>>16452313
Lie. Say you feel great and that things are going really well. She's probably checking up on you because she thinks you're still hung up on her.
Also, if you lie enough you might end up believing it. Heartbreak is fucking tough but when you remember that you're an individual that's got a life separate from the person you love(d), you'll become okay with being alone.

>>16452331
I already got a little bit obsessed with that via my Instagram account. I took a year off to go travelling, and made sure I took pictures of every incredible place I went to (because I knew she had always wanted to go travelling too). I'd sit by my phone and wait for her to 'like' it, and she usually would. I think that was a very unhealthy mindset though, and I'm trying to concentrate a bit more on actually enjoying things rather than pretending to enjoy things.

Generally speaking that's good advice though, thanks.

>>16452353
Going through a heartbreak right now myself. It was a 2 year relationship that ended about a month ago, because of distance but mostly because she lost feelings for me.

It hurt and although she said she wants to "be friends" she doesn't message me at all.
BUT, she would look at every snapchat story I would post. That was my only 'contact' with her anymore, and in a weird way I liked seeing that she was still looking.

But I decided this was incredible toxic of me. I would be checking Snapchat every 10 minutes to see if she updated. I would go around my city thinking "should I snap this?" JUST so she would see it. I would post a snap, and get anxious waiting for her to view it.

It was just overall bad even if I did still get a rush when she would look. I knew deep down the fact of the matter is, if she wanted to talk to me, she would. So I deleted her. And it sucked for a day or two to accept it. But it feels much better without that anxiety and toxic situation happening 24/7.

Hopefully some of that helps.

>>16452408
To add to that, I literally just did this so I'm still adjusting and feeling strange. I'm going to be seeing some celebrity later and I was thinking "Oh yes, I'll post this and she'll see me out having fun!"...Then I realized she won't see it.

It's toxic. Have fun for yourself. Post your pictures and have your friends and maybe even other girls view it. Feel good when THEY look/like your pictures. But forget about getting validation from her. You don't need it. At least that is what I'm trying to tell myself.

>>16452408
Yeah I can definitely relate to that. I don't have Snapchat, but the way I approached Instagram was very similar. Even though I unfollowed her and don't check her profile, I like the fact that she still follows me and 'likes' my photos. That's why I'd start putting a huge amount of effort into my posts (had never been too concerned about social media before) to make it look like I'm having an incredible life without her. As you say, it's a very toxic attitude and won't help in the long-term at all.

I could just block her on everything and ignore the message she sent, but I don't know if that's the right option either. Truthfully, I don't want to make it impossible for her to contact me. I know that I can't have her in my life today and I won't be able to tomorrow, but in the future? Who knows. That sort of thinking is probably unhealthy in itself and the reason I'm struggling so much to move on, but I'm trying desperately not to fall into the trap of hating her just so that I can move on. I don't know really.

>>16452429
Well you need to see if she's still dating the other guy or if their relationship is on the rocks. You don't want to be a rebound. Overall you need to find other distractions, hang out with friends, hobbies, etc to move on with. Don't put everything on one person. However sooner or later you will find someone who will accept you the way you are.

>>16452429
Man I'm going through the same thing and have even posted a couple of threads about it.

I want to hide her. I don't want to see her. I don't want to think about her. I don't want her looking at my shit only to find one day she's stopped...

At the same time I don't want to BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK her 100% so she has no real way of ever contacting me. I myself am in the state of mind that who knows what will happen in the future?
I don't think that's too unhealthy in general but you can't let it rule you, as I keep telling myself. Basically, I deleted her on snapchat, but I kept her on skype (in which she does not log on anymore...), just in case one day she needs me to talk to.

Typing this I sound like a sad sap but I think I'm actually justifying my actions fairly well. I stripped that girl of letting her peek into my life. If she doesn't want to message me than she doesn't get to look at my life either. If she wants to message me one day, she'll be able to somehow.

>>16452477
>need to see if she's still dating the other guy

This is the worst thing for me, and always makes me feel absolutely terrible. If I see a photo of them together, I literally feel physically sick, lose motivation in whatever goals I've set myself, and slump into a depression that can last up to a week. I understand what you're saying about why I should be interested in finding out, but hopefully I'll get that impression from the conversation. Either way I know she was still with him a month ago (accidentally saw a photo of them), so whatever her intentions, there's no way that she's getting back into my life at the moment.

>>16452485
It sounds like you're in a very similar situation to me. Snapchat was one I really wanted to avoid. I've seen girls who literally document everything they do and put it on Snapchat, and I'm pretty sure that getting that many updates from the ex would send me over the edge. I wish I had some advice for you regarding whether to delete her indefinitely, but I'd be a bit of a hypocrite seeing as I have no idea myself. I daresay it would be more healthy to completely delete her and move on with someone else, but on the other hand, everyone's situation is different, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution that will work for everyone.

I think you should all just cut contact. It sucks at first, that moment in which you realize that you burnt a bridge... it just takes a little while to actually accept it.

But make no mistake about it, the sooner you accept it, the sooner you'll move on. By the time you're ready to contact her again (I mean that the situation doesn't hurt anymore), you simply won't because you won't be interested anymore. She'll be nothing but a memory.

So again, and please do listen to me, cut contact. DO NOT CLING TO ANY HOPE.

>>16452313
There's no point having girls as friends you want to fuck. You are trying to justify being an orbital. Tell her straight out friendship isn't going to work. Who gives a fuck why, you are a man and you got your reasons is what you tell her if she asks.

>>16452517
Yep, well as I said I did delete her off Snapchat which is the ONLY access I had to her photos anymore.

Now, I will know nothing, unless she decides to tell me. I still have her on skype but there is no photostream there, and it's just in case one day she IMs me, although I am thinking maybe I should just delete that too and get rid of the wondering...but I can't and don't feel I need to yet.

I just wanted to get rid of seeing her photos. I'll become curious and frustrated. But maybe if I give myself enough time (like a year), and then end up looking / finding she has a boyfriend, I will be more understanding and not so hurt. I understand you already have been looking so that doesn't exactly apply, but I don't know; my advice would be what most other people would say; delete, do what YOU need to do, for you and not for her. And try and look forward.

When I told my friend that I finally deleted my ex, she told me that I should be proud of myself for taking care of myself. It's a silly way to put it but its true.

>>16452529
To clarify, I don't want to be friends with her, I realise that's just not an option anymore. That was my choice, and I'm happy with it. The only reason I would get back into contact with her on a more permanent basis is if she wanted to give us another go and I was convinced that she wasn't just using me as a rebound. That's very unlikely though, and even then, I don't think she was ever right for me as a long-term choice. No contact is the right option, and that's what I'll tell her if she's hinting at trying to be friends again.

DO NOT reply. It can do you no good. You said yourself that the best thing for you right now is to not know anything about her. If you play it cool and try to act like you're doing very well, you'll have no excuse later on when she grabs the chance to rekindle a conversation. And perhaps even gush about how well her love life is going.

Protect yourself. Say nothing. If she sincerely cares about you and wants the best for you, she'll be able to guess that you feel like it would do you harm and will respect that.

>>16452523

>>16452537
Here... I do want to just cut contact.To be honest, even though I deleted her on Snapchat, having that name on Skype still hurts. Seeing it never log on.

I want to delete. But what do I do, should I message her at all first? Say goodbye? I can't imagine just deleting and that being it. Forever.

>>16452558
>I can't imagine just deleting and that being it. Forever.

Sorry to say that's how you cut contact. The last I said to my ex before cutting contact was "I wish you well" and then proceeded to delete her from everything.

>>16452574
The last I said to her was "I hope you had a good night."

I think that can be it...
Somehow I still don't feel that closure. But I know I should have it. It's over and there isn't more to say, really.

>>16452577
I agree, that should be it. Mark my words, anon, a year from now you'll be having fun in and will barely remember any of this.

You deserve to be happy anon, don't be the one to block your own happiness.

>>16452587
Thank you, I appreciate that, really.

I posted my own thread a few hours ago actually about feeling like I was going to break and contact her soon.
But I think I feel better now and decided against that.

>>16452429
>That sort of thinking is probably unhealthy in itself and the reason I'm struggling so much to move on
It is. This is exactly what your problem is.
Either cut her out completely, and I mean completely, or it will remain toxic. She won't wait until you feel okay about this again, after all how would she know?

>>16452553
It's a bit late for that, been talking with her for the last 15 minutes. Fairly innocuous stuff so far, I think she knows better than to talk about her love life with me, at least not directly. I never got proper closure when I cut tcontact the first time, that's why I'm curious about why she's messaging me now, and looking to see if there's an opportunity to talk about it a little bit and at least end things on more positive terms this time if I do ask her not to contact me again.

>>16452587
>>16452599
>a year from now you'll be having fun in and will barely remember any of this

Just a word of caution here: people said this to me when I posted about my experience immediately after it happened, so I pretty much sat back, cut myself off from the people around me, and waited until I stopped feeling like shit. I waited six months, still felt just as bad. Another six months, just as bad. A year after that, I feel a little bit better but the pain still feels fresh if I get any reminder of her.

My point is, you have to be active in your recovery. Don't just sit back and let time be the healer, because it can't do anything without your involvement. Put yourself out there so you can meet other girls and soon enough you'll meet one who makes you stop worrying about the ex.

>>16452624
>be active in your recovery.

This is really good advice. Like anything in life, you can't wait around and expect things to change for you. You have to make the changes yourself. Get out, meet new people, get active, focus your mind, try not to drink too excessively.

All in all, you have to let go. Try not to think about the past or future of you. Focus on right now and whats presently ahead of you.

>>16452624
Snapchatter here and thanks for that tip. I've been spending extra attention in trying to hang out with friends and go out more often. Looking for 'another girl' though, while of course on my mind, is not really my priority right now, as I know I need time to rebuild myself. But I have been going to the gym and starting to meditate and just going on nice walks.

I can confirm that every time I come back from the gym or after 10 minutes of meditation, I feel a surge of happiness, and feel (slightly) better.

>>16452690
Just pursue your interests and whatever self-improvement you want to do, and be open to the opportunity of meeting someone new. It may happen next week, it may happen in a few years. Don't judge yourself too harshly, and try to approach potentially new situations positively.

>>16452713
Thank you. I'm definitely trying to keep that in mind.
The main thing I feel keeping me from getting close to another girl right now is that I can't shake this feeling of rejection...but I'm sure that will pass, and I know I just need to let go, and not judge myself because of an ended relationship.

Just as a little update, I've told her that I don't want her to contact me again. I got the impression she was a little bit pissed off (i.e. 'Fine, if that's the way you feel. Good luck with everything in the future'), so I sent her a longer message basically just telling her that I appreciated the relationship we'd had in the past and still have positive memories of her, but we'll never be friends again so there's no point in keeping in touch.

I think it's the right decision (especially as I think she's still with her boyfriend), but I still feel pretty fucking sad about it. I didn't really want to hammer that final nail in the coffin. She's unemployed and says she's feeling like shit about it, and all I want to do is cheer her up and take her mind off things, rather than reject her offer of friendship. I know it's not my role to do that anymore, but I still wish I didn't have to tell her to stay away. I'll probably feel better about it in a few days time, but right now I feel lonelier than ever, even though we've only spoken twice since I cut contact more than a year ago.

>>16452922
Blah. Im wondering if i should do the same thing.
Im sure itll lead to relief.

>>16452936
Well I'm definitely not at the relief stage yet, but at the same time I do realise it was the right decision (the only decision really), and in the past it had annoyed me that I'd never had the chance for proper closure with her before, so the fact that I was able to do so on my terms, and say everything I needed to say, can only be a good thing. I just wish that there didn't have to be closure. Maybe I'd have been happier as an orbiter, pretending I didn't have feelings for her anymore just so that I could stay in her life and talk to her regularly. I don't know. I'm going out for a walk now to clear my head, hopefully I'll feel better about it by the time I come back.

>>16452965
>Maybe I'd have been happier as an orbiter, pretending I didn't have feelings for her anymore just so that I could stay in her life and talk to her regularly

Then all hope is lost for you, I'm sorry to say.

>>16452965
Feel better bro, i think you did the right thing

>>16452973
Yeah but I didn't do that, I told her not to contact me again. I just wish it hadn't come to that, that's all.

How you feeling after anon?

>>16453287
Honestly, like shit. She replied saying that she understands why I feel that way, and pretty much repeated what I said about 'thanks for the memories, one chapter ends another one begins, etc etc'. I know some part of me still wanted her to fight against my decision and convince me that us staying in touch would be a good idea. Even though I handled things pretty maturely and we managed to leave things on a happy and positive note, I just feel sad that it really is over. Even though it's been over for two years, now that I've explicitly told her that I don't want her to contact me again, I know that she'll respect my decision, that I'll never see her popping up on chat for a catch up again, and all we'll have left of each other are the memories. That's pretty difficult for me, even though I know it was the right thing to do.

That said, I think this is just an immediate emotional reaction, and to be expected. I hope that when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll feel much better about the situation.

>>16453347
I hear you. Definitely in a similar spot.
Not sure if its a good idea or not but if youre interested, let me know if you want to email a bit. Were both going through something similar and if youre like me you want to get things off your chest in a way to justify and shape how youre feeling.

Congratulations OP, you are one step closer to becoming a man.