Hey /adv/ long story short a "friend" of mine shared that he had recently called someone a racial slur that is the same race as me. He admitted to doing it in a derogatory manner, and at first was not aware "what the big deal was". After sitting him down and having a civil conversation (I didnt attack him, and even told him if it was boring or felt like I was lecturing he could leave) about what the significance of his actions were he basically ended up saying that he was sorry it offended me, but he wasent sorry that he said it. I'm not one to try to press people for apologies so I asked if if he knew what he did then, if he could go back and do it all over again would he still say what he said. His answer was yes, and basically we ended up going our separate ways with him vowing to never come back to hang out with me again. Its been two days since the incident and since we live in the same dorm on campus he has been showing up as much as he was before everything went down, and acting like nothing even happened.
I'm usually a forgiving person, but when someone knows that they are wrong, and even admits to knowing that what they did was wrong, the least I expect is for them to be able to acknowledge that they shouldnt have done it. He approaches me like he always has, and even attempts to start conversations with me, but I just tend to keep my distance and really dont want to talk to him, not out of anger, but mostly because I think he is trying to underplay this whole situation as something he can just sweep under the rug and continue with things as they usually are without addressing it, and thats where I take issue with things. Should I just break things off and tell him to fuck off, or do I keep ignoring him and giving faint responses until he eventually gets the hint?
Get him out of your life ASAP.
He thinks you're "one of the good ones".
>>16453559
This resonates with me pretty strong anon, I feel like you are hitting the nail right on the head.
>>16453559
Real life though, if he lives in the same dorm, him and OP are in each other's lives whether they like it or not.
OP, I think the way to play this is to be civil, but not friendly. You don't have to pretend to be his buddy, but don't overplay this, don't go around trying to rally everyone against him. Even though what he said was fucked-up, and his refusal to acknowledge it even more so, it'll just make it look like you can't take a joke. You might be able to fuck him over socially, but you'd fuck yourself over in the process.
Don't throw yourself on the fire for this guy. It isn't worth it. Just sit back and watch nature take course. The guy sounds like a first-class asshole, and it won't take long for other people to figure it out. You gave him an easy chance to smooth things over, and he was just too proud to take it. Guys like that always fuck themselves over.
>>16453591
Yeah, just be real coldly civil unless he starts doing other racist shit then consider going to the school admin or something.
>>16453591
>>16453597
Yeah when he talks to me I dont ignore him or anything, but I tend to give him basic monotone answers. I feel like its already beginning to create an awkwardness in the lobby that we both hang out in. People are coming around less frequently, and there is generally a still vibe. I dont really care, because I know if I notice it he does too, and at that point its just a question of if he wants to do something about it.
>>16453613
Just wait and see what he does, bro. Either he's going to get over himself and apologize, or he's going to do some dumb shit and let everyone see how he really is.
>not bantering back with him
>I'm usually a forgiving person, but when someone knows that they are wrong, and even admits to knowing that what they did was wrong, the least I expect is for them to be able to acknowledge that they shouldnt have done it.
> he basically ended up saying that he was sorry it offended me, but he wasent sorry that he said it.
Like come on mate, he only gives a shit about it because you decided it was important. He never said he was sorry for saying it by his own admission.
I mean, if you feel like you can't be friends because of this do whatever you feel is appropriate, but me and my friends throw racial insults at each other all the time and laugh it off, because we know they're attacking the stereotype and not actually attacking the person.
>>16453559
Your life gets better once you do cut out scum like this. Don't compromise or even acknowledge this ass. If shit hits the fan, you'd just be another nigger/kike/chink and he'd leave you for the sharks
>>16453686
lol
>>16453686
That's not entirely fair. I've found that there's a difference between an ignorant person and a hateful person. It's sometimes hard to tell them apart at first, but the ignorant ones often redeem themselves if you give them a chance.
At this point, the guy's either going to apologize, or he's going to escalate. And if he escalates, over dumb shit like this, just out of pride, I don't think anyone's going to have his back. OP doesn't really have to do anything, not over a small issue like this. He's made his feelings clear.
>>16453665
I would be fine if he would have thrown it around with me for shits and giggles, but he admittedly did it intentionally put someone down and speak about them in a negative manner. The part that makes me so uneasy is that he isint the least bit regretful of being so harsh
>>16453722
And what exactly did this third guy do then? With the way you're going on about it I'm assuming he was a little shit and if so then yeah the goal would have been to put a hamper on his ego.
You thinking he was excessive is kind of an important difference from thinking he's racist.
>>16453737
The third guy wasent around. The situation was him and some friends of his brother hanging out, and they all started talking about the guy while he wasent there. I dont know what the guy did specifically, or if he did anything at all, but the lack of an explanation for that specific piece of information makes me think that the guy probably didnt do anything. I gave him a space where he could tell his side of the incident, and the guy being an ass never came up. He just said he wasent around and he was talking with his brother and his friends about him.
>>16453756
This is why I recommend cutting him off. You don't know if this guy talks shit about OP behind his back. Rather than play the guessing game just get rid of him. He seems comfortable throwing harmful slurs around and isn't sorry at all
>>16453756
>the lack of an explanation for that specific piece of information makes me think that the guy probably didnt do anything
Do you really think the guy is going to throw an insult at a person for no reason? Which is more likely, that or the fact he just didn't share some information with you?
Would you give a damn if they called him a stupid fucker instead?
>>16453764
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXQkXXBqj_U
>>16453771
I would like to think that if that was the case he would have mentioned it. Under what other circumstances would you neglect to mention that type of information? I'm not mad he was being insulting, but its the fact he decided to link his hatred to someones race specifically. Theres a difference between being a fuck head, and a racial slur
>>16453817
>Under what other circumstances would you neglect to mention that type of information?
Who the hell knows, I'm not there. For all I know this third guy raped his brother. I'm working with what's the most probable, between him throwing slurs at someone for the sake of it and something having actually happened between them.
>Theres a difference between being a fuck head, and a racial slur
Depends on your life experiences. If I think nigger, I'm thinking gangbanger scum. If I think spic, I'm thinking gangbanger scum. If I'm thinking peckerwood, I'm thinking gangbanger scum. I think you can pick up a theme here.
At the end of the day you can do whatever you want, but don't forget you're the one who wants to keep escalating things. If he actually thought you were some stupid gangbanger, I doubt he'd be interested in being your friend.
>>16453848
I'm not trying to escalate anything though anon. There are no schemes or plots going on in my corner whatsoever, I think you are getting my intentions all wrong here. If the guy raped his brother or did anything to slightly warrant him being called a racial slur, im absolutely sure he would have brought it up as a reasonable justification. I even asked him if he REALLY thought the guy deserved to be called what he called him and he replied with "maybe not, but that dosent mean I didnt have the right to say it"
>>16453869
>There are no schemes or plots going on in my corner whatsoever,
You're ignoring him till he breaks down and apologizes. You may feel its justified, but you clearly have an endgame.
>If the guy raped his brother or did anything to slightly warrant him being called a racial slur, im absolutely sure he would have brought it up as a reasonable justification
I think you're overestimating your value here. You're a college friend, not family. People arent always comfortable disclosing history for a variety of reasons. Hell if we run with the rape theory, wouldn't it be reasonable to expect him to find it embarrassing possibly?
I mean at the end of the day you can keep ignoring him, but I've been in a similar position before and it holds way less impact than I think you're expecting.
>>16453553
Sounds like you're a pansy. As long as he's not deliberately trying to hurt your fee-fees or going out of his way to be an asshat in your presence, it shouldn't be a big deal.
>>16453921
I'm not ignoring him at all. When he speaks to me I respond, it may not be an in depth response that stimulates further convorsation, but I respond none the less. I'm not trying to get him to break down and apologize, and frankly if he dosent I dont really mind, the reason I'm not being actively social with him is because I dont approve of him feeling it was okay to say what he said. If he had a legitimate reason to say what he said then it's on him to bring that to my attention, in situations like this I dont really think extending the benefit of the doubt would be beneficial to me. At the end of the day he said he was being spiteful and derogatory towards this person, and that he is compleltey okay with having done so. The circumstances until further clarified arent relevant, all that matters is what he told me, and from what he said himself I'm not okay with associating with someone like that, no matter how much they try to downplay the entire event and approach me as if nothing happened.
