Boyfriends being super sketchy with his ex, she's sending me screen shots of him saying i'm jealous and insecure when she likes his shit (which is true, she needs to fuck off) but now I just don't feel right about this at all.
Honestly /adv/, when you're in a relationship with someone why is communicating with your ex necessary? my ex and i are on friendly terms but we don't talk. she messages him every few months and it's irritating. Why can't he just tell her to fuck off? She also told me a bunch of shit I never knew about which is fucking with my head so much.
I love this guy so much we've been through so much but i've always had bad vibes about his ex and their relationship and i don't know what to do now. He thinks it's all fine and that he was just trying to make things better on both ends but wtf!
I don't know what to do :(
I also really don't wanna have to go through a break up during end of semester times. I'm already stressed out enough and now thinking about this is fucking with me
>>16468316
>every few months
You are just insecure. This is a normal level of contact.
>>16468316
>she's sending me screen shots of him saying i'm jealous and insecure when she likes his shit
How did that conversation go? Both of them laughing about it, or him just venting or something?
>>16468332
she was posting his art on instagram, like really old stuff that had no relevance to now. when she found out it pissed me off she deleted the old stuff and posted new shit. so i told my bf, and he told her that it makes me insecure and jealous when he does that. he said like "shes just jealous" and she asked if I was young and he said "haha ya she's 20"
We've been together for almost a year now. From the start, I had bad feelings about his ex.
>>16468326
I guess so. It just really annoys me when she likes and comments on his stuff with old memories they had. She told me that she carried his child so she'll always be a special part of his life and that tore me apart. She purposely started being malicious when my boyfriend told her it was pissing me off. To me he said it was fucked up that she said that, but to her it seems like he just brushed it all off.....
Like, why is it acceptable for her to say that shit
>>16468349
>>16468355
And how old is he? And the ex?
Sounds like it might actually be better for you to break up. He cares about keeping things "good" with her. Has he said why? Especially when she's saying all of this to you, which he says is "fucked up"?
If he wants to keep her in his life, you need to weigh whether staying with him would be worth always dealing with her.
>caring about social media
this is your mistake. Delete your facebook, stop looking at instagram, etc. You're better off without it.
>>16468349
>>16468355
This all starts to make sense now, those are quite important details you mention here.
Be fucking happy for him and the kid that they can be adults about it unlike most divorced parents! He is just telling her to be a bit more considerate as it's clearly rustling your jimmies that she still has contact with him and you indeed sound quite insecure about it. Either you trust him and accept his past as a part of his life, or you don't and leave him.
It's perfectly normal (not as normal as it should be!) to keep contact with an ex you have kids with and it's also perfectly normal for you to feel insecure about that. Just try to be a bit more mature about it, it's obvious why she immediately guessed you were younger.
How old is he even?
Btw: having to deal with the ex is one of the reasons why men are hesitant of dating single moms. You're dating a single dad here.
>>16468375
Ex is 23, boyfriend is 25. I'm 20.
She has lupus and is going to be dead in like 10 years. I think that's what it is. But it still doesn't give her a right to be malicious in my relationship. She kept saying things like how I'll never know him and how she'll always be special to him.
He tells me that he never talks to her but idk now.
You're right, I need to think about this because idk if i can handle his ex being a part of his life. Just doesn't look good.
>>16468355
you have a kid with someone and then he runs off and fucks another chick, YOU are that other chick!
Off course she hates you, off course you hate her, but it's about HIM and HE tries to be the adult about it. If you can't, just leave.
>>16468385
Noooo. She never had the kid.
They aborted it. I don't think they planned on keeping it either. He said she said it to piss me off.
>>16468355
Just think about this objectively. You are driving yourself crazy over some cunt who writes some comments most likely to rub it in you that they had a past. Why do you allow it to work? Don't give a crap about her.
Do they have a kid together? If this is not a valid argument.
Don't assume things that you don't know. He could have said her that it was fucked up just like to you, and she could have been the one who brushed it off. As long as they only contact every few months, I don't think this should have real life relevance.
>>16468390
if she's going to be dead in 10 years, then she's not competition for you.
just stop caring about her and what she says and it will stop eventually, it sounds like your bf is being reasonable and mature here so just be an adult like he is.
>>16468391
they don't have a kid and they've been broken up for over 3 yrs now
>>16468394
>>16468398
Thanks guys. I've already blocked her off everything but I think I'm going to have to break things off with him because it seems like she's always going to pop up. If he really loved me he would just tell her to fuck off.
Once again, they don't have a kid and have been broken up for over 3 years now. She has no reason to be like this unless she wants him and he's not resisting.
Thanks guys
>>16468393
Ok, then she's just a clingy bitch, stop letting her influence your life. It seems like she's going trough more shit than her guy talking to some chick once a month. focus on HIM and evaluate HIS behaviour towards you.
>>16468316
While I do think she is trying to get in your head, it's not right for your boyfriend to speak ill of you to her. She will use that to manipulate your relationship. I think you should also tell boyfriend to not get her involved in the details of your relationship. And if he does not stop, he does not respect this relationship.
>>16468404
>break things off with him because it seems like she's always going to pop up.
i don't think that's the advise anons gave you, but you are giving HER exactly what she wants you know that? This is exactly what she wants. You could be very clear with him about cutting contact or something liek that.
>>16468404
>If he really loved me he would just tell her to fuck off.
This is selfish blackmailing and has nothing to do with love. If he wasn't resisting and she wanted him, she would contact him daily and not monthly. You are just insecure.
>>16468421
>>16468429
Not op, but I understand her concerns... Personally I've been cheated on by two different boyfriends that kept contact with their exs. While I didn't think it was that bad, they also talked every couple of months. It eventually turned into conversations of "Why did we even break up?" "I still miss you a lot." and etc. It eventually turns into "Let's hang out." which eventually leads to ex sex. While not true for every situation, there are just reasons to be insecure about this. Her boyfriend is already talking down of her to ex. If the ex is crazy enough she will use it to slither back into his life.
Crazy exgirlfriends can hit relationships like hurricanes. I don't think I'd be able to deal with it again in a relationship either.
>>16468421
But add in OP's 20, and he's 25. And this has already made their relationship sour. OP doesn't need to stay in a relationship just so the ex doesn't "win". Seems like this has been going on awhile and his move always is to tell the other what they want to hear. Trust is important to have, and hard to get back. It might just be fighting a losing battle.
>>16468437
>>16468429
>>16468421
Honestly.........
Her diseased lupus asshole can have him.
I've had this happen to me in other relationships which is why i'm so sketched out now.
He's dumb for not telling her to piss off even after she sent me screen shots of their conversation. He told me straight up she's bi polar.
I do NOT need crazy ex girlfriends ruining my mind during exam times. This bitch doesn't work, doesn't go to school, she's a fucking human trafficker (she told me she apparently sells girls like me?????) and has lupus. My boyfriend is a fucking retard for keeping this cancer in his life.
I know you guys want me to stay with this fish but now that I think about it, he's a waste.
Thank you for all your advise though
>>16468459
>This bitch doesn't work, doesn't go to school, she's a fucking human trafficker (she told me she apparently sells girls like me?????) and has lupus.
lol, we don't care, you don't have to defend your feelings against her.
>I know you guys want me to stay with this fish
that's not what anyone said, we said be an adult about it forcus on what you want of HIM, not HER and decide to stay or leave based on HIM.
>>This bitch doesn't work, doesn't go to school, she's a fucking human trafficker (she told me she apparently sells girls like me?????) and has lupus.
Sounds like you're more focused on her behaviour than his.
like she's more important to you than him.
but yeh, you're probably better of without him and vice versa. He's clearly in a different phase of his life than you are.
>>16468316
3 relationships, 5 FWBs. Girls or guys who hang out with their exes are shittier Bf/GF material. Im sincere with that, its disrespectful.
Dump his ass.
>>16468349
Gf is 19, im 25. your Bf is a dick and you dont Hang or text with exes.
>>16468459
Go out with a bang. Keep her messages of trafficking. Send it to police. Anonymously tip it off to them. Say you fear your own safety if she does traffick.
>>16468510
>>16468504
she just anounced she's avalable guys! time to take your chance as a white knight!
>>16468517
kek for actually believing this is not a product of emotions going wild
>>16468528
No, it probably is an empty threat. I know that. But ex is a psycho bitch and deserves to be treated like one. Human trafficking is no joke. Whether or not she does play some part in it, she at least deserves the beating of a lifetime.
I don't think you're being insecure. The girl is being passive aggressive which looks innocent to everyone else, but only you can pick it up. It's more like the ex is insecure and she has to feel like your boyfriend liked her more.
I'd say if your boyfriend can't give up contact completely with his ex because you're uncomfortable then he's not really worth it. t's not like you'd be asking him to cut contact with his friends; there's literally no point to him keeping contact with her. It's just for the sake of his own ego.
I keep in contact with 1 of my exes but that was because we were good friends before we had started dating, and we dated when we were like 16 so it was yonks ago. He has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend, plus my boyfriend has met him on a group outing and my ex was respectful and nice to him. But it's not like we passive aggressively do shit like what OP is describing.
>>16468390
I have a friend with lupus who was told she had 10 years to live....that was 30 years ago. Don't believe it.
>>16468517
I wouldn't do that to her, she's already gonna die in 10 years. Though if she is human trafficking that's really fucked up but i wouldn't doubt it if she's bi polar.
Like the entire conversation was a roller coaster from her end, starting off with her addressing me in over friendly tone and sending me her number with the screen shots, asking me if i ever wanna talk. I just told her that i didn't like her doing this shit and that it annoyed me and that she should do her and cut this shit. Then she starts dragging me, saying i'll never know my boyfriend, she sells girls like me, i'm insecure and dirty and mentions the fact that my boyfriend dumped me a few months ago (i dumped him because he wasn't fully committed to me, but i guess he told her other shit when we were broken up). Says stuff like "Oh, what else hasn't he told you?!"
I'm honestly just realizing now that with her mental illness and her physical illness she's probably just bat shit insane from suffering and just wants to extend it to others. I don't know why my boyfriend wants to keep that around, so i'm done with his ass. like i don't need this during exams.
>>16468554
For real.
I googled a lot about lupus and my friends even told me that it's not that big of a deal because it's manageable now.
But i'm not going to say her disease isn't serious because i don't know about it. all i know is my boyfriend told me she posted statuses on facebook saying she has like 10 years. he asked if i wanted to read it when all this happened, i was like no....
>>16468586
She texted my boyfriend after the first message and said that her drunk friend from high school recognized me and sent the screen shot.
Like her stories make no sense, she texts me and my boyfriend at the same time dragging me and asking him why I'M messaging her while my boyfriend is sitting there telling me to not message her back while hes messaging her saying i'm jealous and insecure.
the fuck?
>>16468586
>>16468608
Yea, OP, get out now. I wouldn't question it at all if you decided to leave and not look back. This bitch is crazy and it seems like your boyfriend is trying to have the best of both worlds: an ex he can have a deep friendship with and complain about relationship issues with her whenever he pleases, and a girlfriend that just allows that to happen.
He's defending her psychotic behavior over your judgement? Calling it insecurity when this bitch is clearly the psycho one? This is gaslighting. When a person flips over what they say to create blame on you. You are dealing with manipulative narcissists. You need to go now. Delete these people from your life.
