1. I admittedly like to drink and I like to drink frequently and in relatively high volumes
2. I almost never drink to excess before important events or in lieu of getting things done
3. I have landed in bad situations bexuse of alcohol. Mostly suicide attempts and verbal fights with boyfriend. Recently these things are infrequent but do still happen.
4. My boyfriend calls me an alcoholic.
5. I've realized most bad situations regarding alcohol happen when I'm around my boyfriend.
6. My boyfriend called me gross when I drink. When I asked if it was because ofbpast bad situations he said that was partially it and that in general I'm just annoying while drunk and that he dislikes that I like to drink so much.
7. He was mad at me for drinking on our first night together for a week and again called me gross. However he had been actively ignoring me and being rude to me so I didn't think he'd really miss me if I went in the bedroom and drank.
8. I had 2 beers and he started treating me like I was so drunk that I couldn't understand what he was saying when that was obviously not the case. He continued to list off other things besides drinking that he dislikes about me
9. I tried to talk with him about it and he refused. Just looking at his phone and telling me he was sick if fighting when he was the one who was ignoring me and insulting me and I was just trying to talk about it
Any ideas at all. Im at a loss because he has been emotionally abusive to me before but I don't want to deny the fact that i drink a lot...i just don't know if I really have a problem or if he's just trying to find ways to bring me down.
Bonus facts.
-I have a job, go to school, and regularly work out. I've been super busy the last few days with no chance to relax. so I was looking forward to drinking a few beers
-he has no job / school and jsut got back from his parents house where they bought him shit and hr had no responsibilities
-all of my drunk suicide attempts have happened when he was around and all were a reaction to him saying really rude things to me
Idk. I really am feeling like he's being a shit head to me but if anyone thinks I might actually be an alcoholic and that his actions are justified feel free to show me your pov. I've spoken to people close to me and while they admit I like to drink no one else has ever said that I'm an alcoholic
>>16519580
>he's an abusive cunthole and belittles me at every possible opportunity
>but I feel like I'm to blame somehow
>multiple suicide attempts that he has triggered
Why are you acting as if this shit is normal? Leave him, that environment is toxic as fuck.
>>16519663
Idk because he's good at manipulating me I guess he'll come around for a while and then all of a sudden be really mad about something I thought we had gotten past (me liking to drink alone, me using social media frequently). Rinse and repeat. and we live together and shit so that makes it difficult. But yeah he was just gone for a week and I was feeling pretty great. Comes back and the first night he's callibg me gross and we're sleeping in different rooms. I just wish I had someone who could like watch our relationship 24/7 and 100% tell me hes a dick so I could stop doubting myself
>>16519663
To add to that he vehemently denies that my behavior when I'm drunk is his fault. He says that I just act crazy when I'm drunk and he doesn't provoke me at all. I doubted him kind of because I generally know myself and vaguely remembered the incidents but I had blacked out a large portion so I just took his word for it while still having suvtle doubts. But after tonight when I had barely finished my second beer and he was calling me drunk and feeling comfortable to just go off on all the thinfs about me that annoy him I have less trust in his stories
>>16519545
Sounds like your relationship with alcohol sucks. It's on you to decide if it's bad enough to cut down/stop drinking, but make sure not to get resentful at others for your own behavior. The variable here is alcohol, and nothing else.
I guarantee if you blame your bf and leave him, your next bf is gonna get under your skin for the same reasons.
>>16519545
>>16519580
Unfortunately, I don't think this is an either/or situation. I think you have an abusive boyfriend, and I also think you're an alcoholic. The relationship is the more pressing issue. Based on these posts, it really sounds like you two are miserable together, and the relationship is a huge source of stress and pain. At this point, I really think you should just end it and get on with your life.
But once you've done that, you should really take a hard look at your drinking habits. For your own sake. Even though you're functional and busy, it sounds like you're drinking on pretty much a daily basis, using alcohol as a go-to for comfort and stress release. It's not even about judging you, it's just that it's really unhealthy in the long run. That shit is no joke. Don't kid yourself, most people do not drink like you do, and it's for good reason. Time passes quicker than you think, and by the time you're getting into your 40s, you'll be facing some pretty serious health problems.
You should be taking better care of yourself. You only live once. If your boyfriend only makes you feel bad about yourself, ditch the asshole. And get your drinking under control before something bad happens.
>>16519748
I definitely agree that it's bad but I'm actively working to get better with it, at least in the realm of drinking less frequently, and controlling myself when I do drink so I don't get so crazy that a problem starts.I've been doing pretty well. I don't blame it entirely on him because I liked to drink before I met him and definitely drank way too much before I met him too. But since meeting him my problems with alcohol have gone from overeating and crying with my friends or getting drunk alone and writing sad journal entries to cutting myself and fighting with him. I just feel like he exacerbates the problem by provoking me and then gets mad at me after I respond to him provoking me. Idk. I guess I just wished he handled it differently rather than call me gross every other time I mention drinking or by getting passive aggressively msd at me when I am drunk.
Tl;Dr I get that I should drink less but ibfeel like he's using my problem with alcohol as leverage to bring me down and its hurting me and our relationship
>>16519792
Thanks for that perspective. I don't drink daily but I definitely do use it for relaxing and if im bored. Idk. Right now it feels so stupid to say but I just feel its easier to enjoy myself if I'm a little drunk, and then I get so afraid that the drunk will go away that I overdo it. I really don't want to give up drinking but I guess having that sentiment means I should at least look into it.
>>16519792
I guess that II just wish that he was getting on me about this because he cared about me rather than just saying that I'm annoying when I drink and that he thinks drinking his gross (he drinks occasionally too, among other things). It's like the way he talks to me about it makes it hard for me to take it seriously or act on it. He literally said "why can't you just drink like a normal person" which made me feel like shit because I wish I could too
>>16519845
If he's sitting there just saying things he doesn't like about you, if he's literally pushing you into suicide attempts, there's something seriously wrong that probably isn't even worth fixing.
>>16519545
You're a drunk and it's everyone's fault but yours.
You just go on believing that.
It's pretty obvious from the fact you're brutally reluctant to admit you're an alcoholic, that you are an alcoholic in denial.
Blaming the world for your problems is easy and very common from people struggling with substance abuse. I've lived with and currently live with an alcoholic and they are always unaware of how drunk they really are and always underestimate the amount they drink.
My sister is also a drug addict and exhibits similar behaviour.
I can almost guarantee that if you quit drinking your life will get 100x better within the course of a year.
The first step is admitting you have a problem.
Repeat this until you believe it: "My name is [insert name] and I am an alcoholic."
>>16519663
I'd just like you to know you're enabling an alcoholic by confirming their delusions.
Also if you couldn't tell, OP is actually drunk right now.
>>16520474
>>16520275
>>16520487
You're probably gone now but im going to reply anyway because its helping me work through this.
-I'm totally open to the idea that im an alcoholic. Through this thread I haven't fought with anyone who said that. it's hard to actually come out and say but I'm open to trying to come to terms with it.
-I wasn't drunk. I'd had two beers from 8-11 and when I opened my third my boyfriend got really upset so I stopped. I started this thread at midnight so I was at best buzzed when writing OP but at that point I was so upset from our fight that any buzz was pretty much gone. I'm sorry if my bad phone typing skills and emotional reactions made you think I was drunker than I was.
-My boyfriend has been abusive to me in ways that don't have anything to do with alcohol. Things are better in general which is why I'm still with him. But Calling him abusive is not a delusion. I know you don't know our history or anything but based on that it is also not delusional for me to be kind of fuzzy on whether or not he's genuinely telling me I have a problem or if he's just trying to make me feel like shit about myself because he has done this in other realms of my life (my political beliefs, what I do in my free time, my sexual orientation) abd also because no one else im close to has talked to me about my drinking in the way he has. So yes definitely some of this might be alcoholism denial but its important that I emphasize we have had some shitty stuff in our relationship
-That being said I appreciate you're perspective and yeah you're probably right that I would be a lot happier without drinking. I am working on doibg it less.
-But like I've said upthread I guess I just wish my boyfriend framed it this way rather than making me feel like some kind of monster. I get that it's difficult to deal with a drunk person but even when I'm sober he just tells me "you're gross for liking alcohol so much".
>>16519545
Find a boyfriend that drinks heavier than the current one.
