I've been seeing a guy since spring and he is great- smart, funny, sweet. But he's really shy. We didn't kiss until several months of seeing each other and we while we've gotten more intimate, we still haven't had sex. Also, he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet, and last time we went out one of his friends (not a close one) I met for the first time blatantly asked if we two are dating and he shyly replied- yeah, I guess- but not in a demeaning way. I'm 100% sure he finds me attractive and is interested in me, but we never text or talk on facebook unless when making plans. And when we hang out I noticed sometimes he gets really quiet and stuck in his head and doesn't know what to say. And while he never holds my hand in public, he always tries to stay close to me and to be otherwise a sweet guy. So how could I make him feel more comfortable and open up to me without making him feel less of a man?
Feel free to ask any questions if necessary, any advice/experience stories will be appreciated.
>wanting a shy bf
Why would you want a pathetic beta male?
Drop that pussy and find a real man, a strong alpha.
>>16442646
i think the issue here is that you are operating under the assumption that all men WANT to act the same way, but being shy is the issue.
not all quiet people are shy and waiting to say something. some just dont have much to say so they'd rather listen.
in this case it sounds like your BF isn't all that shy. i mean a little shy maybe, but it sounds like hes just an independent guy who likes the casual approach.
me personally if someone says 'do you like me?' or 'are we dating?' or something like that, the games over. i like to just have things evolve naturally without setting up some sort of definition or goal or endgame.
the thing is if you arent attracted to these qualities he may just not be right for you.
>>16442646
He's getting laid somewhere else. Or gay
>>16442646
>but we never text or talk on facebook unless when making plans
does he call you on the phone ? 2-3-4x week ?
> So how could I make him feel more comfortable
this may or may not be possible. my 9th grade gf was nice to me but I still still very shy and just blundered along but that was a long time ago :)
trying to change your own self is difficult yes ? how much more difficult is it to change somebody else ?
you can try waiting for him to be more assertive, try talking to him indirectly about where you 2 are going dating-wise
>, he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet
> we still haven't had sex
and how old are you 2 ?
>>16442650
Aside of our relationship he's doing great, he has hobbies including skateboarding, snowboarding and other active stuff, he is into science and does not lack in logical thinking, and he objectively funny (he has systematically watched a shitload of standups, I guess that helped). On top of that, he is not full of himself.
Also, I've dated enough "alphas" (guys that are smooth but there's not much basis for it besides nice physique and money, often inherited) to know that while it's cool, it doesn't exactly make the person instantly awesome to be around.
>>16442651
solid advice, and the dating question is really a problem only when other people ask me out. But besides that, this doesn't help me to get fucked.
>>16442655
A possibility. Thank you!
>>16442661
No, but we meet up 2-3 times a week, often he stays over at my place. We're both in our mid twenties, he's older.
>>16442690
>We're both in our mid twenties, he's older
hmmm.... if your op is accurate then you need to determine if he really is shy or is just not interested in you, is he talkative around his guy pals ?
> meet up 2-3 times a week,
this is spending lots of time together
maybe you just need to take the initiative here yes ? you can be more assertive putting him in scenarios where you can make a move or 2 and see what happens ?
or just keep waiting - but y'all are in your 20s he should have some idea what to do but maybe you are his 1st real gf ?
my best guess is for you to push him a bit by taking the lead doing things and then maybe talking to him about things - you don't need to be total super alpha beyotch - just kind of hint around and then talk to him
after all you've been together for 6-8 months in your mid20s its time to decide to either keep drifting or get more serious yes ?
>>16442705
> just not interested in you
I've thought about this quite a bit, and it would make sense if he didn't ask me out to do stuff together, introduce me to his friends and keep in touch for this long, especially since I've had to travel for longer periods of time in between (so then the one day of the week I was in the city he made sure to spend together, even when once I had to leave the next day, he came over-sweetness overload).
And yes, he is the more cool-silent type among his friends, but is usually 100 times more silent around people he does not know.
>>16442705
>you can be more assertive putting him in scenarios where you can make a move or 2 and see what happens ?
>just kind of hint around and then talk to him
Just realized I have literally no clue how to do that as a girl, guys just always have shown the initiative... How do I actually do that, exactly?
>>16442725
>even when once I had to leave the next day, he came over
so he does like you.....
if you play your cards right this situation could work out really well for you :)
I'd say keep encouraging him and again recommend you taking the lead a bit here and either pulling or pushing him in the direction you want to go
give him some wiggle room because if he was anything like me then growing up maturing out of his shell will take some effort and he will be really appreciative with his new personality changes
somehow you've got to keep him hooked on you because after he gets more assertive he will want to try his skills on other girls, this is where I messed up oops
>>16442739
>How do I actually do that, exactly?
after he comes over 1 nite to watch a movie then ask him to stay overnite ?
>>16442746
>after he gets more assertive he will want to try his skills on other girls
Que sera, sera, though I wouldn't want to stagnate his growth just to assure he stays with me...
>>16442751
He has stayed over multiple times, we kiss, cuddle and have played around, but haven't gone whole way.
Maybe he doesnt go all the way becuase he doesnt want to do anything you dont want to do.
Ive been there. Sure it isnt alpha, but i aint tryna have some awkward shit where i get pushed away with my pants at my ankles
make sure he is tracking you want the D inside you
>>16442784
Are guys into girls taking the charge?
>>16442815
Hell... Fucking... Yes...
Just do it. Right now YOU'RE being the pussy.
Take charge. Let him know "Baby, I'm really horny right now. And I'm not talking about just sex either. I've been wanting you so badly - and sometimes I'm not sure if you've felt the same way. Do you?"
Really easy. And you'll get your answer. Good luck
>>16442824
I really hope you're not bs-ing me right now. This changes everything...
>>16442815
Ive always thought its really hot. And it does make you feel more comfortable in future situations.
>Push him on the bed and straddle him and un do his pants
>Text him you need him to take you
these get me everytime
>>16442852
Yup, yup, yup, yup. I've dreamed of doing it, but never wanted to seem "rapey". But it makes sense.
>>16442858
See thats what stops men like me from doing it. But this is a double standard that helps women. Because you can do it, and its not 'rapey' we think its extremely hot.
>>16442869
So basically he will become more comfortable if I do exactly what I've wanted to do. I love life.
>>16442646
>I'm 100% sure he finds me attractive and is interested in me, but we never text or talk on facebook unless when making plans.
That's a good thing in my book, texting is rather pointless when 93% of communication is non verbal.
I don't think he's shy, I'd say he's just taking things slow, i mean if there is potential to get married, that's 50+ years, no need to rush.
I'd say ask him if he wants to be in a relationship with you, two things will happen, you'll become lovey dubey or you'll stop wasting your time and be able to get on with your life. Women always know when the time is right after all, we men tend to fall in love too easy. Be lucky you have a guy who has more self respect and self control, willing to take things slow. You know when the time is right OP.
>>16442887
Pretty much thats how it works. By doing what you want to do it will show him you really do want him and that situation.
>>16442815
Fuuuuuuck yeah. So hot.
>>16442869
This is right on the point I believe
>>16442893
>>16442898
>>16442903
Ok, sounds retarded, but pretty much blew my mind. I never thought I could actually go for it. Thank you 4chan
>>16442889
Yup, you're right. If he doesn't actually want to date after all this time, that will be another mind blower, but also a good one. Once again, life is amazing.
I agree with the fellow anons, taking charge does seem like the right thing to do here for you, people who are not too full of themselves tend to like that a lot.
You should also consider that he is really interested in you but is actually thinking you are the shy one or even less interested in him, this can be confusing unless one part makes a move.
>>16442977
>but is actually thinking you are the shy one or even less interested in him
Actually could be the case, especially since I haven't made moves on him physically... Well, that one's about to change!
Thank you for all the D I will be getting, anons, this has been a good day!
As someone who's been the guy in this situation, I can share some of the things I really appreciated from the girl:
>Take the initiative when it comes to making contact, escalating things, etc. Chances are he feels the same way as you, but isn't confident enough to risk potential embarrassment.
>Push him out of his comfort zone. If he's anything like me, he'll use his shyness as an excuse for not trying anything that scares him a little.
>If his shyness irritates you, don't be afraid to tell him, and in particular tell him why. Don't be an asshole about it, but imo there's nothing wrong with gently encouraging him to be more confident.
>Make sure that you actually are into him. Trusting you enough to show you the 'real' him might be a huge step for him, and cause him to get very attached. If you don't feel the same way, and dump him because you prefer more confident guys, it's going to hurt him like hell. Speaking from very bitter experience there.
Good luck. Try not to see his shyness as a stable trait, but rather a changeable attribute that's getting in the way of a great guy being himself.
