Having a partner does not absolve you of your own responsibility to overcome your own problems.

Many are not as lucky as you to have someone there and you should not take outside help for granted.

Solve your own issues before trying to throw them on another's shoulders or attributing the failure to anyone other than yourself

Hi, OP here.

I feel like I haven't explained the situation clearly, although I do agree with you.

The thing is, she says does want to help with my issues. When I get sad I do want to get over it by myself, but she says that it's her problem too. She wants to offer me emotional support, but when the time comes for her to do so, she says she doesn't know how and acts like she doesn't want to spend time with me then. She does briefly try to cheer me up, but after that I feel like she gets offended by my sadness not going away instantly.

We were in the exact opposite position just earlier today, she was feeling down and I was there for her. We just played some games and talked casually about things, and she seemed to feel better after that.

I would do anything to keep her from getting hurt, but I just don't feel like it's mutual, even if she says it is.

>>16460192
Relationships are a two-way street. You give a little and you take a little.

If you feel like what you are putting in does not merit what you are getting out of it, it may be time to reevaluate the situation and decide whether to continue or look elsewhere.

^ This, very much so.

You're absolutely blessed to have someone in this capacity; she can only do so much, and you mus pull your own weight.
Being in the presence of someone in any severe mood (depressed or exhilarated) is infectious. Particularly someone who is themselves drained by depression more or less unconsciously lap up the energy of those around them; thus apart from her busy routine sapping her energy, being in the presence of one in a dire mood is very draining.
I'm not saying this to worry you or to make you distance yourself from her; but use her as a mirror and do some soul searching; what is it in you that attributes to these mood? How can, by altering your life-view by seeing as she does, you improve upon your outlook and have these moods lessened?
Use her to help you ask the right questions to yourself. Don't misunderstand me in thinking that she's just a tool - she's human as well and needs time to recharge, and helping you through problems is nigh impossible when she has no energy to spare, and can perhaps make matters worse as she may say/do something in her exhaustion that could have been better said/done whilst she was "full of life" so-to-speak.
It could be she ignores you (if that's what she truly does) and is drained herself because she goes through the same spells, and feels like she's not worthy or is incapable lifting you up. (which is untrue - everyone can contribute something to lighten the load of their brothers and sisters) but she can only do so much. She can only point the way, it is you who must walk.

>>16460224 here
when i did "^ this, very much so"
i meant to reference >>16460154 (not >>16460202)
though he does make a valid point

Look up "love languages" and you'll see that there are several ways in which a person expresses his/her love towards the other.

Maybe your form of expression of love is different from hers, or at least attraction or fondness. Just because you like each other doesn't mean you have the same preference of language. Maybe she's giving you the same intensity/level but in a different form. It's all about communicating.

>>16460224 Here again

It seems as though those with similar problems are the only ones that can help each other out with them, as they can both relate. Though it is no cake-walk, I would argue it is worth the time and effort put in.
Don't drop someone to avoid a problem; the problem will only return in relationships afterwards. Deal with it while it's in front of you and change what it is that's in you that draws these sorts of people who generate said problem to you, and help them do the same while you're at it.

OP again.

Thank you for all of the advice.

I did address it with her, but I don't know if it will have any impact. I guess I'll know after we talk tomorrow.

I really do not want to give up on this, since we have a great thing going and we care about each other greatly, but I had to say something to her about this since it's kind of hurtful.

I do understand that it's not the most pleasant thing to spend time with a person who seems like they're not interested in anything, but it hurts me when I tell her that I feel alone and that I want to spend time with her, and she chooses not to.

I do not expect her to do the same for me just cause I choose to stick with her when she is feeling down, but what bothers me is just the saying "I wish I could do something", "I'm always here for you", when it's not necessarily true. Or "Tell me what you would like us to do together", but when I suggest something it gets rejected.

Eh. Be careful. I ended up marrying someone who was incapable of emotional support (despite acting different in the beginning). It doesn't get better, it gets worse.

It doesn't look like she's making herself seem like a victim, she's probably just tired from the situation and doesn't have the energy to help you

she probably needs some help too in a sense, it looks like you are asking something and she's telling that she can't do it

then you can keep pressing her and her only option is to keep resisting

>>16460224 Here

desu she sounds quite a bit like me; and if she is, her mind is always going 100 miles per hour and you may have to drag her out - and it is no easy task. If she's anything like me, it would be easier to pull teeth xD

But just keep trying and hold fast; it may take months for a small development to occur, and years for anything amounting to substantial. But she'll learn to leave her shell.

You being there and making an attempt means the world to her, I'm sure, even though she may not be able to show it in any perceivable way.

You're last line kind of hit home in my relationship, but I'm her and my gf probablt has a similar view as you..life is funny. But I've no doubt everything will work out in the end. As was said before, communication is key.

>>16460279
She does keep a lot to herself in these situations, and reveals small bits when she feels misunderstood. I do tell her openly how I feel at all times, and I understand that when either one of us is down she is not like that, and I'm willing to be patient for her to leave her shell, as you've said.

We both do say that a lot, "communication is key", but I suppose she just needs some time to think or she doesn't want to communicate right away, when either of us is not feeling great. I'm going to just have to get over the bad times on my own, if we don't come up with a better solution, we will figure something out, I suppose.

Thank you for everything though, it means a lot to hear it from someone who knows what is going on and is able to bring my views closer to hers.

If what I proposed is the case, then
a) be prepared for a deluge, then a period of silence, then another (eventually what builds up in her head won't/can't stay there)
b) she's afraid.

it could be both, of course, and many others I can't account for.

If this is this case, tell her that no time spent with her is wasted; and that each is cherished and will, in the event of a departure, will not be forgotten in a haze of sadness/anger/confusion, but looked upon as time well spent and that she'll always be loved. And that you'll be there for her and not be judgmental of anything she wishes to divulge to you about herself and love her all the same - if not more so. (but only if it's true)

but this is only true if she's anything like me. If she is, I feel sorry for you xD but if you feel she is worth the time and effort, just be prepared ^^

>>16460340
I am willing to face anything, honestly. My only fear, which is mainly the reason why I started this board, is that it's not mutual.

It seems to me that she's a person who runs away and keeps herself distracted when things are not convenient, just to come up later with a solution she didn't have at the time, and I would stay no matter what.
We both get confused over each other, since on some points we're the exact opposite and look for the opposite things in a specific moment.

I've already told her everything that you've suggested, by the way. She knows that she can talk to me and I let her know daily how much she means to me, and how amazing she is.
Man, I love her, I really do, and we're mostly on the same page, but it feels so heavy in the conversations like the one we had now, it's like we live in two different worlds.

It could very well be true; intuition is rarely wrong. (if it is intuition and not conscious thought - the only time it's wrong is when conscious thought in mingled in)

You may have to face that fact one day. She could have enough feelings for you to not wish to hurt you in telling you this. She could just not want to be alone.

All this is speculation on my side, of course, and be careful to take it too much to heart and let it attribute to negative moods.

Everything happens for a reason, and so long as you use each moment to improve upon yourself and see events in your life such as these as opportunities to do so and that even as many outsiders may see it as a negative event (not referencing this event), you can safely say that it helped to bring things about yourself to surface that needs improvement, and helped you improve yourself as a person.

>>16460279
>But just keep trying and hold fast; it may take months for a small development to occur, and years for anything amounting to substantial.

Yeah, nah. Anyone that gives you this much trouble isn't worth it.