Is this site responsible for me becoming way too vitriolic and judgmental with people?
I don't don't like anybody. I'll find that they're either too shallow, have shitty beliefs or too confident with poor life choices.
How do you "accept" people?
Do you accept yourself at least?
Or are you very judgemental as a person, even being harsh with yourself sometimes?
>>16483512
Acceptance is an action, not an opinion. You accept people by not avoiding them or being mean to them just because you don't like them.
>>16483531
I can't say I'm a very confident person. I can fake it a little but even though I don't actively hate myself I just don't find much qualities to my person.
It' just that every person will have that something, be it an interest or opinion or way of life that I'll just find retarded. It's like I always want the person to be objectively the best version of herself, as if it was a product.
I could say it as "I don't need a lot to dismiss people out of my life".
>>16483531
I also suffer from the same problem as OP and would like some advice. To answer this, I am extremely judgemental of myself and have low self esteem.
>>16483512
Learn to deal with every type of person
These people shoot you down for any confidence you have, deeming you arrogant. Share anything about yourself, they'll say that you're a braggart. You just can't be with any of them without having to be deemed as offensive.
>>16483512
I've dealt with a lot of shallow people, they're usually the ones who judge without knowing the person.
>>16484361
I do realize that and I don't act upon these judgements in any way other than to just not push the relationship any further than the incidental stuff.
It's just that everytime I'll think "eh I don't wanna be best friend with that guy he just likes this and has that kind of sense of humor." I'm still friendly with that person and won't go in her back to bitch about her opinions but in my mind I won't try to associate with her. I just go "why would you do think/do that?".
Which makes me end up alone and only socializing with people on here. I even go on reddit these days and basically see a little bit of that. It's like I'm always chasing for the ultimate, right way to think or be and if someone is not that way I'll dismiss them as being retarded.
It's come to the point where I even do this with myself when a new issue arises on the internet. It's like I'm a SJW but instead of being an offended faggot I'm obsessed with being right.
>>16484409
It seems that you're just fed up with the usual and just find like-minded people.
Go to >>>/pol/ since you love being right.
Welcome to 4chan
it's normal to get annoying with retards.
most people are retards.
take that in.
I'll share some scattered, possibly-helpful thoughts about this. I'll answer any responses in kind; working that third shift.
If you can effectively compartmentalize your judgement, this is not a problem, in my opinion. For example, many people hold a common belief that all human life is equally valuable. I do not believe this; I feel that based upon many criteria (I could fully explain this if asked, but it is a bit irrelevant), humans do have differing value. I place myself above many people in value. Likewise, I place myself below many people in value.
This begs the question of how, if at all, this manifests itself in interaction with a person I have inevitably internally judged to be inferior in value to myself?
I temper this maybe-unconventional value system with an idealistic high regard for human ability. Simply because I have placed someone lower in value than me at this very moment, does NOT at all mean that they will remain lower in value for any length of time. With this ideal in mind, any person I interact with can be placed above myself in value at any time. I do my damndest to treat people well, no matter my internal judgement. And believe me, EVERYONE I interact with (many folks, given my current job) gets this judgement passed on them.
Now, I'm also extremely hard on myself. I will purposefully and (in my opinion) rationally place blame upon myself for events that others would claim are not at all my fault. If I perceive any reasonable way to mitigate the effects of a negative event, and I chose not to take action, I will place blame upon myself.
cont
>>16484451
I tentatively recommend trying to compartmentalize your judgement more. I understand that I am certainly unconventional in my beliefs, and it is important you understand that I don't even reckon this is useful for most folks.
But on the off-chance you're like me, attempting to prevent yourself from judgement is futile. Instead, trivialize your own judgements if you must. Compartmentalize them and make them irrelevant to your interactions. A mental exercise only.
And don't assume that being judgemental is an inherently poor thing. The importance should be placed upon the accuracy of your judgements as determined by lucid thought and tangible real-world events. I'm highly judgemental as I said, and I've got several extraordinarily good friends. I've never been fucked over by them, or really anyone. I've had plenty of time for this at 24 years old.
I believe this can be properly attributed to good fortune only in part. Much of this lack of tragedy or dramatic bullshit in my life is a direct result of heavy, effective judgement.
>>16484455
I'll try that yes, I like it.
Throughout my life my mother always went at my aunt's house and they'd talk in the kitchen for hours on end and I would listen to everything. They'd judge people they knew while talking about different subjects but it wasn't "her hair is shit she's fat and retarded" but actual advice about what people in our family (or other people) were doing wrong. It always scared me that they would talk about their problems and basically have the solutions but never tell them anything because it would ruin the relationship, mainly due to pride and whatnot.
I understand we can't live being bluntly honest with people about what they're doing wrong and how they should adjust their lives but deep down I really wish people did tell me all that shit. We're all hiding in our safe spaces and only when problems become so big that the person actually realizes it's too late do we bring the solutions we had in mind.
>>16484476
Ah, very good! Thanks for sharing that little anecdote.
I really adore talking with like-minded friends (the only sort I have!) in this way. Talking about other people, not with vitriol or malice; but weighing their commendable strengths and eptitudes. An honest judgement of the person.
Oh, but it is intimidating or disconcerting I'm sure. To see a couple of folks withholding potentially powerful and lucrative information/advice simply because of social niceties.
>I understand we can't live being bluntly honest with people about what they're doing wrong and how they should adjust their lives but deep down I really wish people did tell me all that shit. We're all hiding in our safe spaces and only when problems become so big that the person actually realizes it's too late do we bring the solutions we had in mind.
You're right in essence, although my idealism compels me to make an amendment. We absolutely CAN live being bluntly honest; as a species we are capable of a degree of social evolution allowing us to much more freely share information like this with one another. Of course, I'm talking hundreds of years at bare minimum here. Like I said, idealism. It is a vital component to the mental framework keeping my naturally low motivation and drive high, though.
Something that's been wearing on me lately is the open display of weakness, especially via social media, as a badge of honour or courage. Weakness should be kept as private as possible; to be shared amongst the like-minded individuals you've fostered and grown relationships with. In this way, the experience is far more intimate and useful to both parties involved.
As far as finding these like-minded people goes...I've got precious little in the way of advice. I don't discount the work that both parties have put into each of my friendships or other relationships, but I also don't discount the impact of raw luck or chance.
>>16484492
I don't feel like people should HIDE their weaknesses but to proud themselves upon them is really terrible. Like those people who say being fat is who they are...come on, let's face it, you're just unhealthy and delusional. I feel like a lot of problems in today's society stem from attention. We all crave it in a way but today's accessibility to low quality praise and "likes" is a little bit too much. You can put out any kind of bullshit comment that goes along the lines of "be strong and love yourself" alongside a picture of a yellow minion and get thousands of likes. I just...I don't know. I'll stop writing cause I'm not going anywhere with this. Goodnight everyone.
>>16484505
We do seem to be digressing too much.
Have a good night, homie. I wish you luck.
>>16483512
Yes. There's so much cancer here it's off the fucking charts.
>>16483588
You're projecting your insecurities onto other people because you subconsciously think the people you communicate with are better than you.
The first step is to understand that perfect doesn't exist. By that I don't mean "acknowledge an objective fact", I mean really let it sink in, understand that every single human being is their own network of memories, experiences, passions, etc. Yes, most people are dumb as fuck but that's just life.
Step two is to leave your comfort zone and to push through the things that bother you about people. Keep in mind that you shouldn't be blindly accepting people; you should be weighing the good against the bad (evenly).
The final step is to actually start appreciating quirks and imperfections but getting to this stage will take a lot of time, so don't bother with it yet.
>>16484409
I have the same problem, it's very bad for me because i'm horrible at talking to people.
I think i should just apply myself to the things i like and stop trying to socialize. I have a very good friend and i think that's enough for me to be happy.
>>16483512
People here are absolutely retarded and mostly autistic to some degree. In short, yes. Get out now.
>>16483512
Here's how you accept people: you understand that people are different from you and through biological and environmental factors, might feel urges to different degrees.
What do I mean? Well you might judge someone for whining about how much they are struggling to diet, and you think, how hard can it be? But actually, people get "hunger signals" to different extents, some people get it too much and some people need to get it more.
People grow up and are brought up in different environments, so someone's opinion can indeed be wrong, but if you factor in how everyone around them for decades kept telling them the wrong things, you might feel a bit less vitriolic about "how stupid they are"
You gain this sort of knowledge from honestly reading a range of websites from politically left to right. And read about the opinions and lives of many people, to understand where they are coming from, and feel a little less hateful. For example, I mostly disagree with the opinions of tumblr users, but I still frequent the site and read up on what they think. Because it's always important to read and judge opposing viewpoints yourself, since one day, somewhere, you will find a good rebuttal to at least one of your beliefs
