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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Hey, so here's the thing. Me and my gf have been together for ia little over a year and a half and we haven't had sex. That kinda bothers me, yeah, but the worst part is I haven't even like touched her butt or anything, I mean, I have, but she asked me to stop and when we talked about it later she said we weren't in the right place (we were on a bench, in a park, very ocasionally someone would pass by). sooo what should I do? this kinda bothers me and I want to solve it but I don't wanna pressure her or anything, so I haven't talked to her about it.
how old are you?
>>16394088
Just to clarify, have you done anything sexual at all with her? What's the furthest you've got?
is she worth it? I mean, fucking hell
>>16394100
french kissing. and I've put my hands under her shirt, didn't touch her boobs though, I know she'd be uncomfortable
have you invited her over your place? you could start from there
>>16394088
>so I haven't talked to her about it
you've been dating her for 1.5 years so now is the time for you to man up and start talking about things
what are your plans ? her plans ? want to get married have kids ? religious ?
otherwise ask her over for movie nite and be a bit more aggressive going for the chest rub :) and if that works keep repeating for several dates then go for the goal lower down......
>>16394118
well yeah, but she always declines, for a reason or another, and like I said I don't wanna pressure her, I'm her first bf
>>16394102
I think so, I love her. though it is getting harder and harder, especialmy because I've declined other... tempting offers, let's say
>>16394121
well we don't really talk abou the future, we're both in college, and will be for the next 6-8 years at least, so we don't make plans, we kinda take it easy, I guess. and the movie thing could be a solution, yeah, but it wouldn't work, not with her. she has to feel comfortable and she never will in a room full of people
bump for op, been in a similar position, I know it's tough
>>16394088
anyone??
>>16394088
I've been in your place OP, it's not pretty. I felt unwanted and unloved, while struggling to make her go over her fears of sex [and her complete lack of sex ed, which was kinda sad for a 21 year old]. I ended up resenting her. In hindsight I should have broken up with her a long time before I actually ended things off. I loved the shit out of her and beyond the sex issues we got along pretty well.
Leave and find someone else. This kind of life is worth it only if you have a super low sex drive.
>>16394137
>she never will in a room full of people
why would there be a room full of people when you ask her over for movie nite ? put the dvd player in your room whatever
otherwise yes it is time for you 2 to start talking about these things
c'mon you've been dating for 18months do you want to keep dating her ? dating thru college can be difficult lots of other people available
good luck
>>16394164
exactly!!! I'm starting to resent her too and I hate myself for that. she's perfect in every other way, and it's really hard to let go
If your relationship is number one, and sex is number two, how are you getting gipped this fucking hard? I mean how difficult is it to date someone who finds you attractive and fuck them? Holy cucks, Batman. I'd rather be alone than sexually rejected by a "girlfriend".
>>16394166
oh I thought you meant in a cinema, sorry haha I've said before that she won't come over, and movie night? that's really unlikely, I still live with my parents and stuff.
and yeah, things in college are different, but I think we're doing pretty great together, I know she really likes me and I like her too. it's just this...thing.
thanks
>>16394174
she does find me attractive and she doesn't "reject" me, you got it all wrong. she's insecure and timid and that's the thing really
>>16394096
Nice try. It's pretty obvious you are 16 at most.
>together for over a year and a half
>no sex
You didn't mention anything about being religious, which would be the only reason why adults wouldn't have sex.
>>16394196
lol I really am 18, that's why I brought up this thread, if I were 16 I wouldn't be feeling like this. why would I lie to make me look worse? and no, we're not religious
>>16394192
I think it's time you start having a frank conversation about it. These things don't resolve themselves, and it'll only get worse over time as you bottle it all up.
It may not be comfortable and you may not get the result that you want, but the only way the relationship is going to grow is if you can communicate about these things.
bump, good luck
>>16394172
You need to sit down with her and have a serious talk.
Sex is not something bad or evil, it's an important part of a healthy relationship. She needs to know that despite of how much you care about her, the lack of intimacy is not only difficult for you but it actually hurts the relationship itself.
>>16394196
Not always, my first gf was 20 when I hooked up with her and I've been in OP's situation [as I stated a couple of posts above]. She wasn't religious, but she was raised by a mom who treated sex as something shameful [despite the fact she was constantly audibly fucking her husband - even when I was visiting!]. So my ex was super scared about all things sexual and knew pretty much nothing about how things work.
>>16394204
In that case, you seriously need to do something. Start by touching her. Making out. Touching her in more intimate places. Get into bed together. Just turn up the heat. Seriously, how can you have dated for that long and not even touched her intimately?
>>16394208
and how am I even supposed to bring up something like this? we're both going through an important time in our lives, with starting college and stuff (we're both in med school so, yeah, tons of work) and I don't wanna ruin it, I'd rather wait. but I think I've waited for a long time and I have no idea how she feels about it (she just seems oblivious) and it's kinda killing me inside
>>16394192
>She does want to have sex with me. She"s just afraid.
It shouldn't be this hard to convince her unless she's guilty, deluded, or on anxiety panic level 9. I don't even know what to tell you, or why you're willing to cuck yourself.
Maybe try asking her what conditions need to be satisfied first.
>>16394216
I've said that I have. and it made her feel uncomfortable, supposedly because we were in public, but I've invited over and she always had an excuse. not feel like insisting, specially because she never suggested something like that herself
>>16394226
Bad news for you, bro... she might be asexual. Unless you can turn her around, have fun continuing a sexless relationship.
>>16394221
I didn't say she wants to have sex with me. I know she finds me attractive, it's different. difference may be subtle, I know, but it's there. and I'm not cucking myself, I've said I've tried to do more but didn't work
>>16394230
>attracted to me but not sexually
Oh, like I am attracted to the same sex, platonically?
>>16394228
yeah, I've thought about that too. but I mean, she has complimented my body and stuff, she really likes kissing, kissed me down the neck and stuff aaand on her tumblr she posts pictures of actors and such that she finds cute or hot, so, asexual? hmm
>>16394232
nah, she has complimented my body. she just doesn't do anything about it, at all
is she a religious person?
didn't mention but we only see each other like once a week, guess that doesn't help. we talk everyday though
>>16394255
she's not, at all
>>16394260
ok, so have you talked to her straight about this issue?
My guess is that she's waiting for the "right one" to have her first time with.. so you are not that person. Can be something different tho, but if I were you I would be just blunt and direct and ask her what's her deal is with it.
>>16394257
other thing is, do you guys have a place to fuck? or you only see each other in places where there are people around?
You a no spine no testical ass nigga. Give your gf to me I'll fuck her.
>>16394280
oh wow look at you, so funny and mature. must feel great to go around and mock other people just so you can feel better about your own retarded self.
>>16394088
what? has she been sexually active before? if she has you're a huge pushover.
talk with her about it?
>>16394272
we haven't talked it straight, no, but I'm kinda scared of how the conversation may go
>>16394278
we only see each other in public spaces? yeah
>>16394288
no, she hasn't, I'm her first boyfriend, first person she kissed and all that, kinda explains her shyness
>>16394300
does she masturbate? has she orgasm-ed before? Is she into any kinks?
look stuff up online and show her see if she's into any of it. talk with her see how she responds to nurturing, see how she responds to domming. study these things anon. is she reserved for a reason? does she want to wait till marriage or is it not important to her?
There's a lot of things you can do without being direct, if being direct is met with "This is inappropriate/awkward." responses.
>>16394292
welp, there is your problem buddy. How the fuck are you supposed to have sex with someone when there are people around?
Girls sluttiness increase exponentially when you are alone with them. Try that and report results.
>>16394292
>>16394317
yeah wtf? how do you think you can get her to be comfortable when you're trying to fuck her on a subway station. the fuck is wrong with you.
>>16394315
haha so you mean bluntly asking her 'do you masturbate?'is appropriate? come on, anon. and I know she doesn't like bdsm, or at least she's definitely not a sub
>>16394317
well, yeah, I've figured that myself already. but I've invited her over and she always said no, if I keep pushing it I'll start to sound creepy
>>16394332
I love it when you guys don't read the whome thread and just assume stuff.I have invited her over. she said no. we've been in very quiet and even isolated-ish places, no people passing by or to be seen for like half an hour or more.
>>16394340
>bluntly asking if she masturbates is inappropriate
>but me trying to stick my wee wee parts in her pee pocket is chill
God damn anon, I hope she breaks up with you. you're fucking autistic. Even if I was implying you just asking her that bluntly, which I wasn't. There's still ways to find those things out.
God damn, you're a fucking potato.
>>16394343
Dump her and find someone that is willing to fuck. Don't give her any explanation on why you left her, just be vague and tell her you don't find her attractive anymore.
Of course, she'll jump the first chad's dick available but that's not your problem anymore.
Find someone who actually wants to be with you and not some girl that only wants your for the free attention.
>>16394352
oh wow sure, then do enlighten me as to what those 'ways' are, but try not to fall off that horse in the meantime, sure looks tall
>>16394354
I've thought about it, but it's easier said than done. I really like this girl, wish I could work things out with her and though I start to resent her I don't wanna hurt her, not really
You are talking like a cuck.
She obviously thinks that you aren't worth of her pussy and is saving herself for some Chad in college.
Break her heart before she finish to break your spirit.
>>16394388
I don't think she is, she would have dumped me by now if that was the case. and is she's planning to go for some Chad she surely has me fooled and I don't know her at all
>>16394399
You don't get how women think at all. You are her safe guy, someone to fall to if anything else fails.
That's why she doesn't dumps you, for her you are free-attention + beta-safe-guy, there's nothing to lose for her keeping you around, specially if she isn't giving you any poontang and you seem to be fine with it.
Honestly, do you think there are any difference between your "relationship" with her and a regular friendship besides the kisses you might have give her a couple of times?
Let me ask you something, do you have any friends in common you guys hang out with?
if the answer is not, she probably doesn't consider you even worth to hang out with her friends.
Open you eyes OP, stop putting pussies in a pedestal. That's why you aren't getting any.
Sorry to say, OP, but >>16394413 is most likely right. If she has sexual desires (which she might not) she doesn't see any of them with you. You're not someone she wants to have sex with.
There are far too many stories of "I was with my gf/fiancee for years and we never had sex because we were waiting for marriage" that end up with "she had sex with a guy at a party the first week she was in college".
Basically, your options are to man up and start being sexual, or break up.
>>16394413
this she is not having sex with you because she does not have enough respect for you.
>>16394413
well first of all I'm not beta, I can think of 5 other girls that I know are interested in me (3 of them actually told me). second of all, she has gone out with me and friends of mine, and I've seen her friends too, but she doesn't go out a lot, so I never actually went out with them, would be just me and a group of girls anyway. lastly, I don't put pussies in a pedestal, this is not my first girlfriend and I am a rational guy, not a delusional self pitying loser who'd do anything for a fuck
>>16394438
so basically I should either force her into it (even though she may not feel ready yet) or leave her? that's rough, anon. btw, I'll be back in a few minutes, do keep this thread alive, kinda making me feel better, weirdly
>>16394457
No one is saying you should force her to do anything. If after a year of a relationship you guys
aren't able to have a straight forward conversation about this issue, I would say there are more serious problems with your relationship than the lack of sex
>>16394450
If there are more women wanting your dick, why are you wasting your time with someone that isn't give you any?
For what you said you barely hang out with your gf. You sound like a submissive cuck.
>>16394457
>force
No. But you need to make moves. If she's not ready after over a year of dating, she won't be ready for years to come either. Just start by being more touchy feely. Get her over to your place where the two of you can be alone. Take charge and escalate things. Of course if she resists... then, well, that's a very bad sign, and basically means she doesn't want to have sex with you. Ever.
>>16394088
I just recently turned 20, and I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, so I've been in your shoes before.
She's going to be prude if you're her first boyfriend, my girl was pretty prude too.
Are you attractive? Does she feel attracted to you? That's what matters the most. You have to look, feel, and be dominant.
That doesn't imply being a fucking toolbag, but you need to be all of that to get her "in the mood" or whatever you wanna call it.
Make HER want YOU instead.
You love her, that's understandable and I totally see where you're coming from. I know you don't wanna leave her because:
A. I know that she's gotta be absolutely beautiful for you to put up with this.
B. You've invested yourself so much into this and you don't wanna throw it away.
So don't throw it away, just work on it and mostly yourself a little bit.
I'm somewhat taken aback though cause a year and a half is a bit too long, this wasn't my case, but everyone's different so don't worry.
>>16394469
we could talk about it but it would be really awkward and probably just make it worse in the future.
>>16394475
maybw because I have strong feelings for her? I'm sorry if you don't get that.
>>16394476
yeah, that's what I'm going to do and have been doing lately. but it kinda sucks because it's slow and she won't come over, like I've said a billion times in previous posts
>>16394541
When this relationship is over (and it will be), you'll realize how wrong you were when you typed this.
I'm not the person you're replying to, but you do sound young and everyone with a little bit of experience knows better than this, that's why people are telling you to move on.
>>16394536
you are supposed to be adults.
What the fuck are relationships worth for if there's not sex? You might as well be just friends.
>>16394547
>she won't come over
That's... a pretty big red flag, sorry to say. Even after you have been dating for over a year?
>>16394520
I am attractive, I mean, I am really fit and I've been told I'm handsome quite often.
And yeah, you get me anon, she really is unbelievable and I really do like her. I've been trying to be more "distant", as in less open and more flirty, because she always says I'm "cute" and cute is not the best of words to describe someone you wanna have sex with, imo, so maybe I have to change the way she sees me a little. and thanks, anon, what you said really hit home. really man, you get me, thank you so much for this.
>>16394556
well, I haven't asked lately because we always have tons of work for college, so idk. but I think it has to do with her father too, she once mentioned that, maybe he's not okay with it.
>>16394551
it's not my first relationship. and do you really think I'd keep this up if I didn't find it worth it? protip: I wouldn't.
>>16394088
maybe she had some abuse as a child and feels unconfortable, ask her about it
>>16394552
but I like her more than as a friend and I know she likes me too. and this is exactly why I'm bringing this up, anon. guess we're both too awkward for our own good
>>16394583
she hasn't
>>16394570
Super-strict parents? Have you ever met them?
>>16394599
I have and yeah, not super strict, but pretty conservative, I'd say. her that is kinda old
>>16394563
no problem bro, if you feel like you need someone to talk to or need advice in general, don't hesitate to hit me up in this thread or whatever you wanna use
>>16394607
You really need to work on getting the two of you to spend time alone. Not in a public place. Either somewhere outdoors far away, or at your place.
>>16394208
i think this guy has the right idea
>>16394616
thank you man, I guess I really did need to talk about this, never talked about it to anyone, I just bottle it up, pretend it's all good. and it is, I mean, sex isn't everything, but I think you guys see my point here
>>16394619
yeah, I'll try to work on it. we always go to quiet places, but never to someplace really isolated
>>16394620
yeahh, thanks, but I'll try to avoid being blunt about it. at least for now
>>16394637
dont jump her with the question "why dont you wana have sex?" ask her how she thinks things will be in the future, if u will marry or move in, if she wants kids, the kids thing is a good starter for the sex convo too
>>16394088
If you need a relationship that involves physical contact or sex more often than ZERO times, then you need to dump her. You can find someone who is more sexually compatible.
Women do it all the time and get praised for it.
Remember: More than ZERO times a year. Think about that.
>>16394655
that's actually a good way to start talking about big things, yeah. don't know if she'll like that, maybe it will be awkward, but I may give it a try, thanks
>>16394661
I would do that, if she wasn't who she was and I didn't feel like I do about her. she's really special, she reallt is.she may hurt me in the future, or I may hurt her, true, but it will all be worth it anyway. she is worth it.
>>16394675
If she was right for you, you wouldnt have to put part of your life on hold.
>>16394715
I guess? but isn't it selfish and shallow to dump someone just because of sex? besides, I really like this girl, I'd be hurting myself too and it would just feel wrong
>>16394753
would be shallow if you dumped her the first month she didnt want to have sex
>>16394753
Nobody is telling you to dump her. Just that sex is a natural part of a relationship, and if you have been dating this long without it, it does put it into question just how serious your relationship actually is.
>>16394772
>>16394776
yeah, fair enough. everything else is going great though. so I wanna try to fix it, won't give up just because I don't have sex with her
>>16394772
Are you retarded? Women's mags talk about how important it is to find a sexually compatible partner.
What if the situation was reversed and the girl wanted to have sex daily but the guy was only willing to have sex once or twice a month? Women would tell her to leave to find someone more compatible.
It is absolutely stupid to stay in a relationship with someone you're not compatible with. That creates resentment, which ruins it in the future no matter what.
>>16394772
>>16394776
>>16394861
Saying its shallow to want somone you can have sex with is like saying its shallow you want just a fuck buddy or shallow that you want just an emotional but non-sexual thing with. Its a judgement call based on society to moralize or feel superior to people that want a different life choice, just another method of social shame and control. It is within my right to find someone who wants to fuck every day over someone that only wants to do it once a week, because that's the kind of thing I want with another person. It is their right to find somone who is happy to find someone who only wants to fuck once a week like they do. We are all happier when we are honest and find the right person for us instead of ignoring our desires to try to not look shallow.
Unless you people don't agree with maslow.
one
two.
>>16395116
three.
>>16395125
four.
>>16395066
I agree, but that's the point, I'm not with her just for sex
>>16395150
You've lost me on this one.
>>16395105
>>16395116
>>16395125
>>16395150
your point?
>>16395175
same lol
>>16395171
But you want a relationship with a close emotional connection and sex, right? If that's not happening, she's not the right person. A girl in your situation would've jumped ship within the first month of not having everything they want in the relationship.
>>16395175
>>16395176
>>16395187
I don't know if you're tbe same guy, but you really sound resentful towards women in general
>>16395175
five.
>>16395207
six.
is this all supposed to make me hate and be suspicious of women?
>>16395202
Saying that men shouldn't be shamed into staying in sexless relationships and should be as accepted as women for trying to get what they want in a relationship is "resentment towards women"?
Thanks for proving my point about cultural/social attempts to control people through shaming language.
>>16395207
>wants to stigmatize sex, making it harder to get for everyone
>>16395213
It's whatever you make of it. Use your own mind instead of asking to be told what to think.
>>16395214
no anon, that's not what I meant. what I mean is that you refer to girls as if they were this cold selfish being, something of a psycho really, just trying to please itself. and I gotta say i disagree
>>16395221
exactly, anon sounds like he's had a tough time with grills and he feels resented
>>16395225
Everyone is out for themselves, ultimately, or the divorce rate wouldn't be 60%.
>>16395230
you sound depressing as fuck, man. are you okay? I know this thread is not about you, but I'm here if you wanna talk
>>16395227
I have too. I also tend to hate most women, but I don't hate all of them because some of them are good people. Damn, letting my emotions out is making me feel better. I should do this more often.
>inb4 nice blog
>>16395264
keep going anon, we're here for ya. thanks
>>16395238
No, im feeling very peaceful and positive.
There's some things people don't understand, however.
Girls don't automatically sleep with any guy who prospects them for sex. Girls pull away from creepy bar guys that kiss them out of nowhere. Why? Because they have been told they have freedom to choose who they do and do not want based on their own criteria. It comes from themselves.
No one picks friends or lovers because of trying to be good for them. You don't hand your number out to every girl you meet do you? If a girl, you don't hand your number out to every guy, either.
When we choose a friend or a sexual encounter, we base our decision based on how they make us feel, not on the idea that we should serve them in order to be selfless. We sometimes sit through boring movies or thing we don't like in order to foster a friendship or sexual relationship, because we want that thing to continue.
When we first meet a friend or a possible sexual or relationship prospect, we don't know them at all. We have weeded out all the other people around us for either friendship or sex, and focused solely on this person of whom we know nothing. This should be self-evident by the fact of the existence of the many thousands of people you come in daily contact with without wanting to go bowling with or fuck.
We choose who we want in our lives based on our own desires and motivation. Without this motivation, we would not even try to speak to them.
It's just a fact that everything we do is motivated for our own gain. Give and take in relationships is the mechanism by which relationships are sustained more for our own benefit.
How could anyone break up when they stop "feeling it" for another person, if they were always thinking of the other person's feelings and didn't want to hurt them? They'd stay in that relationship for some faux-altruistic purpose even though they no longer have feelings for them. Relationships would never end if people were selfless.
>>16395283
My family relentlessly teased me about any kind of interaction with girls as a child. Is this why I am so confused about them?
>>16395309
Pff, that doesn't beat getting strung along and constantly rejected by girls. When you're ugly, you know it, because you can't get a date.
>>16395317
A popular girl was very nice to me for a while, always seemed happy to see me. She wanted a picture with me at a football game. I was very confused. She had a boyfriend who was objectively very much more attractive than me.
She was bullying me, right?
>>16395308
but that's my point. I have strong feelings for my girlfriend that I just can't ignore
>>16395337
Was your mother also very withholding?
>>16395340
nah, wouldn't say so, why?
>>16395325
If you were a sad sack all the time and uninteresting as a person, then she was probably needing you to be into her. Some people can't handle not having enough attention, sexually or friendship-wise.
its naive to imagine that an attractive girl doesn't know she's too attractive.
>>16395346
Because, like girls who have "daddy issues", boys also go for girls that remind them of their mothers.
We go after the feelings of childhood that were created by the parent who's gender we're sexually attracted to later in life. It just "feels wrong" to be in a relationship with the opposite gender in any other form than the one our parents modeled for us.
>>16395347
Thank you for that view of it. I prefer to imagine she did it because of your reason and not because she has an evil heart, as I've been thinking for the past few years.
>>16395367
true, but idk
>>16395379
Whether you consider it evil or not to toy with others, even if you don't understand that you're doing something like that to someone else, is all up to you.
>>16395407
I will try to make sure I don't do it to anyone else, as I consider it the worst evil. I think Socrates said that the only harm that can truly come upon you is harm to your soul.
>>16395214
beta detect
>>16395230
actually, people are quite nice. It's just that monogamy is a joke. divorce rate 60% + people be cheatin yo. The few that are actually living monogamously throughout their life's are boring as fuck and have very low sex drive.
protip: it's not monogamy if one is cheating, even if the other one doesn't know.
>>16395317
confidence before looks, fam. in most cases.
It just happens to be that good looking people tend to be more confident. Self-fulfilling, but can be hacked.
>>16395325
no, but you probably could've played a better game at not football.
OP, what most people ITT aren't telling you is that you have to become more attracitve/seductive towards your gf.
based anon is >>16394520
Learn from people who know game. Don't be a tool, but understand what tools understand.
>>16395417
Socrates was totally a nerd dead guy
I do not believe you're 18
>>16395459
OP here, thanks man, that's what I'm gonna do, I'll try to be a little more 'distant' and you know, confident. I'll give my best to actually seduce her and not just be the nice guy she can depend on (which is where I'm at rn)
>>16395467
swear I am. otherwise what would be the poin of this thread?
OP here, I'm going to sleep, /adv/, thank you for this, I think it helped. I'll keep updating you on the progress I make, may even make a new thread if this one dies (hope it doesn't). take care, anons
Just be gay op.
>>16396376
sexuality is not a choice, anon, only on tumblr
>>16396754
bisexualism proves you wrong.
>>16397510
how is bissexualism a choice? bi people don't choose to like both sexes, they just do. true, they have more choice because they can either be with man or a woman, but still, that's nott the point
>>16398182
>Thread successfully derailed
