older femanon here. hubs of almost 10 years is getting kinky in the bedroom and I'm loving it. I'm submissive so he has progressively included that in our sex life. Name calling, humiliation, slapping, choking, gagging, sex toys. Just writing about it is making me horny. now here's the question, is it my place as his fucktoy to request he takes it a little further? or should i let him do it at his own pace? i would love to experiment with things such as light bondage, blindfolding, role playing? I've gotten him toys before that he hasn't used because he isn't really all that interested, so I see he wants to do things his way. Still, should I ask?
Communicate.
>>16445710
I'm afraid I'd be going out of character somehow, if i do. he's in control, he's the dom, so how to introduce new stuff without changing that... I also don't want him to do stuff because i want him to, but because he wants to. I guess I can be very subtle about it?
I had a cumslut whore gf, she would get feisty and resist me because she liked it when I had to force fuck her.
So I was often covered in bruises and scratch marks, especially my chest because she would bite it fucking hard all the time.
she would for example sometimes climb on top and would fight my while I flipped her back down where she belonged.
anyway, I would choke her and bite her throat and stuff, put a collar and metal leash around her, wrap the chain around her neck and pull really tightly so she couldn't breathe, or around her body so it hurt. and she would keep asking for more, harder..and it had escalated to the point where if I grabbed or bit any harder I'm pretty sure we would be taking a trip to the hospital. Like it wasn't safe, might have needed to hide a body kind of shit. and I wasn't comfortable taking it as far as she wanted all the time.
I don't really know how this helps your situation but take away from it what you will
>>16445723
got wet reading this
will take a few notes :)
i guess asking for more when he's doing something i like could work. i don't even know why im so worried I'll freak him out, its not like I'm new to him. thanks
>>16445723
whenever you felt you were not comfortable, did it feel like a communication problem or more of a compatibility thing?
>>16445760
she would say harder, I would tell her right then and there "no, I don't want to hurt you"
on one hand I am denying her, on the other hand I am maintaining control by doing so, I don't really know how it affected her and it never came up outside of when we were doing it.
Same shit like how she would grab on and try to make me cum inside her with no contraception being used. I would refuse and pull out, or even pull out and then do it in her ass.
the sex was fine, if anything that is what kept the relationship going. we ultimately broke up because she was very emotionally needy and I am too apathetic. She needed me to say I love you several times a day, I felt it was unnecessary and didn't care if she ever said it because I value expression more than words.
We didn't suit each others needs as partners from an emotional support perspective despite getting along really well.
>>16445787
whoa the wanting to force you into cumming inside without contraception sounds rough.
we have kids already so no problem there. I can get a little needy sometimes but nothing a good rough fuck won't fix
>>16445799
she explicitly didn't even want kids too, like militantly was against the idea, but also wouldn't get an abortion if she was to get pregnant.
Like she literally wanted to roll the dice on ruining our lives for the thrill of it.
I'm not going to sit here and say she wasn't a little nuts, she totally was.
This is kind of long, but basically there is a balance between how much you naturally have in common and how much you both make work in the relationship by talking and setting limits/goals.
You can judge how much you are willing to experiment with him in seeing how he "leads" the road. You do this be judging how subtle or direct you want to be, but not because you are asking him shit to do means that you are not viable to be the submissive anymore. You are talking and showing what you are cappable or confortable with. It's always part of the play, and if any of you don't respect the other's limits, you are not talking about games anymore, so there is no harm in talking about what you want here, even more, it can prevent shit for going overboard. There is also no harm in not talking everything and see how things evolve, but for that it will depend on your own personalities and how much they assimilate, so you are basically loosening the leash and see how things evolve. That does not mean that talking is out of the question, you are just playing to see how much the relationship work with no talk involved. This has the potential of giving you both a strong feeling of D/s because shit just evolved and can be specially good if any of you have an hard time getting into their roles after knowing what is going to happen. The dowside is that there might end up appearing differences between you both that could put an hold on the progress of your kinks to even stop for a moment ouf of
>>16445687
its good to do things you BOTH find enjoyable, but sometimes its okay for him to go do something nice for you, even if its making you more sub.
try surprising him with bondage. have a female friend come over and tie you up just ten minutes before your husband is supposed to come home, and leave you on the bedpost for him to find tied up and waiting for him.
fear or anything like that. Also, talking can help you both release a little more your D/s by giving eachother ideas. That's something that can make things evolve faster, specially after you both know what eachother wants and know that any of you could release a little bit more since you will know what the limits are and what the other is willing to try. Is ok to leave things to evolve alone, but is better and safer to do it once you both understand eachother and are filled with ideas that would let you both get into it knowing that you are at no risk or making the other unconfortable.
See what he likes about the D part so you could express yourself from his point of view and giving him ideas. The more into it that you both are, the more fluid and natural is going to be. You need to talk about it if you are in a situation that you are not comfortable with or if you see no progres to your side of the deal. After that, is up to both of you, basically.
>>16445811
thanks for the advice though :)
>>16445814
thanks a lot. this makes sense. i will try and subtly try to introduce a couple of thoughts in his head...if that doesn't work I'll be more direct...
>>16445817
But what if OP's kid comes into the room and sees their naked mother tied to the bed
>>16445839
lol so far they have never walked in on us but i need to be able to break free if any of them wakes up and needs me (they're young)
>>16445837
I've talked about this in differents topics, and I don't feel like getting too much into it, but this might be usefull for you. It also touch the topic of not really knowing what the other person want/ed that the other anon said.
>>16445129
>>16445817
a few months ago i showed him some sex cuffs on a website and he wasn't too keen on spending money on them. will try a scarf and see
>>16445718
You should seperate between you life in the bedroom and the normal life. then you can speak.
>>16445829
i actually have never asked him what he likes the most about dominating me. now I'm curious! will ask him. he knows i love being sub because he sees how horny i get when he doms.
>>16445854
oh in everyday life i run our world. I make all the decisions, plans, appointments, most of the housework, where money goes, everything. i guess that's part of why i enjoy being a fuckpig at nights.
>>16445848
just read the other thread. thanks! the people there are a but more hardcore than us, but the advice is still valid. He doesn't like being bitten or scratched, he prefers to do it to me, but he is gentle...although i need to let him know i could take a little more haha again thanks
>>16445884
Ok. Your explanation of how you feel is what has potential. If I were him and wanted to see if that's how you truly feel, I'd wait for you to be slighly tired after a good amount of work in the house and simply grab you and give you your well deserved rest right there where you are standind on. And he could get the same idea of just making you his and letting you just follow his lead after all you work. If you both want the same and he see how much you like that and how much that please you, maybe you both could found a new way to get recess inside the house while you are alone there. That's how it usually evolve. Of course it's just an example, but I think it covers the idea.
Also, security is really important, thinks like being tied alone are really big no, speacially when is about an underminated time. Ropes are not something you can really argue with when you are alone and shit happens. I don't know if was just an idea or a joke, but, yeah, don't do it.
>>16445897
at least not till the kids grow and move out :)
>>16445867
lel
>>16446250
what does the tat say?
>>16445687
Yes. You are his wife first. If you want something in the bedroom you are going to have to ask.
>>16446264
I'm an immense faggot
real easy to read desu
>>16446322
Oh God! Kill it with fire!
>>16446348
>implying it didn't ascend from hell fire
>>16446357
he/she's probably sub too
>>16446367
yes, of course, pretty much obvious from it's facebook posts
I'm not gay, but would ravage that boibussy
>>16446371
if u do, make a thread LOL
>>16446385
I keep my degeneracy only on new guinea fish trading centers.
Since thread is kill, anyone interested to post more of this faggot?
I know this is not /b/, but still?
>>16445718
>I'm afraid I'd be going out of character somehow, if i do. he's in control, he's the dom
No, no, no; that's not how this works.
He is not dominating you. He is not controlling you. If at any point you told him no, he would back off, and you can only continue this relationship with him because you know that's the case and truse it to continue being the case. That's the big secret of BDSM: it's all an illusion. As the submissive, you're the one who is really in control of the whole thing.
What you need, OP, is a contract. Many aites out there have standardized forms for this, including lots of checklists and blanks to fill out for your situation, and these are your friends. They let your dom know the full limits of his creative freedom, but they also put ideas into his head. This is how you introduce new ideas without changing the dynamic.
>>16446538
>As the submissive, you're the one who is really in control of the whole thing.
Well, not really. Is a common error in bdsm to think that the s is the one in charge. It involves both, and both should consent. Doms can feel umcorfortable too if the kink of the sub is too much for them to handle, and depending on what of D/s relationship is, it can wear them out. I think many people say that to try to show the opposite of the extreme people put bdsm in, but they make the mistake of sending to an other extreme themselfs. Both are involved and both should have equal say on it, it's not different to any part of the "rest" of the relationship (outside the bed). The rest is good, but creativity does not end in one setting limits and just one of them having to manage his/her actions based on them. Equal say from both of you is the best for a better relationship. No one should be put in situation when they are not comfortable with just to keep the rol they are supposed to be fullfiling, it does not matter if is being D, s, switch, or whatever. That's how I see it; I've seen mistakes based on that attitude, and is specially dangerous (not just in a physical harmful way) when is a couple with little to no experience in this, since you are creating roles and limits inside the relationship, when it something that just need to be adressed and is common sense after that. Bdsm is not a big deal at all.
>>16446587
i like this. thanks. Anons seem to all agree that communication is key, so I'll see when we have a chance to discuss this. I will subtly bring up stuff i wish he'd try, and set up some rules... as a matter of fact, i think we might need to come up with a safe word. so far we never needed one, because I'd just have to tap him, Mma fighting style, and he would stop right away, but the other night we were doing some choking, he had me in an armbar, and i got honestly scared for a few seconds. :) i don't want to be in control; I'm in control of too much stuff already and it gets overwhelming. i just might plant some thoughts in his head of things i wanna do LOL
>>16446538
contract? as in paper signed?
>>16446451
who is he anyway?
>>16445687
Understand this: unless you are planning on a full 24/7 slave situation, S&M is a game you play. In the game he treats you like a slut because you both like it. Outside the game you have a normal, mutually loving and respectful relationship.
It is not only permitted, but essential that outside the game you both discuss what you like or don't, and offer suggestions for the next time you play.
