>neediness is unattractive
>the more needy you are the less likely you are to have a gf
>the more needy you are the MORE likely you are to want one
>the older you get the more desperate you get and your chances diminish further and further
Is this a prank? Am I really going to die a virgin?
>>17363434
> Is this a prank?
No.
> Am I really going to die a virgin?
Yes.
>>17363434
You have to finally accept that people in general just kind of suck and their minds don't work properly, you have to learn to simply fake everything around them. The old class system where certain people were acknowledged as just being better than others and getting more power and stuff is gone so now we have to mix among the average people.
Basically pretend to not be needy, fake confidence, read these books
How to win friends and influence people, the definitive book of body language, the psychology of influence, talk language, a billion wicked thoughts
Also get /fit/
You have to accept that you have to be largely amoral when dealing with the average person, there's just no point trying to treat them like they are your equal and there's no point in not lying to them and stuff.
>inb4 fedora tipping meme
It's the truth, if you aren't NATURALLY normal by this point in your life you will never be NATURALLY normal.
But you can fake it and seem more "good" in the eyes of average people than even the average person does.
>>17363434
>Is this a prank? Am I really going to die a virgin?
It is not a prank. This really is the vicious cycle that you've gotten yourself into.
You need not die a virgin, however. You just need to reprioritize some things. A girlfriend was never going to be able to make you happy, or help you get your life together, as you were likely hoping she would. You're approaching things backwards: you've got to get your life together first, THEN start looking for someone to share it with. This isn't the story the rom-coms love to tell, but it's how real life works.
>>17363466
He's right but for the wrong reason
He's right in saying you have to get your shit together and build up a "normal" life in order to get laid, but he's wrong in saying that it's supposed to be like this, this is just the way modern US society works and until (if) something radical happens to change things we just have to adapt.
Its the only way.
>>17363466
What constitutes a life gotten together?
>>17363442
kek'd
>>17363434
OP I know you feel like you're in a bad situation, but relationships are extremely hard and hurtful
I know what it's like to be you, but you don't know what it's like to be me:
A guy who had a 4 year relationship with someone who he felt was his soulmate, lost his virginity to her - then she ends up cheating and breaking up with him
It sucks more than the pain I felt when I was a kissless virginfag. Oh how I wish I could go back to middle school and restart
OP please tell me how old you are, seriously I care about you
>>17363520
Normies define it as being /fit/ /fa/shionable and having friends and being active /soc/ially
You do all 3 at the same time and its like the key to open the mythical box that houses sex
>>17363463
I'd rather not give away my soul for this. If that's what it takes then no thanks.
I'll check out your books, though.
>get /fit/
I probably should.
>>17363591
>relationships are extremely hard and hurtful
Sure, but almost everyone who can gets into them. Must be worth it to them.
I'm 23.
>>17363591
Doesn't matter had sex
Would kill to have sex
>>17363623
>I'd rather not give away my soul for this. If that's what it takes then no thanks.
This is what you must do, this is what I'm doing, you have to be willing to sacrifice everything for it, to dedicate your life to it
I eat like 500 calories a day 5 days a week and the other 2 I eat at maintenance, I've read book after book, I've spent a bunch of money on clothes and hair, I'm doing a total overhaul of my life
You cannot hold anything back you have to be unrelenting
>>17363622
not that anon but normies don't have it quite right either. those are all surface things. they might help you to attract the opposite sex, but they won't help you keep them.
you have to continuously be working on becoming the person you want to be - not in terms of what you own or who you're with, but in terms of your character, your personality, your skills. you have to learn to be friends with yourself. it sounds faggy but it's true.
>>17363666
I dont need to keep them I just need to have them around long enough to get my dick in them
After the fact I dont care they cant re-virginize me
>>17363628
Perhaps you should. Women love killers.
>>17363666
Why the fuck does it have to be so hard
Love is fucking free, literally why is it so hard
Do women have to do this shit? Why the fuck don't women have to work hard too? They get it handed to them on a silver platter
Seems to me as if women have it fucking easy and they have the best lives.
If I was a woman I would fucking be in heaven.
>>17363678
Its because womens suffrage / liberation / multiple waves of feminism all happened
>>17363623
>I'd rather not give away my soul for this.
Good. But if you don't want to give up your soul, don't let it wither away either.
If you don't want to lie to yourself that you are not needy, then either accept it and roll forward despite it or find a greater cause that completely dwarfs your neediness. You'll probably do a bit of both.
Victims are needy. I recently learned what is the difference between victims and non-victims. Victims need others to save them. Non-victims are capable of taking action and saving themselves. Taking action is literally the only difference. If you are needy for a gf, it means you are giving up your power to take action to get one. Take action and little by little your neediness will disappear.
>>17363434
>Am I really going to die a virgin?
So, be honest with yourself here, you just care about sex right? I'm not asking to be a dick or to troll, just genuinely curious.
>>17363666
So if I work on those things, how will I know when I've achieved a level that allows me to look for a relationship?
>>17363697
No, but that is an important thing. I feel like I'm missing out.
Are you implying I should just pay for a hooker? Because I've considered it.
>>17363714
Don't, it will taint future relationships forever
Don't act how a beta faggot would act. Imagine you finally found a nice girlfriend who really likes you and you're telling stories then she says "How did you lose your virginity?" and you say "To a hooker". Instantly she knows you're a beta faggot and you're fucked
Better to be a virgin than to be a guy who lost his virginity to a hooker
>>17363520
>What constitutes a life gotten together?
That deoends partly on where you are and how old you are. We wouldn't expect a high-school student to have a job, for example (though some do), but it's generally considered important for adults.
We all go through these transitions in life, when the definition of having one's life gotten together changes iut from under us, everything gets thrown into a shambles, and you need to readjust. And a relationship can survive that: it happens all the time. But if you aren't in one by the time a transition hits, it's going to be very hard to get into one until you have your life back together again.
>>17363714
>how will I know when I've achieved a level that allows me to look for a relationship?
Don't do it. Don't wait until you start living fully. Just live.
Man, you have to get rid of all these complicated rules people talk about.
All over the history people are getting in a relationship, and a few people are like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. It shouldn't be that complicated. Keep things simple. If you complicate too much you'll never have the confidence.
Go out more, without pressure, talk to people. If you are interested in a girl ask her out. That's a lot of guys that are not super good looking or confident. And they still get girlfriends. Maybe they just don't care about it, so should you.
>>17363714
>No, but that is an important thing. I feel like I'm missing out.
>Are you implying I should just pay for a hooker? Because I've considered it.
No, not necessarily, but it's a good thing to start at the root of what you really want to figure out how to get yourself there. If sex all by itself is a problem for you, then that may not be a bad idea. It all depends on your world view.
>>17363622
>fit
>/fa/
Mutually exclusive
>>17363723
>can't get into a relationship but shouldn't do something that will ruin it
The shit you have to read
>>17363727
You see, your advice contradicts >>17363466 which is the advice I usually get. And I rarely get a concrete answer on what the minimum requirements are.
>>17363852
The first guy is a fag.
You have a shit life and of you are not dead then you are living it.
You need to improve yourself.
The other one fails to mention it can happen while you are improving yourself.
The best thing he said is to reevaluate your priorities, that shit is gold.
Also stop thinking everything in life has a threshold, shit is much more fluid than that.
I'm in the same boat OP. I just asked out a girl last night that I've been hanging out with pretty much at least once a week for a little over two months and she friendzoned me. I've only had one relationship, it lasted 6 years, and since she broke up with me 2 1/2 years ago, I'm totally lost with dating. We started dating when we were 16, and we were both awkward losers in high school, so I never really learned how to date, and now it just seems like every girl I am interested in is flaky, and "doesn't want a relationship," even though they usually end up having a different boyfriend soon after. I just don't know what I do wrong, or what is wrong with me. I feel like I'm never going to successfully get into a relationship again at this point.
>>17363852
If you want sex, go get it. Talk to girls, ask them out. You don't have to be /fit/ or anything for that. If you are unattractive, awkward or smell bad you will fail. Learn why you failed and fix that, then try again, improved.
People who lift for years and put on masks before they allow themselves to talk to girls, are afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid that people may not like them as they are.
Don't be afraid. Go outside as yourself. If you fail, THEN improve yourself. DON'T improve yourself to never fail, before even trying.
>>17363434
Maybe you will. Or maybe you will stop caring so much about getting laid and actual lead a life, which in turn will get you laid in the long run.
>>17363675
>they cant re-virginize me
7 years without sex here to tell you: yes they can
>The older you get, the more desperate you get
No. And that's why you're unattractive.
>>17363434
But this is wrong. You don't *have to* be needy, that's just an assumption you're making. Get doing something, forget about womyn and you won't be needy anymore so wow, you're not unattractive.
>>17364085
It's not an assumption, just an observation about the linear progression in my mental state.
I can try to force myself to feel differently; maybe it'll work. But it's not like I made a rational choice to be needy and all I have to do now is unmake it.
>>17364115
Self-control and introspection.
>>17364147
That's too hard. It needs to be someone else's fault primarily.
>>17364150
Kek
>>17364150
LOL
>>17363466
>give up on finding a girlfriend
>try to forget about that shit
>just live my life
>meet people but never people that are interested in me whatsoever
what the fuck
>trying to find a girlfriend
>"you're fucking thirsty/desperate/single, just stop and let it happen!"
>focus on other things
>"you're not putting yourself out there!"
jesus fucking christ. it's a vicious fucking cycle if you don't look like a fucking model. really hope my next deployment ends with me getting my fucking head chopped off and getting my fifteen minutes of fame on the internet
>>17364270
>meet people but never people that are interested in me whatsoever
So much about forgetting that shit.
>>17363723
>Instantly she knows you're a beta faggot and you're fucked
Same goes for if you've never dated before, and are a kissless, virgin etc. (hello)
Sucks to fucking suck.
>>17364279
i threw that in there because i know if i didn't some other faggot would have said "well you need to have some sort of life where you see people on a daily basis!"
i'm talking in the sense that after a while of focusing on yourself you realize "wow, i'm still alone."
the fucker i replied to even said in his own post "life isn't a rom-com." yeah, it fucking isn't. so if you don't put yourself out there, nobody is going to magically fall on your lap like some fucking movie. but if you DO put yourself out there, you're a fucking tryhard that will fail no matter what.
for some people there is just no middleground. there's only hopelessness. not everybody meets someone.
>>17364301
>after a while of focusing on yourself you realize "wow, i'm still alone."
It wouldn't matter if you were truly focusing on yourself though. I quit things going towards a relationship (and one time a bit afterwards) with two girls already, because I am focusing on my own life and have no desire for relationshit cancer at the moment. It's less of a "wow, I'm still alone" and more of a "yay, I am single, no extra responsibilities" thing.
>nobody is going to magically fall on your lap like some fucking movie.
It's very unlikely indeed.
>but if you DO put yourself out there, you're a fucking tryhard that will fail no matter what
Now that depends on your approach. Of course you have to put yourself out there, and of course you can't just jump every person that appears to be not completely repulsed but most people do find the right balance just fine.
>for some people there is just no middleground. there's only hopelessness. not everybody meets someone.
Sure but these people are very rare cases; most have a perfectly good chance to find someone but sabotage themselves by the wrong approach ... which is not even 100% their fault, since some weren't lucky enough to learn what the right approach is during their childhood and teen years; but then again, nobody is too old to learn.
>>17364341
>nobody is too old to learn.
there is certainly a point where it's too late
>>17364285
>>17364371
Everybody is a kissless virgin who never dated at some point, some stop being it at 16, others at 25, some in their 40s.
The kissing and fucking part is learned on the job pretty fast and don't require any extraordinary skills from anybody, getting there is quite a bit harder but social interactions and dating are things that can be learned by doing too, and unlike with taxes or whatever else, you even have a millennia strong basis thanks to evolution.
Now the willingness to learn and improve, that's usually lacking; but again, all skills most can theoretically acquire.
>>17364393
>some stop being it at 16
yeah, and to everybody else that's pretty normal. mostly everyone gets that shit done in highschool.
but if you're out of highschool and have never done or learned any of this shit you are fucked. it's too late. people around here don't like that. and you can't even try to fake it, lie, or never mention it. because they'll know. that shit's obvious.
>>17364398
Yeah, you learn to read minds on your first kiss.
Don't exagerate too much, man. Some cases are obvious other are not.
>>17364398
I have a similar attitude as this poster, more or less. Despite knowing all of its flaws, it still remains net true.
I'm 22, a "kissless virgin", have never formed any sort of meaningful relationship with another human being beyond very light flirting 6+ years ago, and haven't had any friends in at least 5 years either. My history was all miserable shit, and I have too many problems to bring myself to connect with anyone.
There is a certain point where you've lived your entire life alone, you're very good at it, you know how it works, and you have some plans here and there. It becomes tempting to look at the bulk of things you simply don't fit into and can't even imagine yourself in that sort of role, and just decide not to bother.
I haven't gotten a haircut in the last 4 years either, and can't even bring myself to do that. Your appearance determines how people interact with you, and it's quite a thing to give up.
>>17364398
seriously no one really cares about your past above the age of 20, its all about the type of person you are now and not what you've done imo.
>>17364419
i had my first kiss at 22 and moving on a year later i've improved my life a lot and can honestly say im content with my life. I think you just gotta focus on one problem at a time. For me I started with appearance and then started doing more social stuff. Don't worry about being shredded or anything like that, you dont need it. But going to the gym can help you grow some confidence.
>>17364466
I'm in very good shape. People might be very similar and have a lot of overlap at their core, but nothing I do will get rid of the shit I've lived, the people I've been, what I know, and how I am. Won't get rid of my trigeminal neuralgia either. It's difficult to connect having your value system so shifted, I just can't easily relate and doubt I'll meet anyone who thinks like me and interacts in a compatible way. I doubt I will find comfort, it will only be ambivalence, as always.
Part of me doesn't actually want to change. I'm not bad looking, or so I was told, in a base sense. Having an untended appearance means while comparatively there is contrast and you stand out, people don't look at or think about you much. You can live a mile away and for all they know you're some homeless train hopper passing through. And I don't even care.
Sorry, that's a lot to put on someone as though I expect a response, or "The Answer". I don't. I'm sorry for posting.
>>17364466
>imo
well there you go. you're just a mature and reasonable person. sadly not everyone thinks that way. there's a reason everyone where i am are nicknamed "massholes" by the rest of the country.
>>17364398
>mostly everyone gets that shit done in highschool.
Many also just say that. I recall at least 20% of the people in college being virgins, well for the first year it is. Grils tend to be more honest while guys bullshit but most people aren't very good liars when it comes to something dependent on many factors.
I claimed to be one in the first year for the keks (being 21 at that point) and it didn't affect my dating negatively at all. I am not the cool guy who can pull it off as a joke either, it's just that people don't give a fuck if you don't give any fucks and act like it's a problem. That applies to a lot stuff; fat people who accept that they are fat get treated with a lot more respect than the "I am a beautiful, big boned queen" types.
>but if you're out of highschool and have never done or learned any of this shit you are fucked.
My bestie never did, but after her third semester she's quite ... dedicated to fucking.
>and you can't even try to fake it, lie, or never mention it. because they'll know. that shit's obvious
Outside of being awkward fucks, the most easy way to tell, (besides Internet virgins who bitch about virginity and women) is that the person tries too hard to avoid the topic. Virginity itself is irrelevant, at worst people will think that you're A BIT weird for still being one in the mid 20s, but the way how some act like it's a stain on them, affects their entire behavior.
>>17364484
>I just can't easily relate and doubt I'll meet anyone who thinks like me and interacts in a compatible way. I doubt I will find comfort, it will only be ambivalence, as always.
Getting laid never changed anything about the same feeling for me, so there is that.
>Part of me doesn't actually want to change.
That's given, our brains resist change. Besides, if you're somehow content with your own situation, why change? If you aren't, it's only logic to, obviously.
>>17364511
i'm not even talking about strictly virginity. that's another thing that sucks. everything nowadays is all about fucking; quick hookups. goddamn apps so you can hook up with someone for a quick bang. that's all anybody cares about.
i'm talking about dating, a relationship, all that nonsense.
>>17364525
>everything nowadays is all about fucking; quick hookups. goddamn apps so you can hook up with someone for a quick bang. that's all anybody cares about
Not really, you give it disproportional attention. Fucking Pokemon Go got more attention than Tinder could ever hope to gain and normal people talk more about Game of Throne plots than hooking up.
>i'm talking about dating, a relationship, all that nonsense.
Well, it's certainly more "important" for your development than losing virginity but the people who don't date, tend to have a basic problem with forming friendships as well but focus their attention on the other sex only, it's quite deep rooted.
>>17364301
>but if you DO put yourself out there, you're a fucking tryhard that will fail no matter what
see >>17363899
