I love you so much and all i want is to make you proud. I'm so happy with our relationship. Hope you never leave me.

>>16381930
ALRIGHT, I'VE GIVEN UP! I'M GOING BACK TO BEING A REAL MAN! GOING BACK TO BEING A REAL PLAYER! THIS SHIT WAS ABSURD, WOMAN. Forgive me.

>>16381938
initials?

>>16380494
I know what you mean, I like to know everything about the people I like.
It's on the 8th of September. Thank you, it means a lot to me. I hope your well wishes come true. May we both have pleasanter days ahead.

I love you still, but you really did break my trust in every way. I don't feel sexually attracted to you anymore and just want to be alone.

>>16381961
Why, because being happy in a relationship is rare? :p
A and P

Why did I want my parents to not like my boyfriend? Am I fucked up? Do I want to be rebellious? What the hell?

>>16382066
Been there, done that. Yes

>>16382119
Yes to what?

I just dreamt that I was happily married.

I hate dreaming the impossible.

I am sick of people being retarded.
At work people yell at eachother because they have no idea what the fuck is going on. They see someone doing something and they go apeshit for no reason. I could explain to them what the misunderstanding is, but I simply can't deal with that shit. No one ever listens. They just yell at eachother and assume they are right. Sometimes someone will make a mistake and then yell at people for an hour before realizing they made a mistake themselves. It's ridiculous.
Then I go home and open twitter where I see people I know reposting retarded shit. They retweet fake stories that are supposed to make you feel bad about being white, all sorts of feminist positive things like ''feminism is about equality!!!!!''. What the fuck is wrong with them?
Then I go out to party and I get high with my friends because I'd rather die from drugs than live in this shitty world. I ask my friends about the drugs, I ask them what they are, where they come from, what dosages we are supposed to take and why we are snorting them instead of taking them oraly. They don't know. I have to actually get up the next morning to research what I've been taking to find out we are snorting a drug that's not supposed to be snorted and all kinds of other shit that would be extremely helpful to know.

>>16381930
I didn't drink your fucking 2% milk you annoying bitch, even if I did who cares it's fucking milk. So you can stop being a passive aggressive freak and making this living situation more awkward than it needs to be

I'm tired of being dragged down by you... you never do anything .... any fucking thing at all... you just sit in front if the computer if you are not working.... I have been wanting to leave for awhile to get my life back on track... I didn't want to do it this way I have talked and talked and you just stare at me with that fucking dumb look and don't say shit.... I don't want to marry you and be further saddled down doing everything and just getting more and more fat and unhappy.... I love you but I have to do what's best for me and get the hell out of this relationship

I wish you actually cared about me like you claim you do, I know as soon as I leave you'll already have forgetten me and that hurts. It makes me actually want to stay. I guess because I love you so much and leaving you is going to destroy me and I know it wont phase you. At least with living like this you still give me the time of day. I wish you would let me have friends. I wish you werent so mean all the time. I wish I never met you because all this has been for me has been heartbreak. We could have been wonderful, but we are so off.

>>16382222
You should stop this fantasy and leave. Someone else will care about you.

>>16382021
Initials?

My effing flatmate is occupying kitchen agan which means I'll have to wait 2 to 4 hours to make my own meal. I really hate that

Dear A. M. This is J. S.,

I've officially been in love with you for 10 years and would give up everything just to be with you. Its not possible but nice to think about. You probably don't even remember me any more

I was by your side the whole time and you treated me like shit. And when I'm gone you say I don't care about you?
You think I'm not suffering as well?

>>16382332
How were you treated like shit?

You seem like you aren't the type to suffer, but to laugh at those in pain and almost get 'off' on it.

Going to sleep at 7AM probably isn't a healthy habit

I'm going to want to kill myself in a month or two, and I'm too much of a lazy piece of shit to do anything about it.

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>>16381930
I know you dumped me yesterday, but that was yesterday. Losing you was the worst thing that happened to me, yesterday. Today as I was driving home to visit for the weekend the worst thing that happened was I went from a time zone where it was 11am to 10am and I could no longer get lunch from fast food places unless I waited 30 minutes. That was the worst thing that happened to me today. I've already accepted that you don't love me anymore, and even though I still love you I know that I've still got my whole life ahead of me still. I know it'll take me a bit but I know I can and will get over you soon and I will become someone you'll regret leaving in the future.

>>16382130
You are fucked up. You want to be rebellious.

>>16382449
I like your attitude. Keep it up anon :)

>>16382248
Initials?

I hate living how I am right now. I want to quit exercising, quit eating, quit sobriety. Drink everyday, pick up some pot and MDMA, maybe some xanax.

I hate being healthy and I want it to fucking end.

No, no one is going to come to our fucking house BECAUSE NO ONE EVER COMES and nobody cares if I have the food on my fucking table cause who the fuck would come into my room any fucking way. WHY WOULD ANYONE COME TO MY ROOM FFS

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>>16381930
Had a friendship spanning over 6 years online with this girl. We'd talk everyday, I'd skype her to help her through her break ups and I even stayed up till 3am my time to talk her out of moving to Texas with this over controlling guy that demanded she cut ties with her guy friends. Then after break up no7 she just came out and said stuff about never stopped thinking about me when she was with other guys and her friend confirmed that for 3 years she worshiped the ground I walked on. After 6 years of knowing her I figured she was worth saving up for. So told her when I get to the states we'd see how it went. Never felt affect like that before so..I saved and saved and did awful jobs to get the money to travel. Then the obvious happened. She met a guy but never told me about it, only way i knew was when she changed her fb picture to them kissing. This girl promised to stay single while i saved up. But ya, i called her on that, I got

>"well I didn't know you felt this way maybe it would be better if u stopped talking to me till u feel better"

I was sad cause I actually loved her back and she just betrayed me with no remorse. So I just said
>......
>ya
>goodbye

then didn't speak to her for 3 years, then suddenly last year she gave me a big long guilt e-mail saying a bunch of stuff from her point of view, being scared,always thinking of me even when her new guy, that she was sorry.

Honestly I just didn't reply. The e-mail was a contradiction of everything. Who waits 3 years to come to terms that they were wrong?

I miss her and think I always will, would even take her back as a friend if she tried over and over. It feels too raw and I owe her nothing, Not to be a pussy but I'm still hurt over it. I'm friends with her friend so wouldnt be surprised if she is stalking me.

Someone I connected with and in the end it didn't matter, I didn't matter. Least I spent all that money i saved on myself ha.

Theme
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDtTVYHOBZI

I wish I did so many things differently. I fucked things up with 2 really cool girls in a row at this point and I'm starting to wonder if things will ever work out. Finding someone I can give a shit about is so hard and when I do they just end out hurting me so why should I even bother anymore?

I'm so fucking lonely and I'm always surrounded by friends that adore me. I think I should drop out of college because I'm wasting my parents money, not that I'm failing, but I know I'll probably end up a depressed lawyer who commits suicide in my 30s. I want to have a real connection with someone. I want to stop feeling so fucking numb. I don't even eat much anymore.

E,

Attempting to move forward, without you, is the most scarring experience of my life.

Any way in which I interact with women that desire my attention is nothing more than my misdirected, absolute need for you.

You are a void in my life, all-consuming, that cannot return what has been given, or taken. I miss you terribly, and you will forever carry my heart.

>>16382585 here.

The accident was a year ago, as of early this morning. I felt compelled to post.

Who would have thought the last time I would be happy was when I was laying in a hospital bed, broken, with you stroking my face?

Life is cruel, and the irony of it...

>>16382585
You ever think about writing poetry? You have a way with words.

M

I've tried playing nice with you. I've tried being civil. But you are such an unbelievable, lazy and self-serving child that you can't fathom doing anything that doesn't satiate your need for instant gratification. You have a job? Good for you! Most competent adults have jobs. But life requires a little more effort than that and when you spend not days, not weeks, but MONTHS dragging your feet like a petulant man baby, you can't expect me to put my needs after yours. We could have been done and over this incredibly annoying transition ages ago but the only thing you are motivated to do is drink, smoke pot and jack off. And you make -me- clean up after your stupid fucking mess.
I could give less than a shit if you refuse to grow up and use your mommy as a safety net for the rest of your life. But at least allow me to finally cut you completely out of MY life so I can get on with it.

23/m/in France for my studies

I haven't had a conversation with a girl around my age since forever, I can't fucking take it anymore, I never shared an intimate moment with a girl apart from a hooker who gave me an erotic massage in Eastern Europe one time. I'm just so frustrated and hopeless

I can't get over the fact that you could possibly be sucking on a dick right now.

Fuck you, I hope I get over you.

>>16382746
Yes and I am sucking a fat dick as I type this. See what you ruined you pathetic beta? ;)

>>16382285
KF
and EA

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I have a crush on a coworker and I think I'm accidentally making it super obvious to everyone. I think he either knows that I like him or at least suspects it now, because I asked a friend to ask him why he talks to everyone but me.

I feel really, really stupid about it.

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Not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought of you.

I'm so, so sorry for saying such venomous, cruel things to you.

Sometimes I wonder if you post here.

I miss slow dancing in front of the kitchen sink with you.

Still have all the notes and letters you sent me. Still have the little black book.

Missing you has aged me. Seeing your name still makes my stomach sink.

I don't know what kind of person I am now. The thought of there even being a chance in hell that you posted here is making me shake as I type this.

It's been more than three years. I haven't stopped loving you. Never did.

I'm sorry for how I treated you, for the kind of person I was, and the things I did.

Plumeria wasn't the smartest gift idea in the world. It felt weird giving you what was essentially a branch with the promise of a flower.

I hope to meet someone like you again someday. Don't know if that'll ever happen, still not entirely sure if that's what I really want. They won't be you.

Hope you're still making art.

>>16381930
I've lost. There's nothing redeemable and I can't fight anymore.

I don't want to do ANYTHING anymore. Nothing is enjoyable anymore.
My personality is turning darker and darker, probably because those antidepressants have erased my emotions, and turned me into a heartless monster. I've turned into a person who laughs at people getting hurt, and I only feel a tiny bit of remorse and empathy that's slowly fading away.
No wonder I'm alone. It's not just because I have isolated myself, and only go outside when I have to. It's not like it was better back when I went to school.
The only thing I ever wanted was to be able to feel accepted.
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't think I formulated this the way I wanted, but I'll leave it like this, for now anyway.

I once wrote a letter to my at the time girlfriend. In the letter i told her i liked butt play when i actually didn't. I did this because i was trying to give her something so she would open up about what she wanted to do in the bedroom. I later informed her of this lie i told, but she probably saw it as me trying to save face because i was ashamed of it or something.

The only reason i put this here is because i want people to know that others are lying too. Their reasons for lying are different than mine, and i've stopped. If you want to believe their bullshit than by all means go ahead. You want to willingly act like a bunch of immature idiots than go right ahead.

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I thought for years that being tired and stressed all day long no matter what (to the point of feeling like passing out once in a while) was a perfectly normal feeling that almost everyone has. I talked about it to several doctors for years and it's only now that one of them is willing to see if something is wrong with my hormones. Fuck them all, this shit is actually ruining my life.

Also, college sucks.Teachers are incompetent, grades are arbitrary and some people in my courses are assholes for no reason and insult others for the sake of their little "jokes". They can go fuck themselves. At least I have some compromising info on some of them, in case they might think they're perfect.

I have finally found a dream and life direction, but I simply can't muster the focus or discipline to make it happen. Seriously it's lying right there and I could do it, and I get started- I'll go two or three days doing what I know I need to. Then I'll stay up/sleep in too late, or skip exercise or study or watch a movie. I'll do something that isn't contributing to my goal and is something I KNOW I shouldn't be spending time on, but I'll rationalize it.

If you've ever been addicted to a semi-mild drug or nicotine, it's kind of like that. There's ALWAYS a reason to do what I know I shouldn't. (I used to have an addiction/abuse problem, 2 years clean)

Everyone should worship me as a god, and follow my every command

Hey Dad,
You're really drunk again and it's painful to see. I do not understand why you drink? Do you really love the taste that much? Or do you feel empty? How can you feel empty with a loving wife, a stable job, good economy and well me? I know your dream job was probably never to become a chemist – but let's be honest. Being a rock guitarist wasn't a solid dream plan either. It's been a rough year with your dad passing away and you must realize you are getting old. But at the same time this is not the first time you are drinking. You been drinking for as long as I can recall and I can't figure out why. You have no idea how many tears I've cried because I've found you sleeping next to endless bottles of beer and fine whiskey. Right now, I'm actually loosing hope of you ever changing. But do now I blew out my birthday candles each year since I was six years old wishing that you would find something so you wouldn't have to get drunk anymore. I love you dad.

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>>16381930
I miss my friends, ever since I came back all they do is say I changed and try and make some jokes about it to lighten the mood. I've gotten help. But sometimes all they do is shit on me and I try so god damn hard to change but no, they tell me that I'm fucked up and just shit on me, never offer help, never offer anything, and all I've done is let you borrow money and try and change so I can keep you as friends. And J, man he's a real fucking special guy, we were best friends and when I come home, you took my girlfriend, my house, you shit on me constantly, and my fucking dog, you guys won't even give me my dog back, it's my fucking dog. Nothing I do makes sense because you guys couldn't give two shits about me anyways, if you did, you'd fucking try to help me rather then call me a piece of shit and never come around again. We grew up together.. I thought maybe you guys would treat me differently but looking back on it, none of you ever did shit for me, ever. All I did was help you and offered my support, not even a thank you. You could at least give me MY dog back.

>>16382449
Yeah ! That's the spirit.

Written like shit but I don't care

I'm sad, and I'm too much of a coward to face my problems, rather than burn in an internal fire of denial and repression.

I can't focus on my studies. I don't enjoy two of my three classes, but I've always been an academic and my parents (who I still live with) expect me to follow this route. Truthfully, I want to be an illustrator/artist but my vigor is ripped from me by all my schoolwork and I struggle to make myself practice. I know this is my dream and I feel like I'm wasting my time on things I don't like, but I'm not good enough to throw away my academic career, and I worry that as a result of my academics taking all my energy I never will be good enough.

I was a complete idiot and let my ex cry on my shoulder after she split with another guy. I told myself it was because we're friends but she's stopped talking to me as soon as she's affirmed that they're getting back together. I thought we were becoming friends again but I feel like I've been used and tossed aside.
That's not an ongoing problem now I'm just feeling the repercussions of being a beta faggot. Not doing that again ever.

I've had crushing fits of nihilism ever since an old friend killed themselves. I'm not sure what's worse, when I feel like shit because a young man hung himself and the world keeps spinning, or when I feel guilty about making his suicide about myself by thinking in this way.

Tl;dr life is meaningless and I'll never have the artistic talent to express it

I'm in love with my friend, and I sure he knows even though I haven't told him.

>>16383262
Why do you not want to tell him

>>16383269
Because I'm scared he'll tell me to fuck off. Last time I told guy I've fallen for him, he told me it's because I have a small social circle and lied that he has a date with some girl, so he's not available.

>>16383286
But this is a different friend.
Do you think he would say that to you?
Unless he's an asshole like that first guy the worst he could say is "sorry, no"

You call me a coward then you admit 1 min later that you were afraid of bringing up the topic, and I quote "I didn't want to be the villian"
Screw you, you wanted me to be the one the get chewed out

>>16383301
He would because that's what guys are.

I let out my feelings which you were cool about. But then just silence and not even a happy birthday. A fuck off maybe? Wtf are u scared of?

>>16383041
Care to tell more about your story?

I found Ritalin at work and started taking it.
Kind of like how it makes me feel.

>>16383349
Yeah, as a guy I can confirm that we mostly come as one of two variants, fuckboi or insecure.
There are people good enough to love despite their flaws, though. You'll find one.

I never wanted you to hate me.

I know you think im calling your bluff about leaving me by giving you the cash and everything you wanted to get started on doing so but im really not. Youre done? I never successfully started... I just wanted you to like me and be happy and do everything I could manage to socially/emotionally/physically to make this possible. Im not trying tot change your mind. I think you should leave. I dont want you to, I love you, always have and always will but I cant keep playing this mindgame of you seem fine, happy, making progress one day and scream in my face untill I think I need to hide the scissors and razors again. I asked you to promise me not to die... I should have asked you to promise to live.

If this has to be without me then I do, ultimately want you to go. I want you to go and realise No matter what you do, id do anything I can for you. Even if you walk out of here next week with no prospects and im left alone for days, weeks, even years. You can come back any day any time. If i move ill leave my details with the new tenants, I wont change email or phone number. Any time, any date, you say you want to come back and I wont even ask where youve been as long as youre happy. I just cant stand the thought of finding you cold and bloody again and every day getting home and wondering ... are you there? are you alive? are you happy?

You feel like you owe me and you hate it. I understand. But i will never ever EVER feel that you do.

I love you. So much. Please be happy....

I wish there was a board to talk about history that wasn't /pol/

suicide is stupid. fuck everyone who thinks its a good idea and fuck everyone who keeps hinting theyre going to.

I don't think I deserve to be happy, in fact I know I don't. That's why whenever things start looking up I end up subconsciously sabotaging it.

Depression blows, and I just get further depressed because of my depression.

Back in April I made a deal with myself. I gave myself until the end of the year. If things were not better by then. I'm done.

I might break that promise and speed things along. April to September the depression loomed, and nothing helped. Therapy was a waste. Spent nearly a grand only to have the therapist tell me I didn't care enough to continue (they would "teach" me mental exercises I already knew and when I told them I've tried those techniques in the past they would say I obviously didn't try hard enough.) Tried meds. Didn't help. Only racing did. Enough that I did some damage to my body, but it's end of fall and winters coming. No races in winter.

I don't know if I want to deal with 5 months, nearly half the year as misery.

>>16383434
I don't know if you know, or care, what suicide feels like. It's like you're carrying a heavy burden that only gets heavier. When you try to get help others turn away, or mock you, they throw more weight on you and tell you to keep going. And the further you go the harder the trail gets: steeper, muddier. It begins to raim. It's like the world utself is against you

But you see suicide shows up, puts its arm around you and tells you that it's okay. Put the weight down. There's no reason to keep on going in a world that you clearly don't belong in. It will be alright.

That's what suicide means to me. But you won't care. I would say I'm just wasting my time, but who am I kidding?

I'm hungry

I still don't know how you could hurt me in the way you did. I know I hurt you, but I was sick and not in control.. but you were fully in control.

I guess there is no excuse for either of us. It hurts me because I know we could have been perfect, and this had to happen because I'm a stupid fucking cunt with everything in life.

I feel like I'll always love you, fuck.

>>16383814
You know you will always love me, just as you know you will regret ending it.

>>16383937
You think so?

>>16383396
Maybe /int/ or /lit?

>>16381930
I can't stop thinking about you. I'm afraid you might not love me like I love you. I'm not terrified of anyone. There have been so many hot girls I've had no problem talking to, but I'm completely intimidated by you. I've felt physical pain in my chest and stomach every day because of you even though I only ever see you briefly once a week. I haven't been able to say anything to anyone because of how bad it is.

>>16383984
/lit/ is overrun with /pol/ dick waving tbh

I'm sorry for my mother. And I'm sorry you drive a white ranger.

I'm tired of being so tired all the time.

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>>16383373
Sure, why not?

After coming home from my tour things seemed different, this was my second tour so I wasn't really expecting things to be different when I got back. Everything of mine was no longer mine, and I got shit on when I tried to come back into my friends lives, or even try to get my stuff.

While I was gone my girlfriend made her move for my best friend, supposedly I got a "Dear John" letter but that's bullshit.

I try and get my shit back, including my dog, "best friend" talks a lot of shit about me, tells me I can't take the dog, I wanted so badly to make him swallow his teeth but I didn't.

All of this made me realize that all of my other friends were like this, no one offered to pay for anything, when all I've done is offered my support and my money to them, but I just got completely shit on and it pisses me off that I spent like 16 years of my life thinking I had friends when I'm just the clown. It hurts and I don't really know how to feel.

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I missed my chance, I wished I wasn't a scared fuck and asked you out when you were still here. I wished I would have talked more and instead of the few minutes we saw each other in the mornings and whenever you bring so work for me. Now you are in a different country and only way to reach you is by phone and I didn't even know if that number still works.
I want to tell you how I feel but I just don't know how and if it even matters

Dear R,
You're pathetic. Get a fucking grip on your life. Its funny, how you manipulated him, cheated on him, and broke his heart. But I was there. I knew from the beginning how special he was and that he would change my life. I waited and waited five months for him. You have no idea how much it hurt when I would do anything for him but I knew deep down he wasn't over your sorry ass yet. But you know what? I waited for him. Because I know he's amazing and special. We've been together over a year and we will be for many more, so why do you feel the need to try to text and snapchat him all the time begging for him back? The only reason he hasn't blocked you yet is because he's been too busy to get around to it. You're a worthless used up whore. You may have been his first, but I'm his forever.
Sincerely,
L

>>16384046
You sound like the biggest bitch ever.
I feel bad for this boy you're with.

Run, boy, run pretty fucking fast.

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E,
I hate you. You don't care about me and you take advantage of me. You never want to do anything I want to do and you only care about being with your friends. You hurt me, break my trust and constantly lie and just blame me. I want to go home so badly, I miss my brother, and my dogs and my parents so much. I hate living with you. You quit your job and fucked us over and I can't get a job because I'm homeless because of you.
I'm so fucking pathetic for sticking around with you. But I'm finally losing interest in you in every way. I wish you never changed into the person you are today, I really loved you.
- M

My girlfriend just got taken from me by motherfucking cancer. I act normal and do stuff, but it's only because if I don't keep myself busy, I'll start to think about her and just get depressed.
To be honest, I'm not even afraid of death anymore since if I die, I'll get to be with her again. Everyday I hope there's some accident or some happening and I'd die. I won't kill myself, because when she was a teenager she had a whole suicidal phase cause of her tremendous family problems, and she made me promise I would never do anything like that. You know, I'd always sing God Only Knows by the Beach Boys to myself after she died.
"If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me"
This has been the longest month of my life.

>>16384081
No.. you won't get to be with her again.
I'm sorry, op, but she's gone.

Forever.

I always want to think we can be with our loved ones after.. but no, I don't think life works that way if it has been this disappointing for almost everyone.

I fucking hate the fact that everyone I like is right now at my ex girlfriend's house celebrating her. She broke me and they know it. I'm over her now but I have never felt so left out in my entire life.

You know the problem isn't you, right? I just don't see myself in this lifestyle. You have all these things in your life and if I went there my whole life would revolve around you one way or another, and I don't think this is healthy. There isn't a minute when I don't think how much fun and how sweet it would be for us to be partners, but whatever mental gymnastics I do I can't picture myself in this kind of relationship with someone so superior than I in every possible way.

As of now I don't want to say "yes" because I could be making a huge mistake and I wouldn't want to involve you in that, and I don't want to say "no" because I feel you're genuinely the best person I've ever met. One day, when I have a better grasp at this new life, I'll be able to make up my mind. I really don't think you'll be all that sad so please keep your head up.

I really don't think I have anything else to say about that, I wish I knew how you're truly feeling.

>>16384097
Well that's stupid.

I still love you fucking slut, but i love myself more

>>16384118
ikr

but this whole game is stupid so whatever lol

I feel weird for not liking to get off on webcam. While I do enjoy seeing the other person get off, I don't get turned on enough to be able to orgasm from that. I touch myself but it doesn't really do anything for me besides being kind of relaxing. It's different if the other person is physically there, but on cam it just feels kind of boring. idk maybe it's just that my partner isn't doing enough to keep me into it. it feels like i'm just doing it because they want me to, but they don't care about getting me in the mood.

>>16384097
Initials?

*sigh* why couldn't you been more of a man? Why couldn't you have stepped up to the plate and taken care of me like I had bent over backwards to take care of you? I blame myself. I resent myself. I fed into your victim bullshit to the point where you were too incompetent to get off your mattress before nightfall. But I was afraid I'd hurt you. You were so fragile and I enjoyed the time we spent together and I was afraid the more I said the more anxiety I would cause. I did love you at one point and seeing you in pain would break my heart. But I loved you to the point of enabling you unlovable...

Oh and enjoy your 19 yr old /soc/ meetup. I suppose you just need someone even younger than I am to take care of you.

I want to talk to you Sebastian but talking to you would be like opening a can of worms :D
it has been 11 years :D and yeah I want to talk to you but of course I can't, we can't

>>16384226
To Sebastian T cont....
Sebastian, in another dimension we are having wild and exquisite sex....in another dimension and I like to get lost in my thoughts about you ...11 fucking years and I STILL remember every single part of you and your body...your tender kisses

>>16384243
You sound 9, can you shutup?

you know what's REALLY funny? You asking me to be funny when all your jokes are shit tier lmao

>hurr look at me I'm a Hack xD
grow up, degenerate

>>16381930
9x85kg bitches. A good start.

The only woman that can bring me comfort is alcohol. It doesn't care that I'm black.

I love you and I know that I'll never be good enough for you. I'm a coward and you deserve someone better than me. I'm sorry for myself and for you for having put up with me since seventh grade.

I'm a junior in college and I haven't been to a single party. I have no idea how to figure out where and when college parties are. Is there an app or Facebook group I'm missing out on? Or do I just need to know the right peos? Fuck.

>>16384319
>college
there's your first mistake

get off 4chan and make friends

You'd figure the major movie studios like 20th Century Fox, Warner Brothers, Paramount, etc, would have keychains based on their logos readily available to the public, but just finding them is proving to be quite a difficult task. In one case, I had to settle for a pin...

>>16381930
How do I stop being vindictive?

>>16384584

>mingle with opposite sex
>life changes
>now u want good relationships
>think about family and friends
>mingle with opposite sex as a better person
>stop thinking other things

or just do drugs whichever poison you want

>>16381930
I love you dad

>>16383800
>Don't deserve to be happy

Thats bullshit everyone has flaws they keep hidden. You are no less deserving of happiness than any other person even if you are self destructive

and try to avoid suicide at least for a while you can always put it off but once it's done it's done

>>16381930

so i got loadsa money but i feel better when i have 0. i like the hustle baby ima hustla check these stacks homeboi 1g ima toss it down a crack alley watch it blow ima go to hollywood and pray all day dem gay niggas praying the gay away judas burger king and midas touch 10 piece nuggets all day no disrepec a hunna a cop be my nigga all dem snitches be wildin cause pockets be hurtin but i aint no slave nigger i go camping i shitpost cause humor a hunna yall niggas posting below me be gayer than a faggot ass pussy unless u a lady then u gonna have a baby

>>16383977
I know so, as do you.

I do not think either of us was ready for the other; how could we be?

I love you and it comes out in the worst ways possible. But you never got to hear it so I made you see it. I made sure that you did.

>>16384291
The only alcohol that actually wants you is malt liquor, basketball-American.

>>16384767

What kind of self respecting racist doesn't enjoy a good game of the NBA? Are you a cracker?

>>16383349
Aw come on.
You get rejected if there are really no feelings for you, don't blame it on an entire sex my friend. Btw that guy who told you the social circle bs just wants you to feel worse, seems like a sadist

>>16382914

Wow this sounds so similar to how I was recently, although it was birth control instead of antidepressants. How were you before taking antidepressants? Do you think weening yourself off them would help?

I have depression and the pill I was taking amplified it. It caused me to lose focus very easily and think about suicide almost daily. I finally decided to stop after weeks of hesitation because it was destroying me. It's been a month now and I'm feeling a lot better emotionally although

>The only thing I ever wanted was to be able to feel accepted.

This feeling I still struggle with.

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18 year old NEET, high school dropout , beta male with no direction in life, and scared shitless about the future

Lately I've been thinking about if ill make it, like:
>Will I ever know how to do things like pay taxes, buy a house, pay bills etc
>How old will I be when I lose my virginity

>>16384767
You know, there are black people that are just people and not your boogeyman stereotypes rooted in fear.

Some of us want a decent life without being defined by the guy that just mugged you outside an Apple store. Hell, the only reason why I'd beat your white ass is for being an invalidating shithead but you might think it as "chimping out" because a "good" nigger would just take the abuse and not just smack a bitch for being one.

>>16382395
me too

I tried to kill myself but everyone got to witness your shitty situation so now if I try to reach out it'll make me look like a dick.

>>16384829
Also, I forgot to mention I've been on Zoloft for a year, which was prescribed for Agoraphobia which I slightly still have. I dont feel that depressed, but I'm not happy at all. Each day just passes by, and all I could describe it is just Meh

>>16384829
Why did you quit high school?

>>16381930
Most days I feel I'll never win the battle against myself. Days are drops in a river shrouded with fog. Destination unknown.

But sometimes it all clears up and I can see a really long way.

>>16384746

Love ya see ya soon

>>16384829

>How old will I be when I lose my virginity

Sweet summer child there's more important things to worry about than losing your virginity. lol The only time it's blatantly obvious is when sex is brought up in a conversation. Sex is not that big of a deal, but you won't truly realize this until after you finally have sex unfortunately. But if it really bothers you, save up money and go to a brothel.

>Will I ever know how to do things like pay taxes, buy a house, pay bills etc

Do you have your GED? If so, ask for advice from where you got it. They can possibly guide you to some organizations that can help you. Even reddit can actually be helpful if you search around.

>>16384829

You're 18, do everything, learn evrrything and be qualified for anything in life. That's a golden age enjoy the ride.

I deal with people who are depressed when I volunteer becuase I was in that boat too. And all you need is a solid support group. Trust me find a good support group. Make sure you make good little victories. Baby steps. Build confidence secretly. I believe in you bloody frog picture man.

Dang it ex, why did you have to be so obtuse? And why can't I stop thinking about you? We'd be awful together.

>>16384849
>First year: I was in an actual high school for like 3 weeks, then transferred to a bullshit online school, but technically homeschooled. End of the year my mother realized the program I was doing wasnt compatible, but we still bullshitted the grade paper(which is all we had to do)
>Second year: Tried actual hs again, was technically in 10th grade but was doing all 9th grade classes again. This lasted 4 months till I transferred to homeschool. The rest of the year I managed to keep up on my work.
>Third year: Still homeschool, did bullshit for a month, then ended up not doing my work anymore. Eventually officially dropped out.

>>16383814
>>16383937
>>16383977
>>16384706
God, all of this struck me hard. It's pretty much what I've gone through recently/how I feel..

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I can't stand anything. I hate fucking everything. No one loves me and i love no one because everyone scares me. Things don't go right for me no matter how hard i try. My so called depression is probably just me overreacting to some mild melancholy, because lately i've met more and more people with actual depression and i'm nothing like them. I'm disgusted at myself for thinking i'm on the same level as those people, that's an insult to them. They're far more brave and worthwhile than me, i'm just a slimy gross self hating little shit bag who can't stand being lonely for one second without screaming "I'M DEPRESSED". I should just go die so no one has to fucking look at me, i'm pathetic and useless. I can't do anyone any good, this world can go on without me. I was born in the wrong place, wrong time, wrong flesh, wrong mind, wrong universe. Kill me, just fucking kill me for god's sake you fucking cowardly universe you big empty cold bastard.

>>16384905

I too feel the same way fam. Do you want to talk about it?

>>16384906

If its any consolation everyone dies. You're just delaying your doom by not living at all. People die from the simplest things and the crazy part is some of them probably loved life until they died. We all die what you do before you do die is up to you.

Or you can go the ideal romance, family route. Not a bad way to make sure you somewhat existed. We're all memories anyway.

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I am tired of being lonely and tired of people downplaying my feelings. Every time I mention to anonymous people on the internet and my parents, I get this:
>what are you doing? STOP THINKING NEGATIVE, THINK POSITIVE
>you should be happy with what you have for goodness sake!
>you need to be happy with yourself before you can get into a relationship
>you're not supposed to want gratification from having a caring partner, living and achieving goals should be enough!
I'm 20, have been completely friendless for over two years, never had a girlfriend (or a date for that matter). What I'm going through is not as "normal" as people always tell me, if it's normal to be completely socially isolated and unloved, than I don't want to live anymore.

I got shit to do, I need to take a break off of 4chan.

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Every time I talk to someone else, I miss him more. I've never connected with anyone like I did with him that first night. And he knew it too. We talked about it on and on. It was like we were meant for each other. Even when we disagreed, we never became upset, we never held it against each other or ignored each other. He told me he wanted to marry me. He just wanted loyalty and respect and I was loyal and I did respect him.

And he left me anyways.

>>16384938

you're right anon. We should stop selling this idea that people have to "love themselves" before they deserve love from anyone else. Not everyone will ever be completely whole - they won't always completely love themselves. But that's okay, you can work on that. And you deserve love anyways anon

>>16384843

Who says I'm in a shitty situation? You? I'm in good place and the future is good. I have a lot of opportunities not to mention I'm getting paid a monthly salary of 2500 for 3 hours of work a day. and Still making more from other things and gonna keep making more trust me. Who are you again? Be thankful in your life.

Just venting.

>>16384951
Thanks anon, it means a lot to hear that.

Didn't want to make a topic so despite it not really being "getting it off my chest" quick piece of adv needed,

Someone inadvertently wronged me a few months back, at first I was consumed with revenged then decided it wasn't a good way to live my life.. Now however the perfect way to get revenge has fallen in my lap... Do I act upon it or just let shit go

>>16385044

You just have to kill yourself then let it go.

>>16385074
I'm wondering why you went to the trouble to do captcha and whatnot to post shit

>>16384779
>>16384830
Typical basketball-Americans detected.

Too easy, kek.

>>16385134
White pigs think they're invincible behind their internet connection. Try that shit in Detroit or the Fillmore and see what happens.

I've always complained about having no friends to talk to and rarely hangout. But when someone invites me to house party or go to pub I always decline them.

I am a fucking idiot.

>>16385144
The same thing that happened when I lived in Detroit.

I killed two porch monkeys, in self-defense, that tried to mug me, and rape my soon-to-be wife. Silly chimps brought knives to a gunfight...

I didn't have to make the shots fatal, but my military training, and instincts, took over. Well, at least that is what my lawyer argued, lol. No charges.

Being the greedy, welfare baboons your people are, the civil suit didn't surprise me. Many keks were had by all.

well this got uncomfortable

I want to seduce my doctor. He's not married or anything and he's very intelligent and kind. I think there is a chance he would reciprocate otherwise I wouldn't even consider. How do I subtly show interest without being too weird?
(I realize this is not an advice-specific thread, but maybe somebody will have some insight.)

Dude, you need professional help. Go see a doctor.

>>16382061
exactly :c

>>16383389
Initials?

I fucking hate my family,my "friends" and myself,of course.

I just cheated on my gf of 5 fucking years. I want to die. I don't deserve either of them even though they are both angels and super good looking.

I didn't sleep with her though. It was just heavy kissing and light groping. The serious part is that I think I just started a serious relationship with her too. I told her stuff I shouldn't have and now she completely trusts me. All I wanted was to see if I still had it in me to score a super hot girl. I didn't mean for it to go this long.

Now I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to blow the new chick off because I know I wasn't completely happy with my current gf. But I am more terrified of ending a 5 year relationship, with a girl who was supposed to be my soulmate and my wife.

What would you guys do? I am in time to stop all this and take this to my grave. But If I keep it up eventually I will lose one or even both. I need to pick one but I'm not sure what the right choice is. My current gf and me have been going through some tough times and sometimes it seems like we dont love each other anymore. Plus shes cold as fuck and doesnt show any affection, but this is not new, its been like this since I met her. I need a girl that shows a little affection.The new girl looks fucking perfect but I know its just the novelty making me feel like that.

I don't cry in real life, but sometimes in my dreams I'll cry and scream how I'm going to kill myself. I feel like a failure even though everyone seems proud of me. I hate myself a lot.

>>16385337
You should break up with the 5-year girl. If the new chick new you had a gf don't go with her though because that is kind of messed up. It will be really hard but this will haunt you your entire life if you don't fix it now.

I want to fuck her so badly, but my ex has a bf and wants really nothing to do with me. I don't really want a relationship with her. Her body changed even more into my type after we broke up. Like damn this lust is strong.

Incoming novel. You're a trooper if you read the whole thing.

A few years ago I had a relationship with an incredible anxious, emotionally insecure asexual girl. I still think about her all the time. For the sake of context, it was my first relationship, and I was (and still am) a virgin. I don't think I meant anything to her, as due to her neuroses my presence was more of an inconvenience than anything else. She got more emotionally involved in anime and tumblr stuff than she did with anything we ever did together.

While it felt like she didn't care much about my feelings, basically just used me as a cuddleslut (the horror), and gets triggered at the drop of a hat by literally everything, but I still can't help wondering if it could ever work. I never fully understood why she wanted to break up; I wasn't exactly going through an easy time (death of a family member who I loved very much) but our relationship had been deteriorating before then. AFAIK she was scared that we were moving too fast, though we just hung out every so often and making out was the extent of our intimacy. I did tell her I loved her, which seemed to accomplish nothing other than making her uncomfortable.

What ultimately led to our breakup was a post she made on her blog, where she described how angry she was about the relationships she'd been in, and how trapped she felt being in one. After months of hiding her feelings and pretending like things were ok, it was the first time I was able to see her honest opinion.

>>16385463

I felt like an asshole reading it on her blog, but by then our relationship was already falling apart and she'd been avoiding me for a couple weeks. I wanted to know what was going on, and that was the only place I could turn. I sent her an email about her post, acknowledging it and telling her that I supported her and wanted her to be happy, that I was proud of her for the choices she'd made and that she should never feel the need to compromise herself for the happiness of others. I told her some stuff about me, too, since I felt like I'd been unfair by withholding some information about my own past.

She took awhile to respond, which was okay. When she did it was just a short paragraph apologizing to me for the misunderstanding, and that she had just been talking about old relationships, not ours, and that she was sorry that I'd seen it on her blog. Then she asked if we could just be friends, and I agreed that this was the best choice. We never saw or spoke to each other again after that.

She meant a lot to me when we were together and I wanted to be a good boyfriend. I tried really hard to respect her boundaries even though she was not the best at communicating. That's why when she wanted to break things off I agreed with her without a fuss, knowing that she hated arguments more than anything else. I figured she had already rationalized why I was an awful boyfriend, and if I really loved her the best choice would be to just let her go.

Every day though I think about her, when I get up and when I go to bed. I keep thinking about what I could've done better and wonder if I could ever make her happy. It's like I'm romantically imprinted on her and I can't shake it.

>>16385465

I know that she had just gotten out of a really bad breakup before we met, and I guess I was sort of her rebound. I don't know if she's gotten into another relationship after me. She had some serious trust issues, but so did I when we met. I guess we just weren't ready for each other.

There was a little while when we were happy together, and it was amazing. She didn't feel nearly as strongly as I did, but I know that she at least was also happy for a little while. I want to be able to have that kind of awesome relationship again with someone, but I just feel seriously impeded by her memory. I've turned down a few girls already (though mostly for other reasons, namely that they were in relationships) and I've been actively avoiding going out and dating, aside from some feeble attempts on dating sites.

I keep fantasizing that maybe one day we'll run into one another, or she'll finally muster the courage to contact me, though I know the latter won't happen since I doubt she even thinks about me anymore. Maybe she's forgotten me entirely. Not that she would ever reach out to me, anyway; she's an extraordinarily passive person. And if we did run into each other, I don't know what I'd even say. I just don't know what to do, /adv/.

I know I wasn't perfect. I don't have much money and I live with my parents. She carried a lot of baggage about her sexuality, her family, and society, and I was constantly worried that I was going to offend her somehow. I probably did and she just didn't tell me. I had a great deal of affection for her and was very devoted, which she frankly was very suspicious of. I don't think she ever thought my feelings were "real" and that I was just trying to use her for sex. When in reality I was very anxious about intimacy and concerned that I was not satisfying her when we kissed. I just wanted her to be happy and to know that she was loved, and I failed.

>>16385467

I will try to elaborate on our "sex" life, because aside from the distance between us, that was the most confounding part. She seemed to enjoy kissing, cuddling, and touching, but she was very averse to having her crotch touched, something I learned the first time I tried to reach between her legs and she told me to stop, which I did. I tried again after a couple weeks, and when she refused again, I realized that she just plain didn't want to be touched there. So I never tried again.

The only time she ever initiated anything was the first night when I confessed my feelings for her; we hugged for a little while, and later in the evening she leapt on me and kissed me. It was fantastic, though I mumbled a lot and generally came across as an idiot.

After that, though, I always had to be the one to initiate. She'd certainly send hints my way, and it was up to me to read when she wanted me to make a move. Difficult when I'd had no experience, but I tried to learn. There were times I kissed her when I don't think she really wanted to be kissed (and we stopped kissing soon afterward) and there were times where I didn't kiss her where she seemed disappointed because I didn't do anything.

There were a couple times where the tension was palpable between us, and we threw ourselves at one another simultaneously, kissing and holding one another very tightly and passionately, and those are moments I treasure in my memory.

It was very hard to know what I was and wasn't allowed to touch. Even though she really liked having her thighs touched, I generally avoided touching her legs because I didn't want her to feel like I was trying to reach for her crotch. I did touch her butt a lot and she never protested, but I don't know if she actually liked it or not.

>>16385471

When we made out, there were occasionally times where our shirts came off. I would kiss her neck and her breasts and try to slowly build up in intensity, which she sometimes seemed to enjoy, and sometimes not. I could never really tell, except for the few occasions where she told me she liked it.

She was never particularly forward with what she wanted, and so I was left to guess most of the time; whenever I asked, she just told me to do whatever I liked, and that she would stop me if it bothered her. Which sounded reasonable to me, though I wished for more guidance. I resolved to just go slowly and experiment bit by bit. We were never naked together - pants always stayed on, and I never asked her for sexual favors. I knew that she was into non-sexual nudity, but she never brought it up and I didn't want to ask, out of fear that she'd think I was just trying to have sex with her. I wanted to wait until she - and I - were comfortable with the idea of that kind of intimacy, even if it took a long time for it to develop.

After a couple months and a lot of trial and error, there was a brief moment when we seemed to connect sexually, when finally I was able to "read" what she wanted and give it to her, as limited as I was both in experience and what I was allowed to do. It was amazing - just kissing her nipples as I stroked her thighs and gently caressed her face, getting into a rhythm with her that I had never felt with anyone else. She was shaking afterward and she told me how much she enjoyed it, and seemed so happy as I held her. She looked like she felt so safe.

>>16385472

Thinking back I hate myself for not telling her I loved her then. The words had been in my mouth but I swallowed them because of how she'd reacted when I'd said "I love you" before. I hate myself for not being braver, for being too afraid to tell her how I felt when it would've mattered most. She even gently said "you look like you have something to say" and I just pretended that I didn't. I was scared of hurting her, and looking back I feel like I really fucked up but not saying it.

With the success of that evening, I decided to experiment a little more. The next time we were together, I tried being a little more forceful with her, gently holding her hands down as I kissed her. She pushed back a little but didn't seem frightened or angry, but I couldn't tell if she enjoyed it or not; gradually I released her hands and we rolled around a bit until she was on top of me. Figuring that she'd just stop me if she was uncomfortable, I tried again with a different experiment, and - this is embarrassing - I slapped her butt. I was inspired by a story she wrote with a friend, and figured I would just try it. She didn't react to the first one, so I did it again, and at this she just said "no, no" and slid off.

At this point I was terrified that I'd somehow hurt her, so I got up and hugged her, but I was completely at a loss for what to say or do. In retrospect I think she was just surprised and a little miffed at my general incompetence. I wished her good night and left. Looking back I curse my stupidity and inability to make that situation more comfortable. If only I'd had the presence of mind that I do now.

>>16385475

After that night there was a marked change in her behavior; she seemed much less interested in kissing and being around me. We did occasionally kiss after that, but there was much less passion than before and it often seemed like a chore to her, as if I were kissing a brick wall and she was just waiting for me to leave.

What makes this so confusing is that I can only wonder sometimes if it was my lack of sexual competence that ultimately drove her away, when from the start she had always told me that she was not really a sexual person. There had been a lot of passion and tension between us before that awkward night, and afterward it just seemed to drop off completely. It didn't help that it took roughly a month for me to talk to her about that night, because I was concerned about offending her and she seemed content to pretend like it never happened.

When I did bring it up, she just waved it off and the conversation was over in less than a minute. After that there was what appeared to be a slight rekindling, but at that point I was more of a warm body next to her than somebody she could see herself with. Our relationship reached its twilight stages soon afterward, and it was not long until we broke up. In the end I did tell her I loved her again, awkwardly, with poor timing, and this time she just didn't say anything in response, and when I kissed her that night she pushed me away. I knew for certain it was over then, though we still didn't break up for another month.

>>16385480

As I've said, I think about her all the time. My memory is too good to ever let this stuff go. It's partly a curse, I suppose, but at the same time it allows me to recall events very precisely and very intensely. I remember everything we did together, all the moments we shared and things we talked about, all the confusion and hope and pain. To her it was probably just a fling that she doesn't even think about, but for me it was my first time being close to somebody else, looking into her beautiful eyes, feeling her heartbeat and her breath. She was so gentle and kind to me when we first started dating. I wanted to be there for her always. And now I can't, ever.

Over the years I've reached out to her a couple times, but it's never precipitated into anything. Eventually on a whim I wrote her a short story and then left it at that. She didn't respond to it, and I didn't expect her to. To a certain degree that gave me some closure, but clearly not enough. I think deep down, I have a hard time letting go because I don't know if I ever meant anything to her. I want to believe that some part of her cared for me, and that under other circumstances we could've been together, and been happy.

I don't blame her for anything, or hold any grudge or anger against her. I just wish I could talk to her and sit beside her again. But I know that it's never going to happen.

How to 5get the girl who broke your heart, friends?

Dear father, I'm sorry for being the son you never wanted. Now that you're off with you're new family with the daughter you always wanted I hope you're happier for it.

Iknow the shit you said about me to your brothers and sisters...my aunts and uncles. It hurts to know that they think I'm some drug addicted thief simply because its the only way you know how to express your frustrations that you have a son you'll never be proud of.

I never even fucking knew what you wanted me to be, only that I never reached that.

You're going to die one day and I'm going to hate you for it. I'll cry so hard because of the few good memories I have with you, because of how much I still love you for being my father but hating you for everything you put mother and I through.

I'll only want an apology, nothing grand...just simple. Something I can take and hopefully finally let go of all this.

I'm never going to get it.

im so fucking scared of myself right now. I do anything wrong and I bash myself. I punch my head in repeatatly, I punch hard walls, my head has lumps all over it and my hand is swollen the fuck up. My cheeks are puffed up and swolllen but I pass it off as sunburn and allergys. Im terrified im going t hit myself one to many times and die or cause internal bleeding or some other permanant damage. what the fuck is wrong with me im fucking breaking apart

I don't know why I'm annoyed but I am. I'm probably going to get drunk again tonight.

Protect yourself from emotional vampires

Completely pointless what you are doing.

Peace :)

Goodbye for good.

If I don't book them, i will book someone else. If you see me book a show and you aren't on it, its your managements fault. So you can choose to step in and say something or back out and lose the opportunity. i can easily find someone else to fly here.

Things are going so well. I am so scared another fuck up is around the corner. Please don't hurt me, look at us, we are doing so well...

I think I'm two weeks into no porn and no fap. I forgot exactly what day since it's not like I was looking to start. Just kinda got busy for a couple days and thought "They say if you make it over the three day hump, it gets easier".

My issue is, now that I've turned off the porn, how to people fap to nothing? Just run people through their head or how does that even work? I dunno, seems odd to me.

>>16386129
>Please don't hurt me, look at us, we are doing so well...
Sounds like wishful thinking to me. If there are any issues, address them openly, and most importantly, NOW.

>>16386018
>>16386129
are these corresponding?....

I updated it before I leave.

I'm so sorry, I'm trying to just erase the past. I really honestly miss you if you wanted to know. My heart knows what it feels for you I won't deny it. But I'll accept facts because I know you keep it well real. I think so thanks.

I'm stopping my habit of posting here. Hope you know.

I just got into a car wreck with my fiancee it was a gift from her father whos leaving to sweden now. It was completely my fault, and im lucky i didnt go to jail. I got paid half of what i anticipated on my paycheck, and dont have a car so i dont even know if im going to be able to make rent.

I can see my fiancee is slowly losing interest, and i just dont know if i have the emotional or mental strength to really make things work.

I have a class that im barely passing, and have to bring myself to get through, I have a chronic STI so hanging onto the girl im with is pretty high stakes.

Tldr: my life is crumbling around me, and i dont know if i have the strength to fix it.

>>16381930
Dad would physically abuse me and I would take it out on neighborhood animals.

>>16384909
I could, I suppose..

I wouldn't even know where to start. I should be healing but I'm not. I'm just sad and numb. It basically came about like the original post. It was a terrible time in my life and my ex wasn't there to support me when I desperately needed it. So I fucked everything up, and I wanted to fix things but he decided to burn bridges before I had the chance.

What happened to you?

>>16386264
You're disgusting. Get therapy. Do you still abuse animals?

I hope you get shot when someone catches you.

>>16386444
same, all assholes who abuse animals should be treated like Jews in Auschwitz Birkenau.

>>16386419

Similar. I got used. Ex withheld support when I needed it. We finally broke up. Still can't help feeling like it was all my fault. Even though I didn't do anything.

I'm done. Ready to die. God, you fucker, you ignored my prayers when I begged you for death.

Don't get lost in heaven

Wish I knew how I'm supposed to feel. Reluctant to start looking for a relationship, and afraid of trying something with this girl from Uni i really met quite recently. Suicidal and disconnected on top of it. How do I make sense of things?

>>16386507
Yeah, same. I feel an unnecessarily large amount of guilt over it even though he made many more mistakes than I did. I never told him, but the things that were happening in my life then nearly drove me to suicide... and when you feel like that and the person you trust the most isn't there for you what can you do besides turn your own world upside down?

Half of of the guilt is because I keep thinking "If you loved him and didn't want to break up then why did you?". The other half is feeling guilty because I ended up losing the person that was closest to me that knew me inside and out, knew all of my secrets.

But there were too many things in the way for us to work out in the long run anyway. I just wanted to get it over with and not have to wait to get my heart broken. Idk he ended up hating me for it and hasn't spoken to me since.

THE 10% IS REAL

Suddenly it feels like we've been playing dolls the whole time, I think I was deluding myself or something similar. Truth is that on both sides I have no idea how much of it is real, I can't say anything meaningful until I'm 100% sure of what I'm talking about.

I know it keeps going back and forth but, disregarding what I might I feel for you, I think forgetting it all is the best option at the moment. It's a difficult position I'm in right now and I can't keep getting fucked forever, I need to come out on top sometimes.

Damn, she turned me down for another guy. Was I too late to the game? Did I fuck up? I know we'd be long distance and she'd have more fun with someone local, but damn I fell so hard for her on our first date. I should've driven her home. I should've gone with my instincts. I am so fucking BTFO right now. Damn damn damn

Mike

You don't need my help but I would still gladly be by your side whenever you want me to.

Dear K,

I don't understand what's happening to me.

I've dated tons of girls. The longest relationship I've had is definitely up there, and even then, she never made me feel like you do. But it's only been a week since I've asked you out, and even though I've seen you every week for a couple months now, I can't tell you what you're doing to me, so this will have to do.

I can't focus. I can't get work done. I can't go about my day like a normal person. The first thing I think about when I wake up is you. Whenever I try to get any work done, you're always getting in the way of my thoughts and making me think about you. At night you're what I'm wishing I will dream about. I love that you work multiple jobs so you can go to school and do your best to survive, and somehow still always seem to have a smile on your face every time I see you and have a positive outlook. I hate that the last guy broke your heart because he couldn't understand how amazing that makes you. I wish you would try to make more time for me, but I understand that you don't even get to see your family as often as you see me, so I'm willing to wait. I want to share and know everything about you, from the lowest of the lows to the highest of the highs. I want to be there to help you succeed. I want to be there to make you smile and happy. I want to be everything, just for you.

These feelings are driving me insane. I just want to go back to my normal life and continue my snowballing success, but you make it so hard. Whenever I see or think about you, I get anxious, and you make it hard to breathe. I used to think it was just a saying, but you actually do take my breath away. I just want to tell you that I love you, but I can't. Not yet. Maybe some day. I don't even know if that's what this is. However, I promise I will always be patiently waiting for you, and that I will never break your heart. I will only ever have clear eyes for you, and I hope one day I can make you feel the same way.

Fuck man. I'm sorry I ate all the cookies last night. I know it's bad for me but they were so good!

Also, I baked them, so yeah.

>>16382222
Checked

Funny. I've I had a crush on you for a while. Like 4+ years now. We give each other awkward stares, sometimes we talk, sometimes looking away to avoid the others attention. You probably think I'm a creepy loser. Not far from wrong I suppose. We're almost polar opposites too. You probably ace any academic field but you can't lift squat. You're diligent. You care. Me? I barely could do well in AP Calc when I was in high school. You got a shit ton of friends. I got a few. You're calm, friendly, cool headed. I'm excitable, semi-friendly, and prone to anger. You're everything I'm not.

All I want to say is, I like you. There's something about you that's says, angelic. You're the angel, while I'm just a sorry loser. I'm sorry I don't have the balls to ask you out.

>>16387674
On another note, I should've been nicer to you, Z.

I should've been more caring. I should've been more tentative. I should've acted on all the chances we were together. I should've done something.

Sometimes I pray to God and look up into the stars at night, saying why do I feel this way?

I'm sorry I'm such a loser, Z. I really am.

Ya know, you're one of the few reasons I haven't offed myself. Though if you're hearing this, you'll probably think I'm an even bigger burden.

So thank you for being there, if we had so little time together.

Signing off.

-R

>>16387714
even* if

>>16387714
>tentative
You mean confident?
Tentative means hesitant.
Unless you were bold and fucked up.

I'll never forget the day mom came home from work early and walked in on me making bacon and eggs for my boyfriend whilst wearing lingerie.

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At 3 AM, I take out the trash.
The neighbouring haggards pop outside to smoke, stare and complain.
As if them stalking people's doors across the yard at 3 AM is the healthy normal thing to do.

I can't cry. I haven't shed a single tear since I was 12 years old. I literally don't know how to express grief.

I've endured excruciating emotional pain, and I'm still hurting... But I can't find a way to let it all out. Also, I feel like I have no one to confide in. I have people in my life who care for me, but the only person to whom I've ever truly, fully exposed myself to has abandoned me and it hurts more than I would ever dare to admit to anyone.

>>16381930
I'm pretty sure my therapist implied that I was molested by my dad as a child. When I was younger, he used to trim my finger and toe nails, pop pimples all over my body, cut my pubic hair, and shave me. I guess that's where she got the idea.

I have no friends and get laughed at by girls at my university on a semi-regular basis. I would give anything to be attractive.

I desperately want people to find me cool/interesting/intelligent and almost everything I do in social situations is to reach that point.

I believe I posses from a severe Madonna-Whore Complex. I'm terrified to find out why.

I want to make him fall for me but I don't know how. I have zero game

>>16387819
Flirting 101. Theres like a million books on the subject.

Dear Chatarina,

The girl who I loved but you just broke up with me through a text message a year and half of time I spent pouring my heart into and you wasn't even woman enough to tell to my face.

I've lost all respect for you like you're a complete loser and everyone you'll date in the future is gonna treat you so shitty. I know you'll regret doing this kind shit so sooner or later karma will fuck you over. I want you know that you're gonna turn into exactly what your mom is woman who's a push over that lets guys walk all over them and cant even make decisions for yourself hell you can't even describe yourself without piggybacking off what other people tell you. Knowing you you'll definitely get yourself pregnant struggle like fuck just like your mom and sister do. Chicks like you don't deserve relationships. Chicks like YOU deserve to be treated like sluts and thrown away once a guys done. Crazy thing is your own dad even warned not fuck with cause even he's figured out the kind girl you are and if that's coming from your father their is no hope for you.


Your just a really dumb, stupid, self centered piece of absolute shit who won't amount to much because you have absolutely no goals no aspirations and no drive to be successful. But through all of that I wish you the best take care of yourself even though you can't lol

Love,
Dylan

I have so many good friends vut i feel so empty ive been trying to get out more talk to more people but i still feel like i lack somethong deep, something special. My ex is banging my roomate. Shes still trying to be supportive. But it feels so hollow when i see hickies on her neck. The voice in my head wont stop screaming how worthless i am, how im a piece of meat to just get fucked and then dropped. Im no good to anyone and that it would be better if i died so i could juat be that a piece of meat still fuckable but at least ill get hurt less.

we spent so much time together simply because we were forced to J. You're a complete outcast and I know life means nothing to you; when I told you my feelings you were surprised and confused that anyone would show interest in you and I understand your reasons for rejecting me. It's not possible to sustain a healthy relationship when we're both in separate psych wards, but we connected so well and I can't stop thinking about you ever since you were transferred. We did so much for each other. Did you just pity me, did you think I was joking? I know you have no self-confidence and you don't think you're beautiful but I genuinely see deeper than that, it just doesn't fucking matter, we understand each other so well. Life has been a sick joke for you but I want to make it happier for you, it would make me feel better too, having some kind of purpose.

Hell J. I don't even know if you really did reciprocate my feelings like you told me, or you're just so scared of upsetting me that you told a half truth. You're the only person who had really cared about me for years. Am I just flocking to you because you paid me attention? Maybe you think that? Or maybe you're scared of getting close to someone?

I just don't understand people. But I can't just be your friend, it hurts.The precious few hours we get outside the units, I can't spend them with you just "as friends". Maybe I'm just being selfish and it would be impossible, but I'm falling so hard for you.

I still think of you as the person that I'm most fond of in my life, the thing is I don't know if it's a good thing to feel considering the entire background. I could have a whole different idea of this whole thing in my head and that's what makes me hesitate.

Generally speaking I don't know what the hell is going on. As far as I know you could be betting who will be dancing with brienne of tarth.

>>16381930
i dont know why i love you still...you have used me and manipulated me so much, and have said horrible things to me...but i cant get over you...i want you back so badly and the thought of you being with someone else is killing me...i just want you back so badly....what the fuck is wrong with me

i didn't really mean it when I said goodbye

I woul've said that to her secretely when if I didn't give a shit about the consequences:
Hey, I kinda like you.
I know you are his girlfriend, and we are all good friends.
But I really want to make live with you. I know you want it too, I know it's a stupid idea but we should do it because who gives a shit. We just continue our lives as always but we should share a moment together.
You love him so it will be allright, we should do it because someday we might look back and regret it.
Making love is human nature right?

I love you SF

Love:
I'm so so so fucking sorry for being a cyberwhore. I never thought I woud be the kind of person who does that. You're the only person who has shown honest interest, love and care for me but I'm so fucked up in the head. I'm sorry.
I'm going to become a better person, an actually mature woman who can support you when times get though, and someone you can feel absolutely free and comfortable with.
I'm so sorry. There are many things I need to change, for both me and you.
I'll start by forgiving myself.

With all of my damaged love,
P

>>16381930
Dad I want to change careers, I just dont see a future as a systems engineer!

I love you and I'm glad that we're together but just knowing that during our break you had a boyfriend and knowing the things you've done with him. I don't know. I can't stand it and it me apart every time I think about it

>>16388147
>I love you SF
San Francisco loves you too.

I left my heart in San Francisco.

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AHHH I'M GONNA DIE ALONE HAHA
I mean fuck me, I haven't had a relationship since I was 18, and it has been almost 2 fucking years, man. Like, am I ever going to ever have an adult relationship? And I don't understand it either, I'm a good person now. I don't really do drugs anymore, aside from the occasional rave, I drink a lot less, I don't think I'll cheat - no, I'm SURE I won't cheat, I'm not a piece of shit anymore, I HAVE FUCKING MORALS. But hey maybe I fucked that up with having flings for the past 2 fucking years, like fuck me, am I really that bad? And I'd say it's the mental illness I have that's killing me, but I got that shit under fucking control, ha. I've become more attractive, I actually dress well, I've cut down smoking, I play video games, I'm intelligent (at least I believe I am), I'm aware of what's going on in the world, I have hobbies... I'm less of a socially inept retard, HOLY FUCK I CAN HOLD CONVERSATIONS NOW, and god damn it, even though I'm asexual, I'm stilling willing to compromise my fucking sexuality and do shit. SO WHY WON'T ANYONE DATE ME? Seriously?! WHY, WHY, WHY. Do I give away sex too easy? Is that it? Fuck me, I'm going to die alone.

I'm so fucking desperate right now, I don't care. And it would be nice to have someone, I'm bisexual, fucking hell, so I don't even care what gender the person is, I just want someone that wants me and will let me love them.

Fuck, it's so pathetic, but I just... ;_;

You're the first guy to tell me that I was just "normal" looking. You specifically told me that you are not interested in dating because you're too lazy for that.

You're also the first guy to buy me these expensive gifts. Just because "you didn't know what to do with that money". Just because "I'm a nice friend".

Just because we're friends? Just because I'm a "bro" for you?

Who the hell does that... At least let me give something in return so that it doesn't put me in a weird situation like that. I got more money than you, bro, save your money for yourself...

>>16388314

>I'm gonna die alone
>20

Yeah, shut the fuck up, child. I'm glad that you think two years is a long span of time. Wait until you've only had one serious relationship at the age of 24 that spiraled out of control because she has no idea what she's doing with her life, so she makes up for it buy spending important money on worthless shit she doesn't even need or use. For three years straight.

And then be thirty and haven't been with anyone since. Then you can say you're lonely. But even I'm not lonely - women aren't everything there is to life. Being attached to someone by the hips isn't all there is to this world. Get over yourself.

I'm getting more and more nervous as that I still have no fucking idea what my life plan is. It's a beautiful life, my friends.

>>16388248
i feel your pain brah...

Girls have no heart when it comes to move on. You gotta learn to overcome that

Dad please don't leave me alone, I'm only 17. Please,for dear god don't die.

>>16388328
To me, it feels a long time. What you've gone through is unique to you. Just because your situation is worse, doesn't mean that I can't whinge about mine.
I know having a partner isn't everything to life, but everyone makes it seem like it is. And it's so alienating when everyone around you is finding someone, and you're just by yourself. It's the need for constant validation that I want, for someone to be happy to say they are mine.
And even though logically I know that relationships are generally a bad fucking idea for everyone that always ends in heartbreak, it doesn't stop me from wanting one, someone to tell me they love me.

>>16388381
how old are you?

>>16386586
This sounds like something a manipulative low level demon would say.

At least satan himself would tell me to do what I wanted.

>>16388529
19. I know I'm just starting, but in a general sense I'm afraid of what is to come if I don't come up with a plan quickly.

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im tired of looking for a relationship. im tired of being around people who hate everything, take shit for granted, and can't appreciate shit.

I found a love for EDM at the moment, House music and Techno specifically. The music is therapeutic and i enjoy the raves that I go to alone. life is too short to worry about shortcomings so i'll avoid normies and be my own best friend. thanks r/foreveralone

>>16387951
Because she left you.

I want to stay friends, but whenever I look at you I can only think "worthless". I did my best, worked myself to the bone and tried to be understanding even though you were abusive throught our entire relationship.

I love you. You fucking suck, I'll never forgive you, you're barely a passable friend now.

I made out with my roommate's ex of one month after they broke off a 2-year relationship because I was tired of watching her suck the life out of him and I was tired of watching her trying to guilt him back into a relationship.

I love him but I'm willing to acknowledge that he's not ready for another relationship so I'm leaving it at that until we've both grown a little.

I'm glad that she's moving out so I don't have to move my stuff instead.

I've come off as a shitty vulture to all of her friends and some of mine, but you know? If I've lost respect over this, I probably never deserved it in the first place.

I don't like the person I've become, but I don't like what anyone else has, either. I don't know what's wrong with me and I just want to be able to reprogram myself. Stop this incessant need to be liked, stop this fear of change or rejection or failure. Stop looking in the mirror and thinking about how much I hate what I see. But yet I see everyone else and I feel fucking sick. They're monsters, predators, degenerates, and sneaks and I feel nothing but disgust, and yet these are the people I seek approval from. I just want to be able to tell the world to fuck off and leave me alone without that nagging piece of me that still gives people the benefit of the doubt. I'm tired of seeing people hurting each other and then acting like they're still human to you. I want to just, break free from the cycle. I just want a quiet life.

I'm an 8/10, I get along with everyone I meet, people like being around me, I've lost a vast amount of weight, but I still sit around alone at night, too scared to socialize in case someone doesn't like me or I end up acting like an idiot. My gf left me recently and it turns out most of my confidence existed because she was always in my corner of the ring, like a teammate. Now after our unfortunate symbiotic relationship has ended, I have no idea how to interact with people by myself even though I have a magnetic personality. My only parent is a mentally ill alcoholic and I'm scared I'll go down the same path, even though I'm more intelligent. I don't mean to sound cocky, I just have better control of my emotions. If I do interact in a social event, after a few days pass I end up feeling extremely lonely without more contact. I don't know what to do or how to make it stop, I tell myself it's okay to be alone alot, I don't even miss my ex girlfriend, I just miss having someone around

And to think, I was going to go to a therapist soon to dump that off my chest. thank you 4chan

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I poured my soul into that relationship for 3 years.

You had the audacity to tell me that I was only in love with the idea, the principle of love, and not you. You had the audacity to tell others that I wanted control over you, that all I did was boss you around. You had the fucking FUCKING AUDACITY to LIE to me straight in the face about how much you cared about me, and break up with me over the phone.

I wanted to marry you, you borderline, dependent, lying bitch. I hope you never experience the pain you've put me through these past 3 months. It's been hell. I rebounded off somebody who deserved better than that, and I feel like shit for it. I thought it would get me over you, it didn't do shit. Now all the friends we shared look at me differently. I feel like everything I built is slipping away. My perfect life I was going to have, it's all gone.

I know I'll be fine, but god damn if you didn't fucking destroy my heart. I hope you enjoy that loser you're with now, that guy who everyone universally thinks is both a geeky loser and a douche at the same time. Maybe that's who you really deserve.

What the fuck Dee? U have been askibg me to go this alumni party at our "high school"(north eurofag here) when you all of a sudden decide to bail me without telling me shit? Wtf? Wasted my plans with good old mates so I could be with u! Wtf is ths dee, I thought u were worth shit

You told me I wasn't wife material.

You were wrong.

K

>>16381930

Male, haven't had any luck on pof, okc, or real life. Fucked up every single date in highschool, and all of my few friends moved away. In college now, have made 0 friends.

The only time people even noticed me is when I shaved my huge beard. People said they didn't realize it was even me, they actually thought I was a new student.

Honestly, at this point I love the feeling when people say hello. I'm not shy, I try to initiate conversations, but most are non-receptive.

If I died now, I don't think anyone would show up to my funeral.

I'm ok with it now I guess because I'm taking a large amount of credit hours, and have multiple hobbies. Still I just wish I mattered to someone. Even my close highschool friends are distant now even when I msg them on steam or whatever.

I'm 90+ cred hrs into college, and soon I will live a lonely life. Not uneventful, I have multiple ambitions and things I'm very proud of. I just feel it in my bones that I'm destined to the life of a hermit.

I don't still live at home for kicks. I still live at home because I signed a promissory note nearly a decade ago so I could to college.

That money has to be paid back, and since everyone expects me to pay it myself I'm cutting corners every which way I can to get the loan paid off.

Good.

Glad it's over, fuck scammers lol.

Taking forever to respond to the messages people send you or simply not responding at all makes it look like you simply don't care. It takes mere seconds to do and is the definitive easy mode of social interaction. Waiting one day? Sure. Two days? Fine. Three days? You're pushing it. Four or never? Nigga get it together. Hanging with you in person is great and you're cool as hell so please get your text game fixed as it's all fucked up. I'm actually going to tell this to you in person and not just to a bunch of randoms on an anonymous image board. I may be high.

i love you...... I cant stop crying over it I feel like a wimp.

Sorry man don't have room for traitors in my life. Wish you nothing but the best.

I have to go. Beam me up Motherfucker.

You're in love with a girl who isn't attracted to you, who lied about dating you, who is still lying about dating you. But you'd still rather have her over me. You are glad to hang out with me, to fuck me, but you'd still rather have her. I won't be enough for you, and I know this, going into it.

It just fucking sucks.

why are people on here trying to talk to each other lol. lunatics

Ryan I'll always love you.

I just want to be in love again. I want something stable. I want someone to know me fully and completely, and I want to know them. I just want to feel safe with someone, instead of constantly on edge. I want to be loved so badly, and I want to love back without any fear. I'm so scared I'll never have that again. I'm so scared he was my only chance. We were so passionate about each other and together for so long, and even though he fucked it up, I miss it so much. I'm afraid that now I'm so miserable and jaded and so fucking unlovable, no one will want me again. No one I feel safe with.

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k80
It was good, the time we had together. It was the best time of my life. I will always love you. I bawled my eyes out after you left tonight. I never told you that.

You're going to be happy with him. You really like him. For fuck sake the guy is absolutely perfect for you. A God damn angel. Everything you wanted. You struck gold and so did he. Its a miracle for the both of you.

I hope it doesn't work out. -lo

>>16388958
Because some of their so's may have known that they use the chan?

It can't always just be coincidence. For me sometimes, it's just comforting to pretend that it's from that so-called person you want it to be from. It helps with closure for most people.

I want to claw my skin off.
I still feel so unclean.

I feel like I'm going to commit suicide soon.
I can't not say there's a specific reason for it, however, I just feel it's almost time to on.

I want to see what happens with my life, but I feel like this is my window... or my window is coming soon, and if I pass it, what's the point at that point?

I honestly don't know what to do. I really, really, hate not knowing the future. Granted, whatever happens in my future, I impact every person, I run into by just living, even if it's something insignificant, like, being in traffic or something, but still.

My dreams, the things I haven't found yet... I wish I knew if this was worth it - in my eyes, at least.
This is painful.
I just want what I want.

>>16388938

Yep that's why people should never join crabs LMFAO.

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In other news,

I had a vivid dream last night that you really did fuck me with a strap-on, and now I'm fucked over again with feels. The urge is strong with this one. I really would love to just live it up in that dream to be honest.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. All I want is to feel something these days, with someone who appreciates me for me.

We hurt eachother, but you hurt somebody so innocent and who was already hurt/fucked up.

Please be better. For your future you, for the future people you meet and for me if you'd ever want to even consider being friends or anything more again.

Life is just a big shit bowl, huh guys?

>>16389005

>shitbowl

Flush it fagget

>>16382893
Any initials?

>>16389016
already did fagget, was full of fishies like you.

>>16389023
I'm wondering about this too, but that post was a long fucking time ago and we'll be waiting for almost a decade.

>>16388981

From my experience you should just talk to the person or at least try to at least you'll get real feedback. People are so scared of rejection and hurt but it's better to face it head on. If you put in the effort and got a result at least you tried on your part. Then you can move on if there's no point in trying. Why waste time on people who bring you bad vibes.

>>16389032

Good now fuck off lol

>>16389041
Sometimes it's just constant rejection, so who the fuck would want that bringing them down? When we write, we wish that person was somehow different. It's unrealistic but it helps.

It's positive delusion.

>>16389005
trust me you aint wanna do anything more again. I tried with my ex 2 times and got more hurt. and we couldnt even be friends in the end witch kind of hurt. but thats how it goes most of the time. move on and find someone nice who likes you for you and forget about her, thats all you can do in that situation.

>>16389075
fuck, I meant to say which. whatever Im drunk anyway.

>>16389075
I want to forget about that bitch, trust me. I like that she's bitchy though, I find it fucking hot because she rules in bed.

Da queen.

I'm drunk.

>>16389058

>making delusion a habit

There's the problem, can you imagine someone you care about posting on these threads all day so they could find closure but never do? You just want to grab them and take them outside the house but all they can do is sit there and type their wishes away. Even when they are outside this is all they think about. Too extreme I know but internet addiction is a real concern. People have to talk to real people. But most here seem to have social problems and anxiety so the issues go deeper than that. Otherwise they would have handled it or asked for advice and handled it instead of venting here.

Its been 6 years and every day I wake up I wish I was back in Afghanistan. There's no purpose, no reason, none of it matters here. There's a void inside that just can't be filled.

>>16389095
Who cares, the world is fucked anyway so what's wrong with getting a little more fucked up.