I wasn't able to socialise a lot around ages 8-18 thanks to a disability and being sick all the time. I came to resent the word 'nice'. Everyone described me as 'nice', but that just meant I wasn't funny, charismatic, outgoing, loyal etc. I was just 'nice', nobody wanted to be friends with someone who was just 'nice'. That's just me though. The only real social rules I abide by are to be kind to people and not be offensive. It means I'm not the loudest or most noticeable person in a room, but I like to think that people know where to come for a pleasant chat and someone who always remembers stuff about them.
Fast forward to last weekend. I have friends, a boyfriend and a few years of social experience and development behind my back. It was my friend's birthday and everyone in the guest list had an awesome nickname assigned to them. My stomach practically hurt with excitement to find out my name.
'No Name'. My nickname was 'No Name'. They said they couldn't think of one for me so they just gave up. Over four years of friendship and there was not one memorable thing about me.
My boyfriend went into full damage control. "You don't have a nickname because you're too nice". There it is again - nice. Boring. Bland. Uninteresting. Insignificant.
Can being 'nice' really get me through life? Are there any people in friendship groups that're just 'nice' and lack any other qualities? I don't make a significant impression on anyone, I'm not funny, I'm not memorable and nobody would notice if I were not in a room. I can already feel myself just being known as 'the girlfriend of a really funny and cool guy', nothing else. I just feel like garbage.
I can relate a lot. Unlike you around 8-18 were my most sociable times and afterwards I got real quiet. I dont know what to tell you cause I still deal with it everyday and unfortunately I dont have a single friend anymore.
Its not that I'm a downer, but I, like you am reserved. I keep holding out hoping to meet some real friends with out changing much about me.
>>16444953
I'm really sorry to hear that. I keep trying to look on the bright side that I do get invited to things and that I have a boyfriend, but I do get paranoid that I'm only invited because I'm on my boyfriend's arm. My lack of ability to impact anyone's life makes me paranoid as hell about going out and making friends.
It's just been a big blow to my confidence. 'Nice' was always my demon, now I don't even have anything apparently. There's nothing that makes me 'me'.
>>16444955
I guess maybe you could try initiating conversation more. Its something you could practice and learn just to get people to open up and trust you more.
I'm not hyper and thats ok, but I think it hurts me social that i stay on sidelines too much.
>>16444961
>but I think it hurts me social that i stay on sidelines too much.
I absolutely know this feeling. I'm quite good at initiating conversation, but only when the person is alone. I panic slightly when I look around and see everyone talking in groups. I get flashbacks from school where I used to try to insert myself into conversation groups and I would just get confused stares as to why I was there.
Personal level I am fine with, I'll ask them how x and y are going from the last time I talked to them. Group level? I'm terrible and would rather keep to myself.
>>16444970
Well I wish you luck. The fact I have no friends only bothers me as much as I let it.
I know from having a lot of friends how to act, but it just isnt how I want to see myself.
I think a lot of peace comes from with in and I know how hard it is to achieve that, but I think everyone at some point in their lives needs to accept a less than ideal life on their own.
>>16445123
Thank you kindly. I do have a good life right now, it just bothers me how uninteresting I am. It makes me worried about the quality of friendships I will have in the future and how much social progress I can realistically make. I hope you find peace of mind.
>>16444944
lol i found this pretty interesting so explain that XD on the real though not many people are interesting im sure most people are as boring if not more boring than you so yeah.
>>16444944
I went through something similar in high school and junior high. I eventually just made up my own name and it stuck. You can't rely upon others for cool nicknames most times.
>Fast forward to last weekend. I have friends, a boyfriend and a few years of social experience and development behind my back. It was my friend's birthday and everyone in the guest list had an awesome nickname assigned to them. My stomach practically hurt with excitement to find out my name.
>'No Name'. My nickname was 'No Name'. They said they couldn't think of one for me so they just gave up. Over four years of friendship and there was not one memorable thing about me.
Wow, that's incredibly shitty, fuck those people. Some "friends" they are.
As long as it's good between you in your boyfriend, I guess there's not much else that can be done? But I mean, it really sounds like his social network just doesn't really like you but aren't assholes enough to say it to your face, and that's a dangerous spot to be in.
What I'm trying to say is maybe if things aren't going well you should consider breaking up and making new friends who won't treat you so shitty, because you're not going to be happy with yourself if all these people can say about you is that you're "nice".
>>16445583
If you're still here (although I doubt it), what did you find interesting? I keep convincing myself that most people are 'boring' (work 9-5, then Netflix etc), but that doesn't excuse how literally everyone else in a party of 30+ had an identifying nickname.
>>16445604
I understand what you mean, but I don't think I'm even capable of making a nickname or having anything cool enough to have a nickname. I'm sad they couldn't even make an attempt to make one.
>>16445642
That's the thing, they are quite nice to me. It's a weird thing to explain, but my friends run events that are welcome to the public. If you go to the events, you're welcome to the friendship group. Everyone who knew me before I started dating my boyfriend are nice to me and hug me and stuff. The people that are new to the group assume that I'm just my boyfriend's girlfriend that can't relate to them at all and can't really contribute to conversation.
I can't really complain about mistreatment as they still invite me to things. They're straight-talking guys and would let me know if I'm not wanted - they had to tell that to a guy at the party who wasn't on the list. They also admitted that they made the nicknames while drunk, I just don't know whether I should admit I'm uninteresting or wish they'd tried a little harder on a nickname.
Bump because I'm sad and I've just found out one of the worst people I've ever met has four guys chasing after her and I can't even get people to remember my name.
>>16444944
Derp.
I've never had a nickname that wasn't a derogatory phun on either my name or my familyname.
What's the big deal? I think the problem is that you don't have real friends who care about you.
Don't try to be a normalfag when you're a bookworm/geek/seagull/dork/mommysgirl/girlwholikesmermaids
Find real friends.
>>16445863
Is it really indicative that they don't like me though? They talk to me, they hug me, they invite me to places. It just sucks to be confronted with the fact that out of 30+ people, you were the only one so boring that they couldn't think of a suitable nickname. That shows wrongness on my part, not theirs. Although I do hope they at least tried.
>>16444944
>I was just 'nice'
You're a harem protagonist, don't worry, you'll be transported to a fantasy land after you die
>>16445763
Also, note that they may not be as creative as they seem. If all they have going for them is creating nicknames, then you may be a bit ahead of them in the creativity department. It's not that they don't think of you, it's that you defy any attempt at easy categorization. This is a good thing.
>>16444944
If you're neutral in personality, then you will attract about as many people as you repel. So if you find that your redeeming quality is that you don't offend someone, you're in deep. Not offending people and being a memorable person aren't even two faces of the same coin. If you're suppressing urges, I would suggest allowing more of yourself to shine through. I'm sure that niceness is not the reality of your true demeanor.
If all else fails, just stop giving a shit.
>>16445863
What is a seagull? I feel like I used to know and forgot.
>>16447187
Not OP but that's essentially what I had to accept. I think there are people who exist who enjoy my company but I haven't met them.
People as adults still act like kids
while I spent my life believing in altruism and caring for others, I make no impression. I quit caring so much how others view me, i just take care of myself and keep those ideals.
>>16444944
It's probably that they're shit with creativity, what were some of the other nicknames? I've never really had a nickname neither, just my name shortened.
Damn, weird to see this thread still going. Today's been another fucking awful day so I checked this out of curiosity.
>>16446343
I think you have a point, it's just weird to think that anyone who attempts to describe me is at a loss. "Oh it's anon, that...uh...uninteresting, bland, insignificant person". Although a part of me can't help but think that a group of girls would've tried a lot harder to give me a nickname to avoid hurting my feelings. I doubt they even suspect I'm upset, my boyfriend knows I'm upset about it though.
>>16447187
To be honest, a lot of the time I suppress urges not to offend is because I know I'll botch the execution. I can sometimes be quick-witted, but I can guarantee that I'll stutter saying it.
I honestly wish I could stop giving a shit. I've been having a really rough month or so that has no signs of letting up, I just want to feel good again.
>>16448192
I can identify a lot with that. I do try to remember things about people and ask how they're going, I hope people have picked up on that. I do get the urge to take care of people and make sure they're okay, it's a bit hard to do when I'm one of the youngest in the group though.
>>16448206
I compared nicknames with three other people:
>My boyfriend was 'Angry Eyes'. This was a joke played by the person making the nicknames because he claims that my boyfriend gets 'angry eyes' when he beats him in video games.
>My brother was 'Viking' because he has a huge beard and loves viking metal (I think that's what it's called).
>One friend was 'Tight Lips'. He's quiet in a very lovable way, so people joke that he's excellent at keeping secrets.
I would've loved to get ribbed or anything else they could throw my way, it just didn't happen.
