Why is there no one offering free advice on getting your ex back?
I just got dumped and I've been looking for advice on what to do. Literally every video or post I came across was ultimately trying to sell me a product. Is there no free advice on this topic? Or is it because getting your ex back is something that is so difficult that no one knows the right answer, and all of these programs are shams?
Because 99% of the time getting your ex back never works. Never.
You aren't the exception.
>>16442771
>no one knows the right answer
OP, here is something you should have learned a long time ago.
you ever hear the phrase 'pick up artist?' like someone who is really good at picking up women? he is an ARTIST. not a SCIENTIST.
honestly if you think there was a fool proof scientific method to relationships that we'd need to actually seek it out? it'd be plastered across every billboard. it would be part of 'the talk' right before explaining how sex works, your dad would tell you the three step process to getting there.
people are diverse. one size barely fits you, let alone fits all. general advice helps, but most advice is tailored. its the reason when someone asks how to get girls the first thing they are told is to 'post a pic' of themselves. because without knowing about the situation, and how they look, there is no way we can tell them what to do. being a douche works for some guys. being shy and subtle works for others. just going on tinder and praying is the only hope for some.
so when it comes to a break up, where the break up is completely unique to itself, how is there supposed to be any advice on getting her back? we dont even know why she broke up with you, so how can we tell you how to fix that?
Because there's such a huge demand from people in your situation, and it's a situation that produces desperateness it's exploited for these kind of money making schemes.
Look I'm in the same boat -- I want my ex back more than anything but even if that's the course of action you're set on, there's is no one-size-fits-all solution that can make it happen. It's going to be achieved through awfully slow and painful realizations about what went wrong in the relationship, and brute-force effort of attempting to correct it.
>>16442771
Every situation is different. You guys broke up for one reason or another, it's not as simple as "I'm sorry, I won't fuck up next time." Feelings were hurt. Promises were broken. Trust was lost. Now you have to start over again from scratch. But this time, you have a peek at the future as to what the relationship might turn into.
>>16442771
Look up Corey Wayne great guy, great advice. You should read his book though. You can probably pirate somewhere but just bought it off Amazon.
>>16442771
I might help, OP
First backex broke up after almost two years, partly because she was a lesbian. We hooked back about a year later, and kept going for another two years (first of which was LDR), until she ultimately had to do what was right. She's now married to another woman.
Second backex is a little more complex. Won't get into too much, since this isn't a sharing relationship stories thread, but been LDR, open, exclusive living together and broken up at least five times. I've gotten her back on different terms several times.
Ask me anything, and please share more details.
How long where you together? How old are the two of you? On what terms did she (?) brake up with you?
Also, >>16442782 and his videos are great too.
It depends why you broke up. If it's an incompatibility issue then give it up. If it's because you fucked up then there might be a possibility.
>>16442795
break*
>getting late
but I'll be here a while.
Why is it that you want your ex back in the first place OP?
>>16442795
>How long where you together?
3 weeks
>How old are the two of you?
21 both
>On what terms did she (?) brake up with you?
"Incompatibility". We were getting along perfectly fine, flirting and laughing and all of that. I think I chased her away because I was the first one to bring up being long term and she agreed with me initially, told me that's what she wanted too. But I think I drove her away because of that.
Now it's been 2 weeks since the break up. Haven't contacted her in any way.
>>16442832
I see. First of all, keep your distance. No contact is essential no matter how long and deep you where into each other. Give it another two weeks, don't stop doing constructive things you enjoy, possibly be available to other girls if you meet any, and then see how you feel after 30 days of no contact.
I'm not going to get into how three weeks isn't really a long enough time to know what you're getting into. Did you get intimate with this girl? Flirting and laughing might not be a solid enough ground to base a long-term relationship on. Incompatibility is a lame excuse. If she was really into you, compatibility doesn't have to be an issue. She might have been into you initially, but you would have driven her away by asking for exclusivity too early on.
with ex for three years, she broke up with me a few weeks ago basically because she moved to university and had been losing interest in me for a while
it's hopeless, right?
>>16442865
>Did you get intimate with this girl?
We didn't even hold hands. I was her first bf so I was trying to take it slow and careful.
>Give it another two weeks
I was going to text her next week. Something like "I was out with some friends and we ate at that diner. Reminded me of a certain girl." ect ect.
>>16442771
There is no way. That's why she's your ez.
LOL
>>16442771
Fucking beta. bUmp
Dude when women get rid of you it's ovvvveeer, her falling out of love for you doesn't happen overnight she's been planning for a while. Getting back with exes don't work, you'll never forget why things didn't work and she won't ever forget, NEVER.
>>16442771
Why would you want your ex back?
You broke up for a reason, why would pretending to be someone else make either of you happy?
>>16442771
>Why is there no one offering free advice on getting your ex back?
Because life is not a rom-com. A very few exes do get back together from time to time, but usually this only works when both of them are seriously messed-up and codependent.
>>16442832
You are just 21 years old, yet you cling like an old man. Things happen for a reason, go out there and live your life. Attraction is a part of this universe more people will come and go in your life, if you don't learn the lesson of this and cling you will waste the opportunities that you have.
>>16442916
I should probably add my experience of getting my ex back after breaking up with her:
We broke up because I didn't trust her and she liked keeping things from me, we broke up for a month, she fucked a few guys (we lost v plates to each other) and would try to keep her "independence" that she had being single, this meant she wanted to go out with anyone she liked, not tell me and have a go at me if I asked.
Long story short, we got back together and she was still fucking other guys, she wanted forgiveness because she "didn't have time to end her fwb situations", she wanted to hit the reset button and for me to forget and us to move on.
Once you go on a break from the relationship. You learn things you might not have known about yourself and your once significant other, usually that you want her more than you realise, that you feel shit being alone or what they are really like.
I broke up with my ex after finding out she kept on her fwbs, this was last December, I still hold a flame for her (to some extent), its horrible OP, but you need to get over her, even if you get back together nothing will be the same.
>>16442832
>3 weeks
Holy fuck I thought this was going to be a serious thread, how foolish of me.
You were together for 3 weeks, she didn't think you were compatible and tried getting rid before you got super clingy.
Shit I really thought you had been together for years or something, it was 3 weeks of dating OP let her go it wasn't even 1/10th of a year together.
>>16442865
>>16442865
(cont. - was on the phone with backex 2)
The thing is, you probably didn't built enough attraction with her. She never got the chance to fall in love with you, because you rushed the long-term question. Personally, at this stage in life, I would give it at least three months before even considering calling it long-term, and typing that down makes me realise I'd probably need at least double that amount of time.
It's not in my place to tell you to get over it. ITT I'm responding to the OP, and will give advice on how to get an ex back.
Do not listen to
>>16442900
>>16442913
>>16442916
>>16442919
>bitterness detected
>don't realise that you don't have to pretend
Change your behaviour towards women. Neediness is the number one reason women flee. Do not ever, under any circumstance, become needy. Asking for exclusivity with a girl you haven't even held hands with is a red flag for any girl, shy or not.
Why exactly did you think taking it slow was a good idea, and how is asking for long-term relationship with a 21yo 'taking it slow'?
>>16442921
>valid point
live life. You can bang this girl if you play it right, and you can probably make her your girlfriend if you really want to - but as of now you are single, and the 31yo you will thank the 21yo you for not clinging to a oneitis when you're just getting ready to explore all the fruits the world has to offer.
As for >>16442886
>I was going to text her next week.
Your set up text is in the right frame of mind. Not perfect, but close to spot on.
The timing however, is depending on your reaction to getting dumped, way too early days.
30 days, and if you can't take it or leave it, give it another week or two, so you know you can be fine if you recieve no response.
If she can sense that you can take it or leave it, she'll be more interested. Remember, no neediness. Always be outcome-independant.
Your OP really should have been 'How to get a GF?'
>>16442875
same thing happened to me. was with my first girlfriend for 3 years. she went to uni and it became apparent she was losing interesting.
funny thing is, the same kind of fucking thing is happening to me now. new girlfriend of 2 years, and she just switched schools, meeting all new people, and is 'too busy' etc. for me, and we broke up..
it sucks. i wanted my first ex so bad, and now i want to get back this one. but i have to know i'll get over it, as i did with my first girlfriend. and my second girlfriend was even better. so i have to hope and know my next girlfriend will be better further.
It depends why things ended. I would have thought that especially for young people the end is the end because the relationship was young or wasn't even real (if you didn't live together you were still single really) and what is the need to get back together?
A break can work where you figure things out and you change and mature and you are ready to be with that other person. But usually not.
>>16442953
Interesting similarity to my story with backex 2.
Only, I don't break up with her. I don't get exclusive with her, but make her realise her affection for me more and more, by being the greatest man in her life. Her fwb/flings will fall away, either because I'll outshine them, or they will become clingy themselves - since most guys do become needy at some point.
Forgiveness comes naturally when you learn to let go. Letting go is key.
You're right about nothing ever being the same, but the way i see it, that's a good thing. When everything changes, change everything.
Love persists no matter what.
It will take years for these kinds of women to settle down. They got a fire in them that shouldn't be put out. just give it time, and eventually you both let it burn together.
As for OP, just learn to be a good man. Don't be a nice guy.
>>16443014
>bitterness detected
Oh I'm bitter alright. My jimmies are rustlin for my ex's bustlin.
I need some advice too on this matter, will make my post in a bit.
>>16442875
it's not. How was your relationship before she moved?
I still feel like shit from this a few months ago. It's stuck in my head that somehow I can fix this.
>>16443692
Provide context. Did you move? Did she move? Are you far apart? Is there something wrong with Boston in perticular? What is she bitter about?
Have you had any contact with her since this?
>great input
outcome dependant
>>16444271
I moved. She knew I was moving when we started dating. Not really far apart, less than 100 miles, we're New Englanders so anything longer than 45 minutes is a long drive. I guess she's been burned before because of distance. I called her a month ago to tell her I was visiting back home and asked if she changed her mind but she said she didn't think it was a good idea.
When I last saw her I asked if we would keep dating when I move and she said yeah, that she visits Boston all the time. And it really hurts that she said we would've done it if we dated the whole summer, because we did go on a date in early summer, but when I tried to follow up, she said she was seeing someone. Then she contacted me suddenly a couple of months later.
>outcome dependent
don't give me that pua bullshit
>>16442771
You know how the story ends. Why read it again?
I have never met a couple that lasted long term if they had broken up before. I don't mean stupid little fights where you split up for the evening. But a real "I'm done" from one side.
I never accepted that runaround. I told every woman I dated if she ever said we were over, that was it. My wife never left me and so far so good.
tl;dr don't do it.
>>16442771
Getting your ex back is just not worth it. Really.
I know how it feels when you get dumped, and you desperately try to get her back because you're a fat looser that had so much trouble finding a GF that you think you'll never have that kind of luck again. But it's bullshit.
Just let her go, give her the finger if you're angry, and focus on other things. After a few months, you'll be fine, and there's even a chance you'll be happy.
Then, a girl may hit on you in the future, and you'll build something with a fresh start.
Trying to get your ex back is like trying to repair your wrecked car; No matter how much energy, time and money you put into it, it may work for a bit, but it'll keep dying on you. Just go with a brand new model, even if it implies a lot of trying and/or waiting.
Seriously, dude. And that comes from a 2/10 fatty, who is enjoying a 8/10 booty daily.
>>16443464
i was always really happy with her, but the breakup has made me question how she was feeling the whole time
she was just pretty cold and aloof in general, very independent and non-clingy and stuff
obviously i'm doing what i can to protect myself and make it all easier e.g. hiding social media no contact etc etc and i haven't run into any problems with that (breakup itself was fine, she told me how she felt and i said okay, didn't do anything embarrassing) but i can't stop fucking thinking about her and how she's probably found some great new guy
we were together for three years, you know? and now i'm never going to see or talk to her again, it's horrible. it's like she's dead.
>>16444467
Just let go. Focus on other things. Destroy your own hopes. By now, she probably had some guy put his dick in every hole she has.
Just be a fucking man, put your balls in a wheelbarrow, and move on. It's easier said than done, but keeping her in your head/thoughts will do no good.
Get rid of her photos or anything that is strongly linked to her. See friends and get drunk with them. Play videogames. Workout. You'll forget her themquickly, and will probably feel good in a mere weeks if you do what I mentionned earlier.
>>16444482
i don't feel able to delete the photos right now. my plan is to put them in a folder on my old laptop which i never use.
i actually haven't looked through the ones on my phone (at least since the last time i was drunk lol) all that much
thanks for the support anon, i'm doing my best to look after myself and stay on track
>>16444504
From what I've read, it has been several months now. Do that. Put ALL her photos/letters/gifts somewhere you won't look. Then, in six months/a year, go and look through those. You'll see that you won't really care anymore.
You can't seriously expect to forget her that quickly, and getting in another relationship to forget her is not a good thing to do.
What I did is turn my sadness into rage, and channel it by workung out, and improving myself in various ways. My initial thoughts were "I'll show her how much I can improve", but what you'll do in reality is improve yourself to give you better chances with another girl.
Is this your first breakup?
>>16444526
no no it's been a month (give or take a day or two), she broke up with me on the 16th of october
yeah i've got all the sentimental stuff (letters, physical photos etc) in a box
i'd like to join a gym too. i think i agree with what you said about the self improvement stuff, but it'll also serve the purpose of filling my downtime when i'm not doing anything, which'll reduce my time spent wallowing in my feelings and thinking about her
first major breakup yeah (i've had silly high school girlfriends before but that's it)
>>16444467
I can't speak in regards to the relationship itself.
What I can testify on, is that long distance is hard as fuck. I've done it several times myself, and it feels like you're in prison. It might actually be easier to pretend she's dead. It's easier to let go, than to walk around longing.
Last year me and my lover broke up, because she was going backpacking half way around the world. I spent my time intensely focusing on letting go, but she kept writing emails to me every other week. She stopped after I wrote her back and said I didn't want to hear from her again, unless she could promise herself to me. After a couple of months a friend of mine showed me her fb profile, and said she was in a relationship with another guy. My reaction was confusion at first, but shortly after I realised that 'I don't have to do this anymore! I'm free!'
If you can take it, next time you think of her, and that she might be with some other dude, try and see if you can find the one in yourself that can think of whatever she's doing as something adorable. What she's doing with her life is just some story. It hasn't got anything to do with you.
>getting your ex back
>ever
>>16444552
The first major breakup is sadly one of those requirements to become a Man, Anon.
Once you'll recover, you'll look back and tell yourself that you were so fucking dumb for being so sad at the time that if you could, you would go back and smack your other self in the face. Mark my words, you'll remember them one day in the future, and a faint smile will pop on your face.
Take it easy. Like I said, meet friends, get (even slightly) drunk with them, BEWARE OF NOT FALLING INTO ALCOHOLISM (Seriously), and if there's one thing you should defently do, hit the gym.
You WILL loose fat and gain muscle if you hit the gim a few times a week for more than two months (And so, become a musclebound attractive male. Plus, if you're nice with other people, cute and smart girls seem to REALLY have a thing for nice giants. Don't believe the "Muscle douchebag are attractive" stereotype, those guys usually get only stupid lightheaded bimbos).
It will not only make you look good, but it will genuinely make you feel better. It will drive your problems away, as they will give you the will and energy to workout, but you'll be too tired to care once the workout session is over.
Plus, your brain will release "Good job, bro" chemicals into your synapses, and you'll feel really good for the rest of the day, for no particular reason.
Also, fear not, I'm not talking about 8-hour long hard-sweating sessions, but rather of short (60/120 mins) gentle workout. And most of the time, you'll even WANT to keep going after you're done with your set goal.
And that's coming from a once-weighing 135kg fat greasy bastard.
Seriously, give it a try for at least 2 months.
Oh, and no matter what, don't go full retard and buy shitty overpriced proteins or calorie-burning things. No magic pill will make you better or stronger.
You can do it, bro. You can get through this.
>>16444557
>>16444622
thanks guys, i'm not going to let this fuck me up
>>16442771
there is a reason she is your ex
i dont know a single story where getting back together with your ex worked out
not a single one
>>16445258
To add to this, two months after she came back from backpacking, she broke up with the new guy. A further month later she reached out to me again. Now I've been fucking her for five weeks, but I'm keeping it casual. No promises yet. She tells me she loves me constantly. Last night she called me and told me she's sad I'm not lying next to her. I would've never gotten that sweet ass again if I didn't let go in the first place. And in the meantime I've fucked four other women, one after I rekindled with my ex, and another regularly for two months. Be me, content with my life atm. Was a mental wreck just 10 months ago.
Advice on getting your ex back?
Don't
Here, watch these:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=06UnHtD1ZbY
If you still don't get it, here's a two hour long version:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CAyZajdTGTU
I still think I have a chance to get back with my ex. She broke up with me last week and mostly the main reason was my lack of action. She was my first girlfriend and I was used to deal with a relationship. She was the one who always took the initiative to meet up and do cute stuff. Then we had a fight about this, but I said I would start to be "more of a man" and be more active in the relationship. But then after 2 weeks I kinda didn't improve that much, so I guess she got really frustrated and broke up with me, she even started crying but said it had nothing to do with me. Later her bestfriend, who is also my friend, talked to her and asked if I changed my atitude, she would reconsider getting back together, she said no because she doesn't want to get hurt or to hurt me. Is there something I can do?
>>16445266
Not really, each case to their own.
If I fail at everything else I'm becoming a dating advice/self help guru/pick up artist/spiritual medium/marketing/motivational speaker/life coach/nutrition expert/general un-provable nonsense quackery expert.
Also you can get your ex back OP. Simply imagine yourself doing it! The universe will do the rest.
>>16445274
i don't know how you can do it dude, aren't you super paranoid that she'll leave again?
if she so much as texts me i'll freak out (obviously she won't, but)
i'd just be terrified of literally anything she might have to say
>>16446066
any help?
>>16442777
Best /adv/, and trips.
Underrated post.
