I am 25, married, female. Lately many of my friends have had babies.
Within the past year I've gone from finding them disgusting, to not that bad, to cute, and finally to imagining what a child would be like with my husband and me.
I am craving that now.
We've talked, and decided we need to have certain debts paid and a certain amount of money saved before having a family.
But it is getting ridiculous. A few months ago my period was almost 10 days late. I took a pregnancy test and had to restrain from crying when it was negative.
How do I stop this?
>>16488434
you can't. it is normal biological urge.
considering that you have debts to paid, do not bring a human into poor family conditions and debts just because "you wanted it". Talk with your partner about it first
>>16488434
Do you want children, or don't you?
Take some time to figure that out before you actually have one because once you cross that line you can't exactly go back.
A kid is a huge responsibility that will change literally every aspect of your life. The average kid costs near a quarter million dollars to raise from birth to age 18, and that's not including college funds.
You need to really, really think about this and talk to your husband.
I'm a 25 year old guy and I've never wanted to have kids; most of my reasons are personal and stem from my own childhood experiences, but I also have practical reasons like financial, etc.
This is why you should avoid women. They are fucking crazy.
I have been married for a bit over a decade. I have three children and I love them very much. Just make sure, though, that you are not having a children to solve any problem in your life - especially your marriage. You can't completely fight your biological urges, as others have pointed out. However, don't have kids in order to "fill a void." They can do that, but it shouldn't be the primary reason.
Babies are a ton of work and can be a huge strain on relationships. I mostly love my wife, but honestly, if we hadn't had our first child when we did I probably would have divorced her within a year. You luck out. You are female, so if you get a divorce the courts will probably give you custody and give you alimony and child support, unless you are a super shitty parent.
I love my kids and I have never regretted having them, though.
>>16489013
>don't bring kids into a debt ridden household.
We have already talked about this, and don't want them until I get my $10k in school debt done, and we saved up enough money.
>>16489086
>Quarter of a million
Last I checked it was $600k
>>16489101
How is wanting a child when I reach a certain age crazy? Crazy would be tricking my husband into making me pregnant, something horrible that I'd never do in a million years, though I have heard women do it to trap men. I couldn't get away with anything like that even if I was insane, he keeps up with my cycle. >>16489107
We have been married for 3 years, together for almost 8,and have known each other since we were young. It isn't to keep him in a relationship.
>Fill a void
That is the purpose of my cat.
I want kids because I want to raise a little human being, watch and nurture someone we made into their own person. I want to carry my family line on and so does he, since neither of us have siblings that could do it.
But you need money to do it. How much money should you have saved up before even thinking about conceiving?
>>16489656
personally, i wouldnt even consider reproduction until i had close to 100k saved. so its going to be a while for me. im just really adamant about being prepared.
>>16489656
How is it not crazy to ''crave'' a baby. That's just insane.
Wanting to have a child is perfectly reasonable, but when you ''crave'' a baby like it's crack cocaine I'd rather stay away from you. Like your body is asking for it and you're just a brainless animal that lives to breed.
It sounds like part animalistic urge, part sick fetishism.
>>16488434
It is a normal urge. But I need to take care of the elephant in the room of parenting.
If you are not financially ready, and not in a stable relationship, it is hard as hell. Like, depressing. Media and society idolizes motherhood to the point where they make it seem unrealistic.
There is a TED talk about a couple who thinks this is one of the leading causes for post partum depression. Considering how mothers are usually too ashamed to admit that reality did not meet expectations. No one talks about the loneliness of the first year. The strain it brings upon a relationship. The constant fear of your child growing up to be a mundane low-functioning member of society. Let alone the possibility of your child just growing up to be a damn asshole.
I had a child before I was ready. I didn't reach a period of comfort until after my daughter turned 5 years old. Her first years of life were below standard. My emotional/mental functioning was below standard. My relationship failed.
Anxiety disorders run in my family. And I passed my shit genes along to my child, who was also diagnosed with general anxiety disorder this year. You don't think about those things when your pregnant. You think your child will be immune to everything on the planet, and you'll get this perfect child... but you don't...
When you are wanting a baby or pregnant, there is all this hope. Then it is taken from you when things don't go as planned.
I'm not sad about being a mother despite the melancholiness of my post. The love does get you through it. It's just, there's so much shit you don't expect. Shit that no one can prepare you for. Best get all your ducks in a row. Because even if your life's straight, it can still fail.
I'm also 25 and going through the same. I was very adamant about never wanting kids and then I slowly started wanting to be a mom.
Spending time around annoying kids temporarily squashes it for me otherwise it lingers.
>>16489666
Yeah I was thinking $50k at least. I work a job to where once the child reaches school age I can jump right back into the workforce, so we would depend on one stable income for maybe 4 years.
>>16489667
I don't think about it constantly, sorry my verb choice throws you off that much. It is when I see pictures of my friend's kids on Facebook, or have a positive interaction with one at my work, or I see a happy couple on the street with an infant. The thought "I'd like that some day" enters my head, not "gotta have one NOW!"
>>16489673
How old were you? How long were you together?
My family is generally mentally sound and healthy, but my one worry is autism. My sister is a nonverbal autistic. She is the only one in my immediate or extended family that is that way. Which is also increases my urgency, because I read a study where every year after 30 you give birth, that child is more at risk for autism.
I'm giving myself 5 years before we even try. I'll get my school debt paid off within 2 years, so I can hoard money to save on the meantime.
>>16489679
I need to interact with some bratty kids to make me not want them, haha. I think part of my issue is that I don't really have close by friends or family that have kids for me to interact with. We just moved to another state.
>>16489706
I was only 21. Her dad and I were only together for three years when I got pregnant. Our relationship failed before my daughter was a year old. He was very overwhelmed by my postpartum depression. He often took it as me not wanting to be a mother. I was just overwhelmed, had little emotional support. He was always frustrated with me, but being little help as well. He suggested that I be the breadmaker since I made more money than him and was about ready to get out of uni. But he didn't do much to help with the baby. When I'd come home the house was a wreck, daughter wasn't fed, wasn't diaper changed, wasn't showered. I was doing everything. Then he'd get mad that I wasn't emotionally connected to him as much anymore. But I was just overworked down to the core. He started cheating on me while I was at school and work, just leaving my daughter with his mom without telling me, and when I found out we broke up and he ran. He abandoned us for about 2 years before becoming more stable in my daughter's life. But he only sees her 1-2 times a month now.
>>16489706
Also, regarding autism, I am a special ed teacher now for a classroom for children with autism. I am not sure of how accurate that statistic is. Just because, from what I've seen, there is almost no consistent connection. We have a few older moms, but most of the parents of my students are in their 20s, I have had a few parents that were teenagers too. Not to worry you, but the cause of autism is still undefined. I feared it with my daughter too, because my daughter had always been a little socially off and stims, but the cause was actually very severe anxiety. But honestly, after working in the special ed department, of all the severe disorders I've seen, I'd rather have an autistic child.
>>16489722
I'm sorry you've had such a tough time. Your daughter sounds like she has an awesome mother, though.
We have been married for 3 years, together for 8. I'm not sure how he would react around his child, but any interactions he's had with kids have been awkwardly adorable. And he has expressed interest in them, although his main motivator is having enough money. I know any life event can completely change a person. >>16489740
It was probably correlation causation. I guess it will be a fear I'll always have.
