/adv/ my fiancee and I have been having some troubles lately and I want to get some advice on what I should say/do to resolve some things and make her realize that it's her that's causing problems, not me.
We first starting arguing about a week ago because while I was on a business trip my ex texted me and I talked to her for about 5 minutes and decided to fuck off because i don't like talking to her.
My fiancee went through my phone (I believe in complete transparency in relationships) and saw that I texted her and she got really upset that I didn't mention it to her that I talked to my ex. I told her that she had nothing to worry about and the reason I didn't tell her was because I completely forgot about texting my ex back because that conversation was meaningless to me.
More recently she got pissed at me because while she was cleaning the kitchen, extensively might I add, she asked if I wanted dinner. I said yes. She continued to clean while she heated some food up for me, she placed a plate of food down on the table in front of me and I started eating because once she placed the food down she went right back to cleaning. She got mad at me because, "I didn't wait for her to eat like we always do", like how was I supposed to know you were going to eat with me when you went right back to fucking cleaning the kitchen after putting food on the table?!
Later that night, after we resovled the whole dinner thing, at 9pm I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie. I asked her then because I have to wake up for work at 5am and staying up past 11pm is terrible for me at work. She said yes but wanted to shower first
We showered and everything and by that time is was 10:15pm and she still wanted to watch a movie and I put a movie on but started to fall asleep around 11pm. Yet again she got pissy with me and said forget it just go to sleep. I asked her what was up for about 2 minutes and she ignored me so I left it alone. Now i'm fucking mad, the fuck did I do?
A little more info about the movie thing, earlier that evening when I came home from work she was tired and wanted to take a nap so I let her. I came home at 4:30 and she slept till 6:30... I wasn't mad but she loses her fucking mind when I fall asleep later than usual because I tried spending time with her.
I don't fucking get women
OK, I see how the thing about texting your ex was kind of silly. I wouldn't flip out unless I thought my boyfriend was flirting. Other than that I don't really care if she texted him first. So I'm not really sure why she flipped. Maybe try to delete the messages next time, or block your ex. Or even change the contact name to 'delete'. The dinner thing, I can sort of understand why she got upset. She was cleaning, then made you food, and got upset that you didn't wait. I think I'd be a little upset about that because dinner is one of the only times I can sit down with my boyfriend. So next time, just wait. However, I don't know why she got pissed that you dozed off. She should understand that not only did you wake up at 5am to work, but she took a nap when you attempted to spend time with her. You need to explain to her that you work long hours and need sleep.
>>16449021
She sounds a little nuts.
She sounds a bit hormonal. Is she always like this?
>>16449021
shes cheating on you mate. she feels bad about it and wants to find reasons to be mad at you. this is what women do, so she can justify fucking another dude behind your back.
>>16449101
She's moody some days but nut this bad normally, her period is coming up so I thought that may be a factor
OK, it sounds like you and she have questions as to boundaries and assumptions- this is just how relationships go- I've certainly been through it with my wife here and there.
The thing with your ex, well, you can resolve it be making sure it doesn't happen again. If you're amenable to it, ask your gf if she'd prefer you delete the contact and block it. If that's cool with you, of course. It might be a way to bolster her comfort. I'd suggest talking to your gf, letting her know clearly that you didn't think it was an issue because you didn't want to talk to her at all and got out of there fast, but now that you know it's a sticking point with your gf, tell her your plans (delete), and ask her if there's anything else that might make her feel more comfortable. Don't expect her to let it go with just that, but be sure to be firm- saying 'I happily deleted that contact, I apologized to you, and it won't be repeated. That's all I can do."
Don't fall over yourself apologizing. This is a good place to seek out some moral high ground to be sure she doens't expect you to fawn all over her and be her puppet when you fuck up. You probably should have mentioned her call if you knew your GF was insecure and looks at your phone. No big deal.
The kitchen thing, well that was an honest mistake. Don't let her beat you to death over it. Apologize, ask her to tell you directly next time if you're being thoughtless, and when (not if) she tells you that she shouldn't have to do that, let her know that you'd apppreciate it, because there's no point in letting resentment build over an honest lapse of judgement.
Again, frame your responses- you did some little dumb shit. You didn't rape her cat. Don't hang yourself over this shit. Comfort her, be nice but firm. It sounds like she's a little oversensitive, esp. about you falling asleep. If she doesn't like it, let her wake up early with you for a while, get your schedules in sync. Put that ball in her court.
>>16449076
I mean I can understand the first two to a certain degree but the last was just out of the blue
>>16449112
I thought about this too but the way we make up makes me think otherwise, if she was then I don't see why since she had a lot of other little things to get mad at me about in between all of those things. Anyway I can know for sure?
>>16449141
Yeah I can understand I can understand the first two things being a problem but it's really the last one that made me think. If she's over sensitive I can get that but I'm going to try to bring up to her about how she was sleeping when I was there. It seems like I only get appreciated when I'm 100% correct doing everything right. I talk to my friend about her fiance and she said that it wasn't my fault. She said that if my fiance love spending time with me then she would understand how I need to fall asleep on time. She also said that instead of just not watching the movie at all that she should appreciate my effort in trying to finish a movie that I said I would watch with her
>>16449143
before the time she started being agressive over dumb shit was she telling you in one huge outburst of emotions how much she loves you and that you are the love of her life?
then you can be sure she cheated after that. this would have been the phase where she already wants to fuck someone else, feels guilty and therefor rambles about loving you to death. after that she caved and fucked him and started to become for reasons explained in the previous post.
>>16449208
*become bitchy
>>16449112
Hahaha
>>16449208
No it's always been consistent lovey dovey shit, always telling me she's in love with me and how much she loves me. It's never been just one big outburst
>>16449021
>The texting thing
Kinda your fault, should have told her
>Eating dinner without her
Dumb, should of at least said, aren't you eating? If she said no, asked if she needs a hand.
>movie thing
lack of communication on both your parts.
When was last time she gave you head?
How about you grow the fuck up?
You've just told us about two non-issue domestics that are a part of normal life. You shouldn't be speaking to your ex in private and whether or not you meant to hide it or not, you fucked up. Learn from it and don't do it again.
>>16449251
You're right.
If she was wanting to eat with me why would she go right back to cleaning after handing me food
There's no way I'm at fault here. She gave me had the day before and we fucked after we made up for the dinner thing
>>16449263
That's literally the only thing I'm at fault for
>>16449268
>>16449275
Why are you talking about fault here? Firstly, don't come on /adv/ to get everyone to shit talk your girlfriend and tell you that you're right and she's being unreasonable. That kind of behavior is for pissy women. Secondly, if you want to avoid these issues you need to understand how your girlfriend is feeling, not get defensive like you are on trial.
She was clearly pissed in both cases because you were being inconsiderate and not appreciating her and you should use your fucking head.
