First of all, I'm a female, 23 years old. My problem is my underlying mental issues. Basically what I got is a mix of being autistic, insecure and bipolar with some narcissist traits. I'm a pathological liar (I do that to protect myself and give a better impression, but I'm not actually especially mean nor aggressive or anything.) and the closest circle of people around me changes frequently. People tend to like me at first, I seem to be social, funny and charismatic, but I can't hide my real personality traits forever, so at some point people just disappear around me.
Which I understand, but due to my shattered personality, I find it hard to be what others would call normal. I don't know how people generally view me, and honestly I'm scared to think about it.
I'm not traumatized in my childhood or anything, this is just who I am and what I'm like. I got a family background filled with asperger's syndrome and bipolar disorder, so it's no wonder that I'm like this.
I can not possibly expect someone to deal with me. And to be honest, I don't wanna make myself go through the unstable and out of control like feelings when I develop feelings on someone. If having a crush causes a chemical storm to your brain, my brains gets even more messed up than that. And that state of mind has driven me to do so much crazy shit, fucked up my relationships and eventually made me sadder than anything else.
So I need to avoid that, in order to stay as a functioning and somewhat normal person. It's also almost impossible to date anyone seriously due my constantly changing mood, opinions and fluctuating self-esteem. I either feel superior or inferior, which makes me wanna push everyone away.
>>to be continued
Luckily my personality comes with certain good aspects too. But the fact is, that I have to give up on my dreams of having a family. I can never be a stable and normal spouse, I'll always have my own goofy habits and features. I definitely can't be a good mother. I love children and always wanted to have ones of my own, but I also know myself well enough to realize that I couldn't possibly be a good mother in the long term. I'd be selfish to have a child, and possibly making him to inherit my troublesome personality.
But how do I make peace with this? I always dremt about starting a family, but the truth is that I have to focus on other goals and aspirations in life. Luckily I got a few, but I still find myself checking at interesting men and dreaming about being loved and touched again. (I've never had a real boyfriend, but I have dated men in the past. I'm 24 years old.) I wish I could just stop wishing for approval from the opposite sex.
>>16468108
Luckily my personality comes with certain good aspects too. But the fact is, that I have to give up on my dreams of having a family. I can never be a stable and normal spouse, I'll always have my own goofy habits and features. I definitely can't be a good mother. I love children and always wanted to have ones of my own, but I also know myself well enough to realize that I couldn't possibly be a good mother in the long term. I'd be selfish to have a child, and possibly making him to inherit my troublesome personality.
But how do I make peace with this? I always dremt about starting a family, but the truth is that I have to focus on other goals and aspirations in life. Luckily I got a few, but I still find myself checking at interesting men and dreaming about being loved and touched again. (I've never had a real boyfriend, but I have dated men in the past. I'm 24 years old.) I wish I could just stop wishing for approval from the opposite sex.
bumb, accidentally posted part. 2 twice.
Fuck off you special snowflake the fact is no one cares about your "conditions" and don't expect people too. Your not the only one with problems and they're probably shitty problems anyways but people get by and still have a decent life.
Grow up and man up and just start working towards your goals don't worry about a dam relationship you can't even deal with yourself yet.
>>16468108
Are you properly diagnosed?
Are you ugly?
If not, you literally have no chance of ending up alone unless you choose to be.
Chances are you believe in this black-and-white split(autism at it's finest) in which people are good and bad and you're shit. The reality being, that your character traits make you, YOU and they are just as valid as anyone else's.
>>16468310
yes
>>16468921
What do therapist say?
If you can act well socially, even if it is just an act, that means you are ok with recognizing social cues, so you are not that big autist.
Do you take medicine for bipolar?
>>16468937
>What do therapist say?
Nothing useful.
>Do you take medicine for bipolar?
Nope. My depression seasons aren't that drastic and mania isn't fullblown chaos so I don't take any meds. I don't wanna lose my personality. The certain kind of an energetic crazy me is really part of my identity. It makes me outgoing, funny and spontaneous. That's what I'm like.
It's the feelings involved context where it gets unbearable.
Your a woman. Find some beta , he will be 100% grateful to have someone.
>>16468978
To me you don't sound hopeless at all, neither as a spouse or as a parent. You can function well socially, you can be funny and outgoing which both are likable traits. I think you just have a low self esteem and judge yourself too harshly which makes your self esteem issues worse, and makes you nervous and defensive. Try to be more the outgoing fun extroverted you, and leave the judging to others. Don't try to be perfect, and don't try to appear something else that you are not because people like you for what you are. Getting used to intensive feelings can only be done by practice.
tl;dr
>>16469010
how to deal with never having a family and seriously admitting being forever alone
listen, you need to really take therapy seriously, and please find a psychiatrist that'll work with you to find medications that work for you.
a partner isn't a bandaid. if you currently have difficulty maintaining friendships, a healthy intimate relationship isn't likely to happen.
it's okay to struggle. be patient with yourself.
also, really - please try to be more honest. i know it's hard to break down defense mechanisms, but it does more harm than good, by far. also, people are more likely to be supportive of you through this if you're actually straightforward about what you're going through. protect yourself by having healthy boundaries.
if you're posting seriously, and only in your early 20s as mentioned - you have plenty of time to figure this out. don't feel like having a family is 'impossible' for you; it's black/white thinking, and what you feel now is temporary. your position in life right now is temporary. you have the power to better yourself, and that should be your main focus.
>>16469277
stop being fuck up. If you can't then find yourself a hobby you like and come to terms with the fact that in your state it's better not to have a family. You would emotionally drain and destroy your bf or husband, same to your potential kids.
Have ONS if you want to, work as a volunteer to not feel to lonely. From what you're saying I gather you can't even keep up a good friendship, so in that case any romantic relationship is impossible for you.
>>16468108
>Female
>Problems
Lol
got any good friends OP?
>>16468978
Nah senpai, BPD is one of those disorders that requires medication, like schizophrenia.
And like schizophrenics they often think their disorder is "no big deal" or nonexistent, so they don't adhere to any treatment. I think it's called anosognosia? It's common for people with BPD and/or shizophrenia, and it's what bites them in the ass the hardest.
It's sad because they're fucking themselves over, but the whole "you can't help the person if they don't want to help themselves" still rings true. Had a lifelong friend with BPD and I could do nothing for her; I could only watch her sink to the bottom. Your choice if you want to end up down there too. But the key is living by your therapy/medication.
>>16468108
>What I got is a mix of being autistic, insecure and bipolar with some narcissist traits. I'm a pathological liar
>I'm a pathological liar
>I'm a liar
The fact that you self-diagnosed with mutually exclusive mental disorders kinda gave you away.
You got unwarranted self importance. Pick something to do with your life and place time, effort and dedication to it.
Also, fuck you.
>>16468108
what's your first name initial
>>16468108
This is why nunneries and monasteries were invented, so you morons would have a safe space w/o fucking with everyone else.
Crazy is as crazy gets.
You can only date the equally crazy.
Still here, what state you live in?
>>16468978
What you feel is common among bipolar people. Its also the reason you struggle with relationships. The storues i hear with bipolar people is quite always the same. Love their manic stages, dont wanna medicate because it's "who they are" people find them hard to be friends with.
Friends
Manic states
Pick one
>>16470362
Yeah, get that crazy strange
>>16468108
> My problem is my underlying mental issues. Basically what I got is a mix of being autistic, insecure and bipolar with some narcissist traits. I'm a pathological liar (I do that to protect myself and give a better impression, but I'm not actually especially mean nor aggressive or anything.)
So what you're saying is that you're a woman.
>>16470385
kek
