Same boat

>>16455846

>how do i deal with it

by dealing with it? everything you talk about is in the past. this is pretty much what life is built on. its the reason the president has grey hair. no matter how experienced we are, we area always a small fish in a big pond.

>>16455846
By accepting the fact that tomorrow is coming.

>>16455891
i like what you say, yet it's always easier to say "deal with it" than actually dealing with it. how do i proceed from now? how do i find out if the opportunity is gone or just postponed? how do i start dealing with it?

how do you apologize for this to a woman who says she doesn't even blame me for not seeing this? do i even bring this up again after her saying it's ok? do you even apologize, or do you "just" try your best from now on to show her you never meant to stand her up?

>>16455981

>dealing with it just means accepting your feelings as they are and just dealing with it. it doesnt mean fixing or changing it. dealing with it literally just means coexisting with it as it already is.

thats why people say
>dont like it?
>deal with it!

its not saying fix it. so to deal with it you literally just keep existing.

>opportunity gone or postponed

thats something specific to your situation, i dont know it

>how do you apologize for this to a woman who says she doesnt even blame me for not seeing htis?

while thats a tiny bit more specific, we still have no idea what the hell ur talking about and can only give vague 'deal with it' advice until you clarify

>>16456026
i don't want to get too deep into detail.
let's just say we had planned for months to see each other - she wanted to do something with me and we had to plan it in advance for several reasons. i never quite grasped, though, how much they actually wanted it to happen - i mean, i wanted it myself, so i was aware i had to work harder until the day would come so i would be mentally free of any obstacles (exams, work and so on) and be able to fully be there for her and concentrate on her.
but in the meantime i got absolutely soaked up in everything that it blurred my sight for the important things (and admittedly, the other person asked for a later time as well at some point).
what we had planned never came true, and something totally different happened - which was amazing by itself, it was a great time, but during that i found out that they had plans for themselves after the visit that they had to postpone because they thought the first plan we worked out - which was all about me and me giving out a time frame - would come true.
so what's really getting me are 2 things:
1) they wanted to see me badly for a long time
2) they actually gave up a part of them because i couldn't plan correctly...

both these things make a third one:
3) i hate myself for being unable to plan and see the signs.

>>16456106

this really didnt clarify anything, basically they had to cancel other plans despite asking to cancel plans with you as welll?

stop trying to speak in code.

By focusing so much on the past you are squandering the present. it only fucks you up as much as you allow it to. Accept what you have done, admit your mistakes to yourself, another person and God, make things right if you have hurt others and move on.

>>16456112
sorry for being such a clusterfuck... i really can't help it right now... i'll try again:

we never really decided on an actual date to see each other. it was always kind of vague as i kept saying i was going to be done with most of my exams and work by (insert month), kind of assuring her that by that time it was going down - but i kept postponing, because i lost track of things even though i thought i had everything under control.
in the meantime they asked to postpone as well for other reasons that only appeared because we already kept postponing.
so i feel like being the complete idiot here, because i failed to see the importance and i could neither settle for a real date nor sit my ass down to actually finish my stuff.
and now that i know that they actually counted on me and had plans for after that, which they had to cancel, it drives me nuts.

maybe i'm overseeing something here to keep me sane.
we did see each other in the end, but it happened on a totally different basis - it was amazing for both of us nonetheless, but actually seeing her now reminded of what a giant unstable factor i have been the entire time.

i have no idea if she forgives me, as in: whether the super misplanning will have a good end and come true.

I'm lost :( i'm so fucking lost.
I feel like I've lost track of everything: work, uni, happiness, love... I don't even know where to start.
I need a decisive definite heads up on how to stay focussed and start to love myself again...

It's time for some useful advice

I used to be like you

memories haunted me throghout the day, they paralyzed me, it was completely out of my control

but then I learned about meditation, you might think that by trying to avoid the thoughts they will go away, but its quite the opposite

all I had to do was to think hard about these horrible memories and try to "watch" them in my mind while feeling nothing and thinking nothing of it

even 5 minutes of this made me feel an huge difference

>I would think about something bad but not feel like shit
>I would feel bad but no memories would come up
>I could finally move on with my life without freaking out and getting paralyzed because of something that happened 10 years ago