all the drinking and smoking he does (only on weekend nights) and someone who would enjoy my party habits instead.

>>16500284
>you don't want to deal with this shit,

Usually he just drinks at parties and everything is fun, and we would go home and fool around. The last few parties that I left with him, he was been annoying or sick or crying. On Halloween, he shouted at me about the world being shit and how he wants pity for the way he was raised and was hysteric. The 14th, he made a big deal out of me staying over the Saturday night, after not really seeing him Friday. It seems, recently, that his drinking/partying ends up with him being sick or a dick.

How do I tell him that his recent party habits are bringing me down and causing apathy in the relationship?

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Girls, when you want the D of a guy, how obvious do you make it?
What exactly do you do?

>>16500319
It's totally fine to not be okay with it and you don't have to tolerate it. I personally wouldn't do it.
I am not saying to end the relationship over this, I just wanted you to think about you saying you are okay with it and whether that is actually true.
It's not a deal breaker to you (yet), but it seems like it is getting there. Maybe not the smoking per se, but what that turns him into.
And maybe there is someone out there you are more compatible with. But this is definitely something you can work on, as long as you feel that it could help your apathy, otherwise there is no real point to it.
Why would you make a big deal out of your girlfriend staying over though? I would personally only dislike that if there are good reasons as to why I can't really have her over and she knows.

Straight up tell him that you don't like what his drinking and smoking has turned him into lately? Make sure to point out that you do care about him and want to work on the relationship, but that this is a serious issue to you you can't simply fix alone.
I'd also point out that you are adamant about him not smoking while he is with you or planning to spend time with you later.
Provided you do feel that way and what I said above is true. Communication is key, as they say, and you should be open about your feelings regarding this.
If he can't take that, I doubt he is mature enough to be in a real long term relationship, because that takes continuous effort from both parties, talking about your problems and being able to criticise your partner's behaviour.
Would he possibly be willing to quit his smoking for your and your relationship's sake at all?

Girls:

What advice would you have to a 30 year old virgin? Should I give up? Do all women dump virgin guys my age?

>>16500423
ignore him completely and play hard to get

>>16500448
>Do all women
Gonna stop you right there. No.
You should have figured that out yourself.
Also go out and meet people, socialise, hit on women.
What else is there to tell you? You know exactly what to do.

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girls, yesterday in the morning, I went up to a girl, was pretty straight forward about being interested, talked for atleast ten minutes, exchange numbers
I texted her later in the day but got no response, it really seemed like she was genuinely interested, did she just give me her number to be "nice" and ignore me? Should I abandon all hope?

>>16500319
>How do I tell him that his recent party habits are bringing me down and causing apathy in the relationship?
Just sit him down and talk to him about it. Trying to beat around the bush is going to get you nowhere

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Ladies, I use to weigh alot more than I do now and because of that I have loose skin (in the process of getting surgery approved via military). When and how should I tell the person I'm dating about it? It's a confidence killer that not many people know I even go through . my back doesnt bother me but my front is the opposite, also would it a dealbreaker?

pic related (lost 150lbs)

>>16500475
How about you quit that bs after she didn't reply for just one day? People have a life.
But you might have done something wrong in that text or you might have simply texted her too early. I'd advise you to wait at least until the next day to text next time.

>>16500475
As a guy, I've had this happen to me before. Also, pickup artists talk about this all the time, how like only 2-3 out of 10 of the phone numbers they get will actually result in a date and how a lot of times the girl just gets caught up in the moment and gives her number out but decides later on that she doesn't really want to go on a date with that guy once she thinks it over some and will either just flat-out ignore it when he attempts to make contact or just be really noncommittal.

>>16500435
He won't give up smoking weed. I tried striking a deal on that - I would take the pill if he stopped smoking Mary-j. We use condoms, in case you are concern. I already asked him to stop smoking tobacco and he has. I think it would be selfish for me to ask him to give up another thing. He enjoys weed and it de-stresses him.

He has changed alot in our relationship and I'm grateful that. I keep thinking, maybe I'm trying to make him change too much. Make him into a different person. I think its wrong of me to want that.

>Why would you make a big deal out of your girlfriend staying over though?
The story behind that is - Friday we didn't get to hang out and Saturday I didn't know if we were going to be able to. I thought the girl inviting me over was having a girl thing, but it ended up not being so. We were at their house chilling, and he started to leave. So I left with him. He said "You can come over, but I wished you asked me." I took that more of an "You are only welcomed to my apartment when I give explicit permission." He likes things to be planned ahead of time.

>>16500479
I will try to talk to him about the way he has been acting after parties. Sadly, I will have to do this on the phone since we are in different places for Thanksgiving.

Is a movie date at home always a guaranteed "let's fuck" invitation?

I like this girl and went out a few times with her already, and there was this movie she's crazy about and I'm eager to watch. Recently I proposed to go watch it together with no lewd intentions, and she shot it down because she was too busy. After that, she seems to have become quite a bit more distant. Think she thought I was subtly telling her to put out and got put off instead?

>>16500487
Don't bother mentioning it unless she brings it up or you're about to get the surgery, and even then just mention it casually because it's a normal thing that happens when people lose weight and not anything to feel insecure or make a big deal about. If she's at the point where she feels comfortable having sex with you, then what you look like is much less important than how you make her feel.

>>16500487
I wouldn't unless they ask. They would just assume that you were fat before and now are skinner. They probably don't care unless it was bad eating habits that you will continue during life.

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>>16500498
>>16500521
I see, so abondon all hope
thanks yall

>>16500530
>Is a movie date at home always a guaranteed "let's fuck" invitation?

pretty much, yeah it is

>>16500554
Oh. Whoops.

Too much, too soon.

For girls


When having a convo with a guy, why would you see his message but not respond, even though it is something respondable and not retarded, considering you are on your free time and you like that guy

>>16500524
I do understand your concerns with wanting to change him too much.
If you'd be telling me we could, at least occasionally, forget about condoms, if I stopped with something like smoking weed, I'd be throwing my hypothetical stash out right away. But I guess I am just a different person and things like that aren't important to me at all, while I do like to improve the sex life in a relationship (wouldn't even need that incentive, something like that would be easy to give up for me if I really care about someone).
Ultimately it's up to you and whether you are really comfortable with him smoking, and from what I read, you are not.
I'd advise you to also voice your concerns there. Tell him you don't want to change him, that you'd feel bad for asking him to, but also make it clear to him that this is a problem you need addressed properly.
Don't just end this relationship though without telling him why and giving him a chance to work on it and fix things. If it ultimately leads to him having to decide whether he wants to give up smoking or end the relationship, because of his behaviour/the consequences of his smoking, that's just the way it is, but I don't think you should simply take that choice away from him.
That is unless you wouldn't be okay with him changing and giving it up for you.
I understand how this may seem kinda like a petty thing to make such a big deal out of to you. (At least that's what this reads like to me.) But it really isn't. You need to be happy in a relationship as well and have every right to voice every single problem you may have, no matter how small it may seem (although this definitely isn't a small problem as it leads to apathy).
Just watch out for yourself too, not just him.

>>16500546
You sound like a whiny bitch wallowing in negativity.
I am not saying that to put you down or anything, just to wake you up. You need to stop this. Get into a different frame of mind. Force yourself to be more positive.

for chicks

You know a guy for 2 years, he brought you into his high school, you friendzoned him, but you move close to him anytime you got the occasion, he catches you looking at him way too often and you get touchy.

It is fucking my brains up, I am really attracted to her, I don't want to be, since I got rejected, but she does this shit and it is annoying the fuck out of me.

>>16500580
Because you use words like "convo" and "retarded"

>>16500580
How long has it been?
Might just be that she didn't feel like talking/answering that right then or she had an appointment/something to do so soon she just didn't have the time for a proper conversation and didn't want to cut you off after a couple of messages? Could also be she forgot after her thing was done if it wasn't something really memorable?

>>16500580
ISIS kidnapped her just as she was about to type out a response

Your girlfriend's becoming a tv-star

>>16500487
>>16500531

appreciate you two opinions, i'd also like to hear the other side too because it's kinda killing my drive lately

>>16500589
She's just keeping you in her orbit anon.

>>16500594

Nah, it is night, she is completely free. She sometimes talks a lot, but the next second she is sending three letter responses and that's it

>>16500615

How do I break off this shit? I don't want to get rejected again, I just want to stop being attracted to her or do smth about this, it is the same everyday

>>16500616
"completely free" doesn't mean that she's just sitting in her room staring at the wall waiting to interact with someone anon. She might be doing some housework, engrossed in a tv show or book, spending time with roommates/family, doing homework, cooking and/or eating dinner, or maybe her mind is occupied with something else and she doesn't feel like talking much right now.

>>16500581
>You sound like a whiny bitch wallowing in negativity.
>I am not saying that to put you down or anything, just to wake you up. You need to stop this. Get into a different frame of mind. Force yourself to be more positive.
Fuck you, as if it's that fucking easy to hypnotise yourself into some bullshit frame of mind. It's not as though this way of thinking really impacts me so badly, I can still go back into the game easy, get another cute girls number pretty quick. And if the outcomes the same that's fine, I just won't go to /adv/ again looking for some hope.

>>16500620
Distance yourself from her and pursue other girls.

>>16500605
What other side?

>>16500635

trying, but our classes are really close, so we see each other every break

>>16500629

you are right, I hate that I overreact sometimes and it can really mess up my relationships. I need to calm down

>>16500581
Thank you for your advice. I plan on calling him about the last few weekends. I don't particularly know what to say, but I should tell I'm not currently happy. Something has to change and I hope it's not him again.

>>16500139
true
not even if you're hot enough to pull it off (strong 5 here)
we'll just have to hide the crazy anon

>>16500641

the ladies side of what they'd think,

>>16500648
You don't have to avoid her completely, of course you're still going to see her at school. Just cut down on any time you spend with her outside of school and try to keep your conversations short by giving simple responses and just generally acting uninterested in the conversation.

Does she have many other friends besides you at the school?