I am loosing control over my life and I suspect I have add.I have always had a problem with self regulation but it's gotten much worse as of late in the time when my focus and attention is required the most and my bad habits from high-school are being carried over to uni and struggling to work at my full potential. in middle school despite my procrastination habits I did well and got into a good high-school and had a dream of studying abroad and becoming a doctor. yet I struggle to cope and often was late to class and on assignments due to me spending way more hours then required on fanfiction and Manga. as a result I could no longer attend the program in my previous high-school and had to go to a regular one.Even though the material was easier my ego was completely destroyed by my failures and I had low motivation to do much of anything except occasionally watching online college courses for academic enrichment. however, I never completed these courses. I got fed up with my attitude and cut myself of Manga and fanfiction. I tried to change my self in senior year by starting a science club and trying harder in academics in general but even then I was putting minimal effort and one of my courses had a mark closest to failing while the others were subpar. I was worried I might not get into uni.I stopped caring for myself and my grades began suffering once more and I talked to a counselor and told my parents about how I was seeing her. they got upset as they thought it would be a hindrance and wouldn't help it got worse when I asked her to give me a referral to a psych. I denied it eventually fearing that it would jeopardize my chances at becoming a doctor. I also never used to take the counselors advice. I just disconnected from her and upon the insistence of my parents to see tutor who I saw only twice I put in some effort and somehow salvaged my grades and got into a decent uni which made me happy. however,everything got a lot worse
Now because I have lost an interest in Manga and never had hobbies or friends to begin with I'm procrastination of new more dangerous things once it was constantly chatting and now compulsively flapping which makes me fueled ashamed. on top of it I am lying to my parents about my grades and doing bad and skipping classes because it's so far and doing work till the last moment messing up my sleep schedule like today with my exam tomorrow. I can't seem to focus or concentrate and my memory is super poor and like always I rush through things making silly errors. When I was young through online medium which eventually resulted in the calling of a counselor and talking about my frustrations I reached out several times but discontinued it or was told to regulate myself better. I already know what my problems are and what I should be doing but I can't do anything. I hate myself and probably shouldn't even be posting this. I used to love learning and helping people out even listening to others vent and giving solutions but now I can't do anything. Everything feels pointless and everything leads to regret cause I am performing under my true potential and I don't want to get help so is their any hope for me? No right sorry for the long post.
Reply please ;-;
oh my god, I know exactly what you are going through...because I am going through it as well. I have ADHD and have the exact same problem. I honestly want to cry right now, I've never met or seen anyone with almost my exact situation.
Its hard isn't it? I know i'm not stupid, the grades make me look stupid but I'm not, I just can't get anything done when I need to
that feeling of constantly failing to meet my true potential even in the most simplistic, mundane tasks.
I haven't gotten to where you are though. I'm still in high school. I did well in middle school and got into a good program in high school but now I'm really afraid of being kicked out. I can see it coming and I don't want it to happen, I want to stay in my special program damn it
please still be there OP. I've never met anyone with such a similar situation as mine
I don't want everything to feel pointless, why is it so hard to just do what I want to do, why do i have to get so damn distracted
No please don't go to sleep. The thread will be deleted by tomorrow and I'll never have this opportunity again....
I am still here. although, I don't know what valuable advice I can give because I haven't been diagnosed all I can say is that getting help earlier is better then later and keeping a routine and having someone to hold you up to it is really important. in school sometimes they are required to give you certain accommodations if you suffer from a mental health problem like extra time and more structured learning environments with minimal distraction. I am really sorry you are going through a similar problem to and I really hope things work out the best for you. also if you are given medication don't avoid taking it but if it doesn't work you might want to change it. thanks for replying I really appreciate it.
OP you literally sound exactly like me. Lately I've been cutting ties with things I enjoy to make room for schoolwork because I'm falling behind in college. Also been addicted to porn since a young age and it fucking sucks and disgusts me. Thinking about stopping all gaming as well for a week entirely to help me get on track. Might even uninstall them all. I'm hoping the removal of distractions will help me really catch up before its too late. You're not alone OP, stay strong.
Thank you, and you don't need to worry about giving advise. I just wanted to know that there really was someone else you know? I was starting to feel really alone. I have good friends and what not but it is hard explaining this to people who haven't experienced this without getting the old "just learn some discipline stupid" shtick from people.
Well I am glad you don't feel alone anymore and have a good friend base. I think if I had someone who understood me in real life or could open up more to others maybe things would have taken a different route, but then again I can't really say for sure. you two anons are great for managing to read my grammatically incorrect sentences and for trying to support me. I will try my best to do well.
thank you, this has been like a little wake up call
>>16467471
Me again. Yeah I wish I had more discipline because I feel like my life would be 100x better. I also do feel like I have add sometimes because I can never concentrate on the work I'm trying to do. But yeah it sucks
>>16467549 yeah I know what you mean it does totally suck and I'm tired of hearing about how indisciplined my lifestyle is. it's super surprising how similar all our lives can be. but the important thing is you are trying to improve your situation and to some extent it may really improve by cutting out some distraction, but I think the important thing is not to remove them altogether but slowly remove or shorten your time doing them. it's important to have a balance and have things outside of work or school to keep your mind occupied and be happy. although I suppose this is easier said then done, unfortunately :/ good luck catching up.
>>16467488
me. Yeah that balance is hard to find lol
>>16467584
It's funny because there are people who would kill my stuff in a week but then go run off and have a bunch of shit problems that I would easily never have. Seems there's always something going on with everyone. Good luck anon.
