Hello guys. I'll try to keep it short. So it's been 6 months since my ex broke up with me. Since then i can't fucking pick myself up. No day comes without me thinking about her in some way. Whenever it comes i keep thinking about all the bad stuff and how she played me for a fool, but it doesn't work. I know i should move on (i suggested that to alot in here to other people), but at this point i have no clue what to do. I'm not contacting her at all, trying to live my life but i feel like my self-esteem went to the shitter. Every day is a struggle, and my friends just had enough of that shit. I have no idea where to go, what to do. I thought something like that would never phase me, but i really can't figure it out myself. I won't be posting the whole story in this post, since it is really long. If you want me to, then just ask in a responce, i'll try to keep it simple. Could somebody just try to hear me out and help me see what i'm doing wrong?
You probably just need more time. That and go out at every opportunity, get a new hobby, do some self improvement like exercise or learn something.
>>16444696
I am going out alot, found myself a new job but i still can't go on. Came back to swimming, lost 10 kilos, tried going back to gaming, nothing helps. Simply put i've rebuild my life from the scratch, but i am still hung up upon all this stuff. I can go do those things and i'm fine, but whenever i'm alone all this hits me like a train.
>>16444694
Hello OP, I think I can relate quite a bit
My gf dumped me for some other dude after I had a rough few months during our 4-5 years of being together.
It took me about a month to stop contacting her at all (angry emails etc), about 4 months for the short panic attacks to stop while I was at work, and about 8-10 months in total to be back on track for the most part
Sadly, for some people, it takes a lot of time
To speed up the process, you can try what most people try (and it sort of worked for me after a while as well)
- new hobbies / get more into the ones you like (playing guitar helped a bunch and I even recorded some things because of it)
- learn something - keep your brain occupied with productive things that you like
- go out alone - really; it'll feel horrible the first 2-3 times, but it's a huge relief when you can just go to a movie by yourself, at a small cinema, and not worry about anything
- close friends might help, if you try to dose out your rants/complaints about the horrible way you feel
>>16444700
You probably just need more time then. People get over way worse stuff, just be patient.
>>16444702
Yeah i tried doing that, it's all about when i'm being alone. It came to the point i almost screwed up my digestive system (few days ago they almost cut me open).
I think that the biggest problem i have right now is the question "Why?" I did all those things for her, was there whenever she was down and she gave up on me because of my bad mouth. I have alot of problems accepting that i fought so hard for someone who didn't even feel the same way i did.
It's not even been a day here, I'm going insane.
The only person I can talk to is asleep.
I know it's not over, I'm going nuts regardless.
It might be. It fucking hurts. It was the first time i genuinely loved someone.
>>16444707
Yeah i know, i feel fucking pitiful that i can't just drop it. As i said, every day is an internal battle, i know that all that i'm missing is an "image" of her, not the actual person, but it seriously drains me.
>>16444713
Skim through this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model#Grieving_a_lost_amorous_relationship
You will eventually realize that the "Why" doesn't matter much, because it's just done with
You're trying to answer the "Why?" because deep down you think that if you figure that out you might be able to fix it or come up with some kind of reasoning.
There is none, and any logical conclusion you might come across won't fix you either. It's a purely emotional issue and it can only be fixed by a combination of what I said
- being OK with being single
- finding affection from other people
Depending on your personality you'll need more of one than the other
There's no answer to your agony, I'm afraid. It's a process you need and will go through and you will survive
I'm sorry you have to go through this but there's no easy way out
>>16444694
Hey there. First serious breakup?
It'll pass eventually. Like >>16444702 said, you just need time, and something to take your mind off that kind of self-torturing pattern your brain is set on.
I personnally surprised my ex with my once best friend in bed during the new year's evening when I came home. They were doing doggystyle in my bed when I opened the door.
I don't know what you've been through, and I won't try to compare it to your case, but if I went over it, knowing how as a desperate asshole I was, you sure can too.
You need something to keep your mind from wandering into dark areas. For me, it was modelling. Assembling, painting, and sculpting requires a lot of attention, time and effort, and in the end, your efforts turns out to look good, and you'll have a material trophy of your dedication, which will fill you up with positive thoughts everytime you look at it.
Stay strong, Anon.
>>16444720
Thank you very much anon, i'll stay strong and just pull through all this. If enduring all these feelings means i can be fixed at some point, then i guess i have no other choice.
>>16444721
You guessed it, first serious breakup. Well it was serious for me, not for her apparently.
Holy fuck you got slapped in the face. Not gonna compare either, since i've been abused emotionally, but i have to get over it and not let it change my future.
I'll try and find something else besides the hobbies i mentioned before. I don't want to be in that state anymore, i have to accept that everything is up to me right now.
>>16444732
Well, don't even try to think about getting her back. It's not worth it.
When youwll recover, you'll think back about the state you are in, and you'll want to go back in time to slap the shit out of your former self for being sad over it. Mark my words.
You'll learn to invest in your next relationship, in the same loving and dedicated way, but you'll know full well that if shit hits the fan, you won't be as wounded as you are now.
Like I said on another thread, the first serious breakup is a mandatory step to fully become a Man.
Keep holding on, even if you have a bitter taste in your mouth, it'll pass eventually.
>>16444743
Thank you very much for your wise words. I'll endure, i have to, i don't want to go down because of that. I have no idea how long it will take, but i just have to accept that even if i'm fair to everybody around that doesn't make them obliged to do the same for me. Even though im scared that i won't find anybody else (was single for 7 years before her, never went into a relationship if i wasn't serious about it. I even told her that at the start, but she didn't care apparently) i'll try not to think about it.
>>16444750
That's the spirit!
My story was pretty similar. After the first breakup (I was 21, and it was the very first serious relationship I had in my entire life. It lasted 2 and a half years) I was feeling like shit, and even considered suicide. That's how desperate I was.
I was thinking the same; In 21 years, I had only one girlfriend, what were the odds of finding one again?
Well, I took several months to recover, and after being bitterly single for about a year of feeling bad and alone, I said "Fuck it", and realized that I could be perfectly happy, even though I was single.
And that's at this very moment, when i started to go out and show actual happiness, that a cutie I didn't even notice came to me and told me that she saw in me a beautiful, strong and happy man, and that's what she was digging.
When you'll least expect it, you'll find love again. Just try to be genuinely happy, even though you're single.
You won't attract anyone by looking sad, or complaining (Which I did for way, way too long.)
Hang on, Anon, you're going through hard times, but you seem to have the right mindset to get through it pretry quickly!
I myself am about a month out of a breakup, and feeling rather heartbroken myself.
Just saying you're not alone.
This is my second heartbreak. It makes it easier, but still hurts like hell all the same. But this is what I learned...
You will get over it. I got over my first ex and I'll get over this one. It may take a while but with a healthy outlook it will be quicker.
You will find someone else. You found someone already and not just connected with them but had a very intimate relationship with them. You are capable of giving and receiving a lot of love. You need to be open to that again.
It is not your fault. You may be wondering and aching, why she doesn't care to talk to you anymore, why she stopped loving you, what you did wrong. Don't blame yourself or ask why. Don't take it personal. If her journey means cutting off all contact immediately, then that is on her, and has nothing to do with yourself.
I try and think about the positive and negative together. Remember all the times she made you feel shitty, but also remember the times she made you feel great, and then detach her from those memories. What exactly made you feel great? Maybe it was her support, her compliments, her laughter at your jokes. Well guess what? All that positivity STILL came from you whether she is currently receptive to it or not. So push forward and continue to spread that positivity and be that person that she loved instead of the person she hurt.
I don't know, again, I'm going through it myself right now and it's hard...but I'm doing my best to stay optimistic, and I know for sure I'm doing 1000x better than my first breakup, where I wallowed in my thoughts all day. Just keep at it. Stay positive and give it time as everyone is saying. I'll be going through it with you.
>>16445027
Wondering if my advice is any good at all
>>16445027
Thank you for your kind words. Sorry it took me so long but due to my health circumstances i had to take a break from surfing the net. I am trying, but the hard part is she claims she actually didn't feel the same way i did. So that's also a hit, i've geniuenly loved somebody who chased me, made me look at her that way and then left because she didn't feel it. That's the hardest part to deal with, if i was the one who chased and insisted on the relationship i'd be way easier, but this is something i didn't sign up for.
>>16445142
There would always be something, whether you feel like she chased you and didn't feel that way, whether you feel you worked harder, whether you felt she needed you at some point and now she doesn't, like me for example...
It doesn't matter. It's her feelings, not yours. No matter how she is saying she feels now, you yourself remember how the relationship made you feel, and how she was in the relationship. Were you both happy for a while during it? That's all that matters.
She can say what she wants. Same with my ex, I don't know what she'd say about me now but I have a feeling she'd say something like "I never truly felt it", but in my head, I know she felt something. Why else would she have spent so much time with me?
It doesn't matter though. Justify it any way you can, and then forgive yourself, love yourself, and try and move on.
>>16445157
I think that's the hardest part, forgiving myself. Things got a little messy and i lost control of my life. Time to pick up the pace back and fight for what's right.
>>16445225
I understand... best of luck :)
