i need some help. my girlfriend is super self conscious about her looks. I tell her, genuinely that i think she is gorgeous and beautiful but she never accepts the comments
she constantly is saying how ugly she looks and how big her nose is. i dont see what she sees clearly.
it makes me so mad when she says these things.
any help would be great
>>16470640
YOU can't do anything about this.
>>16470640
was she ugly as a kid? That fucks people up sometimes even when they grow into good looking adults.
I was an ugly, scrawny kid in school but I've since filled out and actually wear clothes that look good on me. People tell me I'm hot/cute/whatever all the time, I've successfully taken girls home for bars and yet, for the life of me, I cannot accept that fact that I'm not ugly anymore.
I'm honestly considering seeing a professional about it.
>>16470643
Are you sure?
If she thought she was as pretty as she is, would she be dating you?
>>16470658
What do you mean by this? Op here
>>16470656
Yes. It's all in her head, and nothing short of therapy will fix it
She wants you to tell her she's beautiful.
So do it.
Who gives a shit
>>16470655
I don't think she was ugly as a kid>>1647066>>16470666
All the time though she says she is ugly it's nuts idk. I always say she is beautiful >.<
not sure you can fix this. this is society's fault/events from childhood, etc. she should really see a therapist.
I also have had guys date me that got pissed at me coz of my shitty self esteem. im p sure a lot of other girls suffer from it too, but I wish one of the guys had got me to talk to someone professional
>>16470640
You can't change her perception, only she can do that, but you can make it clear that you won't tolerate any of her self-critical talk. Tell her, and with some sternness in your voice, that you don't want to hear that sort of stuff from her, hat she has body image problems, and that that's okay, because you're going to stick with her and support her while she figures out how to stop being so critical of herself, but that you *will not* listen to her say anything negative about the way she looks.
If you ever catch her saying something negative about herself, have zero tolerance for it. Demand that she say three or five things she likes about her appearance. Don't let her do anything until she has.
It's not your job to fix her anon, and hand in hand with that, it's not your job to listen to her tear herself down. Refuse to.
Was she ever bullied?
have you ever done or said anything to her that might make her super self conscious?
>>16470655
Dude I had the exact opposite happen to me, I was muscular and athletic as a kid then I grew into a fat lazy sack of shit.
>>16470743
well at least your self esteem wasn't crushed out of you by years of relentless heckling and social rejection.
Female here:
You're posting about your girlfriend always saying how "ugly" she is and yourpost photo is of a swimsuit model. maybe stuff like that bothers her if you do it around her because she doesnt look like model material
![620[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/c0HgxWR.jpg "620[1].jpg")
>>16470752
>>16470762
or maybe his gf looks the girl in his pic and he wants everyone to see how beautiful she is and why he's so confused as to how she could possible be self conscious.
>>16470779
she doesn't have a big nose tho
It'd be one thing if it was a girl with a big nose or non conventionally attractive face but ops pic is another generic swimsuit model, which kinda makes the other anons point
>>16470783
>she doesn't have a big nose tho
neither does OP's gf according to him.
>>16470762
>>>>>>>>>>>>tumblr
Yes thank you, like maybe she feels inferior to women like that because she doesn't have that generic look or perfect bod. She probably thinks you pine after those women or oggle at images like thatThis is always a problem especially because of social media and magazines and photoshop yada yada.
>>16470743
Reverse ugly duckling effect.
>>16470752
At least you didn't learn to get by using your good looks, never building a personality because you had no need to, and then being faced with all new challenges when you became ugly, and spending years reversing the attitudes that only work when you're attractive.
Couldn't even cash in on my good looks for anything but becoming a lazy undisciplined narcissist. No one punishes the cute kids. I'm still teaching myself the discipline I never learned as a child.
![stan_smith_drunk[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/lKfThYy.jpg "stan_smith_drunk[1].jpg")
>>16470835
>I tell you I was in the best shape of my life.
>I was closer to God than I've ever been, and I was flush with cash.
Stan, I really don't want to talk about the fifth grade anymore.
i think that means are you at the same attractive level of gf, if she knew she was as pretty as you think she is would she still want to be with you? meaning if she thinks she is ugly she might possibly settle? but that sounds dumb to me
>>16470663
suck at this shit. meant to reply directly OP but its down there vv
Thanks for the advice everyone
Anon is happy 4 Chan is the best!
>>16470762
This. My ex was a porn addict and no matter what, I always felt ugly around him.
>>16471427
I watched a lot of porn in my freshman year of college. My girlfriend at the time was most likely influenced by this, though I didn't realize at the time. My favorite pornstar was Mandy Morbid and my girlfriend thought she should look more like her, and ended up getting a few flavor of the month tattoos because Mandy has them.
The tattoos were never the part that I liked in the videos, it was the way Mandy acts in the scenes. I wish my girlfriend would have asked me what made me like Mandy as a pornstar instead of assuming and trying to impersonate it.
Its up to her. There's nothing you can do to change her mind. I'm a guy with abysmal self esteem and although I don't vocalise it like she does I've never been able to take a compliment from my partners to heart.
There's not much you can do about this besides telling her she is hot, and especially doing it unprompted.
>>16471687
Urghh. My boyfriend likes to watch Anissa Kate and I felt a tad insecure until I found out that he actually started watching her because she both looks similar to me and squirts in sex like I do. So then I started feeling flattered.
>>16471696
Maybe its just me but that would not flatter me in the slightest. I dont know why men need to watch a lot of porn or have a favorite porn star if they have a girlfriend
>>16471700
Watching porn is completely separate from sex, just Google it for explanations and detailed reasoning.
Having a favourite pornstar is a bit weird though imo
>>16471700
You want an honest answer?
Because you don't put out enough. Even if you did, porn is easier for him. You probably don't see your boyfriend every day, and if you do you probably don't get him off every day. That's why we need porn. Personally I can't sleep until I bust a nut, so 3 options: we're fucking, you're getting me off, or I'm getting me off, and you best believe I'm using porn to get myself off.
It's nothing personal, it doesn't mean I don't want to fuck you, it just means they need release and you're not giving it to them for whatever reason. Maybe his sex drive is higher than yours, he wants to get off twice daily and you only wanna have sex once a week.
>>16471703
how is it separate? why watch some naked ho getting rammed and rub one out when you can ram your girlfriend.
>>16471707
If you're watching porn when you could be ramming something is definitely wrong, but you can't be ramming all the time.
>>16471705
>>16471705
What if i send my boyfriend pics and videos all the time and we fuck frequently
>>16471705
>>16471707
>>16471711
Don't know about you guys but sex is a lot of effort. Its great sure but sometimes I just want to lay back and bust one out. Sometimes I want to see a Japanese girl swallow an unhealthy amount of semen. Not everything is meant for real life and sometimes I'm just tired
>>16471715
Frequently has different meanings to men and women.
Daily?
Twice Daily?
>>16471717
Sex drive varies a lot between individual men and women too you know
>>16471717
lol like every other day sometimes twice or three times in a day and i send pictures and videos all the time
I can fuck my gf any time and as much as I want but I'm still gonna watch porn sometimes and have a relaxed wank.
I don't bust in 2 mins. Sex is a real workout
I wonder what op's take on porn is then. maybe that is the reason gf is talking like that.
>>16471721
Ask him how often he masturbates, I bet it's more often than you help him.
>>16471725
also this
>>16471728
that doesnt answer why he wouldnt use my pics over porn tho. he claims im his favorite thing to look at because we have a deep connection.
I bet it was the bullying thing someone pointed out earlier. I would suggest therapy too
>>16471732
Oh come on do you honestly expect a guy to never look at another woman? Would you never look at another man? Its about being faithful not leashed
>>16471732
I mean chocolate ice cream is great. I love chocolate ice cream. But even if I have a whole gallon of chocolate ice cream, that doesn't mean I can't go out and sample the other flavors. I like butter pecan too, I like vanilla, I like strawberry. I'm not buying any other flavor, just tasting.
we're taught that guys will fuck anything with two legs and even dudes say they'll lie to women to get them to sleep with them. I feel like I am constantly told I have every reason to be insecure, then I am judged for being insecure by the very people who made me that way. Women are given so many mixed messages these days it is ridiculous--don't have sex too quick or a man won't respect you, if you don't have sex you're a prude, if you don't have sex enough you're a loser; men don't like sluts or women who dress and act provocatively--just ignore how they drool all over them constantly, they really don't like them!; looks aren't everything--but it's all anyone ever talks about; men don't like women who wear too much makeup, yet the women who get the most of their attention are usually wearing more makeup than you've ever worn in your life; men like smart women--but watch how they'll fall all over themselves over a woman dumber than a box of rocks if she has big boobs; men like all breasts--but obviously like the bigger ones waaaaay better; don't be insecure about your body--it's a turn off, just forget about how your whole life the women who have gotten the most attention were the prettiest ones with the best bodies, you must ignore that and put on an act like you're just fine because otherwise your insecurity will turn them off; men will have sex with anything that moves, but somehow you're not supposed to be insecure even though your partner is regularly around "things that move"; men will do anything to get in a woman's pants, but we're supposed to pretend that doesn't include promises of fidelity. As a woman you just have to determine that you yourself can judge these things and to hell with what other people think. Feel what you feel. Why is it always us women who are constantly having to conform and accept things that bother us, even when it really, really bothers us? Not only must we conform, but we are told that the very fact that it bothers us is wrong.
>>16471850
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GfscmQoqaE
I see most girls as date-able, I don't cheat, and I don't give a shit about tit or ass size. People are different, men are pigs and women are bitches. Get over it and be yourself. Wear makeup if you want to, fuck if you want to. Don't ever give a shit about what anyone else thinks of you.
Hello I everyone, I can't say I've ever been more qualified to answer a question.
The number one thing is the other Anons are correct you cannot fix her, or it will take a long long time. The reason I can say this is my girlfriend is the prime example of bad self esteem. My girlfriend was bullied as a kid by everyone including her family, told she was ugly useless etc. I'm going to guess your girlfriend is in the same boat to some degree as this level of bad self esteem has to originate from somewhere.
I have dated my girlfriend for a year now, and it has been constant self-deprecating comments. I have asked her to stop, it did a bit, but arises in another form like jokes. This happens because people with low self esteem need to tell themselves or someone else that they are not worthy. They do this to stop internal thoughts from bottling up. I realized this and learned to deal with the comments and always counter them with how beautiful she is. Continue to be supportive and don't directly plan anything out to fix her, just be there for her. I have eventually got her to feel better occasionally about her self. Over time your comments and love can counter balance the years that she has been told/thought she's ugly. I don't think it can ever fully be healed, but maybe. Good luck.
>>16471850
Part of being an adult (male at least) is learning to make your own judgement and not just going on the word of others. Discerning good information from bad.
Learn from your experience and more importantly talk to your partners. Surprise, surprise not everyone is the same and people have different preferences, opinions etc. Learn from and listen to the people you care about, not every random you meet.
>>16471727
Op here she snoops hard on my browser history found out I looked at Porn and it bothered her so I stopped
>>16472203
Thanks so much for you're answer your story resonates heavily with me
