Figured I might get some constructive opinions or criticism by posting here, so here goes:
Recently got out of an alright relationship of what would have almost been 3 years - I had been dating this girl since 2012 - I say "alright" because to be honest we had our ups and downs, nothing was perfect but we worked. Relationship ended when I decided to take a trip to California with some buddies of mine and she felt (which I learned afterwards) that the money spent on that trip could have gone to taking her out somewhere nice or treating her, among other things she hadn't vented to me beforehand. I felt we had a pretty fair relationship, we'd always go half on most things or we'd treat one another from time to time.
It wasn't perfect - fast forward to recent events - a month after our breakup she found another guy, off of the Whisper app of all things. Relationship lasted 4 weeks, it took her 3 to sleep with the guy, he cheated on her for his ex - it hurt a lot finding that out when she came back to me, bitter as all hell and depressed. The thing is, we weren't getting back together, she wanted to take a break from dating for a year to focus on herself but she was fine staying "friends with benefits" involving her benefiting from me financially and I benefiting from the company(?); at the same time her parents were fighting to the point of a divorce and I offered to let her move in with me - I'd pay her part of the rent.
Last week she met another guy, they had their first date this Saturday, she told me we couldn't be 'friends' because she felt I was still hung up over her.
How do you move on from someone you've invested part of your life into? In all honesty I'm pretty bitter about all of this - after she left me I was improving myself and having her come back just left me focusing on her more than on myself - now I'm a depressed mess that's getting by with alcohol, work, school and distractions.
tl;dr - was used by meaningful ex, how do i move on?
>>16445694
simply by moving on. every person has their own healing process and there is no trick to just make it end. but here are some tips.
>cut her out
she used you. plain and simple. she broke up with you but kept using your money. she just wants to be 'treated' in life and thats the real issue here. i mean i can only tell from the context she gave me, but isntead of saying 'hey that trip sounds fun, but i was hoping you and I could go on a trip to XX one day" instead she got mad about this lump sum and broke up with you? assuming I got the story straight.
point is, she used you, only wants to be 'treated' in a relationship and the only way to remove her from your life is to completely remove her. having her there will only cause regressions. dont see her, dont text her, dont talk to her, you two are done. aiight?
>savor the moment
this works for a lot of things, mostly depression, but it works great here too.
whenever you think about your girlfriend, you are going t o feel sad and conflicted. so stop yourself and say 'what is good about this moment?'
no matter what you are doing think about how nice something is. is it the nice song playing? is it how comfy your bed is with your dog? is it how tasty the burger is? how nice the clouds are? find SOMETHING and appreciate it.
this trains your brain to automatically process these little things as HAPPY instead of normal. by taking the time to appreciate them, it creates a long term pattern. as you do this, it forces yourself to be happy about mundane things WITHOUT your girl. your girl is associated with sadness and being on your own, enjoying those little moments, makes you happy.
if you absolutely cannot remember, program it into your phones calendar. set it to vibrate once or twice a day, at random times. just pick random times RIGHT NOW on your phone for the next week. whenever you feel it vibrate. you know to stop and think about how nice that moment is
>>16445694
She wants to use you as a hotel plus gift card, while entangling you in her personal bullshit, and she broke up because you didn't spend money on her.
Can't you see the problem in that?
She does not belong in your life. Not with that kind of behaviour
>>16445716
You had it about right; I guess to give you a sense of time, my friends and I had planned this trip since about April, she was very much aware of it and was helping me plan it and all - the trip itself was for the end of June to the first week of July. She never once expressed disdain for my going and in fact was more concerned with my friends girlfriend and her attitude towards him going.. now my buddies' girlfriend was definitely upset about him spending money on the trip so I might just share your advice with him too - though they didn't break up.
As for savoring the moment, I haven't heard of something like that before to be honest - setting the schedule on your phone and all - and I'll be trying it for sure. I guess right now I'm going through the conflicting emotions of it all - I feel sad she's gone, betrayed by her actions, lied to by her going with another guy (whom is 3 years younger than her of all things..) I dunno, it's a mess.
>>16445735
Agreed man, I see the problem, but getting over it is a bitch and a half - I wanted her in my life because we connected well; at this point I feel it's more loneliness than actual desire to have her back.
>>16445745
yeah that lied to part was a bit confusing, you didnt explain that well. did she see someone then come back and date you and pretend that never happened?
etiher way shes fucked. if you were still in california id take you out for a beer. but yeah, if you find nights where you just cant get over it, get your buddies together and say you need some bro time. even if only one shows up, make it fun. 3 drinks max on weeknights, lots of mario kart or whatever it is men play these days. you guys are close enough to go on trips together so i imagine they love you enough to see you through this break up just try not to be whiny. make it a positive experience for them to. that way you all have fun.
>>16445759
I've tried not to make it whiny, I've been doing just that actually; bought a ps4 just so we could all run through the campaign a la couch coop.
I guess to explain it better, we had settled on trying to make things work out when her parents started fighting and talks of her moving away rose up - which was just another bad decision on my part to be honest - we'd try to get close, work things out, and you know moving in together would be our way of "getting closer." It was some nonsense and I was really hung up over her then so I can't justify it.
Whilst we were "working things out" she was still seeking to talk to other guys, go to bars to get picked up, etc. It just felt deceitful the way I see it.
>>16445812
yeah thats morally grey in my mind, but i could see why you'd be upset with it. girl aint worth the time.
wish i could play vidya with you guys (my bro is REALLY obsessed with board games this last year so its almost all we ever do, but he keeps saying we will play dokapon once our fourth bro gets back from europe).
either way good luck man
>>16445823
Couldn't really call her out on it, we weren't dating, though she enjoyed the benefits of it regardless.
I really just needed to reinforce the idea she's not worth the time, that I wasn't just being bitter.
But thanks, man, I don't know what vidyas you're in to but I'll be on here for a while more if you want to chime in
>>16445866
with my friends we usually play more silly games. anything mario is great, but we also played hyrule warriors together for awhile. soon well be playing dokapon as i metnioned which is the height of silly but my best friend takes that very seriously.
but i like most any multi player game, for me its just about the excitement of either working together or against each other.
i rarely play games alone
>>16445947
Ahh I see, nah I envy that, my friends and I can co-op every once in a while but I'm also the only one without a Nintendo console so we don't play many fun silly games; though I'd like one - at least the 3DS for the new Toon LoZ
That's cool though, I've had plenty of good times with Mario Kart or Smash and I just looked up dokapon and that seems fun to me
>>16445967
hey sorry for late response was just getting off work when i posted that.
yeah the fun games are great cuz we can drink while playing and still do good. i remember we used to play mario party drinking game and that was great. i wouldnt mind finding one good buddy to co op with though.
dokapon is epically funny, i reocmmend emulating it if ur computer can handle it, even if its for one drunken night alone its hilariously weird.
>>16446291
That's alright, I was getting out of a class anyways - I kid you not though after looking into it more I remembered I've actually played Dokapon before but for the Wii; a friend of mine has it lol.
Definitely got me in the mood to have a game night and give it a try again, I'd like to hear more about that Mario Party drinking game to be honest
>>16446333
nice trips senpai. yeah dokapons amazing just cuz how whacky and random it can be, ours was wii too but i emulated it after hearing about it from some youtuber, then bought it for my bro for christmas cuz he got weirdly obsessed with it. hes a mathematician and his girlfriend and I suspect hes autistic. he ended up making a giant chart explaining how the weird battle system works and whats the fastest way to level up all the classes it was insane.
as for the mario party drinking game its really fun and really easy, like all the good drinking games, there are only three rules.
> if you land on a negative space (like red, or a greenspace where something bad happens) you drink
> If you lose a minigame, you drink
> if you end the round in any place other than second, you drink (this is done so that someone doesn't get to first place, stays sober and ends up beating everyone by staying sober.
>>16446376
Definitely going to try out that Mario Party drinking game, had to copy the rules to my notes so I won't forget. Also I forgot if Dokapon was playable online cause it'd be sweet to match up with you all, lol, even if you have the chart advantage buts that's pretty cool of your brother to have figured out
>>16446470
by bro i mean me main mate, not brother. but yeah hes a little whacky that way. his board game obsession is so strong he bought foam board to create little dividers for inside of hte box to keep things more organized. keeps texting me pics. its whack.
im not sure if dokapon does have any online capability, id imagine not as its super small. even if we did we have it set up so all four of us are playing and its only four players to begin with.
if you can emulate we can do other games, i think some of the systems are set up for it even for n64 i think.
[email protected]
hit me up if you'd like to try out.
