>>16437544
No , continue with your life dont be a beta orbiter of the crazy.

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>obvious troll thread on /adv/
>350+ replies, 275 images omitted

>real thread about complex emotions and real problems
>not one reply

Figures

It's never too late for forgiveness anon.

>>16437544
You both need to leave your SO's and propagate.

>>16437566
>beta
Spotted the beta

>>16437604
I hate to say it, but I probably would...

>>16437602
I'm still weighing things in my heart. It's like, have you ever been so in love, so attracted to someone that you feel like you're going crazy? This girl is my poison, my kryptonite

Right now what you're telling us sounds more like you're infatuated with her.

If you actually seriously care about her, you'd put your petty shit behind you and help her deal.

Source:
Close friend was drugged and raped, gf was molested by father.

>>16437635

I'll reword that. You've got two choices:

if you seriously care about her, get over yourself and be there for her.

If you can't, accept that and move on.

I know from first hand experience that in order to help someone past stuff like this, you need to be able to rise above your own shit, and be a stable and consistent rock for them.

>>16437635
Of course I'm infatuated with her. When you spend 6 moths sexting her every night talking about the kinkiest shit we could imagine, it's to be expected. But going from red-hot love and passion to lukewarm distance and bearing that for close to two years, despite her telling me she still wanted me, isn't something you can just drop.

I felt justified dropping her, but now I understand that my decision was made in anger...and now I'm suffering for it. I've known this girl all my life, and the guilt I feel about her being molested so early in life and for so long...if I had known, could I have stopped it? Could I have still saved her? Can I still save her? Does she even need or want saving...?

>>16437642
>if I had known, could I have stopped it? Could I have still saved her? Can I still save her? Does she even need or want saving...?

Those are all exactly the wrong questions to ask when you're dealing with a rape survivor.

When my gf told me about her past, the first words out of my mouth were, "Thank you for choosing to share that with me." She cried and thanked me for not saying "I'm sorry".

Dealing with rape isn't about bringing up the past, it's about realizing that you are not a victim, that you are not at fault, and that it doesn't have to have any bearing on your life as you move forward.

Those questions running through your mind are all knee-jerk reactions that are understandable, but not at all how you should think because by nature, they're all self-absorbed, and not at all supportive or helpful to her.

I was too young and immature to help my close friend when I found out. But by the time I met my girlfriend I'd become someone who she could actually rely on.

You need to be someone that can support her but not coddle. Someone that can make her believe you believe in her, so she can gain her own self-worth, and you need to be someone she feels like she can trust on rely on when she feels weak and it sometimes becomes too much.

You need the mental fortitude to be there for her, and still stand apart so she can walk on her own.

I'm sorry, but from what you're saying, like me when I was dealing with my friend, you don't posses those qualities yet.

If you want to be there for her as a friend, be there for her, but don't think about saving her, because that's the exact wrong thing to think.

>>16437663
>it doesn't have any bearing on your life

You're wrong, it affected this girl down to her core. It began at a very young age and continued for half her life up to that point, 6 to 13, when she was actually made pregnant by it. All of her behaviors are symptomatic of it, seeking men for any kind (usually sexual) approval, refusal to open up to friends like me, and anytime we would get drunk together she would break down crying over it. The girl's psyche is completely warped by it all.

And the questions I posed were introspective, not said to her. I feel like even if I could win her trust back, do I really deserve it after the way I treated her. It's not my normal behavior, I was going through a lot of problems all at once when I finally snapped on her. I needed her to be there for me when I had a pistol in my mouth, and for whatever reason, she wasn't there despite me needing her to talk me down for a change. Someone else was able to, thank the Lord, but I felt it was a complete betrayal of the trust I had placed in her

>>16437685
*sigh*

You are not understanding me.

My gf was also raped and abused for almost the exact same age. She still has physical scars from some of the things her dad would do her--just to inflict pain. She still has night terrors, and panic attacks, and cannot at all have anyone approach her from behind.

Of course something like that has an impact. But those things I said are all things that SHE has to internalize and come to truly believe. But that will never happen if she continues to see it as an act that defined her life. The more she dwells on it, the more it will rule her world.

I'm aware those were introspective questions and that you didn't ask them, and that's why I said that they were the wrong way to think if you want to help her.

My girlfriend isn't a rape victim to me. I basically never see or think of her in that way. I see her for the strong, compassionate person I believe her to be and love; an entire and complete person who's defined by more than just a trauma.

Can your friend get past this? No idea. Some people never do, and it consumes them.

But I do know that if you keep victimizing her in your own head, that does absolutely nothing to help her to break out of it; especially if you already have other shit that you're pissed off at her for.