Overly attached GF
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
So here is me, person who is optimistic, metalhead, works good under pressure, likes to enjoy life. And I have been together with my GF for about a year and few months.
I love her and I don't wanna hurt her anyway, but she is opposite of me. She is quite pesimistic, she is hardworking, she is not as stable as I am and she is quite overly attached to me.
She wants to be good girlfriend, she is trying hard, but she has such expectations I know not how long I can handle. Inside of my heart is fire that wants me to live wild, listen to good music, go out to a great concert, drink some beer and enjoy life and chill.
However, she doesn't want me to drink ANYTHING, she doesn't want me to go out alone and places I wanna go to are just too wild and scary for her (she doesn't listen to metal and doesn't enjoy same stuff as I do).
She is also paranoid about pretty anyone I talk with. She starts arguing with me about why one girl I never had anything with, nor would want to, liked my facebook post, she constantly reads my sms, facebook chat, etc. and she many times finds something she doesn't like. She even bothered me for some chats I had before I have known her.
I managed to go out with her allowance to a metalconcert and she is acting weird since then, she has random mood swings it is just what the fuck sometimes.
I sometimes also just want to hang alone with myself, chill and enjoy silence but she expects me to be some sort of her pet, to write with her 24/7, anwser phone in 5sec etc.
What should I do?
I know what you mean...I am also an independent autist...all I can tell you from experience, is deal with it as best as you can until she breaks up with you. its inevitable my friend.
>>16476036
So what's her upsides?
>>16476050
I would guess you meant artist... I don't know if she is going to leave me, she seems to be living in sort of illusion that she is going to marry me and live with me forever, I don't say it is impossible, but I doubt it will work out if she doesn't calm down a bit. With all she does to me to keep me hers it just kind of strangles me.
>>16476036
that behaviour is most probably a result of feeling insecure. Find a way to boost her confidence a little.
I asume this wasnt always the case?or?
if it grew like this, you have a chance of repairing it by giving her confidence in a way. like take her places even if she's reluctant(small steps though)
If she's been like this from the start, it's probably doomed.
Either way tell her that you don't feel trusted and can't live like this. metalhead or not, every young man wants to go out and get shitfaced every once in a while, tell her chicks are honestly furthest from your mind when having fun with dear dear friends.
>>16476057
She is cute, I love her, I feel great with her when she is in the good mood but it's getting harder keeping her there.
>>16476060
It pretty much grew from beginning, she had some alcohol related problems with father and I kind of understand her, but I told her million times I am not addicted to it, I am also not agressive even if I do get drunk. I just can't find the way to boost her confidence and I am trying since we started. I told her few times I don't like when she is "keeping me in the cage" I told her million times she is my only one but she just keeps on being paranoid and not trusting me.
>>16476077
Have you given her any reasons not to trust you? Be honest.
My opinion is that it won't work in the long run. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years before leaving that toxicity. Our relationship sounded like yours but he cheated on me, he lied to me too many times to count, he hid stuff and only admitted to things when he was caught, even things that are not bad, just normal things you would tell a significant other...the list can go on. To make matters worse, he painted me in a similar light you are painting your girlfriend, but to all his friends and family, not telling them all of his issues that draw this type of anxiety and insecurity from me.
Well 6 months on from that relationship, I can honestly say I feel like myself again. I am very glad to be done with him.
I think if she creates stress for you on a daily basis then leave. Life is way too short for this shit.
>>16476130
I am trying to be as honest as possible towards her, but I admit I may have lied about some things as a resoult of her demands because it was easier telling her a small lie than argue whole week about it. I got caught a few times on lie and I am trying hard not to lie to her, but sometimes I feel like truth is too much for her.
>>16476130
And no, I am not even thinking about cheating her as I find it insulting to myself.
>>16476158
>>16476164
You should stop lying.
How she deals with things is her way of dealing with it. You might even be surprised. You are basically lying to her by presenting her with a false character when you tell her these lies.
This relationship will not last.
You pretending to be a person you simply are not is not healthy and it's not fair to her either. Perhaps you are not well suited, and you are forcing it by telling lies here and there to fit into her 'type' of guy. Stop it.
>>16476036
That's a very unhealthy relationship. If you can't convince her to back off a bit, you should break up. Have some self-respect man, you can't just let someone invade your privacy and take control of your life like that, even if you are in a relationship. Everyone makes sacrifices for the people they love, but this crosses the line of reason, and you know it.
>>16476184
You might be right, I understand there are two sides needed for a conflict to happen. I started with small lies because of the way she handled me I tried to make it work, yet she forced me in more and more situations I felt really uncomfortable.
I just feel like shit just thinking about dumping her, I love her, but I guess I can't handle it.
>>16476196
I never thought of myself as a reasonable man, there are like two sides I have to decide between, continue making sacrifices to keep her sort of happy and drown myself or just hurt her right down her heart.... and I was never selfish man.
>>16476184
>How she deals with things is her way of dealing with it.
Paranoid, unreasonable, and borderline abusive? Everyone will make up a few white lies if they're literally facing daily interrogation for having basic personal hobbies and a social life.
>>16476222
That pretty much sums it up how it happened and it kind of grew stronger with time, at the beginning i felt really comfortable about whole thing and then it just started...
And I really don't think much is going to change about it...
>>16476211
You don't carry on a relationship as an act of charity. If the only reason you're still together is because you're afraid of hurting her, then you shouldn't be together anymore. Unless you can really make her understand that you need space and freedom, then this thing is only heading downhill. How low do you want to go, before you finally have the balls to end it?
>>16476232
You are probably right and this would be advice I would give to someone in that situation. But one can not think rational when emotions kick in.
>>16476059
no...I meant autist (autistic) and yes...she will either break up with you, or you her. I know...been there myself. happens every relationship I get into.
>>16476238
Have you tried having a serious conversation with her about this? Has she ever acknowledged that she's being unreasonable? Take an honest shot at fixing this, it doesn't necessarily need to end, but you already know you can't carry on forever if she keeps acting this way. If she won't listen to reason and at least start making an effort, then it's probably time to separate.
If she's seriously thinking of marriage and planning a future together, you shouldn't lead her on if you're not on board. You're not doing her any favors by prolonging the inevitable breakup.
>>16476257
I did have some conversations lately and she didn't really accept it calmly... But I guess I will have to face it and speak with her with no more illusions on my mind.
thank you for great advice, I will go to sleep now and read rest you give me in the morning when I wake up. You guys really helped me with this
