I went through a break up recently. It was my first serious relationship and I was considering proposing to her. Since then, I've been doing some soul searching and trying to find out who I want to be in this life.
In the past few months I've had some one night stands and I've been going to bars and clubs a lot more than I used to (essentially never), sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. Sometimes I really believe that I'm never going to find the right girl for me and I get depressed but I've been trying to stay positive lately.
I'm worried that I might be changing, and perhaps not for the better. I never hooked up with girls before this. I was always about commitment and relationships regarding sex but lately I just don't really care and I wonder if I might be going the wrong direction. I guess I'm worried that if I ever do meet the right girl, I'll be an asshole or something and I'll lose my shot with her forever.
Has anyone else ever gone through something like this? I'd like some opinions on the matter.
Same situation, except no casual sex or hook ups, shut myself off women completely.
Hold old are you OP? I imagine you're probably still fairly young. There's loads of time for marriage and settling. I think when you do fall for a new girl you'll go back to your old committed ways, but for now maybe just try to enjoy yourself. Breakups are rough on the mind and they take awhile to fully bounce back from.
>>16443841
I'm 25. Yeah, still young but it seems like everyone my age is married.
>>16443847
>Yeah, still young but it seems like everyone my age is married.
I dunno if you've noticed but a lot of people that marry young end up getting divorced. Count yourself lucky that you didn't propose after all because 5 years down the line you would have been in a loveless marriage. I know where you're coming from, I recently ended my first serious relationship as well. I was going to propose to my ex too, but in the end its a blessing that I didn't. There's a lot of pressure from society to get married as soon as you can and honestly I think its a load of bullshit. There are women out there that will be leagues better for you than your ex. Don't be in such a rush to settle down so early.
>>16443860
thank you.
You're right about being lucky regarding my ex. Thinking about it now, she really was no good for me and had a lot of issues.
I don't know. Sometimes I honestly feel like I'll never find another girl who wants me. But I'm trying to stay positive and focused.
I know that feel. Got out of a 4 year relationship in February. Almost got back together a few times since then.
I met a guy on tinder and banged him for 2 months. I've had several guys ask me out. I felt uneasy about hooking up because I prefer a committed, monogamous relationship. I decided that instead of forcing myself to be with someone new, I'd rather stay true to myself and ride out these lingering feels of sadness and despair.
It seems everyone's advice to get over a long term relationship is to fix your life and fuck a bunch of people. I fixed my life over 9,000% but fucking random people isn't what I like to do. Sometimes it doesn't really help the pain of a break up.
>>16444077
So you don't recommend it then?
>>16444077
I believe the point when people say that is just to help you in the grieving process. I, myself, am going through the same process at the moment. I've slept with a few girls but I'm not at all emotionally attached, it just fills a void for a small bit and is somewhat fun.
>>16444744
You should be ultimately working on yourself as a whole. You don't necessarily need to sleep with a bunch of randoms but some people find that to be comforting. All in all, try and sleep well, eat healthy, and get exercise. Practice working and loving yourself before you begin to commit again.
>>16443813
Yes, my man. Yes. My first real gf dumped me out of nowhere right before our 2 yr while we were studying abroad together.
You are trying to fill the void, it's only natural, I did the exact same thing. I went to a dubstep club and raged for 4 straight hours until I literally passed out.
Hooked up with girls, said things to them I know I didnt mean, broke some hearts.
Be gentle with yourself, it's going to get worse before it gets better. But it will get better. Try to put your energy into productive shit like drawing or writing or exercise.
It will get better, we're here for you family.
>>16445156
Funny you should mention writing because I've been keeping a journal of my endeavors for the past few months. It helped to get my thoughts down on paper when I was feeling especially bad and my hope is that someday it will serve as a reminder of what I've survived in the past.
I guess I've just kind of drifted away from the beaten path for a bit.
>>16445355
Journaling is so great, one of the best ways to work through your problems. You'll find yourself writing things you didn't even know you thought.
As for this wondering if you're becoming an asshole thing, you aren't. I just got my first serious gf four years after my first and she's amazing, but I still think about my ex sometimes. This time though I think about how different this girl is from her. You may be changing anon, but it's for the best. You're starting to figure out what YOU want, what's important to YOU. And that's okay. It's okay to want happiness for yourself, to have standards.
