Is this a low self esteem thing? Because I don't think I have low self esteem, but basically this:
So I'm pretty good with girls, but I really only like the chase. If the girl I've been pursuing starts to like me, I lose interest in her and don't want to pursue her further, even if we don't fuck and even if she's really into me.
Since I was 19 I've done this with at least 8 or 10 girls (I'm 25 now), and I always distance myself after the girl becomes infatuated with me or after we fuck a couple times.
One of my female friends suggested I do this over and over because I have low self esteem and constantly need validation from girls.
Can anyone else relate?
Pic is the most recent girl I've done this to.
>>17356480
well, I don't know you but there might be different reasons: maybe you don't like relationships that run too deep or too long and so you cut'em as soon as they start bothering you or maybe it's true that you're in only to get satisfaction for them liking you and then run away
>>17356480
Can relate and I'll bump because I'd love to hear other stories.
gonna describe this honestly, not trying to impress or brag etc.
I have an awful, stupidly high libido which has been a problem since I can remember. For most of highschool my entire social effort was attempting to get laid which ended in shit like grade 11 me dating who I think was 22 at the time, but with the cycle of dropping contact after a short "relationship" these girls who of course were friends or friends of friends would disrupt hangouts and circles and all that dumb highschool stuff.
So then Tinder shows up.
Essentially Tinder is retarded insane cheat mode for those of us with social anxiety to get turbo-laid because you can get so so much of the legwork done from home, by yourself, AND TO TOP IT OFF these aren't girls you know, nor do your friends know them, so there's no obligation to be courteous.
I'm genuinely nice, 6'6", and naturally can be hilarious (which I've now learned is often developed as a way to cope with anxiety and fit in socially when you're growing up), so we've never not fucked on the first date.
From there, I've done the same thing where usually just short of a month they're infatuated and either want to do the bf/gf thing or at least go the monogamy route, either of which are an instant drop in communication from me, EVEN IF I'M NOT SEEING OTHER GIRLS AT ALL but even the prospect of missing out on other girls in the near future is too much.
It's a mix of panic and a projection of all our incompatibilities that we've used sex to ignore. It's that I don't feel as though I'm worth pinning their happiness and dependence on. It's my absurd pickiness and my my views on the pointlessness of exclusive relationships if you know they won't work long term. It's a bit of boredom and a longing for that "thrill of the chase" you mentioned. Especially sex-wise, fucking on the first date, like really just fucking the hell out of each other is incomparable.
(I'll continue)
>>17356647
After ignoring texts and dropping it all there's never been any guilt, not that I'm not aware of their feelings, the effect it has on them and how dickish I'm being. It just doesn't weigh heavily, possibly because the casual fucking was where we both mutually started so I don't feel as though I owe any more courtesy than I'm giving which once again is shitty behavior on my part.
There was a point when I was 20 where I'd narrowed it down to three things I suspected, either I:
was a sociopath
had Borderline Personality Disorder
or had no attention span
In January this year (I'm 23) I was assessed and then fully diagnosed with ADHD and had fully explained to me the lengths of my social anxiety.
We'd had a brief conversation on relationships and in my case, fickle relationships does fall under the umbrella of my disorder.
Since then I've been with three girls, two of which I'd dropped as per usual, although on medication the process has been different. Different as in slower I guess? More of a gradual let down with a final "talk".
But girl number three is who scares me. We've been dating for a month and I've only been this comfortable around maybe two people this quickly in my life. We've gone exclusive and things are so rock solid between the two of us
and yet I'm so scared that, as I've done time and time again, I'm gonna wake up one morning in that *click* of a mindset and just drop it.
Could self-esteem be a large factor in our cases? I don't think it's NOT a factor, but it might not be surfacing in the form of needing constant validation. In my case if low self-esteem is fueling anything it's the mass doubt that makes me panic and kill the relationship.
What I've learned is that my other mental health issues at play which affect my school and work have been affecting everything else I hadn't thought of. Another thing to ask yourself is are you okay with your routine? Is this behavior you're looking to correct or are you just trying to understand it?
Gump
I go on tinder just for the chase
I've only twice met up with a girl and we never saw each other again
Idk if it's validation or attention I look for but I get a rush out of it
People with low self esteem start to dislike people who like them because in their minds, if the girl likes them they think there must be something wrong with her...like "why should she like me when I'm not that great... Maybe she's desperate or flawed" ....that's why insecure people are hard to love. They self sabotage and screw up the relationship
>>17357952
>They self sabotage
What do u mean by this?
>>17357952
>because in their minds, if the girl likes them they think there must be something wrong with her...like "why should she like me when I'm not that great... Maybe she's desperate or flawed" ....t
This is me
