I'm dating an aspie girl. Or used to. Lately I don't know where we stand.
We first met two months ago as classmates, and I asked her out shortly after. She has a lot more classes than I do and needs a lot more time for them due to her condition, but initially she managed and seemed almost obsessed with me instead. I genuinely promised to help her out where I could. I seemed like the person closest to her, and that was fine.
Then she met this guy, a classmate who shares all her classes. He's taken an altruistic interest in her (his words, not mine) and hangs around her all day, every day as some kind of guidance counselor.
He buys her lunch every day (and offers me the same); he runs errands for her; he walks her home daily; he corrects and tests her on all her homework; he acts like her moral compass; he even insists that she invites him over for all kinds of helping reasons. Hell, I think he even dropped a class entirely so she wouldn't have to spend a free hour alone.
She's cool with all this. "If he wants to do it so badly, I'm not stopping him" she told me at first.
Outside of dates I never see her alone anymore. She and her attention are always with this guy and his lectures.
Lately work's been getting to her. She's been shooting down my plans for weeks because she's too busy. To me she's become distant, cold and sometimes even downright ignoring. Apparently she's unchanged towards the guy, but that's probably because he's directly helping her through everything.
I know that this is normal Aspergers stuff. Be logical, focus on 1 thing, have 1 person you're close with. And I'm no longer that person. He is.
I want to know how she feels about us. If it's just being busy or she's no longer interested, like you'd usually assume here.
I want to ask it alone in person, but also play it cool with minimal drama. But she won't meet up and he's always around. How am I supposed to do this? I don't want to drop it and move on, so how do I get out of this limbo?
Did you have sex or not?
You can't just tell the guy, straight up, that you'd like some private time with your girlfriend? It doesn't even have to be awkward or confrontational, if he's just her friend then he'd understand. That's a pretty normal request
>>16490059
>taken an altruistic interest in her
What a condescending prick, though. I think you should just tell this guy to fuck off. He's not a doctor, and she's not a charity case. She has Aspergers, she's not a blind old lady trying to cross the street. This guy isn't doing her any good by taking control of her life, treating her like some kind of special-needs "project" to make him feel better about himself.
The obvious explanation is that he wants to fuck her. And if that's the case, he's taking a real creepy, predatory approach about it. I honestly think you should just tell this guy to fuck off.
>>16490074
We've been taking it slow. Perhaps too slow in hindsight, but I have no experience with dating and I think she hasn't either.
>>16490076
We've never gone official, so she's technically not my girlfriend. It's what I want to make sure, because she doesn't show her feelings at all.
Initially just asking for a moment didn't seem like a big deal to me either, but with how she's acting towards me vs acting towards him I'm no longer know if it's such a normal request now.
>>16490111
She's not your girlfriend and has never been. It sounds like you're in the danger zone, possibly past the point of no return. If you can't get her interest in you re-ignited, it will be a lost cause.
Generally, if you have been dating for a month and still haven't had sex, then that's not normal unless you are underaged or religious.
>>16490143
>that's not normal
That honestly sums up our relationship pretty well. There's so little either of us have done "by the book" that I'm not sure there's even a book left. She has quite a few limitations, like how overstimulation's a big deal to her. It makes her uncomfortable with more than 1 activity per date, and physical intimacy becomes a touchy subject as well. That's why I was taking it slow.
I didn't mean to imply she was my girlfriend, though. Considering how her undivided interest lies with her schoolwork now, I don't know if I can re-ignite her interest in me anytime soon either. How can you re-ignite someone's interest anyway?
And again.
>>16490059
>he puts his dick in her!
>"If he wants to do it so badly, I'm not stopping him"
Don't bother, op.
>>16490098
>The obvious explanation is that he wants to fuck her. And if that's the case, he's taking a real creepy, predatory approach about it. I honestly think you should just tell this guy to fuck off.
>Being nice to people and hoping for a relationship is creepy.
Yeah, op, tell the guy to beat her about the face with a lead pipe if he wants to get laid. Obviously being nice is creepy.
>>16490143
>Generally, if you have been dating for a month and still haven't had sex, then that's not normal unless you are underaged or religious.
That's a bit silly. Many people that aren't underage or religious wait a few months, because moving too quickly can be a bad thing (especially if you're female).
>>16492052
>because moving too quickly can be a bad thing (especially if you're female).
Only if you believe sex is some ultra special thing and not some basic bodily function like eating and shitting.
In which case you've been brainwashed by religion. Whether its a recognized and organized god based religion, or a cultural religion regarding sex which has its roots in puritanistic ideals.
>>16492081
Pretty sure what he means is that it can be bad for the female because if the guy is just interested in a pump and dump and doesn't ever let on to that intention, it's the female that loses out the most if it ends up that she invested feelings into the guy. She gets used for his physical pleasure and she invested feelings for nothing. Also, she could get pregnant, etc. etc.
Essentially, the most to lose if it moves to fast.
>>16492081
It's not just a basic bodily function, moron. I mean, technically it is, but you're being willfully obtuse if you deny that it can trigger some pretty powerful emotions -- because humans are built that way. Consequently it's entirely reasonable to not treat sex super lightly, although that's a personal choice for everyone.
Love, lust, rage, grief, and so on are all caused by a couple of chemicals going squirt inside our bodies, but you're a twat if you don't take them seriously because of that.
>>16492052
>Many people that aren't underage or religious wait a few months
Do you live in some ultraconservative third world shithole or are you a dateless virgin? Waiting a few months is abnormal. Very few people do, outside the exceptions listed.
>>16492128
>moving too quick
>wait a few months
this is a difference you know, i'd take several months as a sign of disinterest unless. a month 'd be ok maybe if there's enough other physical.
>sex
>some form of physical interaction
like, severe cuddling and such would at least show she's somewhat interested.
>>16490143
I think this is the case, how old are you op?
>no experience with dating
now you do have, a little.
>>16492043
>Obviously being nice is creepy.
doing someones homework and all the stuff OP describes in a pushy way"as is not "being nice" it crosses the line with being creepy quite a bit.
Then again why on earth would she accept it if she didn't want at least his attention and probably also his dick. you shouldn't have to explain a chick that no bf would be ok with such behaviour and she probably doesn't give shit about OP.
TLDR: OP forget her.
