I fucked a coworker and now she's acting mad at me and I don't know why. I'm 27, and was a virgin until a couple days ago. This new girl is 18 and your standard sort of attention whore. I didn't really care for her, and thus wound up being basically the only dude at work who didn't give her all the attention, and that just made her try harder and harder to get me to like her, until she basically said flat-out that she wanted to take my virginity. No talk of relationships or anything, and we're not even really friends, so it seemed to me like it was supposed to be just sex.
I made a thread here around then asking if I should get it out of the way just so I won't be 27 and a virgin, since that's probably detrimental to getting relationships with girls that I actually care about, unlike this one. It was a pretty unanimous yes, so I did. She asked me to spend the night so we could go again the next day, so I did. We fooled around some more in the morning, and she wanted to go get breakfast at some coffee shop, but I didn't really want to spend money, so I left.
Now she's acting all weird, not hanging on me like she usually does, and acting like she's mad when I try to talk to her. I guess that's fine, since she was a little annoying to begin with, but I'm not sure why that's going on. Is it just that she got what she wanted and I'm not interesting anymore, or did I do something wrong?
>she wanted to go get breakfast at some coffee shop, but I didn't really want to spend money, so I left
There you go. Not much of a mystery in the slightest.
>>16470989
Pretty much. Least you could have done since she helped you lose your permavirgin status.
>>16470991
>>16470989
Wait, seriously? I'm basically supposed to buy her a gift afterwards?
I want to keep fooling around with her to get better at this, so how do I fix this?
>>16470997
It's not about buying her a gift. It's about showing her you appreciated the gesture by spending time with her and not just getting the fuck out of there.
>>16470997
A gift? No, she wanted to spend time with you and wanted you to show that you didn't just want to pump and dump, and now she feels like you used her. Now she's just making sure you don't fuck her over again
>>16470997
C'mon Anon I was a permavirgin well into my 30's, but even I know to be thankful when a buddy or life finally throws me a bone.
>>16470997
Nah, but you used her, got what you wanted, then ditched her.
The fact that you have to have this explained to you is probably why you''ve had shitty luck with women all these years.
>>16471001
So I should ask her if she wants to spend time together?
>>16471007
I kind of figured that the fact that I was using her was implicit in the deal. I thought she was basically saying she wanted to be used. Our entire work relationship was based around her trying to tickle me or hug me or flirt with me and me telling her to stop repeatedly. We weren't friends and the only thing I ever showed her was disinterest. I guess that is a shitty situation for her but it's an honest one and I definitely don't feel like I deceived her or led her on in any way. I guess she was hoping I would change my opinion of her if we boned?
>>16471024
She wanted to pin you as a decent human being but you slid out like an autist.
GG
Likely no re
>>16471024
No, you don't have to spend time with her. It was just common courtesy. A well mannered, civilized thing to do to go to breakfast with her. The right thing to do. I don't think she expects you to be her boyfriend or anything, but she expected a little decency.
>>16471024
She didn't want to get fucking married, Jesus. She wanted to get a $10 breakfast at a fucking coffee shop. It sounds an awful lot like she thought you were at least okay as a person and wanted to hang out for an hour and be friendly with the guy she works with and just fucked, AKA a pretty normal thing to want to do, but that was just too great an imposition for you.
Which is fine. You can do what you want. But she's well within her rights to feel a little slighted.
>>16470989
>Open thread
>read this
>tears
>close thread
>>16471024
I feel like it's going to be a long time before you touch another woman. You won't technically be a wizard in 3 years, but you might as well be
>>16471038
>>16471039
>>16471042
Okay, so I fucked up, and I didn't realize. I am actually autistic but I try not to use that as an excuse too much. So there's no way to fix this situation?
>>16471052
Buy her some flowers or something
>>16471052
Does she know you're autistic? Even if you don't want to mention that, something like "Hey, sorry I turned down breakfast, I'm an idiot about picking up social cues sometimes. Any chance you'd still want to grab coffee sometime?" might do wonders.
This isn't the douchiest thing I've ever read from somebody on here by a long shot. Just a little bad. A class C social misdemeanor.
Yeah she probably thinks you just took advantage of her. I mean even if she did want it it sounds like you just kinda bailed afterwards so I would do something nice for her and take her out.
>>16471052
You failed the quicktime event, dude. You probably won't even know if you'll get a chance to redeem yourself and possibly appologise. I suggest you start actually listening to what people are saying behind your back at work. Git gud, be gud, play nice.
>>16471064
No don't do this
>>16471077
>I suggest you start actually listening to what people are saying behind your back at work.
Wait, what? What kind of stuff should I look out for?
I remember you when you posted a while back, and yeah, you fucked this up big time. That girl gave you something extremely special to her, and hoped it meant something to you, and you basically just packed your shit and left without the courtesy to even politely say goodbye. You're the reason why girls are messed up OP. Learn some basic human decency and respect.
>>16471095
Misconceptions, rumors, you probably didn't even realize the reprocussions of fucking and chucking somebody you work with.
Dude easy as just going whenever she is and just say " Anonnette this is all new for me and it was amazing but i do not know how to act ... i am very sorry if i offended you in any way ... i like you and i would love to go for that coffee"
She will suck you dry MOTHERFUCKER
>>16471132
So I want her to think I am interested in her romantically and it's leading to a relationship? I thought at the very least I had it right that neither of us want that. And it'd be a lie.
>>16470981
Sounds like you did the right thing anon. She got the wrong idea and that's her fault. You never hinted at anything but fucking her. She wanted more but she didn't get it, bad luck for her.
This is coming from a 20 year old with a gf, not an autist. I think you forgot how stupid an 18year old girl is. Or you didn't know because almost wizard. You don't have to do anything if you don't care about her but don't expect anymore out of her.
>>16471064
Fuck that's autistic
Just because a girl fucks a guy doesn't mean the guy owes her commitment.
>>16471421
>>16471421
>having a breakfast with a girl that took your virginity
>commitement
Are you dumb ?
>>16470981
>she wanted to go get breakfast at some coffee shop, but I didn't really want to spend money, so I left.
> but I didn't really want to spend money,
So hello to rabbi Finkelstein for me
Yeah like the others have said it was just kind of a dick move on your part. I know you're not looking for a relationship but that's not even how you're supposed to treat a fuck buddy, since it seems like that's what you want. Chances are you're not gonna get completely detached and meaningless sex from anyone unless it's a one night stand with a girl you met at a club/party or something, This girl probably thought that because you weren't constantly giving her attention you aren't a thirsty beta and actually have your shit together, but now she probably thinks that you don't care about her as a person at all, which you stated is true, so if you don't wanna be dishonest but still wanna keep this going you could try asking her to do something that doesn't imply the two of you will have sex and then just explaining that you're not looking for anything serious and that you don't wanna give the wrong idea.
>>16471528
>you're not gonna get completely detached and meaningless sex from anyone unless it's a one night stand
Sex without any kind of emotional attachment is fucking shit anyway. She should at least be a friend/buddy beforehand.
>>16471470
He says "Hi goyim"
Seriously though my parents keep "borrowing" my money and I have medical bills and college loans so I budget myself very carefully and almost never go out to eat. Maybe I tell her that and offer to cook her something instead?
>>16471540
A friend with benefits or fuckbuddy would be great. I would take that if I had the option. In the meantime I'm 27 and probably acting like a virgin, so I took this opportunity to level up a bit.
>>16471528
I guess it's not that I don't care about her as a person at all. She's just not generally the kind of person I'd be friends with. She's trying really hard to be, I dunno, "quirky" or something, and it just comes off kind of cringey for me. Like "Where is the CANDY I love CANDY especially candy that's BLUE like my HAIR! We should go roll around in the fields in the park in the rain and lick mushrooms!!!!1" level of "look how silly I am" bullshit.
I don't know why I made this thread so late last night when I couldn't actually do anything with the advice I got. Now that it's morning I can probably send her a text or something. I work later this evening but she's not on the schedule until Thursday.
>>16471165
I see you don't know how to play the game op.
Enjoy your social autism
What you do is to behave just like you did before. There is no need to change your ways because she's acting sulky. If you don't want to be in a relationship with her you don't put in any more effort than you used to.
>>16470981
>I fucked a coworker and now she's acting mad at me
u = idiot
this is unrecoverable you might as well get a new job
and do internet searching about - dating coworkers
short answer HELL NO
>>16471064
no fuck don't do that
you could ask her to get coffee or burritos (keep it very casual) and talk for a bit, get to know her. but its very important you dont lead her on. if she seems to be liking you & catching feels then you must be careful to let her know you dont want a relationship. spending an afternoon with her and then going home without suggesting you have sex should smooth it over and make her feel that youve treated her as a human/friend
trust me, im a 20 y/o female whos hooked up with dozens of men
Unwritten laws of a polite society says.. at least invite the fucking cunt that took your pity virginity out to a fucking 10 dollar breakfast at Shitdonalds...
Fucking greedy jew...
Not even in unpolite society people do that man... what the fuck is wrong with you ... greedy fucking spaghetti jew asshole
>>16472047
>im a 20 y/o female whos hooked up with dozens of men
> 20 y/o female
>dozens of men
You parents must be so proud
>>16472047
>trust me, im a 20 y/o female whos hooked up with dozens of men
You are going to make a great first wife for somebody.
>>16471202
>>16471202
>>16471202
This.
OP, don't listen to the other fools.
She was a massive bitch, it was definitely the right thing to ditch her.
It's her own fault if she's too dense to understand that you're not interested. Don't feel bad about it.
>>16472262
>>16472268
Sluts are awesome, just don't have actual relationships with them.
>>16471069
This is the right answer.
She's just a "nice guy" in reverse.
>>16470981
OP, how did she know that you were a virgin?
Did she just assume so or did you tell her?
>>16472295
There's a major difference between not being interested in dating someone and not being able to stand them for twenty minutes if you are not actually fucking them.
Also OP doesn't feel bad, he's just worried he ruined the chance to fuck around with her more, which he most likely did.
>>16472723
You mean OP now wants to talk to her, although he shot her down multiple times but the fucked up and left her after fucking her?
>>16472746
He wants more practice >>16470997
>I want to keep fooling around with her to get better at this, so how do I fix this?
ITT: Guys are machines where you insert sex and friendship comes out.
>>16472757
>spending limited time together once when you both still need to eat anyway
>friendship
>>16472753
Now that's stupid.
Then he shouldn't have behaved like that.
Since he fucked up with that one, only option is to look for other chicks.
>>16470989
this women use sex as a bargaining tool and you always need to pay for it in someway via marriage,dinners, or even prostitution. she needs to feel that she is benefiting from you in someway either by extracting resources,attention or status.
>>16472776
Absolutely. As I and others said, not wanting a relationship doesn't mean you want to fuck with someone who thinks it's unbearable to even make small talk with you apart from fucking. There needs to be SOME amount of sympathy or chemistry to get it going for more than a desperate night.
Then again he said he's also sincerely autistic.
>>16472783
>Absolutely. As I and others said, not wanting a relationship doesn't mean you want to fuck with someone who thinks it's unbearable to even make small talk with you apart from fucking.
Well fucking someone who thinks it's unbearable to even make small talk with you probably means you want to fuck someone who thinks it's unbearable to even make small talk with you apart from fucking
>>16472801
They worked together, obviously OP was at least cordial. He said he did not "give her all the attention" others would but that's not the same as ignoring her.
>>16472329
Yeah, I figured.
Text message:
>Hey, sorry I turned down breakfast the other day. You've probably noticed I'm an idiot about picking up on social cues. I didn't mean any offense, but I can tell I've upset you and I wish I hadn't. I've got a manager meeting at 8; would you be down to grab some dinner and hang until then?
Send, Y/N? It's a little after 4 now, so I figure ~3 hour window probably says "let's spend some time together and I'm not trying to bang you"
>>16472850
Just my two pennies but I would not send this and just look for someone else. This is a great text but it does make you sound like you actually care at least a bit about her as a person. It implies that it made you feel bad that she felt bad.
This just does not seem like the right way to me to aim for a fuckbuddies relationship. I think that ship's long sailed.
>>16472850
Don't do it. Continue to be distant, since it's worked so well for you so far. She'll be sulky for a few days, cry to her friends about you, they'll tell her to get over you, she won't. She'll continue to hang off of you.
>>16472864
This is implying she has feelings for OP, not that she wanted to fuck him for a sense of personal pride and was then angered by how rude he acted.
>>16472869
>Our entire work relationship was based around her trying to tickle me or hug me or flirt with me and me telling her to stop repeatedly. We weren't friends and the only thing I ever showed her was disinterest.
My cousin is exactly like this. She's the other woman in a relationship and is wrapped around the guy's finger. She lost her virginity to him, sneaks out to see him, all of that. She claims to not have feelings for him, but then whines when he won't give her the time of day. The guy treats her like shit, and she relishes every second of it. She sounds exactly like this girl.
>>16472869
>This is implying she has feelings for OP, not that she wanted to fuck him for a sense of personal pride and was then angered by how rude he acted.
DESU the vibe I get is she wanted him to like her like the rest of them, tried the old pussy trick, and is just angry it didn't work.
>>16472892
>The guy treats her like shit, and she relishes every second of it.
He didn't treat her like shit, he just was the one guy who wasn't fawning over her and she's someone who needs people to fawn over her at all times. It's not weird or shitty to tell someone ten years your junior to stop tickling you while you're supposedly working together as co-workers. Also seeing that they are co-workers, OP probably didn't snap at her to fuck off but just told her to lay it off. Being polite enough but coolly towards someone you have a professional dynamic with and don't know in the slightest is not really treating them like shit.
When he actually did something more blatant and refused her suggestion to share breakfast, she was in fact not amused and now even when he tries to give her attention she still gives him the cold shoulder. So it does not sound like she's exactly like the individual you describe.
>>16472864
>>16472857
Okay, not sent. I'll just leave it, and see if things change in a couple days.
>>16472909
Yeah, I can also see this might actually be a power fantasy for her, that she imagined once she took OP's virginity he would fawn most of them all and get all hung up over her and then he turned around and illustrated how much he did not give a fuck.
Either way she is not still "relishing" that he treats her like shit and while people like this exist and it's not unthinkable it still applies here, OP probably wants to keep his job and antagonizing her after this is not a smart move with that in mind.
>>16470981
invite her out to lunch, try to look at her actual personality. who knows
