I'm a young teacher that graduated this summer, I have some major problems when it comes to people taking me seriously. Older women in the field look at me like "Oh I have a daughter your age". I know it's not my biological age that causes them to not take me seriously, I do look young but it's more how I am. Most people don't really seem to like me, I think the are annoyed with my lack of experience and such.
How do I get as confident and lovely as they are? They have this inner strength and beauty that I don't have, they have something that I don't have. How can I get it? Are they just faking it? Or are they really this strong and confident?
I'm very insecure, people pleaser for many things. Find it really hard to say no, people can push me over so easily. I really love working with kids, im so much better with kids than adults haha. I know I can do this, but I feel like I have no clue how to get more professional, school seriously didn't prepare me for the field in terms of owning the career. But I don't really expect that either, it's up to me now...
Teacher here.
Get out while you can. It's a shitty institution. You'll soon realize that public education is a losing proposition. It does not exist for the children. Like all bureaucracies, it's true purpose is to keep the fat heads at the top well payed. Look at your local school board. I am confident not a single member has ever been a teacher. It's just a springboard for loser wannabe politicians to try to launch their careers.
But I've never had your particular problem, but i am male.
Then again, maybe it's just you.
Confident here.
Ok. I know it's going to sound impossible, but you've got to stop caring about other peoples opinion about you.
You've got to make stands and have opinions. You cannot automatically agree to everything and expect to be taken seriously.
Also, work out. Running/swimming/cycling and upper body muscles. It will straiten your posture and you will stand with more authority.
In fact. Read about body language and change it.
So before you start your next post, which will be in the line of:
> I want to become more confident, but I'm afraid how people will react. I tried it alittle and they are so negative.
Yes. You will have to change, and yes, people will notice. Yes, people will also complain. The reason they will complain is because they realize that you will no longer be their bitch, so they are trying to keep you in your place. Just raise up to be an independent person, and confident will follow. It will be much easier once you realize that no, you don't have any friends.
>>16497077
Well I don't really want to leave the field this early, I mean it's okay to change the path but I don't want to quit before I tried everything to make it in the field first.
>>16497106
Oh gee, stop caring what people think... Hmm I think I can do that, just need to practice and learn how to be my own biggest fan.
>You cannot automatically agree to everything and expect to be taken seriously.
Yeah I think that's were I am failing, I don't really mark my opinion or raise above things unless it's against my ethical views.
>Also, work out.
I swim once a week, I should start lifting a bit again. It did help me focus more.
>Just raise up to be an independent person and confident will follow.
Wow you are right, this is what I need to do. Fake it until I make it, and then suddenly it's the truth.
>It will be much easier once you realize that no, you don't have any friends.
Co workers can't be friends? Hm maybe that's why people treat each other so shitty sometimes.
>>16497106
>. I know it's going to sound impossible, but you've got to stop caring about other peoples opinion about you.
You cannot do this working in education until you have tenure. It's a giant ass kissing party. Constant evals, peer reviews, observations...all this bullshit to justify paying administrators ridiculous salaries.
>>16497137
Co-workers are good people, don't get me wrong. (Some of them). But you are there to do a job, and so are they. They are friendly, but not friends. If they can dump work on you, they will. A friend wouldn't do that.
>>16497155
I'm not generally talking in a work environment. From the sound of it, she sounded very submissive. That's what I'm talking about.
My gf is the same. She will bitch about her friends when they will always complain about her things/doings. For instance that they wouldn't do things this and that way. I'm trying to tell her to say, I don't care about how you would do it. I'm doing it this way, deal with it. But she struggles with it. And it's going to be hard for OP to, but do it know. There will never be a better time to change.
>>16497155
I guess, people tend to flip tables about using the wrong color plates or placing the bin at a slightly different spot than before. People seem to be testing each other who owns the "land", kinda how dogs pee on stuff mark their territory.
>>16497157
Yeah there is a difference, that's why I never drink with colleagues. Just one of my policies, but I can get drunk with my childhood friends. Though we don't really do that much anymore. I don't like mixing my private life and professional life like that.
>>16497195
You are right, that's exactly how I am. Though my friends don't really complain much about me, but im always taking into consideration everyone elses feelings and needs. Not so much my own, but I don't really want to spend energy on convincing them to eat at my favorite place. The place they want to eat at is pretty okay, so it's not a battle I would pick. I don't really show what I want much at all...
Also don't have the guts to speak back to my parrents yet, I think thats a bad sign.
>>16497231
>Not so much my own, but I don't really want to spend energy on convincing them to eat at my favorite place.
Choose your battles.
I've just started this process my self a year ago or so. I'm 30 so I'm a slow learner. But I believe it's called becoming an adult.
You've got to learn what you stand for and who you are.
Fuck the dining place, that's unimportant. That's a game people will play to see who is the leader of the pack. As a man working as an engineer with over 100 travel days a year In fact I'm in a hotel room now., I tell you what it is.
Men will do this shit all the time. After work we will discuss where to eat. The guy who chose the place is the leader. Usually I don't suggest where to eat, but some times is so fucking awkward because nobody want to be the first to suggest, because it's going to be declined. If by some miracle they say sure, I will get a text where they say they are sitting in this place in stead. What they are telling me is that they are in charge.
I don't give a shit about that. I'm there for the company. I need socialization. To this day, I'm the only one that will say "I'm staying in my room tonight". Because I want to, but strategically that is the only thing I can do to tell them "you're not my boss, I do what ever the fuck I want".
Ok, that's a long story. You've got to realize it's a game. These games you can give up.
But DON'T give up the games that are about YOU! If you are a conservative, state it loud and clear. Don't let them tell you what to believe. YOU decide what to believe! THAT is my point. Chose your battles.
>>16497255
Ok, sorry for the bad english. It's not my first language, and I couldn't be bother to proofread in this small box.
Anyway, the point is. Don't try to be the leader. It's very unintuitive, but trying to be the leader will assure you not to be the leader. Be your OWN leader, and you will be the leader of the group.
They are to busy trying to be the cool kid that they forget what's important in life. If it's important to you to chose the dining place once in a while, just do it. Just tell them, I haven't eaten there in ages, so I'll be eating there tonight. If anybody wants to join, I'll be there at 7. And then go.
The important thing to remember here is that you don't CARE about this game. You are there for the food, not your friends. Don't be sad if nobody shows up. You are there enjoying good food in silence. Enjoy it, it's fantastic! You are alone, but you know that - you - are - independent!
>>16496958
I used to be insecure. I can't speak for all but I needed to find something others felt I was good at to start becoming secure. Over time, I got more and more secure. It eventually got to the point where I was encouraging others, adding a whole new layer of security.
I just had to take a chance out of the box and be willing to fail a lot.
>>16496958
I remember having a 22 year old teacher for earth sciences in ninth grade, she tried to be nice with the kids but they just ignored her. The short version of the story is that she started yelling all the time and by the end of the year she needed a security guard in her class full time to keep the kids in line and she had a shit load of white hair.
Just a free bump for your thread. It is kind of weird that you are having issues with colleagues, I usually hear new teachers needing help dealing with ghetto ass kids who give no fucks.
>>16497286
>>16497255
Thank you this is very insightful and encouraging, things make more sense now. I know where to start now.
This game you describe is exactly how people around me act. You understand this game, Im only just beginning to connect the dots.
>>16497399
Taking more risks, thats probably why people don't develop. Just playing it safe all the time, hide in the shell.
>>16497445
I understand child psychology, adults not so much. Yelling at children to get them to behave isn't a good strategy... The kids are mostly great, the ones that act out always have a reason.
